I came into this book not quite knowing what to expect. I knew it would involve ?mushy stuff,? and that it was liable to be more lighthearted than my usual fare, but beyond that I didn?t have much to go on.
Let me say that I am glad I took the trip. Sometimes whim and chance lead us to things that we would not otherwise have come across, and in those moments we should be thankful.
The technical portion of the program is well done, and while in the first few chapters you might be prone to thinking it childish or a little over-the-top, it becomes clearer towards the end and you start to see how it all fits together. The final whammy â and the opportunity to read the central story thatâŚ
I’m really bad at remembering to take my reusable shopping bags to the grocery store with me. Today was no exception – I had to go back into the house to get one. So I get to the store, pick up the two things I need and as the cashier rings them through, I say, “Oh! I need a bag.” So she sells me a disposable plastic one for 5¢.
It’s not until I go to pick up one of my items that I remember I have my reusable bag tucked under my arm. Yes, I forgot I remembered.
The cashier and I had a good laugh.
Anyone who would like to participate, feel free to use the âOne-Liner Wednesdayâ title in your post, and if you do,
you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday youâre pinging back to is this weekâs! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.
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As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. Itâs bound to be short and sweet.
Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so thereâs no need to stick to the same âtheme.â
The rules that Iâve made for myself (but donât always follow) for âOne-Liner Wednesdayâ are:
1. Make it one sentence.
2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.
3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.
4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!
My novelette, All Good Stories is on sale today! It’s a romantic comedy, complete with pirates, a parrot, and a Viking. What could possibly go wrong? Lighthearted and fun, it’s perfect to enjoy over a lunchtime or two. It’s available for the low cost of 99¢, or the equivalent in whichever country you live, on both Amazon for Kindle here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01JQWMQAE
The Kobo site has a preview of the book. I plan to figure out how to set one up on Amazon soon. In the meantime, here are the first two chapters:
Aarin, The Topless Pirate
Jupiter bounded into my book store with an extraordinary spring in her step.
âI finished it!” she proclaimed, beaming much like the ray of sunshine that fell upon the counter every fair morning at this time of year.
“Finished what?” I asked. As if I didn’t know. She’d spent months bemoaning the grueling process of editing her novel.
“Stop it, Xav.” Jupiter had a peculiar way of shortening my name when she was annoyed at me. Her eyes narrowed and her lip lifted crookedly at the ‘V’ as she elongated it. She was very cute when she did it, which made me want to annoy her all the more.
“Wait, let me guess. Your novel?” I teased.
“YES!”
I wished, not for the first time, as she bounced up and down in her spring jacket that we were more than just friends.
“Does that mean you’re finally going to share it with me?” Leaning forward on the counter, I rested my chin in my hand to affect nonchalance. Deep down, I was as excited as she was.
“Of course I’ll let you read it.” She dug through the suitcase she called a purse. After a moment, she pulled out a bound stack of papers. “Aarin, The Topless Pirate,” she announced as she plopped it down in front of me.
“Sounds promising.” I glanced at the title page, which stated only the title, then back to my best friend. “What’s it about?”
“It’s um… It’s about a pirate who goes to sea.”
“And is the pirate topless?” I sat up straight. Visions volleyed around in my mind of breasts bared to the slightly chilled ocean breeze.
She smiled wickedly. “You’ll have to read it to find out.”
I picked up the manuscript and slid it onto the shelf behind the counter. “I’ll read it later.”
She stared, wide-eyed. “You’re not serious.”
“It doesn’t sound that interesting. It can wait.”
“But…” She didn’t look as though she was going to cry, exactly, but the distress on her face was enough to make me waver.
“Sell it to me,” I said.
“What do you mean?”
“Make me want to read it. Tell me what itâs about.”
“It’s about a pirate. A topless pirate. Who goes to sea.”
“…and?”
“And what? Isn’t that enough?”
“Is there sex? Is there a sunburn involved?”
“Fine! Don’t read it then.” She turned sharply and stalked out of the store.
Feeling bad about my little April Fool’s Day joke, I watched until she disappeared around the corner before I pulled the manuscript back out. I turned back the title page fully expecting to be properly titillated, only to find a photocopied picture of a crusty old pirate with his back facing the camera. He wore nothing but a three-cornered hat.
That we share the same sense of humor makes it no wonder Jupiter and I have been best friends since elementary school.
