Linda G. Hill

Life in progress


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79. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, November 18th, 8:00pm
Drommen (and Edward)

 

Drommen sits at the window. Edward takes the seat beside him.

Drommen: What the hell are you doing back?

Edward: I’ve decided to forgive you.

Drommen: (laughs) You’re joking.

Edward: No. I’ve forgiven you because it’s obvious you’re not trying to kill me. Not like some people.

Drommen: I don’t want to kill you. I just want you and your plastic fangs and your sparkles off my bus.

Edward: (hisses, showing his plastic teeth) They’re not plastic. They’re all mine.

Drommen: I have no doubt they’re yours. Where’d you buy them from – Dollarama?

Edward: I got them from the dentist. After someone knocked my real fangs out.

Drommen: Your real fangs?

Edward: His name was van Helsing. Do you know him?

Drommen: Yeah, I know him. He was from Dracula.

Edward: Dracula? No way. Dracula was a myth. I’m the real thing.

Drommen: Pfft. You’re just a teeny-bopper wannabe.

Edward: I am not! Do you want me to bite your neck and prove it?

Drommen: (glares for a moment) You. Wouldn’t. Dare.

Edward stares, uncertain. He stands, holding the skirt of his trenchcoat up to cover the lower part of his face. He hisses, then runs to the door to dramatically wait for the next stop.

 

 

Next stop: Sunday, November 19th, 1:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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75. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, November 14th, 5:00pm
Drommen (and Hillary) (and Sean)

 

Drommen sits at the window. Hillary takes the seat beside him.

Hillary: Hi Jake.

Drommen: Hi there, Jessica.

Hillary: You’ll never guess what I saw on the bus yesterday.

Drommen: What was it?

Hillary: A flasher.

Drommen: (frowning) A flasher? On my bus?

Hillary: Yep.

Drommen: How dare he! Flashing a young lady like you! What did you do?

Hillary: I laughed at him. He got off the bus.

Drommen: Huh.

Hillary: I’d heard about him before. A lady on here told me there’s a habitual flasher on the bus. She said his name is Drummin or something. That must have been him.

Drommen: No it wasn’t.

Hillary: (lifts an eyebrow) How are you so sure?

Drommen: Well … um … You said he just flashed you, right?

Hillary: Yeah.

Drommen: I heard this other guy is much more polite. He asks first.

Hillary: (laughing) A polite flasher? Now I’ve heard everything.

Drommen: It’s possible.

Hillary: Riiight. The day I see a polite flasher is the day I change my name to Hillary.

Sean gets on the bus.

Sean: (as he passes in the aisle) Hey, Hillary.

Drommen smiles.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, November 15th, 6:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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65. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Adult theme.

Saturday, November 4th, 4:00pm
Drommen (and Lena)

 

Drommen sits at the window. Lena takes the seat beside him.

Drommen: Hi.

Lena: Hi.

Drommen: Nice day today.

Lena: It’s a bit chilly.

Drommen: Do you mind if I masturbate?

Lena: Not at all.

Drommen smiles, opening his fly.

Lena: Do you mind if I knit?

Drommen: Not at all!

Lena smiles and pulls out a large pair of shears.

Drommen: (grimaces, doing up his fly) Maybe another day.

 

Next stop: Sunday, November 5th, 10:00am

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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60. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, October 30th, 6:00pm
Drommen (and Edward)

 

Drommen sits by the window. He gestures to Edward to sit beside him.

Edward: What do you want?

Drommen: Hey, Sparkles. I have something that you don’t have.

Edward: You’ve got nothing I want!

Drommen: I bet I do.

Edward: You can’t possibly. I have everything I need. Tomorrow night is my night! I will roam the neighbourhoods with my own kind, take from virgins …

Drommen: You’re going to steal candy from little kids?

Edward hisses through plastic fangs.

Drommen: Okay, I get it. But I’ve still got something you don’t have.

Edward: (snorts) I don’t think so.

Drommen reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lunch bag with a pair of panties in it.

Edward: Whose are they?

Drommen: Bella’s. She gave them to me.

Edward: (eyes wide with shock) She did not!!

Drommen: She did. Here (he opens the bag a little) smell them.

Edward sticks in his nose, takes a big whiff, and sneezes, causing his teeth to shoot down the aisle.

Edward: PEPPER!

Drommen: (laughing) Who’s the darkness now?

Edward: CURSE YOU!! (stands) I’LL GET YOU FOR THIS, SWINE!!

Edward retrieves his teeth and gets off the bus.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, October 31st, 10:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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56. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday, October 26th, 5:00pm
Drommen (and Holly)

 

Drommen sits at the window. Holly takes the seat beside him.

Drommen: Hi.

Holly: Hi.

Drommen: Do you mind if I … Are you crying?

