Life in progress

Tag Archives: Andrea


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365. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Friday, August 31st, 8:00am
Milo (and Mortimer)

 

Milo sits at the window. Mortimer takes the seat beside him.

Mortimer: How’s the afterlife treating you?

Milo: You can see me?

Mortimer: I can. Because I’m dead like you. We only get to come out a few times a year–this is one of them.

Milo: What’s so special about today?

Mortimer: Bus is in to have the upholstery cleaned.

Milo: About time too. This seat is all sticky.

Mortimer: (laughs) That’ll be our friend Jake Drommen. He didn’t last long.

Milo: I’ve seen him. Do you think he’ll go straight?

Mortimer: Eventually. Sooner rather than later I think.

Milo: Got all kinds of people on this bus.

Mortimer: Oh yeah. Gals who work in dungeons, pick-up artists, cheaters, gossips, philosophers, cantankerous old people, cartoon characters … even a few vampires for good measure.

Milo: You forgot the cannibal.

Mortimer: Oh yes. I think that’s how The Darkness got the way he is–cannibalism.

Milo: Someone should tell Andrea.

Mortimer: She’ll figure it out for herself. The figuring will give her something to keep her busy while she gets over Edward.

Milo: True enough.

Mortimer: Not a bad place to spend an eternity. Keeps me entertained at least.

Milo: Is there any getting off this thing?

Mortimer: Not that I’ve found.

Milo: Have you ever tried pulling the cord to get the bus to stop?

Mortimer: Nope, haven’t tried that. But be my guest.

Milo: I think I’ll do that. (thinks about it for a moment) After I find out what happens next.

 

Bus out of service.

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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359. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, August 25th, 7:00pm
Andrea (and Lacey)

 

Andrea sits at the window. Lacey takes the seat beside her.

Andrea: Hey there!

Lacey: What’s new?

Andrea: I got a new job! At a dungeon. I’m going to take out all my wildest fantasies on, like, a bunch of strangers.

Lacey: Take out?

Andrea: Well, you know. Anger issues and all that. But things have, like, never been better with the love life. Darkie doesn’t talk much, and you know how I love to hold a conversation, but it doesn’t, like, seem all that bad. He’s a good listener.

Lacey: Uh huh. Well, congrat–

Andrea: And you know Eddie’s left town. Good riddance. I was, like, so over him anyways. So now it’s just me and my Darkness.

Lacey: I’m happy for you.

Andrea:  Thanks! So what’s going on with you?

Lacey: Oh, you know. I–

Andrea: I so do. Isn’t life great? Just, like, really great?

Lacey: Uh huh.

 

Next stop: Sunday, August 26th, 1:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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357. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday, August 23rd, 5:00pm
Sandi (and Candice)

 

Sandi sits at the window. Candice takes the seat beside her.

Sandi: Hey there!

Candice: Hi!

Sandi: I heard about your big news! Congratulations!

Candice: Yep. Getting married, going back to school. It’s like I’m growing up.

Sandi: I won’t be with Madame very much longer either.

Candice: Oh no?

Sandi: (smiles) Jeff and I are having a baby.

Candice: Oh my God! (hugs her) That’s wonderful!

Sandi: Yeah. Can’t exactly whip guys when I’ve got a baby bulge. And anyway, Jeff’s looking for a job out of province, so we’ll be moving soon. I hope.

Candice: Is the church going to take him back?

Sandi: I think so.

Candice: I hope you’re not leaving too soon. I was hoping you’d be my maid of honour.

Sandi: I’d love that! Who’s Justin’s best man going to be?

Candice: (shrugs) A friend of his from Calgary. Jimmy. Haven’t met him yet.

Sandi: I wonder what Madame’s going to do without us.

Candice: She’s been interviewing people. I think she’s going to go with someone named Andrea. Apparently, she’s got more energy than the two of us put together.

 

Next stop: Friday, August 24th, 7:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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338. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, August 4th, 9:00pm
Edward and Lily

 

Edward: Why are you in such a bad mood?

