Yes, I’m posting my illegal A to Z Challenge “G” post a day late, and on Sunday, which is supposed to be a day off. If this were baseball, it would either be a triple play or a strike out. Since it’s all contraband posting, my guess is a strike out. But I’m doing it anyway, so that’s four strikes. I’m definitely going to blogger hell.
Anyway, I’d better make this good.
My first online deed this morning was to post something like this on Facebook (“something” meaning I wish I’d made it pretty):
Text reads: Fun game: 1. Make a list of all the things you don’t have time to do in a day. 2. Open the stopwatch on your phone and start it every time you go on Facebook. START NOW
My following Facebook post was something to the effect of “I’m leaving Facebook for a week. Just so you know I’m not ignoring you. Cheers!”
In other words, I’m skipping the “Fun game” and going straight for the stuff I don’t have time for. Feel free to share.
Aggression isn’t natural for me, but I find myself acting aggressively towards my keyboard. Why? Because the spacebar isn’t working properly. I have to hit it so hard every time I press it that typing is somewhat akin to playing drums in a death metal band.
Meanwhile, it’s probably due to a crumb that passively made it’s way under the key.
I’m writing this on the cusp of being late for the letter “D.” Not that it really matters–I’m not signed up for the A to Z Challenge, so no pressure, right? Nah. Except it’s a bit early in the game to be missing a day.
Therefore, here’s a quick note to record what’s been going down.
First and foremost, the electricity. There was a modicum of truth to my three-hour-late Second Seat on the Right, in that I, like Stuart, was late due to a power outage. But unless there was an extremely heavy cat on the tree limb that brought it down to the pavement, the fault wasn’t a cat’s.
Luckily my spaghetti sauce was cooked and only needed reheating. We had a nice dinner, wine included, and now it’s me who’s down. For the count. Only three and a half hours of sleep last night and two glasses of wine’ll do that to a girl.
(Maurice sits at the window. Stuart takes the seat beside him.)
Maurice: Well, hello there.
Stuart: Don’t ask.
Maurice: Okay then.
Stuart: Okay, fine. I’m late because of a power outage.
Maurice: That’s understandable. At least it didn’t have anything to do with the cat this time.
Stuart: You would think so, wouldn’t you.
Maurice: But … you sent the cat to the pound.
Stuart: The cat came back.
Maurice: The very next day?
Stuart: Yep. The old lady went and picked it up.
Maurice: How did she know where it was?
Stuart: She says it sent for her in a dream. That the cat’s her familiar or something.
Maurice: Wow. So how did the cat have anything to do with the power outage?
Stuart: (shakes his head) You’re going to think this is crazy.
Maurice: Try me.
Stuart: The old lady says the cat conjured the wind storm that felled the tree branch that knocked out the power. And get this: all because it wanted me to talk about it.
Maurice: You’re right. That’s crazy. …wait, you don’t believe it, do you?
Stuart: Have you got a better explanation for this weather?
I’m almost afraid to post this. I was at my Deaf son’s school, waiting outside with another mom (the doors were locked) for our kids to get out of basketball practice. We waited, and waited, until the time passed that practice should have been out. The doors are made of glass, so I walked over to see if they were still in the gym. They were. I was going to knock, but of course they couldn’t hear me. They’re Deaf. So I went back to the other mom to let her know what had happened, and the stupidest line I could have ever come up with came out of my mouth.
I see Deaf people.
IT WAS TRUE! Don’t shoot me.
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As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.
Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”
The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:
1. Make it one sentence.
2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.
3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.
4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!
My bedroom door sticks. Let’s get that bit of information out of the way to start with. It’s actually worse in the summer–it barely closes then. It’s a dream in the winter to close, but it’s starting to get bad again. Therefore, when I want to close it enough to keep the dog out of my room, I have to slam it to basically wedge it into the door frame.
Yesterday, in a hurry to get downstairs with a handful of change, I slammed the door with said handful of change, and you can guess what happened. I slammed the side of my hand into the door frame, full force. I thought I’d broken it. It bled profusely for a while, so now I’m left with a bump, a bruise, and probably a scab; I haven’t had the guts to take the bandage off yet to look. And it’s still hurts to touch it. I definitely can’t clap. (Yes, I went a loooong way to get that title.)
