Life in progress

Tag Archives: family


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The Life of a Caregiver

Life is strange, isn’t it?

I have to wonder sometimes at its fairness – how some of us get to stay relatively healthy while we watch our loved-ones fall apart.

Some believe it’s all predestined: were those who are put into the role of caregiver always meant to be one? Were they somehow chosen? I’ve heard it said that people who have ended up caring for others may be challenged by a higher power… that they are, by divine intervention, simply the person for the job. Some are able to make their own choice to work in the service of those who are less fortunate, or who are sick, some have no choice other than the choice to run away.

I’m a great believer that everything happens for a reason, though not necessarily in a mystical sense. Good and bad must always have a balance. The weights tip back and forth but nothing is ever absolute. Therefore what weakens us or challenges us can also strengthen us. Positivity can be found in the worst imaginable scenario, if we look hard enough.

What I struggle with mostly is deciding whether being the healthy one is a blessing or a curse. At first glance you think those who are ill have it the worst – and they do. There is no questioning that. But. What of the caregiver, having to watch those he or she loves suffer so?

I suppose it all comes down to the old adage, life is what you make it. In the darkest times, light can be found. But for whom is it hardest to find?


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SoCS – Info Overload

My internet connectivity has been so spotty today it may as well have measles. So I’m on the little transformer – a glorified tablet with a keyboard attached – that I took to Japan with me. It fits in my purse but unlike my laptop seems to have a good, well, decent, wireless capability.

You see, I’m not at home. I’m out visiting a college campus as it’s the cheapest place I could find to stay. It’s my weekend off and since my ex has no where else to go, he’s looking after the kids at my house. It’s my only chance to get some work done. And working I have been! I’m so very happy to be almost at the end of my current edit. Then it will be back to the beginning of the novel once more and that should be it.

I do very much hope to start blogging again too, and to begin reading all the great blogs out there that I have sorely missed. I also hope to actually write something interesting soon… I think this post has failed miserably.

That’s enough information overload about me. What’s new with you?

Badge by: Doobster at Mindful Digressions

Badge by: Doobster at Mindful Digressions

Check out Stream of Consciousness Saturday and join in with a post of your own! https://lindaghill.com/2015/06/05/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-615/


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The HarsH ReaLiTy (another one bites the dust)

So soon on the heels of the demise of the WordPress site “Mindful Digressions,” hosted by the amazing Doobster, comes the closure of HarsH ReaLiTy, brainchild of our beloved Opinionated Man, Jason Chandler Cushman.

I met Jason shortly after I started writing here on Life in Progress – I commented on one of his posts and was flabbergasted when he responded. From that day forward I knew what it took to gain a following, and quickly learned that there is a community at WordPress – one that is supportive, caring, and friendly. I thought about deleting my post “Save HarsH ReaLiTy,” but I think I’ll keep it open – it illustrates more than anything I’ve seen so far what a fantastic place we have here. You can view it here: https://lindaghill.com/2015/01/14/save-harsh-reality/ Most of all, read the comments. They are inspiring and heartwarming both.

Belinda at Idiot Writing – https://idiotwriting.wordpress.com/ – and I received an email:

If you have the chance please let people know that HarsH ReaLiTy is closed and is set to private until it can be deleted. I wish everyone the best and appreciate the connections I made over the past two years.

Jason
-OM

He, like Doobster, is closing his site for personal reasons. Here is Belinda’s post: https://idiotwriting.wordpress.com/2015/06/04/all-the-best-in-a-harsh-reality/

For all the lessons you taught us, for all the support you gave us with re-blogs, challenges, and posts to share our own sites, for all the lively and entertaining discussions, I wish to say thank you, Cush. It was a real pleasure to get to know you. Your footprints in the sand (or snow) of my memory will remain.

In the spirit of OM’s mission on WordPress, please feel free to leave your tribute to Jason in the comments, or a link to your own post about him and what he meant to you. And check out each other’s sites. Let’s make Jason proud of what he accomplished!