Lily: Your psycho girlfriend stole my pet.

Edward: I couldn’t leave him with my Bella. They were getting too friendly. And anyway, she’s not my girlfriend. She’s just a psycho.

Lily: So now you get rid of the psycho AND you still have Bella locked up in my basement. What’s in it for me?

Edward: (thinks a moment) My undying gratitude?

Lily: (stares at him) Not good enough.

Edward: I did distract the cops that time. Doesn’t that count for anything?

Lily: No. You had way too much fun with it. (crosses arms and slouches) You get all the fun. All I get is the whiny, “You’ve got to let me go!” and, “I’ll do anything, just let me go!” all day while I’m trying to get my beauty rest.

Edward: (sits up straight) Anything? She said she’ll do anything?

Lily: (tiredly) Yeah.

Edward: Hmmm …

Lily: What are you thinking?

Edward: (hesitantly) Maybe she doesn’t really want to be with me.

Lily: No! You think?

Edward: Are you being sarcastic?

Lily: No! (rolls eyes)

Edward: Do you think we should let her go?

Lily: You’ll have to wipe out her memory first. You can do that though, right?

Edward hesitates, his eyes shifting back and forth.

Lily: Of course you can.

Edward continues to avoid the question.

Lily: Are you a vampire or not?

Edward: (affronted) Of course I am!

Lily: Then there’s no problem.

Edward: (uncertainly) Right.

 

Next stop: Sunday, August 5th, 1:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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337. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Friday, August 3rd, 8:00pm
Lacey (and The Darkness) (and Andrea)

 

Lacey sits at the window. The Darkness takes the seat beside her.

The Darkness: Hey baby. Want to get it on?

Lacey: (turns up lip) Who the hell are you?

The Darkness: (smiles) I am The Darkness.

Lacey: You’re the … Ohhhh!

Andrea boards the bus and approaches.

Andrea: Hey Lace! You met him! (sits on The Darkness’s lap) Isn’t he, like, great? (kisses him on the cheek)

Lacey: Yeaaah…

Andrea: Did he show you the new phrase I taught him?

Lacey: I’m not sure.

Andrea: (to The Darkness) Tell her what I showed you this morning.

The Darkness: Hey baby. Want …

Andrea: Not that one! The other one.

The Darkness: (smiles) Want some honey on your …

Andrea: NO! Not that one either. You know, the other one.

The Darkness: (thinks for a moment then realization dawns) How are you today?

Andrea: That’s it!

Andrea and The Darkness start making out. Lacey stares out the window.

 

Next stop: Saturday, August 4th, 9:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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332. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Sunday, July 29th, 11:00am
Andrea (and Lacey)

 

Andrea sits at the window. Lacey takes the seat beside her.

Lacey: Where …

Andrea: (holds finger up) Wait! Before you say anything I’ve, like, got to tell you about this weird friggin’ dream I had last night.

Lacey: Oh yeah?

Andrea: Yeah. I dreamt I was locked in a basement for a week and while I was there? I was with this, like, creepy gorgeous guy who only knew four words. We really hit it off though. By the time I woke up, I was in love. But the weirdest part? I got all these bite marks on my neck. Like, I don’t know where the hell they came from.

Lacey: A week you say?

Andrea: Yeah.

Lacey: Is that why you haven’t been at work for a week?

Andrea: (sits up straight) I haven’t what now?

Lacey: You’ve been totally missing for an entire week.

Andrea: No way! So it wasn’t a dream? (stands up) Excuse me.

Lacey: Where are you going? Harold’s going to be pissed if you miss any more work.

Andrea: Harold shmarold. I gotta find me some o’ my Honey Darkness!

 

Next stop: Monday, July 30th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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319. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, July 16th, 5:00 5:30pm
Andrea (and Justin)

 

Andrea sits at the window. Justin takes the seat beside her.

Justin: Jeez. I can’t believe the bus was late again!

Andrea: Oh yeah? Is it late?

Justin: Yeah, it’s happening a lot lately.

