Life in progress

Category Archives: Funny


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One-Liner Wednesday – You get it, right?

I posted this cartoon a while back on Facebook, and Dale was the only one who “liked” it. I thought it was quite clever.

It’s funny, damnit!

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Anyone who would like to participate, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do,
you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our new, very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by nearlywes.com

#1linerWeds badge by nearlywes.com

 


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What they don’t tell you about menopause

I’m going to go off on a rant here. It may be bizarre–it may be the most bizarre rant you’ve read all month–but make no mistake about it, it’s a rant. Laugh at me if you must. In fact, it might be for the best if you do – for all of us.

So, menopause. You’ve all heard of it. Even if you’re not there yet or you’ll never be there, you probably know about the hot flashes. Some of you may have read or know first hand about the mood swings. The books all tell us about bouts of unexpected crying, of possible depression, and of flying into rages over the littlest things. But what about the laughter?

Laughter, you ask? I’ve never heard of a menopausal woman flying into a fit of laughter. Well guess what? Neither have I? So why am I ranting about it?

Imagine this scenario: You’re trying to get your kid into bed but he’s busy playing with the dog. You’ve been asking him to get into his pyjamas for fifteen solid minutes. You’re trying to make his bed so he can actually get in it, you’re frustrated, harried from a long day, tired, about to lose your cool, and suddenly the dog jumps on you and your kid starts giggling. And then completely out of the blue, despite the fact that you were just about to blow your stack, you start giggling with the kid. UGGHHH!!! Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to start laughing when you’re trying to be mad?!?

And it keeps happening! Used to be when I was angry, I stayed angry. Wake me up six times through the night because you want to be covered up by me when you’re perfectly capable of doing it yourself, I’m going to be damned mad! I’ve got to get up in an hour, and I’ve only slept for 45 minutes all night! But now? By the sixth time I’m snickering and wondering if I’m ready for the funny farm!!

The only reason I can think of for this new bout of hilarity is menopause. Why didn’t anyone tell me it would be like this!!!???!!!

Is it just me? Is that why? If not, let’s discuss this well-kept secret so everyone can have it to look forward to, along with the damned hot flashes!


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#SoCS – Dreaming

Ow, ow, ow, it hurts! Do you ever wake up and say that? Happened to me this morning – my head, all my joints, my stomach… I felt like someone had beaten me up in my sleep. It was probably due to the fact that I actually slept for about six hours in a row and then another one. I’m not used to laying down that long. But you gotta wonder if you are getting beaten up, you know? Especially after a dream like the one I had yesterday. I wrote about it on my Facebook page yesterday. When I’m finished this post I’ll copy and paste it here:

I just had a dream in which my son’s white cat (who never comes near me) came in from outside covered in snow. While I was drying him off, he turned into an East Indian man who wouldn’t leave the bathroom while I was trying to pee, then he turned the bathroom into the setting of a music video complete with a full band. They played a song and he sang – in the song he was trying to talk me into killing myself. Then I woke up. This is why I don’t do naps during the day.

Or maybe it was like a Friday the 13th hangover. I didn’t have a lot of bad luck yesterday – just a bit. I was worried for a while last night after I spilled 10mg of Alex’s heart meds on the floor and the dog licked it up. It’s meant to slow down Alex’s heart rate. Luckily the puppy doesn’t seem to have had any ill effects. He’s happily chewing a rawhide bone by my side. But back to Friday the 13th. I used to view it with fear. Now, not so much. It’s just a number, right? Why should Saturday the 14th be any better or worse? Except the hangover thing – possibly caused by the ultimate relaxation that comes from being tense all day the day before? Have you ever experienced such a thing? It’d be interesting to study the phenomenon…

I think my Tylenol is wearing off. Time for another couple. Ta ta.

SoCS badge 2015

This post is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link and see how you, too, can join in! https://lindaghill.com/2016/05/13/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-may-1416/


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One-Liner Wednesday – Watch Out!

I’m about to take you into a dark place: My mind. Ready?

Momastrophe – A catastrophe of a decaffeinated nature, in which Mom doesn’t get her coffee in the morning. Momastrophe.

____________________________________________________________________________

Anyone who would like to participate, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do,
you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our new, very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by nearlywes.com

#1linerWeds badge by nearlywes.com


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Windows – #AtoZ Challenge

Windows are wonderful, aren’t they? They keep us warm (or cool, depending on the season), and allow us at the same time to gaze upon the scenery outside. Through them we can watch our kids play… But windows are not that great when we want to say something through them, like, “Stop squirming already and come in for a pee!” Unless we know sign language!

I remember once driving up to a stop sign and seeing, half way up the street, my eldest son walking in the freezing cold.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“The mall,” he replied.

“Want a ride?”

“Sure, thanks.”

All from outside of yelling distance, and I didn’t have to roll the window down. Same thing when the kids had a play date in one of those huge indoor playgrounds. It didn’t matter that they were climbing through a kid-sized tube high above the floor and I was waiting for them to come down.

As soon as they looked at me, I signed, “Come down in 10 minutes for lunch.”

“What are we having?”

“Pizza.”

“I’ll be right there.”

Amazing, eh?

Problem was, it became a habit for me. One time that was particularly embarrassing, was when the father of one of my kids’ friends brought my son home. The dad didn’t get out of the car, he just let my son out and waved. Being the polite person I am, I signed “thank you.” He never spoke to me again. To this day I believe he thought I was blowing him a kiss.

Conclusion: sign language is a fantastic way to communicate, as long as everyone knows what you’re doing.


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One-Liner Wednesday – It was a mispronunciation

I went out a couple of weeks ago and left Alex alone with my best friend, John. Apparently while I was out, Alex let the puppy outside and back in numerous times, giving the dog a biscuit every time he came in. Eventually, John explained (in sign language) to Alex that if he keeps giving Winston cookies, he’ll get fat.

