Sunday, November 26th, 5:00pm
Andrea (and Thomas)
Andrea sits at the window. Thomas takes the seat beside her.
Andrea: (batting her eyelashes) Hi.
Thomas: Hey there, good lookin’ lady. (spits on the floor in the aisle)
Andrea: EW!!
Thomas: What?
Andrea: EW! EW! EW! EW!
Thomas: (spits on the floor again) What?
Andrea: EW! EW! EWWW!!!!
Thomas gets up, shaking his head, and moves to another seat.
Next stop: Monday, November 27th, 6:00pm
Note: Adult theme
Monday, November 13th, 7:00pm
Villem (and Andrea, Zoey, Donald, and Hillary)
Villem sits at the window. Andrea takes the seat beside him.
Villem: Afternoon.
Andrea: Good afternoon, what’s up?
Villem: Me. (exposes his penis)
Andrea: Ew! Ew! Ew! What is it with guys these days?
Andrea moves to another seat. Several stops later Zoey sits beside Villem.
Villem: Hey.
Zoey: Hey.
Villem: Look at this. (exposes himself)
Zoey: (stands and lifts her foot, then puts it back down) Oh what’s the use?
Zoey moves to another seat. Several stops later Donald sits beside Villem.
Villem: Nice evening.
Donald: Not really. I’m depressed.
Villem: Why’s that?
Donald: My wife just left me for another woman.
Villem: Another woman? You mean, you’re a woman?
Donald: (sighs) No, but apparently I’m gay too.
Villem: (smiles) Have I got a treat for you! (exposes his penis)
Donald: (stares for a moment) Nope. Does nothing for me. (sighs) This is so confusing.
Several stops later Donald gets off the bus, and Hillary sits beside Villem.
Villem: Well, hello there!
Hillary: (flatly) Hi.
Villem: I’d like to introduce you to Willie. (exposes his penis)
Hillary: Seriously? Is that all you got? (laughs hysterically)
Villem excuses himself and gets off the bus.
Next stop: Tuesday, November 14th, 5:00pm
Note: Strong language
Wednesday, November 1st, 7:00pm
Andrea and Lacey
Andrea: So you’ll never guess what I heard at work.
Lacey: What?
Andrea: Christmas music. One fucking day after Hallowe’en. Can you believe it?
Lacey: No way!
Andrea: I wouldn’t have even noticed it if this guy hadn’t been whistling to it when he came in.
Lacey: Like he …
Andrea: … liked it or something. Exactly! I mean, who likes Christmas music the day after Hallowe’en? Like, we haven’t even got all the decorations down. But at least the guy was hot.
Lacey: Pfft. Too bad.
Andrea: What do you mean “too bad”? (shrugs) I flirted with him a bit.
Lacey: No!
Andrea: Yep. And I asked him out. We’re getting together next week.
Lacey: Seriously? What are you gonna do if …
Andrea: If he starts whistling Christmas music again? What do you think? Dump his ass!
Next stop: Thursday, November 2nd, 3:00pm
Monday, October 23rd, 5:00pm
Donald (and Andrea)
Donald sits in the aisle seat. Andrea approaches.
Andrea: Do you mind?
Donald: Oh! No. (shifts over to window seat)
Andrea: (sitting down) Bus is pretty crowded.
Donald: Yes.
Andrea: You just noticed?
Donald: I beg your pardon?
Andrea: Just when the bus is crowded it makes sense to leave any open seats available, doesn’t it?
Donald: I supp …
Andrea: I mean, it’s just common sense. It’s rude to keep two seats all to yourself when there’s so many people on the bus.
Donald: I was waiting for someone.
Andrea: (turns her head to the left and right) Who?
Donald: A … another man.
Andrea: A particular “other man”? Or just “another man”? Are you, like, disappointed that a woman sat beside you?
Donald: (looks her up and down) Yes. And in particular, you.
Andrea is speechless, mouth hanging open.
Donald: You’re rude and distasteful. I’d even go as far as to say that it’s women like you who make men like me—straight men, that is—wonder what it is we see in women at all.
Andrea: Well, I never!
Donald: (raises voice) Then it’s about damned time.
Donald steps over her and stands in the aisle.
Donald: (yelling) And for the record, I was waiting for a particular man, not just another man. One who’s much more tasty– (shakes his head) tasteful than you!
Donald gets off the bus to a round of applause.
Next stop: Tuesday, October 24th, 8:00pm
Note: Strong language, adult themes.
Wednesday, September 13th, 7:00pm
Drommen (and Andrea)
Drommen sits at the window. Andrea sits down beside him.
Drommen: (smiles) Hello.
Andrea: Well hi! See this is, like, what the world needs. More friendly people.
Drommen: Mind if…
Andrea: It’s like I was telling my friend, Lacey? I said if there were more guys in this world who would, like, just be themselves and stop jerking around, don’t you think everyone could be, like, happier?
Drommen: Speaking of jerking around….
Andrea: I know, right? It’s like this guy I met online the other day. He’s, like, all nice and everything and we’re talking away and he seems like this really nice guy, you know? And the next thing I know he’s asking me if I want to get on the webcam, right?
Drommen: (slips his hand in his coat below the waist and nods) Ok.
Andrea: So I turn on my cam and he turns on his and he’s EXACTLY like he described himself! Which is great! Coz, you know how people are these days always misrepresenting themselves and shit, right?
Drommen smiles and nods, his hand moving slowly up and down.
Andrea: So we’re talking and he’s smiling and everything’s, like, going great and then this GUY, asks me if I want to see his THING! Can you believe it?
Drommen nods, leering.
Andrea: So I’m, like, dude! That is so cool! NOT! I mean, why would I want to see THAT? That’s fucking so disGUSTING! So then he’s, like, all apologetic and shit and I’m, like, dude, whatEV! (looks at Drommen for the first time) So what’s your deal?
Drommen: Oh, just enjoying the ride. Hey, would you mind if I get off?
Andrea: Of course not.
Andrea gets out of her seat, but Drommen doesn’t move.
Drommen: (stares up at her for a moment, then removes his hand from his coat) Never mind.
Next stop: Thursday, September 14th, 3:00pm
Note: Strong language
Saturday, September 2nd, 3:00pm
Andrea and Lacey
Andrea: So, she told me she’s, like, so skinny and when I get there? It’s like, who is this fat chick?
Lacey: Don’t you just hate it when people do that? They tell you one thing online …
Andrea: … and then I know! You find out they’re, like, nothing like they said they were going to be.
Lacey: It’s, like, remember that guy …
Andrea: Oh shit, yeah! That guy who told Billy he was straight and then …
Lacey: No, that other guy …
Andrea: Oh, the one who Martina met in the park? The one who, like, showed up with all this suit of armor and shit?
Lacey: Yeah, that one. Didn’t he …
Andrea: (laughs) Oh yeah, that’s right. He had to go to the bathroom and … (looks across the aisle at a middle aged man) What the fuck are you looking at?
Andrea sits back in her seat and pulls at the gum in her mouth, stretching it.
Andrea: (quietly to Lacey) Do you believe people these days? Jeez!
Next stop: Sunday, September 3rd, 1:00pm
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