Joel: Look, I know you don’t want to get caught, but …
Holly: But what? If my husband finds out we’re together, he’ll kill me.
Joel:(holds her hand) But, I was going to say, I can’t live without you. I love you. And anyway, he’s going to find out about the baby sooner or later.
Holly: I can tell him it’s his.
Joel: Yeah right. And when it comes out Asian?
Holly: (whining) Ohh, what are we going to do?
She puts her head on his shoulder and he kisses her hair
How do we draw the line on compassion? Most of us have it, to some degree or another. It begins with learning how to share, in our toddler years. Which is probably one of the reasons those of us who lack it tend to bring up children who lack it too. Does it begin with consumerism? With the idea that if we work hard for something, it’s ours? Perhaps.
Where do we draw the line on who we’re willing to share with? We have compassion, naturally, for our family and friends. For those we care about who we have met. But how about the strangers we pass every day on the street? How about people who are marginalized and bullied… by even some of our governments? From the outside looking in, it seems to me there are two types of people – those who believe they and they alone are entitled to what they’ve worked for, and those who reach out and go to great lengths to help everyone. Or at least anyone they encounter. Of course there are those of us who only wish we could save the world, and would if we had the resources.
I went in to a Tim Horton’s today for a bite to eat. Outside, there was a woman sitting with her back against the wall with a sign that read “Broke and Hungry.” She asked me as I walked in the door if I had any change. I told her I didn’t – it was the truth. I keep my change at home, saved for Alex’s bus rides. While I was sitting in the restaurant, the staff went outside and told her to leave. I didn’t think that was very fair.
I see people begging for money online all the time. Sometimes for money to save their lives, sometimes for things they simply want. I saw someone trying to raise $6,000 the other day so they could publish their book. I wanted to shake them and tell them there’s someone trying to scam you… do it yourself for free. And there are people out there with their tin cups… really, what’s the difference? One is braving the harsh weather, the other is using a device likely worth more than the outdoor beggar could hope for in a month. Yet who are we more likely to give our money to? Somehow, $5 on Paypal seems less than a dollar in cash, doesn’t it?
Does our compassion need to be clean? Do we find our sharing only worthy of going to those who can ask most eloquently… those who spend the most time in our faces?
Are we more likely to share with those who we have things in common? Yes? Why? How do we draw the line, when we consider everyone to be equal in our humanity? We all deserve to live. We all deserve what we work hard for. Yet sharing and compassion is what separates us from animals. It’s what makes us human.
Giving feels good. So give. I challenge you. No matter how.
Yes, I lack the perfect house. My clothes are all years and years old, my furniture doesn’t match, and there’s a funny smell in one of my cupboards. But we’re all happy. Me, the kids, the dog, the cats, the fly flying around, laughing at me when I try to kill it… all of us. We have a warm place to live (now that the furnace is fixed–it was touch-and-go a few days ago), we have food in the fridge (and apparently rotting in one of the cupboards), and we have electricity with which to watch TV and connect on the internet (Hi!!).
And we have stuff to look forward to, too. Tomorrow is the Santa Claus parade here in town, and Alex is very much looking forward to participating in it, on his school’s float. But there’s a catch, of course. The float is themed on the Grinch and he’s terrified of the Grinch. We may be in the parade, or we may be running, screaming from the parade. Something for me to look forward to since it’s supposed to rain. Then there will be the joy of Christmas shopping to look forward to. For the first time in three years I’ll be doing my shopping in Canada. At home. This time last year I was on a plane to Tokyo. So hard to believe. But I have proof:
Mt. Fuji, just below the engine.
This year I just didn’t have the money. In fact, I’m probably still paying for that trip. Maybe I’ll post about it, finally, for the next ten days, which was how long I was there. Yeah. Happily, I took notes.
But now life is so much more simple. With my old clothes, my mismatched furniture and my funny smell, my dog who’s not a puppy anymore and three kids who are old enough to drive, I’ve proven that I don’t need much. Only love.
On this, November 11th, the day we remember the people who have given their lives for their countries, I find the disparity between the ultimate in self-sacrifice and the continuing reports of disrespect and lack of empathy discouraging. I had a discussion on Facebook this morning with a man who told me that his daughter-in-law had been verbally accosted in a store while holding her 18-month-old child; there are so very many reports such as this and even worse coming in, it almost makes me want to hide. But I won’t, because there is something I can do.
For all the people who lack empathy in the world, I believe there are more who understand that we all have our struggles. And whether we deem them bigger than ours or not, a struggle is a struggle. An exhausted single mother washing her own dishes in an effort to control something, a rich man wanting to protect his children from bullying, the only true perspective is in the circumstances of the individual.
Let us show that there are more of us who care. That there are greater numbers of those who would rather give than receive. I challenge you today and every day to show love and kindness to a stranger. Find a way to go out of your way to help. Even a smile could make a difference in someone’s life, but especially now. Especially today, when we face the very real imbalance between selflessness and hate.
Please share this. We may not have the power to fix the world, but we possess the ability to communicate. And with this amazing means, we can help make the world a better place to live. Let this go viral. At this point I don’t even care if you copy and paste these words and pretend you wrote them yourself. What is important is that we can make a difference for the good of humanity.
I really needed this today – been feeling a bit sorry for myself lately. I thought I’d share it with you all, in case you’re in need of it too.
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Don’t you just wish that my title summed up life?
I know I do and more often than I care to admit.