When John recounted the conversation, he signed it to me the way he’d signed it to Alex, and told me that Alex had laughed and laughed… It was actually fun, in a wicked sort of way, to explain to John that he’d inadvertently told Alex that if he kept giving Winston cookies, he’d get pregnant.

Rubbing it in

Rubbing it in

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#1linerWeds badge by nearlywes.com

#1linerWeds badge by nearlywes.com

Anyone who would like to participate, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do,
you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our new, very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!


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The Trickster – #AtoZ Challenge

My Deaf son, Alex, loves to play jokes on people. Seeing surprised expressions is one of his joys in life – it’s why he loves watching “The Price Is Right” and “Just for Laughs Gags” so much. One of his favourite things to do is hide from us, and then pop out to scare us. Except he doesn’t realize that he needs to be quiet. So it’s not uncommon to walk into a room and hear Alex either giggling his head off or screaming with excitement, knowing he’s about to frighten someone. Of course we all play along, shading our eyes and dramatically looking around while signing, “Where’s Alex?”

It’s the same when he and his friends play hide and seek. There’s no such thing as sneaking around quietly – as long as they can’t see each other, they’re golden.

It just makes me laugh. 🙂

You can watch the video with the sound off – the audio is just music and a laugh track. Worth the watch.

My A to Z theme concerns the joys and challenges of being the hearing mother of my Deaf son, Alex. To learn more about his beginnings in life, click here to go to my first A to Z entry.

 

 


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Obscenities – #AtoZ Challenge

As the parent of two hearing children I’m cognizant of the need to quell my verbal outbursts when I am not best pleased. I’ve been known, when they were younger, to come out with words such as “schnozzle” after having stubbed a toe, or “fruitcake” having noticed that the thing I wanted to wear hadn’t made it into the laundry. But now that they’re older, and the one child I have left too young to hear the more expressive me can’t hear, I have fewer qualms.

However, (and there’s always a however, isn’t there?) flipping someone the bird after they cut me off in the car remains out of the question. But, (yes, there’s a but as well as a however) there are also accidental signs. Take, for instance, the sign for “very,” which is close to the sign for “fuck.” For “very,” you make a letter “v” (just like a peace sign) with both hands, put the tips of the four extended fingers together and move your two hands away from each other. For a visual, click here: https://www.signingsavvy.com/sign/VERY/7162/1 The sign for “fuck” is the same handshape (the “v”) with both hands, except the movement is different. For this sign, the knuckles knock together… the same as the word “meet,” only with that only the index finger is up. A visual for “meet me”: https://www.signingsavvy.com/sign/MEET%20ME/3877/1

It’s easy to see why you wouldn’t want to mix either “very,” I had a very good time at the fair, or “meet,” There’a a playdate at the park. I’m going to meet my best friend’s husband there, with the word “fuck.” No matter who you’re talking to. Especially your best friend’s mother.

Saying the right thing around Alex can be complicated. The struggle is real.

My A to Z theme concerns the joys and challenges of being the hearing mother of my Deaf son, Alex. To learn more about his beginnings in life, click here to go to my first A to Z entry.


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One-Liner Wednesday – Some conversations go downhill faster

A conversation between myself and one of my kids (unnamed to protect his future employment prospects … his future anything prospects).

Son: Is it okay to give a dog undercooked meat?

Me: Traditionally, dogs don’t cook what they kill over a cab fire… I mean a camp fire.

Son: Cab fire?

Me: I know.

Son: Hey! I’m not pulling over for that dog!

Me: Shut up.

Son: That dog’s got raw meat!

Taxi! Winston, Alex, and John

Taxi!
(Winston, Alex, and my friend, John)

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Anyone who would like to participate, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our new, very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by nearlywes.com

#1linerWeds badge by nearlywes.com


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Song Lyric Sunday – Yellow Ledbetter by Pearl Jam

The first time I heard Yellow Ledbetter, I absolutely loved the music. The lyrics, on the other hand, I would sing for years before I finally looked them up on the internet. In the meantime I, like probably millions of people around the world, sang in the car at the top of my lungs (when I was alone) what I thought they were.

Here they are:

“Yellow Ledbetter” Pearl Jam

Unsealed on a porch a letter sat.
Then you said, “I wanna leave it again.”
Once I saw her on a beach of weathered sand.
And on the sand I wanna leave it again. Yeah.
On a weekend I wanna wish it all away, yeah.
And they called and I said that “I want what I said” and then I call out again.
And the reason oughta’ leave her calm, I know.
I said “I know what I was the boxer or the bag.”

Ah yeah, can you see them out on the porch? Yeah, but they don’t wave.
I see them round the front way. Yeah.
And I know, and I know I don’t want to stay.
Make me cry…

I see… Oh I don’t know why there’s something else.
I wanna drum it all away…
Oh, I said, “I don’t, I don’t know whether I was the boxer or the bag.”

Ah yeah, can you see them out on the porch? Yeah, but they don’t wave.
But I see them round the front way. Yeah.
And I know, and I know. I don’t wanna stay at all.
I don’t wanna stay. Yeah.
I don’t wanna stay. [x2]
I don’t… Don’t wanna, oh… Yeah. Ooh… Ohh…

Now that you’ve read them, here is the song… with one of the most priceless sets of misheard lyrics I’ve ever come across. After you’ve watched/listened to the video, let me know which set you prefer.

Song Lyric Sunday is brought to you by Helen Espinosa at This Thing Called Life One Word at a Time. Please stop by her blog here: https://helenespinosa.wordpress.com/2016/04/03/song-lyric-sunday-homegrown-by-zac-brown-band/ and consider joining in the fun! You can even use her cool new badge!!!

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