Life in progress

Tag Archives: Humor


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One-Liner Wednesday – Who are you?

Yesterday, I was informed by my son that The Who is an owl band.

Artwork-Owl saying Who?-by me.

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion

 


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Inspiration is hard to come by

Inspiration can be difficult to find.

Especially at 11:30 at night when you’re trying to get a blog post written.

I was playing around on Paint.

You know, the new 3D Paint program that comes with Windows 10?

I did something for tomorrow’s One-Liner Wednesday,

and then I did something for this post.

I call it,

a self-portrait of my wishful thinking.

I should stick to writing.


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Holy Shamoly, It’s About Time!

Finally! Green tea KitKat has made it to Canada!

I had to buy two one just to give it a try. You know, to make sure they taste the same as the heavenly ones I bought in Japan.

Aaaand, they’re different. Not as sweet, and heavier on the green tea flavour. At least I think they are.

Of course, the only way to be sure is to go back to Japan …


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Good Riddance

Yes, I’m posting my illegal A to Z Challenge “G” post a day late, and on Sunday, which is supposed to be a day off. If this were baseball, it would either be a triple play or a strike out. Since it’s all contraband posting, my guess is a strike out. But I’m doing it anyway, so that’s four strikes. I’m definitely going to blogger hell.

Anyway, I’d better make this good.

My first online deed this morning was to post something like this on Facebook (“something” meaning I wish I’d made it pretty):

Text reads: Fun game: 1. Make a list of all the things you don’t have time to do in a day. 2. Open the stopwatch on your phone and start it every time you go on Facebook. START NOW

My following Facebook post was something to the effect of “I’m leaving Facebook for a week. Just so you know I’m not ignoring you. Cheers!”

In other words, I’m skipping the “Fun game” and going straight for the stuff I don’t have time for. Feel free to share.

And good riddance, Facebook!


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#SoCS – Aggression

Aggression isn’t natural for me, but I find myself acting aggressively towards my keyboard. Why? Because the spacebar isn’t working properly. I have to hit it so hard every time I press it that typing is somewhat akin to playing drums in a death metal band.

Meanwhile, it’s probably due to a crumb that passively made it’s way under the key.

Die, motherf–!!

Yeah. So. That’s my day so far. 🙂

This short, pleasant post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Care to join in on the fun? Just click the following link, where you’ll find the rules and many other posts in the comment section. 🙂 https://lindaghill.com/2018/04/06/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-april-7-18/

 


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Down

I’m writing this on the cusp of being late for the letter “D.” Not that it really matters–I’m not signed up for the A to Z Challenge, so no pressure, right? Nah. Except it’s a bit early in the game to be missing a day.

Therefore, here’s a quick note to record what’s been going down.

First and foremost, the electricity. There was a modicum of truth to my three-hour-late Second Seat on the Right, in that I, like Stuart, was late due to a power outage. But unless there was an extremely heavy cat on the tree limb that brought it down to the pavement, the fault wasn’t a cat’s.

Luckily my spaghetti sauce was cooked and only needed reheating. We had a nice dinner, wine included, and now it’s me who’s down. For the count. Only three and a half hours of sleep last night and two glasses of wine’ll do that to a girl.

Ni’night, all! Hope you had a happy “D” day!


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216. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, April 4th, 4:00 7:00pm

Maurice (and Stuart)

 

(Maurice sits at the window. Stuart takes the seat beside him.)

Maurice: Well, hello there.

Stuart: Don’t ask.

Maurice: Okay then.

Stuart: Okay, fine. I’m late because of a power outage.

Maurice: That’s understandable. At least it didn’t have anything to do with the cat this time.

Stuart: You would think so, wouldn’t you.

Maurice: But … you sent the cat to the pound.

Stuart: The cat came back.

Maurice: The very next day?

Stuart: Yep. The old lady went and picked it up.

Maurice: How did she know where it was?

Stuart: She says it sent for her in a dream. That the cat’s her familiar or something.

Maurice: Wow. So how did the cat have anything to do with the power outage?

Stuart: (shakes his head) You’re going to think this is crazy.

Maurice: Try me.

Stuart: The old lady says the cat conjured the wind storm that felled the tree branch that knocked out the power. And get this: all because it wanted me to talk about it.

Maurice: You’re right. That’s crazy. …wait, you don’t believe it, do you?

Stuart: Have you got a better explanation for this weather?

Maurice: Nope.

Stuart: There you go then.

 

Next stop: Thursday, April 5th, 4:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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One-Liner Wednesday – Funny or Terrible?

I’m almost afraid to post this. I was at my Deaf son’s school, waiting outside with another mom (the doors were locked) for our kids to get out of basketball practice. We waited, and waited, until the time passed that practice should have been out. The doors are made of glass, so I walked over to see if they were still in the gym. They were. I was going to knock, but of course they couldn’t hear me. They’re Deaf. So I went back to the other mom to let her know what had happened, and the stupidest line I could have ever come up with came out of my mouth.

I see Deaf people.

IT WAS TRUE! Don’t shoot me.

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion

 

 


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Can’t Clap

My bedroom door sticks. Let’s get that bit of information out of the way to start with. It’s actually worse in the summer–it barely closes then. It’s a dream in the winter to close, but it’s starting to get bad again. Therefore, when I want to close it enough to keep the dog out of my room, I have to slam it to basically wedge it into the door frame.

Yesterday, in a hurry to get downstairs with a handful of change, I slammed the door with said handful of change, and you can guess what happened. I slammed the side of my hand into the door frame, full force. I thought I’d broken it. It bled profusely for a while, so now I’m left with a bump, a bruise, and probably a scab; I haven’t had the guts to take the bandage off yet to look. And it’s still hurts to touch it. I definitely can’t clap. (Yes, I went a loooong way to get that title.)

If it had happened, say, next Wednesday instead, I could have used Karma for Thursday the 12th, which would have been much more in line with the fact that I’m illegally tagging along on the A to Z Challenge this year. Apparently you can’t spell Karma with a “C.” It’s even more illegal than what I’m doing, and only Buddha knows what might have gotten stuck in the door jamb if I’d attempted it!

Future is past, in my world. It’s a rebirth thing. 😉

My hand. My poor, poor hand.

 

 


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215. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, April 3rd, 8:00am
Michael (and Joanna)

 

Michael sits at the window reading the newspaper. Joanna takes the seat beside him.

Michael: This is incredible.

Joanna: What is?

Michael: This. (shows her a picture in the newspaper) Did you hear about it?

Joanna: (grimaces) What the hell is that even a picture of?

Michael: (points) It’s a guy.

Joanna: In a tree? What, is he stuck?

Michael: Yeah. He was found hanging from a limb, and … Here, I’ll just read it: “On Sunday morning, an east-end resident called police when she heard loud shrieking noises coming from her back yard shortly after she let her dog out. Before the police arrived, she snapped a picture of a man hanging from her century old oak, pinned there by his collar by a short wooden stake. It wasn’t until police arrived, however, that she found the man’s biggest complaint wasn’t the hanging, but the fact that he had lost his plastic vampire fangs. The dog was later discovered wearing an extra-toothy grin.”

Joanna: (shakes head) Takes all kinds I guess.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, April 4th, 4:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.