Yet if there is one thing that I have learned over the past months and weeks is that any ‘happily ever after’ is entirely up to me!
That’s right.
Me!!!!!
Kinda puts a lot of responsibility on a gal you know?
Having the sole responsibility for my own happiness is a big deal.
My A to Z theme concerns the joys and challenges of being the hearing mother of my Deaf son, Alex.
Though Sign Languages are as different as spoken languages worldwide, one thing is consistent; they all rely heavily on body language and facial expression. I’ll never forget the first time I was shown the sign for “not yet.” I actually laughed at my teacher, thinking he was joking. There was a mortifying moment. “Not yet” is exactly the same hand-sign as “late,” only with the tongue stuck out. (For a visual: http://www.lifeprint.com/asl101/pages-signs/n/not-yet.htm ) Anyway, by the time my son Alex started to learn American Sign Language I pretty much had my own face and body under control. Unless I’m angry, which is another story altogether. But when we go out in public, the results of people doing things without realizing it can range from amusing back to mortifying. For me. Alex has a blast.
For instance, almost any time I take him out, someone speaks to him. He’s a very engaging little boy. He smiles at people all the time. Invariably they ask him questions, and when they do, they smile back and usually nod their heads because they’re asking a positive question that they want him to agree to:
“Are you looking forward to going back to school?”
“Do you like Spiderman?” (Because he’s always either holding or wearing something to do with Spiderman.)
Alex sees them nod and smile and he nods back. He doesn’t need to hear the question. Which always puts me in the awkward position of having to decide whether or not to tell them he’s Deaf. Unless they ask him another question to which he would have to answer, for instance, “How old are you?” I don’t tell them. Why not, you ask?
People are embarrassed when they get caught talking to a Deaf person. It’s like they feel like they’ve suddenly made a fool of themselves simply by being friendly. When there comes a point at which I have to explain that the reason he’s not talking to them is he’s deaf, they either:
a) say, “Oh,” and walk away, pretending they didn’t speak to us in the first place;
b) say, “But he can lip-read, right?” because obviously he knew what they asked him. He answered the way they wanted him to! (I then say, “Yes, a little,” to ease their minds);
or c) whisper to me, “I’m sorry.” Depending on how I’m feeling on that particular day, I’ll either, say, “That’s okay, he’s just happy to interact,” or, “That’s okay,” and think to myself, Don’t feel guilty about it. It’s not your fault.
I sometimes wonder if, on some level, people know he has a good idea of what they’re thinking. Much of our body language is unconscious. We know we’re doing it, but we don’t always know when, or whether or not we’re controlling it well. And if that doesn’t make you feel self-conscious around a Deaf person, I don’t know what will.
Alex’s ability to read expressions gets embarrassing when he laughs at people. And he does, loudly and with great delight. Take, for instance, a scenario in which you’re out for dinner with someone you’re trying to impress, and you put something in your mouth that you discover you don’t like. You’re turning green at the gills but you’re trying to downplay it, so you grin and bear it while you continue to chew and swallow the offending piece of food. Meanwhile, at the next table, there’s a kid absolutely killing himself with laughter at the subtle expression you’re trying to cover up, while his mother, red in the face, attempts not to giggle at her offspring’s reaction.
All I can really do is try to distract him. I can’t say to the person, “He’s Deaf, and you look like you just put a live bug in your mouth.” It’s amazing how quickly people cease to be charmed by him in these situations. And they happen all the time. Of course I try to explain to Alex that it’s rude to laugh at people, but first, my vocabulary isn’t fantastic in Sign, so when he asks why, I’m at a loss. And second, how can I explain to him that he needs to suppress this wonderful ability to read subtleties that goes flying over the heads of most of the population? So I take it case-by-case and do my best to make everyone happy.
I am very thrilled and delighted to show you my beautiful, shiny new book! Chris at The Story Reading Ape has done an absolutely brilliant job of designing the perfect cover for it too. He was so helpful and accommodating to me, despite my inexperience in these matters and problems with my e-mail!
At the moment, it is available at CreateSpace, but by tomorrow, it should be available on Kindle and shortly afterward Amazon.
As I mentioned in my earlier post, I had been encouraged to publish a collection of my poems, and now I have finally done it! I do love to rhyme things and this book is pretty much a compilation of some of my favourites! I have even included some of the raunchier ones to add a little extra spice!
They say that with great responsibility comes great power. But what about sacrifice?
When I was a teenager and into my young adulthood I thought of sacrifice as something romantic. I dreamed of the ultimate sacrifice, as in, “I’d die for you my love!” As much as I might have jumped in front of a bus for my boyfriend, I (thank goodness) never found out whether I’d have the guts when it came down to it.
Then when I started thinking about having kids I wondered at all I’d have to sacrifice of my relatively carefree life. And when it came down to it, I suppose I did. I miss the days of laying in on a weekend morning, of being able to go in and out of the house at will, of doing all the things one truly takes for granted before they have kids. But it doesn’t feel like a sacrifice.
So I was quite wrong, in my own case at least, when I thought that with great responsibility comes great sacrifice. It’s definitely power… the power the kids have over me.
The “Sacrifice” prompt is brought to you by Me – Who Am I?. If you don’t already know her, check out her blog!
To find the rules for Just Jot It January, click here and join in today. It’s never too late! And don’t forget to ping back your January 13th post here! If you’d like to combine this with One-Liner Wednesday (which will be posted several hours after this), have at it! Just be sure to link back to both prompts.
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