As we remember all the wonderful, humorous articles and lists, the amusing one-liners, the controversial opinion pieces, and the loving photos of his family, let us lift a glass to our friend.

Cheers, Jason! May you and your beautiful family live a long and prosperous life!


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One-Liner Wednesday – Love is…

CAM00673If I could reach up

and hold a star

for every time you’ve made me smile…

…the entire evening sky would be

in the palm of my hand.

Edit: Find the artist who created the image on this fridge magnet here: http://deloresart.blogspot.ca/
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Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

Have fun!


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One-Liner Wednesday – Throw ‘Em a Pool Noodle

You can’t save someone who lacks the desire to have an active role in his or her own rescue.

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Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

Have fun!


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The Cycles of Mother’s Day

I have memories as a child of preparing breakfast, with my father’s help, to bring to my mother in bed on Mother’s Day. I knew as well as he did that it would be no surprise, but we pretended, he and I. I remember a few odd gifts I gave her over the years, but the one that stands out the most was a garbage bag full of well-fermented horse shit I brought home in my car from the ranch where I worked. Her roses loved it and yet she still rolls her eyes over it.

As a new mother myself, my very first Mother’s Day was a revelation. Being pampered by my son’s father was a dream come true. Those beginning years were special indeed – breakfast in bed was mine, although sometimes those breakfasts were inedible having been made with love by my young children. I grinned and did my best to eat them without gagging anyway.

Today I find the cycle has changed once again. I made the coffee last night so Alex, my youngest, could come downstairs ahead of me and push the button to start the coffeemaker. I’m in the not-so-unique position of being single, having my three sons at home, and soon I will be picking my own mother up to spend the day caring for her, though she’d never concede to the idea that it’s the other way around. She wants me to depend on her and I’m okay with that. It’s like a dance, graceful in its complexity with me agreeing to almost anything and her… I’m not sure if she still understands that I’m doing it or not, but the grand act of denial, if that’s what she does, is Oscar-worthy. And of course there are my own children. To an extent my eldest is taking care of me, helping me not to pull my hair out both with his physical aid in babysitting and housework and his awesome sense of humour.

So it goes. The child becomes the mother, the caregiver; the giver of life as she comes closer to the end of her own, becomes dependent once again.

I love being a mother, but in the end it can be likened to a bag of horse shit. For the amount of work it takes, the load of stress that accompanies it, and the headache-inducing number of eyerolls, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.


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Zzzoomin’ through to A-Z Reflections

It was a great month for blogging, wasn’t it? I met some really fantastic bloggers during the A-Z Challenge this year and although I started off visiting you all, I kinda fell off as time went on. I still hope to get caught up on all your posts!

My excuse – April was a tough one for me. My stress level finally reached the boiling point on Thursday and I literally ran away from home, meaning I made sure the kids were taken care of and I zzzoomed on outta here and spent the night at my mother’s empty condo. Which makes this both my reflections post and my unofficial “Z” post rolled into one.

My task for the month of May is getting rid of the above mentioned condo. Lawyers, real estate agents, auctioneers and moving trucks will be a huge part of my immediate future.

Just to reiterate, I WILL be doing One-Liner Wednesday and the Friday Stream of Consciousness prompts for the rest of May, and hopefully I’ll be up and running my blog as per usual in June. Don’t forget, you can still find me every day at my fiction blog here: http://lindaghillfiction.com/ … I can’t possibly stop writing altogether. And, of course, I’ll be editing my novel in the hopes of getting it published this year.

As a random note, I’ll be turning off the comments on my “K is for Key” post. For some reason the spammers are targeting it – I’m getting two or three spam comments on it every day. Weird.

Be well my friends and fellow writers. I wish you a wonderful month of May.

 


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Balance

I’ve spent much of today attempting to find some sort of balance. In times of stress and knowing that I have an overwhelming amount of work ahead, I fall back heavily on Taoist philosophy. There is a certain logic in it, much like Newton’s theory that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. In Taoist belief there is no such thing as absolute – even though balance may fall to one side or the other, neither fully black (or yin) nor fully white (or yang) exist. This is of course a very simplified explanation. One would have to study the Tao Te Ching to come close to understanding it all, and even then…

But this isn’t meant to be a philosophy lesson. It’s about having too much of one thing and not enough of another. In my case it’s too much thought–or forethought–and not enough action. The solution is to do things. Today, while I await the start of my week and all the tasks that I can’t complete or even start until the time is right, I needed to keep myself busy and I did, to an extent.

