I think social media might be ruining me.

Okay, I’ve never really enjoyed the idea of going out and being sociable, unless it was with close friends. And even then, the path of least resistance–staying home in my pjs–often felt more comfortable than going out. Usually, I’m okay once I get there. It’s the idea of going.

But now, I’m getting so used to typing my sociability rather than being forced to speak, I’m getting lazy. You know, with having to come up with the first thing out of my brain and being stuck with it. Because when I’m speaking, it’s out there. When I type it, unless I hit send by accident, I can reword it until it’s right.

But you know the one thing I’ve always hated? Waiting for my turn to introduce myself to a group. You listen to people say their name and their position/relation/whatever, and it’s getting closer and closer to your turn and you start rehearsing what you’re going to say in your head because you don’t want to screw it up, and by the time the guy beside you is finished, you sputter and spit out your reply so badly that you wish your shoes could swallow you or that the power could suddenly go out, giving you a chance to escape when nobody’s looking.

Or maybe it’s just me.

I suppose there’s the odd person who actually revels in the opportunity to speak, but nah, that ain’t me.

I’m a lot better at it, though, now, than I used to be. When I was a kid, I HATED speaking in public. Now I still hate it, but at least I don’t really care what people think of me when I do. I hate it now in lower case.

There’s a difference.

SoCS badge by Pamela, at https://achronicalofhope.com/

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