Holly: (wipes her cheek) No.

Drommen: What’s wrong?

Holly: Oh God, my life’s such a mess. First I get pregnant with this guy who disappears, and now my husband’s disappeared and I’m going to get thrown out of my place.

Drommen: That’s terrible.

Holly: And on top of all that, I’ve got this other guy hanging around my house with these fake … (points at her mouth) teeth … things … and I’m pretty sure he was the one who made my husband disappear.

Drommen: Did you call the cops?

Holly: No, because I asked him to get rid of the other guy … my boyfriend … Wait, are you a cop?

Drommen: (snickers) No.

Holly: (sighs in relief) Thank God.

Drommen: So, let me get this straight. You asked the guy with the plastic fangs to get rid of your boyfriend, but he screwed up and now your husband is missing instead?

Holly: Right.

Drommen stares out the window.

Holly: I don’t know why I told you all this. I guess it’s easier to talk to a stranger.

Drommen: (turns back to her) No, it’s fine. I understand. I look to strangers for help all the time. Listen, I think I might be able to help you. (reaches into his pocket) Take this.

Holly: (looks down at a wad of twenty dollar bills he handed her) I can’t …

Drommen: Yes you can. It’s for your rent. And next time I see that little prick with the teeth …

Holly: What are you going to do?

Drommen: It’s probably best I don’t say. (reaches into his pocket again) Wait, can I see that wad again?

Holly holds the stack of money out to him.

Drommen: (replaces the topmost $20 with another) Wrong one.

Holly: What … why?

Drommen: (holds up bill gingerly) This one’s a little gooey.

 

Next stop: Friday, October 27th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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51. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Saturday, October 21st, 7:00pm
Hillary (and Sean)(and Drommen)

 

Hillary sits at the window. Sean takes the seat beside her.

Sean: Hey.

Hillary stares out the window.

Sean: What the fuck’s up with you lately?

Hillary: Nothin’

Sean: You’re still waitin’ for that creepy guy?

Hillary: He’s not creepy. He’s nice.

Sean: What’s his name?

Hillary: Whatever. Jake. Whatever.

Sean: Yeah well, I heard he likes to expose himself on the bus.

Hillary: (turns to him) Who told you that?

Sean: (shrugs) Does it matter? The guy’s a creep.

Hillary rests her head against the window and looks out.

Sean: What do you say we just go get fucked up?

Hillary: Not interested.

Sean: Suit yourself. But don’t go whinin’ to me if he asks … Hey, isn’t that him? (points at Drommen, boarding the bus)

Hillary: (sits up straight) Yeah.

Sean: (mockingly) Should I leave the two of you alone? Maybe he’ll show you his wiener.

Hillary: Maybe you’re a wiener.

Drommen, carrying a grocery bag, walks up the aisle and stops in front of Sean.

Drommen: (to Hillary) Hi, Jessica.

Sean: (looks up at Drommen) Hey, asshole.

Drommen holding his hands behind his back, leans down and says something in Sean’s ear. Sean gets up and moves to the rear of the bus, and Drommen takes his seat.

Hillary: What did you say to him?

Drommen: (holds open his bag for her to look inside) I just offered him a sausage.

 

Next stop: Sunday, October 22nd, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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49. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Adult theme.

Thursday, October 19th, 6:00pm
Drommen (and Donald)

 

Drommen sits at the window. Donald takes the seat beside him.

Donald: Hi.

Drommen: Hello.

Donald: Can I ask you a personal question?

Drommen: I suppose.

Donald: If a guy likes mostly women but there’s just one guy that he’s attracted to, do you think that makes him gay?

Drommen: There’s nothing wrong with attraction. It’s what you do with it.

Donald: Okay, so say this guy is attracted to this other guy and they actually sleep together a couple of times. Does that make him gay?

Drommen observes Donald silently.

Donald: I’m asking for a friend. Of course.

Drommen: Of course.

Donald: So do you think my friend is gay?

Drommen: And he’s attracted to girls?

Donald: Yeah.

Drommen: Maybe he’s bisexual.

Donald: Hmm … Maybe.

Drommen looks out the window.

Donald: Hey, can I ask you something else?

Drommen: Sure.

Donald: Do you mind if I masturbate?

Drommen stares at him wide-eyed.

Donald: Just as an experiment. To see if, you know, I get excited sitting beside another guy.

Drommen: (still wide-eyed) I thought it was your friend.

Donald: IT IS! The experiment is for him.

Drommen: I don’t know if I feel comfortable with that. But there’s a guy who rides the bus once in a while. You could ask him.

Donald: Really? What does he look like?

Drommen: You can’t miss him. He sparkles and wears fake fangs.

 

Next stop: Friday, October 20th, 2:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.