Andrea: Hey, you wanna go out for a drink or something?

Justin: Can’t. I’m going to meet my girlfriend. She works in a dungeon.

Andrea: (sits up straight) Seriously? You can, like, get a job in a dungeon?

Justin: Yep.

Andrea: Can you take me there?

Justin: Sure. You have to be a certain kind of person to be able to work in a place like that. It’s all like S&M and all that.

Andrea: I’m way ahead of it already. Just ask my ex … Well, you could if he hadn’t left town.

Justin: He into the whole whips and leather and stuff?

Andrea: (shakes head) Eddie was more the bitey type.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, July 17th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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318. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language.

Sunday, July 15th, 11:00am
Andrea and Lacey

 

Andrea: Ugh. I’m covered in mosquito bites.

Lacey: I thought you liked blood-suckers.

Andrea: Fuck off. Speaking of blood-suckers, it’s been, like, a week since I saw my Eddie.

Lacey: How’d it go last time you saw him?

Andrea: (cocks head) We talked a bit. Then he said he had to run. I think we hit it off okay.

Lacey: I think you should just forget about him. Find someone nice.

Andrea: What do I want “nice” for? It doesn’t matter – they start off nice but then I find out they were dicks all along. Might as well go for someone I know is badass in the first place. Save some time.

Lacey: You’ve got a point.

 

Next stop: Monday, July 16th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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310. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, July 7th, 9:00pm
Bella and Alice (and Edward)

 

Bella: I know he’s gonna be there tonight. I just know it.

Edward: (pops up in the seat behind them, making them jump) You mean me? I’m here.

Bella: No, I don’t mean you. And if you do that again, I swear…

Edward: Don’t swear, Bella. It doesn’t become you.

Alice: If you have to know, she means a guy that…

Bella: (interrupts) I’m in love with. And he’s in love with me. So go blow it out your ear.

Edward: Blow what out my ear? (shakes head)  I’m here to give you one last chance, Bella. Be with me. You know you want to.

Bella: As much as I’m tempted I think I’ll pass. What, you got other options?

Edward: I’m considering leaving town.

Bella: No!

Edward: You’re sad. I’m sorry. All you have to do is agree to marry me, and I’ll take you with me.

Bella: I’ll survive.

Alice: Why the change of plans? As if I really want to know.

Edward: There’s a woman stalking me. I believe she means to try to kill me.

Alice: (under her breath) Well there’s an idea.

Edward: She approached me last night and pretended to be you, my Bella. You but changed to be like me. A vampire. I could smell her a mile off.

Bella: You know, you’re kind of ripe yourself.

Edward: So what do you say, Bella? Will you come with me? It’s really not safe here.

Bella: I’ll be fine. Go without me.

Edward: Parting is such sweet sorrow. Good-bye then my love.

Edward stands and waits for the next bus stop.

Alice: Good riddance.

Edward stares at Bella.

Bella: You’re not going to hypnotize me into going with you.

Alice: (to Edward) Seriously?

Edward: Fine then! (gets off the bus)

Bella: (reaches out toward the door) Oh no! He’s really gone!

Bella and Alice look at each other and crack up laughing.

 

Next stop: Sunday, July 8th, 11:00am

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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309. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language.

Friday, July 6th, 7:00pm
Andrea (and Drommen)

 

Andrea sits at the window. Drommen takes the seat beside her.

Drommen: Hey. You changed your hair.

Andrea: Yep. I went blonde.

Drommen: What’s the occasion?

Andrea: I’m hoping to meet Edward tonight. Do you think he’ll like it?

Drommen: You’re not serious. The guy’s a nutcase.

Andrea: (frowns) He’s just, like, a bit misguided.

Drommen: And you’re going to guide him in the right direction?

Andrea: Fuck yeah.

Drommen: Well I’ll give you one thing: you’ve got something in common. You’re both persistent.

Andrea: (smiles, showing a mouthful of fake fangs) That’s not all.

 

Next stop: Saturday, July 7th, 9:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.