Thursday, December 7th, 6:00pm
Lily (and Phil)
Lily sits at the window. Phil takes the seat beside her.
Lily: Hi.
Phil: (sighs) My car broke down.
Lily: Aww, that’s too bad.
Phil: Yeah. I’ve got to get rid of that piece of crap and get something new. I hate taking the bus.
Lily: I’ve got something for sale.
Phil: Yeah? Is it Japanese?
Lily: Nope. It’s all Transylvanian, baby. (smiles, running her tongue across her fake fangs)
Phil changes seats.
Next stop: Friday, December 8th, 9:00pm
Monday, November 6th, 8:00am
The Darkness (and Phil)
The Darkness sits at the window. Phil takes the aisle seat.
Phil: My car broke down. Again.
The Darkness glances at him and turns to look out the window.
Phil: I hate taking the bus. So many weirdos.
The Darkness snorts.
Phil: But at least now that the clocks have turned back, it’s not as dark in the morning.
The Darkness: (mumbles) I am The Darkness.
Phil: I know, right? So depressing in the morning when it’s dark out.
The Darkness: I am The Darkness.
Phil: I get it. So not looking forward to Christmas time. That’s when it’s REALLY dark in the morning.
The Darkness: I am The Darkness.
Phil stares at The Darkness.
The Darkness: I AM The Darkness! I AM THE DARKNESS!!!
The Darkness gets kicked off the bus.
Next stop: Tuesday, November 7th, 4:00pm
Monday, September 25th, 5:00pm
Candice (and Phil)
Phil: (approaches Candice, who is sitting at the window) Mind if I sit here?
Candice: Go right ahead.
Phil: I’m sorry, I’m not very good at bus etiquette. I don’t take the bus.
Candice: Oh.
Phil: My car broke down.
Candice: That’s too bad.
Phil: I work in an office downtown, and I usually drive.
Candice: I see.
Phil: My car has been in the shop for a week now.
Candice: You must really miss it.
Phil: I do. They think it’s something to do with the alternator, but I think it’s a computer problem.
Candice: (nods) Ahh.
Phil: I work on computers all day so I know a thing or two about computers.
Candice: I see.
Phil: So what do you do for a living?
Candice: I’m a dominatrix.
Phil stares, mouth hanging open.
Candice: I work in a dungeon where I tie up men and occasionally women, and I torture them for money.
Phil, frozen, continues to stare.
Candice: I take it you’ve never tried it?
Phil takes out his cell phone and dials a number. Candice watches him.
Phil: (into the phone) Yeah, Discount Car Rental? Do you have any cars available? … Now. … Where? (holds the phone away from his ear and speaks to Candice, enunciating as though talking to a deaf person) What’s. The. Next. Stop?
Next stop: Tuesday, September 26th, 1:00pm
Monday, September 18th, 8:00am
Michael (and Phil)
Michael sits beside the window, reading a book. Phil takes the seat beside him.
Phil: My car broke down.
Michael: Excuse me?
Phil: I don’t usually take the bus, but my car broke down today.
Michael nods and goes back to reading.
Phil: I had a feeling it wouldn’t start.
Michael begrudgingly looks up from his book.
Phil: It’s just one of those days when you know something’s going to go wrong. Know what I mean?
Michael: Yeah. (glances out the window for a moment, then goes back to the book)
Phil: Do you own a car?
Michael: (lets the book drop in his lap) Nope.
Phil: You wouldn’t understand then.
Michael: Understand what?
Phil: What it’s like to have to take the bus.
Michael frowns but Phil doesn’t notice.
Phil: I mean, what do you do on the bus? When you’re driving to work, you have something to do.
Michael: I like to read a book. (lifts the book up and shows Phil)
Phil: Oh yeah? That’s a good idea. What are you reading?
Michael: Deadly Karate Blows – The Medical Implications, by Brian Adams.
Phil: Oh.
Next stop: Tuesday, September 19th, 5:00pm
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