I saw these tracks in the snow this morning; they seemed odd.
I studied them for a while before I came to a definite conclusion as to what they meant. Obviously they were made by a disgruntled squirrel, dragging his wagon behind him.
And then I saw the note.
I’d say that pretty much confirms it. This snow is for the birds.
This post in aid of the cause:
and:
“Analog chocolate beats digital chocolate any day. But can I have my analog chocolate with digital calories?”
According to the “contest” on this post I have declared a winner for the answer that most tickled my funnybone. It comes to you from the lovely jetgirlcos of Forty and Fantastique!
If you don’t already follow her, please check out her blog!
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Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below.
As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday, if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.
The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:
1. Make it one sentence.
2. Make it either funny or inspirational.
Have fun!
1. Which witch is which?
2. Which is better: slapstick or dry?
3. Which beverage makes the most sense?
4. Which one?
5. Which would you rather be: a sandwich or a set of false teeth?
6. Which Disney character are you most like?
7. Which colour is the best colour in the world to paint a kitchen?
8. Which sound is the most annoying ever?
9. Which is better: digital or analogue?
10. Which musician would you bring back from the dead, if you could?
As always, a point for every good answer, and a bonus point for your “which” question to me. Funniest answer (decided by me) may be posted as my One-Liner Wednesday. Go!
My manuscript is literally bigger than The Stand! I have proof!
But seriously, wouldn’t you love to be able to say that about your body of work and actually mean it in more than a literal sense? Even if I’m that good, which I suspect that possibly I’m not, (ahem) there’s no chance in hell, or even Castle Rock that I can catch up to the great SK. I didn’t start early enough. In fact, by my calculations I’d have to live to be a hundred and twenty five and seven-eighths years old to write as many books as Stephen King has and will. And honestly, I can’t see myself writing much past my 120th birthday anyway.
Conclusion: I’m destined to spend the rest of my existence wheezing on his literary dust. And enjoying the Castle Rock out of his books.
Blogher’s deal:
We have a winner! On Sunday, at the end of my Nano Poblano – Day 9: 10 Random Whos post, I stated that the funniest answer would be featured today for One-Liner Wednesday. Here is the lovely and talented SuzJones’ answer:
5. Who are you? Who? Who? Who? Who? Why Grissom of course!
If you don’t know Sue, you should definitely check out her blog. 🙂
Sue’s answer brought back a lot of fond memories. I watched the original CSI religiously back when Grissom was still around. He had some of the best one-liners on TV at the time, so I went to IMDB to look up a good one. However, it seemed all the funniest ones needed the context that they were put in in the show. As I was going through them all I came across one that I remember well; it stuck with me as the mother of two special-needs kids:
Gil Grissom: [to Billy Rattison about how he called Randy Traschel, the man with Down Syndrome that he murdered, a ‘retard’] By the way, the definition of the word retard is to hinder or to hold someone back. I think your life is about to become retarded.
Thanks so much, Sue, for reminding me of the fantastic one-liners that came off CSI!
__________________________________________________________________________________________
Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below.
As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday, if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.
The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:
1. Make it one sentence.
2. Make it either funny or inspirational.
Have fun!
1. Who let the dogs out?
2. Who puts the holes in donuts?
3. Who do they put all those warnings on labels for – you know, the ones that are just common sense?
4. Who was that masked man?
5. Who are you? Who? Who? Who? Who?
6. Who goes moo when they see a cow?
7. Who was the first person to ask which came first, the chicken or the egg?
8. Who likes lima beans? I mean, seriously…
9. Who makes my day brighter? You do! Who makes yours?
10. Who has woken you up more in your life than anyone else?
1 Point for every question you answer – 10 points for one “who” question back at me. The winner of the funniest answer (decided by me) gets their answer posted on One-Liner Wednesday. Go!
These whos are brought to you by the letter M (for Mr. Mark):
and the number 9, as in the 9th day of:
Expressions. We all have them. We all use them. There are so many we all know–he’s pushing up daisies, or busy as a bee, for instance–but how about the ones you grew up with? You know, the ones that come out of your mouth with a satisfied grin because you’ve just uttered the most perfect thing at the perfect moment EVER, yet you get a strange look because the person you’re talking to has never heard them before. So then you have to explain that what you just blurted out was something your mother, father, grandparent, or old Uncle Fred always said when blah blah blah and by the time you’ve finished going through the entire history of your fabulous phrase, its lustre has worn down to the brilliance of a twenty-year-old tractor tire.
You’ve been there before, right? So tell me, what are some of your favourite expressions that no one has ever heard before, and where did they come from?
This post brought to you by:
and:
I don’t know if it’s the subconscious prodding of being part of Team Pepper, or if it’s the weather, but I had a craving yesterday for chili con carne. So while I was at the grocery store, I bought all the ingredients which are now simmering on my stove top, their mingled aromas wafting into my nostrils and teasing my growling tummy.
I don’t like cooking, as a rule, except when I’m making something that I can see coming together in stages. To me, making a pot of chili, or spaghetti sauce, or dish I call “slop” (which is basically all the veggies you’d put in spaghetti except without the tomato sauce but including chopped tomatoes, and chicken and rice with a dash or two of curry) is more like building a dinner than cooking it. To me it looks like life.
You start with the basic ingredient and it’s like a newly formed child. Add in the next, which may be language, and a sprinkling of different spices (which we all know are actually experiences) and before you know it, it’s turned into something entirely different, and yet the same.
And then you eat it! Which incidentally is where it stops being like a person… unless you’re into that… but we won’t go there, will we…?
Where was I? Oh yes, peppers. My chili is going to be hot and spicy. Just like Nano Poblano… and the people involved. Who I won’t eat.
Even when I was 10 years old, I was a stickler for grammar. I remember a slogan on a used car dealership’s lot in my hometown, meant to attract customers passing by on the road . It read:
“Little used cars use little gas.”
The potential double meaning of this sentence has agitated me–yes, agitated–for forty years.
__________________________________________________________________________________________
Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below.
As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday, if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.
The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:
1. Make it one sentence.
2. Make it either funny or inspirational.
Have fun!
My pumpkin had pointy teeth.
Then the ants came. It’s the same every year; the infestation begins the moment the pumpkin goes outside. I know, I know there are ways to prevent this: I just wait until the last minute to put them out.
What really amuses me is the large chunks of skin the ants manage to throw out. You can see them on the step… and if you look really close you can see all the ants. Most of them were sleeping. Pumpkin must be to an ant like turkey is to a human.
So I propose the name of a new band. Who needs the Smashing Pumpkins when you can watch the Slowly-Being-Eaten Rotting Infested Jack-O-Lanterns?
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