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345. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Saturday, August 11th, 8:00pm
Bella and Alice (and Lily)

 

Alice: Are you sure you’re okay to go out tonight?

Bella: Never better. Now that Edward is locked up.

Lily: (pops up in the seat behind them, making them jump) No he’s not.

Bella: (turns) What do you mean he’s not? I was there when they arrested him … You too! How did you get out?

Lily: We turned to smoke and slipped out through the bars.

Alice: You’re full of shit.

Bella pulls out her phone.

Lily: Who you gonna call?

Bella: Ghostbusters, who do you think? I’m calling the cops to come and get you.

Lily: (smiles, showing fake fangs) They’ll never catch me.

Alice: Fuckin’ right they will.

Lily disappears.

Bella: Where’d she go.

Both lean over the seat. Lily is crouched down on the floor.

Alice: What’s that, your version of smoke?

Lily hisses and reaches up to pull the cord for the bus to stop.

Bella: You’re not hiding from anyone.

Lily continues to crouch down, ignoring her.

Bella: (to Alice) Do you believe this? She actually thinks she’s invisible.

The bus stops.

Alice: (as Lily disembarks) Wanna follow her?

Bella: Nah. I know where she lives.

 

Next stop: Sunday, August 12th, 1:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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338. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, August 4th, 9:00pm
Edward and Lily

 

Edward: Why are you in such a bad mood?

Lily: Your psycho girlfriend stole my pet.

Edward: I couldn’t leave him with my Bella. They were getting too friendly. And anyway, she’s not my girlfriend. She’s just a psycho.

Lily: So now you get rid of the psycho AND you still have Bella locked up in my basement. What’s in it for me?

Edward: (thinks a moment) My undying gratitude?

Lily: (stares at him) Not good enough.

Edward: I did distract the cops that time. Doesn’t that count for anything?

Lily: No. You had way too much fun with it. (crosses arms and slouches) You get all the fun. All I get is the whiny, “You’ve got to let me go!” and, “I’ll do anything, just let me go!” all day while I’m trying to get my beauty rest.

Edward: (sits up straight) Anything? She said she’ll do anything?

Lily: (tiredly) Yeah.

Edward: Hmmm …

Lily: What are you thinking?

Edward: (hesitantly) Maybe she doesn’t really want to be with me.

Lily: No! You think?

Edward: Are you being sarcastic?

Lily: No! (rolls eyes)

Edward: Do you think we should let her go?

Lily: You’ll have to wipe out her memory first. You can do that though, right?

Edward hesitates, his eyes shifting back and forth.

Lily: Of course you can.

Edward continues to avoid the question.

Lily: Are you a vampire or not?

Edward: (affronted) Of course I am!

Lily: Then there’s no problem.

Edward: (uncertainly) Right.

 

Next stop: Sunday, August 5th, 1:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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325. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Sunday, July 22nd, 8:00pm
Edward and Lily

 

Edward: What did you do with the crazy one?

Lily: Her name is Andrea, and I didn’t do anything with her.

Edward: Why not? You were supposed to do away with her for me.

Lily: I was waiting to see what my tasty treat was going to be.

Edward: Weren’t you impressed?

Lily: You brought me a rat.

Edward: It’s a raccoon!

Lily: Okay, a glorified rat. You should just thank your lucky stars I didn’t let your soulmate go.

Edward: You wouldn’t let Bella go! Not after all the trouble I went through to steal her.

Lily: I think she’s making friends with my pet.

Edward: The Darkness?

Lily: (points finger and makes a clicking sound) You got it.

Edward: But he only has four words in his entire vocabulary! “I am The Darkness”!

Lily: I think she’s teaching a few choice new ones.

Edward: This was a bad idea.

Lily: Ya think?

 

Next stop: Monday, July 23rd, 6:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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324. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, July 21st, 9:00pm
Edward and Lily

 

Lily: I thought you were leaving town.

Edward: I just said that so Bella wouldn’t know what hit her.

Lily: You’re going to hit her?

Edward: No, no. It’s a modern figure of speech. I’m going to kidnap her.

Lily: How does it help that she thinks you’re out of town?

Edward: Not her, her friend. If she thinks I’m gone, she won’t know who kidnapped Bella. All I need you to do is take care of the other one. Whatshername. The crazy one.

Lily: You mean the one who’s about as crazy as you are?

Edward: Yeah. That one.

Lily: And where, may I ask, are you planning to steal Bella off to?

Edward: Your place.

Lily: Oh no you’re not!

Edward: You sure? I’ll throw in a tasty treat for you.

Lily: (narrows eyes) How tasty?

Edward: (smiles) That’s for me to know and you to find out.

Lily: (snorts) All I can say is you’d better make this worthwhile.

 

Next stop: Sunday, July 22nd, 8:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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263. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, May 21st, 8:00pm
Lily (and Edward)

 

Lily sits at the window. Edward takes the seat beside her.

Lily: Oh, thank the Master you’re here.

Edward: What’s wrong?

Lily: I hooked up with this guy the other night, and he literally took a bite out of me. (lifts sleeve to show shoulder wound) Look.

Edward: (cringes) That’s nasty. I hope you bit him back.

Lily: Of course! But that doesn’t help this. (points to wound) And the worst part is I think I’ve got hair growing out of my ears now.

Edward: Do you think he’s a werewolf?

Lily: Holy Garlic, I hope not. What kind of monster would that make me?

Edward: Same kind as him if you bit him too. Let me look in your ears.

Lily brushes hair out of the way and tilts head.

Edward: Hmm …

Lily: What?

Edward: What colour is our ear wax supposed to be?

Lily: Vampires don’t have ear wax.

Edward: We don’t? (sticks finger in ear, pulls it out and studies it) You’re right. Well, the good news is I don’t see any hair.

Lily: The bad news?

Edward: I can see out the window through there.

Lily hits him, then doubles over in pain from shoulder wound.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, May 22nd, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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261. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, May 19th, 8:00pm
Simon (and Lily)

 

Simon sits at the window. Lily takes the seat beside him.

Lily: Hey, good lookin’.

Simon: (smiles) Well, hello there.

Lily: Nice night to be out on the prowl.

Simon: It is, indeed.

Lily: Wanna go out for a bite?

Simon: Funny you should ask that. I was going to say I’d like to eat you. Whole.

Lily: (grins widely, showing a mouthful of fake fangs) Beauty.

 

Next stop: Sunday, May 20th, 11:00am

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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256. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, May 14th, 8:00pm
Edward (and Lily)

 

Edward sits at the window. Lily takes the seat beside him.

Lily: How’s the new job going?

Edward: Oh hi. Yeah, it’s going. I’m still not sure if it’s the right position for me.

Lily: How’s that?

Edward: Well, you know. The Master was teaching me all kinds of things that could help me survive. How to get into a victim’s head and all that.

Lily: And your new boss?

Edward: I’m learning the same sort of stuff. But with this Master, the end result is more for him than me.

Lily: So you’re bringing your victims home to him or what?

Edward: Nah, I still get what I go for. And the whole plundering thing is good …

Lily: Wait. Plundering?

Edward: Mr. Splindle tells me to get the money, and then I can go ahead and plunder to my heart’s content.

Lily: And what does plundering look like?

Edward: (shrugs) You know. Plundering. Like, steal their booties.

Lily: Huh.

Edward: By the way, if you ever decide to have a baby, I have plenty of booties.

Lily: (stares for a moment) How have you survived this long?

Edward: (shrugs) I get by.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, May 15th, 6:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.