Life in progress

Tag Archives: crazy people


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285. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, June 12th, 4:00pm
Zoey (and Bradley)

 

Zoey sits at the window. Bradley takes the seat beside her, carrying a large cloth bag.

Bradley: SHHHH!!!

Zoey: Are you talking to me?

Bradley: SSHHHH!!!!! (in a stage whisper) I got the stuff!

Zoey: I’m sorry, I don’t know you. And I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Bradley: (whispering) Look!

Bradley opens his bag. Zoey peers inside.

Zoey: Awww!!!

Bradley: SSSSHHHHH!!!!!

Zoey: But it’s a bag of kittens!

Bradley: It’s a what? (looks in the bag) Damnit! I got the wrong bag!

Bradley gets off the bus.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, June 13th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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245. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday, May 3rd, 5:00pm
Hubert (and Zoey)

 

Hubert sits at the window. Zoey takes the seat beside him.

Hubert: Nice day today.

Zoey: Yes.

Hubert: You don’t recognize me, do you?

Zoey: (rolls eyes) Not another one.

Hubert waits politely for an explanation.

Zoey: The last guy who said that to me thought he looked like Johnny Depp.

Hubert: And did he?

Zoey: Not at all.

Hubert: (laughs) Well, I’m not supposed to look like anyone. I’m the weather man.

Zoey: Oh yeah? Do you work at one of the local TV stations, or …

Hubert: Nope.

Zoey: … radio?

Hubert: Nope.

Zoey: Oh, you’re the guy who actually figures out what the weather’s going to be.

Hubert: (smiles) That’s right.

Zoey: So what’s it going to be like tomorrow?

Hubert: It’s not.

Zoey: Errr … what do you mean it’s not?

Hubert: There won’t be a tomorrow.

Zoey: Oookay.

Hubert: The tides will start going backwards tonight and time itself will reverse.

Zoey: So you’re saying …

Hubert: Tomorrow will be yesterday.

Zoey: Damn.

Hubert: What? It was nice out yesterday, too.

Zoey: Yeah, but I was looking forward to summer.

Hubert: (shrugs) I’m just the weather man. Nothing I can do about it.

Zoey: Are you sure?

Hubert: (frowns) Do you doubt me?

Zoey: Nooo … I’m just going to change seats.

Hubert: (smiles) Nice meeting you.

Zoey: You too.

Hubert: And say hi to Johnny Depp when you see him next. (winks)

Zoey: Will do.

 

Next stop: Friday, May 4th, 8:00am

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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228. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, April 16th, 5:00pm
Farmer Brown (and Phil)

 

Farmer Brown sits at the window. Phil takes the seat beside him.

Phil: (sighs) Oh what a relief.

Farmer Brown: What would that be, son?

Phil: (smiles) I get my car back tomorrow.

Farmer Brown: (smiles back) Nothing quite like having your own vehicle, is there?

Phil: No sir, there’s not. It’s finally out of the shop after my accident, and I’m on the mend too.

Farmer Brown: And the open road is ahead of you.

Phil: Right you are. You know, it’s refreshing to find someone on the bus who really “gets it.” Someone sane for a change.

Farmer Brown: (nods, then takes phone out of his pocket) Excuse me, I have to get this.

Phil: You go ahead.

Farmer Brown: (into his phone) Hello? No. You’re kidding. Again? (frowns) Okay, put her on.

Farmer Brown glances at Phil and rolls his eyes.

Farmer Brown: (into his phone) Moo. Moo moo moo moo. Moomoomoo. Okay. (waits) Yeah, I told her. She promised not to do it again. Okay, see you soon. (hangs up and puts his phone back in his pocket. To Phil:) Damned sheep got out of the barn again.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, April 17th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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205. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, March 24th, 8:00pm
Lacey (and Edward)

 

Lacey sits at the window. Edward pops up in the seat behind her.

Edward: (into her ear) Hello.

Lacey: (jumps) Ugh! You again? Why do you do that?

Edward: (smiles, showing fake fangs) Because I can. What’s your friend’s name again?

Lacey: Andrea?

Edward: Yes. That one. Is she still in love with me?

Lacey: (rolls her eyes) Yes. But I have no idea why. She really needs to …

Edward: Would she dye her hair for me?

Lacey: (without interruption) … stay away from y … What did you say?

Edward: Do you think she’d dye her hair blond?

Lacey: What the hell for?

Edward: (looks up at the ceiling) Oh, no reason.

Lacey: (narrows her eyes) You want her to look like that Bella chick you’ve been trying to get, don’t you.

Edward: No.

Lacey: Then why?

Edward: I just happen to like … I mean, I prefer … No reason. Can you ask her to dye her hair and meet me on the bus Tuesday night?

Lacey: No.

Edward: When will she be back on the bus?

Lacey: Not telling.

Edward: (after a moment of silence) Do you want to be blond?

Lacey: No!

Edward: (under his breath) Damn.

 

Next stop: Sunday, March 25th, 10:00am

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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202. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, March 21st, 6:00pm
The Darkness (and MoJo) (and JoJo)

 

The Darkness sits at the window. MoJo takes the seat beside him. After a few stops, JoJo boards the bus.

JoJo: (to MoJo) Yo!

MoJo: Yo, man! Wassup?

JoJo: (sits on the seat across the aisle) Oh, I dunno. Still pretty bummed about not gettin’ to the South Pole.

MoJo: Yeah, dude, I know what you mean. Maybe next winter.

JoJo: Sure.

MoJo: But I got somethin’ that’ll lift your spirits. Got into this game on Steam.

JoJo: Right on man! What’s it called?

MoJo: It’s called “The Darkness”!

The Darkness: (mumbling) I am The Darkness.