Next week, when I’m busy as all hell, I’ll be looking for ways to sit and gather my thoughts so that I can organize my time so that I can get as much done in the small space I have as possible. In between, I hope to be able to blog. That is my reward. I go crazy when I’m not able to create. I feel useless; unproductive. Even if I’m getting lots done.

Balance is something I strive for all the time. Most of the time I’m unbalanced anyway. Please wish me luck for the next week.


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V is for Verity – and SoCS

I’ve heard the word “verity” before but it’s not one I was familiar with. But what a wonderful word it is! According to my thesaurus it’s a noun, synonymous with actuality, authenticity, truth, and truthfulness, among a few others.  Here’s the link to the dictionary definition: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/verity

Verity, as it turns out, is a huge factor in my life. I strive to live as authentically as I can. I’m not one who has ever seen the point in telling untruths – they serve no one from what I can see. Another of the synonyms is “validity.” How can one verify the validity of an untruth? Okay sure, the occasional white lie so as not to hurt someone is an exception, but things like telling people that I’ve done something in the past that I actually haven’t done; sure I’ve been bungee jumping! I’ve even jumped out of a plane! No. Just no. I have had enough adventures and experiences without making any up. (Just to clarify, I have never, nor will I ever jump off anything high enough to warrant safety equipment. Eighteen inches is plenty, thanks. And even then, I’m afraid of straining an ankle.)

Not that I’m judging people who do create their own adventures in their minds. I’m sure they have their reasons; I understand the desire to impress someone I’m meeting for the first time. I suppose for me part of it is the fear of being caught out in a lie. That’s an awful feeling, isn’t it? I remember, vaguely, the first and only time I lied to someone to impress them. I was a child at the time, maybe around eight years of age. I felt guilty immediately and vowed never to do it again.

There are many ways to live with verity apart from being truthful to others. Being true to one’s own nature is another. I found that having a friend–a manipulative, narcissistic friend–who once upon a time convinced me to do things and act in ways that were against my true nature was one of the darkest times in my life. I began to not trust myself–my own feelings and my authentic actions–and I did things that simply weren’t me. Thank goodness I’m away from such an influence now.

In the story that is our lives, verity is a great thing to have and to hold on to, not just for ourselves but for the people around us and especially our children. How do you strive for verity in your life?

This post is loosely related to the SoCS prompt, found here: https://lindaghill.com/2015/04/24/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-april-2515/ Click on the link and join in today!

Badge by: Doobster at Mindful Digressions

Badge by: Doobster at Mindful Digressions


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T is for Titter

Another fun word thanks to my thesaurus and the page I flipped to today! 😀

Titter means laugh, but I always imagine it more to be done from behind a hand, hidden lest anyone should catch you doing it. It’s a sneaky laugh, a giggle caused by something that shouldn’t be laughed at, or something just plain naughty.

It reminds me of my dad who once, while putting up curtains over the kitchen sink, fell in – why he was up there when the sink was full of water I have no idea. I was a child at the time. But for years we talked about “that time my dad fell in the kitchen sink.” He was the sort of person who loved to laugh at himself, so there was no tittering going on there.

There are people we can laugh at when they do something stupid or hurt themselves and there are people who would just as soon hurt us back if we were to laugh at them openly. I wonder what it is in a person’s psyche that makes them one way or the other. Is it childhood experience – being bullied for instance? Is it what we grew up seeing how our parents reacted to being laughed at? One way or the other, I always try to gauge another’s sensitivities before I laugh at them. Sometimes it’s not easy to hide that little teehee…

What kind of person are you? I know it depends on the circumstance sometimes, but generally, do you mind if a loved one laughs at you? How about someone you know but don’t know well?