Linda G. Hill

Life in progress


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263. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, May 21st, 8:00pm
Lily (and Edward)

 

Lily sits at the window. Edward takes the seat beside her.

Lily: Oh, thank the Master you’re here.

Edward: What’s wrong?

Lily: I hooked up with this guy the other night, and he literally took a bite out of me. (lifts sleeve to show shoulder wound) Look.

Edward: (cringes) That’s nasty. I hope you bit him back.

Lily: Of course! But that doesn’t help this. (points to wound) And the worst part is I think I’ve got hair growing out of my ears now.

Edward: Do you think he’s a werewolf?

Lily: Holy Garlic, I hope not. What kind of monster would that make me?

Edward: Same kind as him if you bit him too. Let me look in your ears.

Lily brushes hair out of the way and tilts head.

Edward: Hmm …

Lily: What?

Edward: What colour is our ear wax supposed to be?

Lily: Vampires don’t have ear wax.

Edward: We don’t? (sticks finger in ear, pulls it out and studies it) You’re right. Well, the good news is I don’t see any hair.

Lily: The bad news?

Edward: I can see out the window through there.

Lily hits him, then doubles over in pain from shoulder wound.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, May 22nd, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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261. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, May 19th, 8:00pm
Simon (and Lily)

 

Simon sits at the window. Lily takes the seat beside him.

Lily: Hey, good lookin’.

Simon: (smiles) Well, hello there.

Lily: Nice night to be out on the prowl.

Simon: It is, indeed.

Lily: Wanna go out for a bite?

Simon: Funny you should ask that. I was going to say I’d like to eat you. Whole.

Lily: (grins widely, showing a mouthful of fake fangs) Beauty.

 

Next stop: Sunday, May 20th, 11:00am

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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256. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, May 14th, 8:00pm
Edward (and Lily)

 

Edward sits at the window. Lily takes the seat beside him.

Lily: How’s the new job going?

Edward: Oh hi. Yeah, it’s going. I’m still not sure if it’s the right position for me.

Lily: How’s that?

Edward: Well, you know. The Master was teaching me all kinds of things that could help me survive. How to get into a victim’s head and all that.

Lily: And your new boss?

Edward: I’m learning the same sort of stuff. But with this Master, the end result is more for him than me.

Lily: So you’re bringing your victims home to him or what?

Edward: Nah, I still get what I go for. And the whole plundering thing is good …

Lily: Wait. Plundering?

Edward: Mr. Splindle tells me to get the money, and then I can go ahead and plunder to my heart’s content.

Lily: And what does plundering look like?

Edward: (shrugs) You know. Plundering. Like, steal their booties.

Lily: Huh.

Edward: By the way, if you ever decide to have a baby, I have plenty of booties.

Lily: (stares for a moment) How have you survived this long?

Edward: (shrugs) I get by.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, May 15th, 6:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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233. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, April 21st, 9:00pm
Edward and Lily

 

Edward: It was awful!

Lily: There there. Who can I get rid of for you? Is it that new boss of yours?

Edward: No! I can’t believe he meant for it to happen. All those … women! And they were dancing with poles … Some of them were upside down!

Lily: So you want me to go there and get rid of the women for you?

Edward: (touches her hand) No. It’s too dangerous. Women are dangerous. Real human women that is. Not you.

Lily: Come home with me then, Edward darling. I’ll look after you.

Edward: You will?

Lily: For you? I’ll even open my best red.

Edward: You will?

Lily: Of course. I’ve had him chained up in my basement for months.

 

Next stop: Sunday, April 22nd, 1:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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191. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Saturday, March 10th, 9:00pm
Bella and Alice (and Lily)

 

Bella: God, I hope we don’t see him tonight.

Alice: Which one?

Bella: Pfft, either of them. How do I keep picking such losers?

Alice: You didn’t exactly pick Edward.

Bella: But Edgar I did. What an asshole.

Alice: Maybe he didn’t just stand you up.

Bella: What are you saying, Edward got him and (hooks two fingers on each hand) “made him a vampire”?

Lily: (pops up behind their seat) Good evening, ladies.

Both jump.

Alice: What the hell do you want?

Lily: I just thought you’d want to know there’s a maniac on the loose.

Bella: Besides you?

Lily: (hisses) Yes, besides me. She’s been chasing Edward and I around with a stake. She wants to kill us. But we’ll get her first. No need to fear, ladies.

Alice: (wipes forehead) Phew! I was shaking in my boots.

Lily: I can smell sarcasm.

Bella: Wait a minute. Wasn’t I your mortal enemy a few weeks back?

Lily: This one’s more of a threat. I’ll deal with you later. Myself.

Alice: (to Bella) I smell a shit stain. Do you smell a shit stain?

Bella: I thought it was garlic.

Lily hisses and heads for the door.

 

Next stop: Sunday, March 11th, 10:00am

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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187. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Tuesday, March 6th, 7:00pm
Andrea (and Lily)

 

Andrea sits at the window. Lily slips quietly into the seat beside her.

Lily: (in her ear) Boo.

Andrea jumps.

Lily: You’re coming with me.

Andrea: What the fuck? No I’m not.

Lily: I have some business to take care of for my friend Edward, and you are coming …

Andrea: Wait, you know Eddie?

Lily: Oh yessss. (sniffs) What do you have in your bag?

Andrea: Oh this? It’s just, like, a steak and some hot cross …

Lily jumps up and runs for the door.

Andrea: …buns. (calls after Lily as she gets off the bus) Tell Eddie I love him!

 

Next stop: Wednesday, March 7th, 4:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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170. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, February 17th, 8:00pm
Edward and Lily

 

Edward: … so she threatened me with a stake.

Lily: No way!

Edward: Yes way!

Lily: I think we should get her before she gets us. She’s clearly dangerous.

Edward: What do you mean, “get her”?

Lily: You know, get her. Take her down. Down to the ground. Down INTO the ground, if you know what I mean.

Edward: No.

Lily: What do you mean, “no”?

Edward: You’ve got to stay away from her.

Lily: If you think I’m just going to sit by and wait for her to come along with a wooden stake, and…

Edward: I’ll take care of her. I’ll drain her and make her one of us. That’s what I’ll do.

Lily: But … I don’t want there to be another girl vampire. You’ve got me.

Edward: So?

Lily: So, you’ve got me!

Edward: You’re being irrational.

Lily: I’m being irrational? Edward, this girl might have friends. Next thing you know, they’ll be coming after us with torches and pitchforks!

Edward: You’re just jealous.

Lily: I’m … what? Me? Jealous? No way.

Edward: Yes way.

Lily:  (turns away, mumbling) You’re insane.

 

Next stop: Sunday, February 18th, 11:00am

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.