If it had happened, say, next Wednesday instead, I could have used Karma for Thursday the 12th, which would have been much more in line with the fact that I’m illegally tagging along on the A to Z Challenge this year. Apparently you can’t spell Karma with a “C.” It’s even more illegal than what I’m doing, and only Buddha knows what might have gotten stuck in the door jamb if I’d attempted it!
Future is past, in my world. It’s a rebirth thing. 😉
Michael sits at the window reading the newspaper. Joanna takes the seat beside him.
Michael: This is incredible.
Joanna: What is?
Michael: This. (shows her a picture in the newspaper) Did you hear about it?
Joanna: (grimaces) What the hell is that even a picture of?
Michael:(points) It’s a guy.
Joanna: In a tree? What, is he stuck?
Michael: Yeah. He was found hanging from a limb, and … Here, I’ll just read it: “On Sunday morning, an east-end resident called police when she heard loud shrieking noises coming from her back yard shortly after she let her dog out. Before the police arrived, she snapped a picture of a man hanging from her century old oak, pinned there by his collar by a short wooden stake. It wasn’t until police arrived, however, that she found the man’s biggest complaint wasn’t the hanging, but the fact that he had lost his plastic vampire fangs. The dog was later discovered wearing an extra-toothy grin.”
If I’m going to piggyback illegally on the A to Z Challenge, I may as well go all the way with no theme, no rules (including grammar) for my titles … no nothin’, damnit! I’m such a rebel.
I dreamed a lot last night. In one, I had to justify something I’d explained inaccurately in another dream from another time. Seriously, I could write a book about the weird things that come into my head when I’m sleeping.
My weirdest one last night was that Melania Trump is only 2’4″ tall. And I have no idea what the significance of that is. Theories, anyone?
Thanks to everyone for supporting my effort to write ‘coz I have to. You’re all very bad influences and I love you for it. ❤
I didn’t sign up for the A to Z challenge (for the first time in five years) because I didn’t want to put pressure on myself to post every day. I know I’m going to be busy later on in the month but now? Now I’m itching to write something. Anything.
All the writers’ groups I’m in on Facebook are filled with posts about Camp NaNoWriMo. They’re happily discussing their works in progress and me?
I swear, the itch to write is worse than a mosquito bite that you can’t leave alone. It’s more a mosquito bite that’s so far embedded in your chest that it’s like the damned bug is buzzing around in your esophagus, and you can’t even swat it out because you can’t reach it.
That’s the best I can come up with.
So, can I write a post that starts with “B” tomorrow and not get kicked off the webz? Can I? Can I?
It’s going to be a busy day for me, so I want to write this post before I do anything. Trouble is, I haven’t eaten breakfast yet–in perfect procrastinator fashion, I’ve put it off simply because I didn’t know what to write, which is ridiculous considering that’s the entire purpose of Stream of Consciousness Saturday: to just write when you have nothing to write. So anyway, where was I? Oh yeah.
I haven’t had breakfast. So I’m sitting here starving, trying to figure out what I can write about with “bun” in it without torturing myself. Here’s what I have to avoid, just so you have an idea what I’m going through:
Buns–my eldest son has taken to baking bread lately. He’s planning to bake some buns, from scratch, for our dinner tonight. Can’t talk about that.
Easter Bunny–that’s me. I have to go out today sometime and get chocolate eggs to hide for tomorrow morning.
Bunch of grapes–sitting in my fridge. They’re going to go bad if I don’t eat them soon. Eating soon is definitely on my mind.
Bundt cakes–giant donuts that can be shared for dessert … or hidden somewhere in the back of the fridge to be consumed in secret after everyone else has gone to bed.
Bungalow–there we go! Something that doesn’t remind me of food. Unless you count the gingerbread house I built at Christmas. I wonder if it’s possible to build a two-storey gingerbread house? Yum.
Bungle–yep, that’s what I’m doing with this post if my goal is to forget about food.
Oh, who am I kidding? I’m going to have breakfast. Cheers with coffee!!
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