Bob The Blogger
Bob was a novelist. He was also a blogger. To round out the combo, to make it a trio (because Bob adored the number three), he referred to himself as a Serial Alliterator, which meant he loved alliterations. His blog profile sported a selfie of a previously pencil-thin Bob in the bathroom mirror, wearing nothing but a wicked grin. Though he stated in his profile that he loved the outdoors, since his foray into blogging he had seldom seen the sun. Secretly, he called himself Blob the Blogger.
Today, Bob is excited because yesterday he met Jupiter online. They met on Bobâs blog after Bob blogged about writing a novel. He and Jupiter spent three hours commenting back and forth. Jupiter was single, and she was writing a novel as well.
Tomorrow, if he wasnât too tired from using the treadmill, Bob planned to write Jupiter three poems. His poems would employ many uses of alliteration; they would contain the letter âJâ as often as Bob could manage. They would not contain the first letter of Jupiterâs best friendâs name. As far as Bob was concerned, he needed no excuse to leave the letter âXâ out of Jupiterâs joyous poetry. No justification at all.
When I came up with this week’s prompt, my outlook on “art” was so very plain. I was thinking, you know, art, music, writing… the “arts.” But now that I’m writing this post I’m realizing that everyone has an art that they’re good at. I might be an okay writer, and you might be a proficient draw-er, but how about all the other things we can be artful with?
The art of manipulation is one that comes to mind. Very big in the news these days – politics in particular. And how about the art of wine-making? That art is currently my friend. But hey, I only bottle it. My friend Al is the expert.
Some people turn their bodies into art.
Hell, some people do it daily before they’ll walk out the door.
I’ve never been one for make-up. I’ll put some on once in a blue moon… actually, there are more blue moons that have happened in my lifetime than there are occasions when I’ve put on make-up. I’m a little awestruck at how some women find the time to do it on a regular basis. Like women (or parents in general) who have the time to work outside the home and then come home and take care of their families.
We finally did the lemonade stand today (speaking of parenting). There was no art put into the lemonade itself. It came out of a carton. But Alex did make up some nice signs. Three of them said “Lemonade 25¢” and the one we put up down the street said “Lemonade $25.” Needless to say, we didn’t get a lot of traffic from that direction. Having said that, one man actually gave us $10 for 3 glasses, so we were close!
Apart from that it’s been a rough day. The dog has found a way under the fence into the neighbour’s yard, so I can’t let him into my back yard anymore. At least not until I can get some extra boards nailed up. Luckily he didn’t decide to take a dip in their inground swimming pool.
Escaping is an art, isn’t it? Yeah, let’s go with that to get me back on track before I end the post.
Do you ever read a poetic description of a facial expression in a novel, such as: “She looked at me as though I’d just vomited in her shoe,” and try the expression yourself, to see what it might have looked like?
Anyone who would like to participate, feel free to use the âOne-Liner Wednesdayâ title in your post, and if you do,
you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday youâre pinging back to is this weekâs! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.
NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.
As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. Itâs bound to be short and sweet.
Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so thereâs no need to stick to the same âtheme.â
The rules that Iâve made for myself (but donât always follow) for âOne-Liner Wednesdayâ are:
1. Make it one sentence.
2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.
3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.
4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!
When I had my first child, I was told it was best to rock him about 60 beats per minute – the same as the average heart rate. I paid attention to that, and now it’s funny how I use that habit. Having a child (my third) with a heart condition makes it necessary to check his pulse occasionally. I can usually tell without looking at a clock if it’s fast or slow. Makes you wonder how they came up with how many seconds there should be in a minute, doesn’t it? And how it works out that our hearts beat, on average, the same number of times the clock ticks by the seconds in an hour, a day, a month, and a year. It’s like we power the universe!!!
Mind blown yet? Mine is.
My first child flew the coop today for the first time. Literally. He’s gone to Florida to see his girlfriend. It was his third time on a plane (we went to England together in 2007) and his first time on one alone. He must get that from me. So I’m looking after his cats for the next week. He didn’t ask about them when he texted me to say he’d made it. Girlfriend. Right.
My second son has the travel bug too. He wants to go everywhere, but he can’t go alone. That darned Autism thing. And my third son – I’m sure he’d love to go places too. But with his health conditions, insurance would be astronomical. Which leaves him with going only one way… up.
