Life in progress

Tag Archives: faux pas


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351. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Friday, August 17th, 5:00pm
Bob (and Robin)

 

Bob sits at the window. Robin takes the seat beside him.

Bob: You don’t look very happy.

Robin: I’m not. I got stood up. By a pastor of all people.

Bob: Really?

Robin: Yeah. My old pastor retired. We’ve got a new guy apparently. I had an appointment for marriage counseling.

Bob: Well congratulations. When are you getting married?

Robin: In three weeks. And if I don’t see the pastor, he won’t marry us. Look; (turns on phone and shows him appointment) there it is, right there.

Bob: Your appointment’s for Saturday. Today is Friday.

Robin: No it isn’t.

Bob: I assure you it is.

Robin: No way. (takes closer look at phone) Fuck.

Bob: I don’t recommend you do that before you get married. But we’ll talk about that tomorrow, shall we?

Robin: (frowns) Beg pardon?

Bob: (holds his hand out to shake) I’m Bob, your new pastor.

 

Next stop: Saturday, August 18th, 9:00pm

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Deconstructing a Dream

I must remember this next time I’m writing a dream sequence.

Just before I woke up this morning, I dreamed I was ordering breakfast. I was in a bus station, standing at a tall counter looking up at a very sparse menu. Not knowing what else to have, I asked for toast and marmalade. The curious thing was, when I asked for the marmalade I knew the person behind the counter would have a hard time with the word and I remember having the time, as I was saying the sentence I used to order the food, to change my order to make it simpler for the clerk. All those thoughts went through my mind sequentially, much like they do when I’m awake only I was hyper aware of them and they were so fast! I decided what I wanted, thought I shouldn’t say it and why, all in the space of time it took me to say “toast with jam.”

It’s amazing what the human brain is capable of. I know I have the capacity while awake to have a thought, form a sentence in my head, and think to myself I shouldn’t say it, even as I’m either saying it or changing it mid-sentence. And yet while I’m awake the process seems so sluggish… perhaps why I sometimes say things I know I shouldn’t; I don’t have the mental capacity all the time to change once I’ve started, or stop in the first place.

I wonder if a study has ever been done to see if we’re more likely to put our collective foot in our mouth if we’re tired. Food for thought… preferably not toe jam…


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EDDD 5: They Should Have a Word For That

There should be a word specifically for the feeling you get when you say something you shouldn’t have.

It happens to everyone, I’m sure. It’s the verbal vomit that comes out of your mouth in what we delicately label a faux pas.

It’s the facebook post that you realize was something that should have been kept a secret, or the mass email you thought you’d sent to only your best friend and closest confidant, just to discover your kids’ teacher is now aware that you have a yeast infection.

For things like this, the word “regret” doesn’t quite cut it. It’s that disconnect that separates good intention from devastating action.

Even the witty comment you think of half an hour after the fact, which is far less embarrassing but easily as annoying.

Communication impediment is too bulky. Linguistically challenged comes to mind… How about “linge”?

We could say, “Excuse me, I linged,” when we ask an acquaintance how her husband is, only to find out she just went through an ugly divorce. Or, “Damnit, I could have said ‘Duck!’ when the ball came flying through the air behind that guy, rather than ‘Watch out!’ making him turn and get it in the face instead. What a linge!”

Yeah, “linge.” It’s gonna be big.

Blog post of December 5th, in honour of Every Damn Day December. Check it out! It’s not too late to join in!