MoJo: (turns) What’s that?

The Darkness: (mumbling) I am The Darkness.

MoJo: Dude! You play too?

The Darkness: I AM The Darkness. (stands) I am The Darkness! I AM THE DARKNESS!

The Darkness pushes past MoJo and gets off the bus.

MoJo: (to JoJo) Did you see that dude, man?

JoJo: Yeah, man. That dude’s gotta chill.

MoJo: No South Pole for him, man!

JoJo: No way!

 

Next stop: Thursday, March 22nd, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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192. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Sunday, March 11th, 10:00am
Phyllis (and Zoey)

 

Phyllis sits in the aisle seat. Zoey approaches.

Zoey: Excuse me, may I sit there?

Phyllis: (looks up with a snarl) I knew you were going to ask me that.

Phyllis moves to the window seat and Zoey sits.

Zoey: Thanks.

Phyllis: (waves her hand) Think nothing of it.

They sit quietly for a few stops.

Phyllis: There’s going to be three people waiting at the next stop.

Zoey: Ookay.

Phyllis: What? You don’t believe me?

Zoey: No, sure. I believe you.

Phyllis: I’m psychic. That’s how I knew you were going to ask me to move.

Zoey: (raises one eyebrow) Hm.

The bus stops and three people get on.

Phyllis: (smirks) See? Told you.

Zoey looks at her but says nothing.

Phyllis: You think I’m crazy don’t you?

Zoey: No …?

Phyllis: I’ll prove it again. Next stop is going to be five people getting on.

Zoey: Oookay.

The bus stops and four people get on.

Zoey turns to Phyllis, eyebrows raised.

Phyllis: It’s because I have a skeptic sitting beside me. (flicks hands at Zoey) Go away! You’re blocking my abilities!

Zoey shakes her head and changes seats.

 

Next stop: Monday, March 12th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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191. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Saturday, March 10th, 9:00pm
Bella and Alice (and Lily)

 

Bella: God, I hope we don’t see him tonight.

Alice: Which one?

Bella: Pfft, either of them. How do I keep picking such losers?

Alice: You didn’t exactly pick Edward.

Bella: But Edgar I did. What an asshole.

Alice: Maybe he didn’t just stand you up.

Bella: What are you saying, Edward got him and (hooks two fingers on each hand) “made him a vampire”?

Lily: (pops up behind their seat) Good evening, ladies.

Both jump.

Alice: What the hell do you want?

Lily: I just thought you’d want to know there’s a maniac on the loose.

Bella: Besides you?

Lily: (hisses) Yes, besides me. She’s been chasing Edward and I around with a stake. She wants to kill us. But we’ll get her first. No need to fear, ladies.

Alice: (wipes forehead) Phew! I was shaking in my boots.

Lily: I can smell sarcasm.

Bella: Wait a minute. Wasn’t I your mortal enemy a few weeks back?

Lily: This one’s more of a threat. I’ll deal with you later. Myself.

Alice: (to Bella) I smell a shit stain. Do you smell a shit stain?

Bella: I thought it was garlic.

Lily hisses and heads for the door.

 

Next stop: Sunday, March 11th, 10:00am

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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178. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Sunday, February 25th, 10:00am
Xavier (and Zoey)

Xavier sits at the window. Zoey takes the seat beside him.

Xavier: Hi.

Zoey: (regards him briefly) Hi.

Xavier: I’m not who you think I am.

Zoey: (looks at him closer) I don’t think you’re anyone.

Xavier: What do you mean? Don’t you recognize me? Or recognize who I look like?

Zoey: I don’t … know what you mean.

Xavier snorts.

Zoey: Who are you supposed to be?

Xavier: (outraged) Supposed to be? I can’t believe you don’t recognize me!

Zoey: But … you said you’re not who I think you … might be.

Xavier: (folds arms and looks out window, mumbling) Shitty-assed town. Don’t even recognize Johnny Depp when you see him.

Zoey: Johnny Depp?

Xavier turns and grins slightly.

Zoey: (eyes widen) Now I … I still don’t see it.

Xavier: (mumbles) Bitch.

Zoey: (mumbles) Idiot.

 

Next stop: Monday, February 26th, 4:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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141. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Friday, January 19th, 22:00
Willhelm (and Kyra)

 

Willhelm sits at the window. Kyra takes the seat beside him.

Willhelm: Hi.

Kyra: Hello.

Willhelm: Do you have ze time?

Kyra: (pulls cell phone out of her pocket) It’s ten.

Willhelm: Twenty-two hundred hours. And counting.

Kyra: Counting to what?

Willhelm: Zee end of ze world, of course.

Kyra: And what time’s this supposed to happen?

Willhelm: At 22:22, unless I stop it.

Kyra: So, wait. So, you’re taking a city bus to get to where ever you need to go to save the world from destruction?

Willhelm: (nods) Ja.

Kyra: (sits forward, agitated) Is the bus going to, like, fuckin’ make it there on time?

Willhelm: (nods) Ja.

Kyra: (huffs) Well thank Christ for that.

 

Next stop: Saturday, January 20th, 11:58pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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91. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday, November 30th, 7:00pm
Michael (and The Darkness)

 

Michael sits at the window, reading The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin. The Darkness takes the seat beside him.

The Darkness: (looking back and forth between the book and his own left hand) I am The Darkness.

Michael: (glancing at The Darkness) I beg your pardon?

The Darkness: (snatches the book away) I am the Darkness!

Michael: Hey, give me my book back!

The Darkness: (stands, holding the book up) I AM THE DARKNESS!! I AM THE DARKNESS!!

The Darkness gets kicked off the bus. With Michael’s book.

 

Next stop: Friday, December 1st, 8:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.