To the moon, Alex! Haha. I actually make myself laugh sometimes.
I’d just finished dining alone when the waiter came to clear my table and ask me if I was ready to pay.
“Will that be all on one bill?” he asked.
Now, to be fair, it’s common practice in Canada when two people are dining together to ask them if they want two separate bills, so he must have been asking out of habit. However, it was all I could do to resist saying, “No, split it down the middle. My imaginary friend will pay half after I leave.”
Anyone who would like to participate, feel free to use the âOne-Liner Wednesdayâ title in your post, and if you do,
you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday youâre pinging back to is this weekâs! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.
NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.
As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. Itâs bound to be short and sweet.
Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so thereâs no need to stick to the same âtheme.â
The rules that Iâve made for myself (but donât always follow) for âOne-Liner Wednesdayâ are:
1. Make it one sentence.
2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.
3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.
4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!
I may still not know, for sure, why the chicken did it, but I suspect the geese crossed the road because the grass is always greener on the other side.
Anyone who would like to participate, feel free to use the âOne-Liner Wednesdayâ title in your post, and if you do,
you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday youâre pinging back to is this weekâs! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.
As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. Itâs bound to be short and sweet.
Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so thereâs no need to stick to the same âtheme.â
The rules that Iâve made for myself (but donât always follow) for âOne-Liner Wednesdayâ are:
1. Make it one sentence.
2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.
3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.
4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!
First, a little explanation: I have a spring in my basement. There’s a concrete hole in my concrete floor, and into it runs a constant flow of natural spring water. So my brilliant best friend, John, has decided he’s going to use it to concoct air conditioning for my house. However, it has to be 55 degrees Fahrenheit or lower. In order to check, he needed a thermometer. So he asked me, “Do you have an old thermometer around? One you put under your tongue?”
“John, I don’t think they make them go that low.” His temperature is above 55! He might still be alive!*rolls eyes*
Anyone who would like to participate, feel free to use the âOne-Liner Wednesdayâ title in your post, and if you do,
you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday youâre pinging back to is this weekâs! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.
As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. Itâs bound to be short and sweet.
Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so thereâs no need to stick to the same âtheme.â
The rules that Iâve made for myself (but donât always follow) for âOne-Liner Wednesdayâ are:
1. Make it one sentence.
2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.
3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.
4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!
If it’s not one thing… I’m sure at some point or another I’ve started a post like this before. In fact if I have, it’ll probably show up in the “see also” previews below this post. And the truth is, I hate being negative. So I’ll just get this over and done with. It’s really not that bad. In fact it probably hasn’t even been worth all this intro to it.
You know I had a bug bite the other day that made my hand swell? Well, that’s better. Now I have a sore on the very tip of my “d” finger. Why do I refer to my finger as my “d” finger? It only hurts when I type. No idea what the problem is. Can’t see anything except a painful blister. Yeah, wasn’t worth the intro.
In other news:
I used a sprint (set a timer for 10 minutes and just typed until the buzzer went off) to kick-start my novel writing. I got less than 400 words written in that 10 minutes, but it got me back into my story. I managed to write another 1,600 words today. The moral of the story is, sprints work when you’re stuck. It’s kind of like stream of consciousness that no one will ever read.
Every time I see “Cookie Policy” on a website I think about my own cookie policy – don’t buy them if I don’t want to gain weight. And definitely not if I go to the store hungry.
How is it that people think by writing f*ck instead of fuck no one will be offended? Is an asterisk any less offensive than a “u” just because it looks like a pretty flower? Okay, maybe it is.
Getting back to not wanting to write about miserable things, I’m actually a funny person most of the time. You can tell by my humorous fiction over at my fiction blog. Oh, and the novelette I’ll be (hopefully) publishing next week! It’s a light, romantic comedy that you’ll be able to read over a lunchtime or two. On sale soon for just $0.99 at Amazon and Kobo. Watch out for my celebratory post when the details are finalized!
It’s hard to be funny when you’re under pressure to be though, isn’t it? Waaay back when my SoCS prompt was fairly new, I made the prompt for the week “funny.” We all found it difficult to write about anything that was laugh-out-loud funny, so most of us wrote about something peculiar instead.
Knock, knock! Hang on, that one doesn’t work very well in a post. Why did the chicken cross the road?
All Good Stories by Linda G. Hill
lindaghill.com 