Madigan:(looking down at a picture on her lap) I don’t believe it.
Ken: There’s your proof.
Madigan: Barb has been having an affair with your brother all this time?
Ken: She’s your sister.
Madigan:(snorts) She’s your wife. I feel like I’m living in a soap opera. Where are they now?
Ken: On a beach in Barbados, according to the private detective. (points at the photo) I recognize the resort. We went there for our honeymoon.
Madigan: (shakes head and looks up at him) So what are you going to do about it?
Ken: Ask her for a divorce. And marry you, if you’ll have me.
Madigan: What about the lipstick on your collar?
Ken: That was just Barb trying to make you jealous. She already knew about our affair.
Madigan: (sighs) I should have guessed. (looks at him sharply) Wait, was that a proposal?
Ken: I don’t have a ring or anything, but … yeah.
Madigan:(blinks away tears) I want to say yes. But what are family gatherings going to be like?
Ken: (huffs out a laugh) About as awkward as they have been since we started seeing each other behind Barb’s back. God knows how long she’s been screwing my brother.
Madigan: (takes his hand) I wonder if they’re as happy as we are when we’re together.
Ken: I hope not. So, what do you say? Will you consider marrying me?
Madigan: (frowns) My dad’s going to get sick of walking us down the aisle to meet you.
Madigan: (stares at her) What … makes you say that?
Barb: Lipstick. On his collar.
Madigan: No way!
Barb: Yep. Blood red. Who wears a colour like that anyway?
Madigan:(frowns) Not me.
Barb: Pfft. Some floosy. She’d have to be, to fool around with a married man. A real slut. One with no self-respect. Oh God, do you think she’s got a disease?
Madigan: I hope not!
Barb: Oh Maddie, what am I going to do? You know I hate confrontations. They’re so … belittling. Would you to talk to him?
Madigan: Me?!
Barb: You’re my sister. I trust you. Will you give him shit for me? Please?
Madigan: I’d love to give him shit. But shouldn’t you be the one to talk to him? You’re his wife after all. Anyway, I might slug him one.
Barb: You’re probably right. (sighs) Sometimes I envy you. Having none of this crap to worry about. Nobody fools around on you – you don’t have anybody.
Madigan:(snorts, turns to the window and mumbles) Not anymore.
Yvonne: I hope you don’t think I’m going to talk to you tonight.
Quinn: I don’t expect …
Yvonne: Of course not. That’s why we’re going to a restaurant instead of staying home for Thanksgiving dinner.
Quinn: But you …
Yvonne: I know. I know I burned the turkey last year. You don’t have to rub it in. I was willing to try again but nooo, we have to go to a restaurant because you don’t trust me! Admit it!
Quinn: I …
Yvonne: Don’t talk to me. I’m not talking to you.
Quinn looks out the window.
Yvonne: Don’t pout.
Quinn: I’m not …
Yvonne: Yes you are. I can tell by the way you’re looking out the window.
Quinn: What the …
Yvonne: (holds up palm) Don’t talk to me. And don’t pout. Let’s just get there and get this over with.
Quinn:(looks up to the front of the bus) It’s …
Yvonne: What part of “don’t talk to me” didn’t you understand?
Quinn: But …
Yvonne: Ugh! I’ve had enough of this. I’m walking the rest of the way. (gets up)
Quinn:(calls to her as she’s walking down the aisle) You’ll have to anyway! We just passed the stop!
Hester: If you’d just let me help you, you wouldn’t have this problem!
Alfred: Yes dear.
Hester: Give me your cane.
Alfred: Yes dear.
Hester:(takes his cane and shows it to him) Now you see this?
Alfred: Yes dear.
Hester: This is wood.
Alfred: Yes dear.
Hester: Do you know what wood is for in a man?
Alfred: Yes dear.
Hester: It’s to keep your good wife satisfied.
Alfred: Yes dear.
Hester: Now will you let me help you?
Alfred: Yes dear.
Hester: Do you have to agree with everything I say?
Alfred: Yes dear.
Hester: What else did the urologist say?
Alfred: Yes dear.
Hester:(really pays attention to him for the first time) Did the nurse give you cotton balls for your ears? (pulls the cotton from his ears) What did the urologist say?
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