Life in progress

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87. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Sunday, November 26th, 5:00pm
Andrea (and Thomas)


Andrea sits at the window. Thomas takes the seat beside her.

Andrea: (batting her eyelashes) Hi.

Thomas: Hey there, good lookin’ lady. (spits on the floor in the aisle)

Andrea: EW!!

Thomas: What?

Andrea: EW! EW! EW! EW!

Thomas: (spits on the floor again) What?

Andrea: EW! EW! EWWW!!!!

Thomas gets up, shaking his head, and moves to another seat.



Next stop: Monday, November 27th, 6:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


62. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Wednesday, November 1st, 7:00pm
Andrea and Lacey


Andrea: So you’ll never guess what I heard at work.

Lacey: What?

Andrea: Christmas music. One fucking day after Hallowe’en. Can you believe it?

Lacey: No way!

Andrea: I wouldn’t have even noticed it if this guy hadn’t been whistling to it when he came in.

Lacey: Like he …

Andrea: … liked it or something. Exactly! I mean, who likes Christmas music the day after Hallowe’en? Like, we haven’t even got all the decorations down. But at least the guy was hot.

Lacey: Pfft. Too bad.

Andrea: What do you mean “too bad”? (shrugs) I flirted with him a bit.

Lacey: No!

Andrea: Yep. And I asked him out. We’re getting together next week.

Lacey: Seriously? What are you gonna do if …

Andrea: If he starts whistling Christmas music again? What do you think? Dump his ass!


Next stop: Thursday, November 2nd, 3:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


Wait! Why are you running away? – how to look like a really bad parent in public

I was sitting in a Tim Horton’s enjoying a sandwich and a coffee the first time it happened. My then seven year old son sat across the table from me, smiling and flirting with the ladies as per usual. One of his new admirers (he has many) asked him from an adjacent table if he wanted one of her crackers. She must have felt sorry for him – there I was eating and he had nothing, not a drink nor food. Since he’s Deaf, I answered for him.

“He doesn’t eat,” I said with a smile.

It was all I could do not to laugh at her incredulous glare. I’m sure she wanted to ask me if I was nuts. She went back to her soup and completely ignored him for the rest of the time we were there, despite the fact that he was smiling and waving at her, trying to get her attention back.

My son Alex, up to that point had never eaten or drank a thing in his life. You see the tube in his nose in the picture?


He now has one implanted permanently in his belly. Why didn’t I just give the woman in the Tim Hortons that little bit of information? Let me tell you a story.

When he was about six months old I took him for a couple of hours out of the hospital  that he called home for the first eight months of his life. I decided to take him to the mall since I wouldn’t have made it home and back before he had to feed again. I couldn’t leave the hospital, however, without equipment. Attached to his tiny body was a heart monitor. I went into the lady’s washroom to change him and a woman came up behind me to see him. She saw the monitor and asked what it was. When I told her I was graced with an expression of absolute terror and, no word of a lie, she ran from the washroom. THAT is precisely why I don’t tell people about his feeding tube.

Fast forward to when he was eight. I took him, my boyfriend at the time and a friend out of town in the car. I was driving and the friend, who knew sign language was sitting in the back seat with Alex. They were chatting and also sharing an orange – that is to say she was eating the orange and he was sucking on the rinds. For some reason he found them more appealing. (No, I’m not apologizing for that. HA!)

Anyway, we decided to stop at a KFC on the highway. As usual, we all got our food except for Alex. Two things you need to know at this point: Alex loves to suck on chicken bones, just so he can pretend he’s actually eating something and he is a clean freak, which means he HAS to be the one to throw everything in the garbage. So there the three of us sat, happily watching Alex flirt with a restaurant absolutely packed with people, suck on bare chicken bones and clean up after us. It was the general consensus that we should have brought the orange peels in for our little slave, for good measure.

The moral of this story is, if you see a kid in a restaurant not eating but seemingly having a good time, it’s probably best not to try to interfere.