Life in progress

Tag Archives: Humor


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One-Liner Wednesday – An Earworm for You

“C” is for coffee, that’s good enough for me.

il_570xN.418527041_cnwj

Buy it here: https://www.etsy.com/listing/104935165/googly-eyed-monster-dunk-mug-ceramic

 

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Anyone who would like to participate, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do,
you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!


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What Makes You Buy a Book?

As a subtitle to this post, I should write, “And What Turns You Off?”

The reason I ask: I’ve been told by the experts that I should be “spamming” my friends on my blog, and on all other social media, in order to entice everyone to buy my new novelette, All Good Stories. I told the experts, but I don’t want to do that to my precious blogland friends! but the experts were insistent. “Choose between your friends and your success!” they said. Chanted, really. It was like a waking nightmare until I thought, why don’t I just ask my friends what they think?

So, friends, let’s start with what convinces you to hit that “Buy It Now” button when you’re considering the purchase of the book.

Initially, for me, the cover has a lot to do with it. We do, in fact, judge a book by its cover. The artwork has to be attractive AND hint at what might be inside. It has to make me ask questions. Like, why the parrot? But it’s not only the front! The back (or the blurb in the case of an ebook) is a crucial part of my decision. It not only has to make me want to read the book, it has to be free of errors and give me a hint, through its voice, of what I can expect on the inside.

Reviews and recommendations come next. Even if they’re not jumping off the page to say “This was the best thing ever!” there has to be some consistency to them. For example, “This made me laugh!” and “I chuckled when I read this!”

But then there are those authors who keep on and on and on. Some of us can ignore it, turning it into white noise. I especially tend to disregard an ad if I’ve already bought the All Good Stories book. Then again, seeing “Buy it today!” or “Pre-order now, only 99 cents!” really seems to get under other people’s skin. There has to be a balance! Am I right?

What do you think? What’s most important to you? And would you spend .99¢ to shut me up? (Please see the link at the top right-hand corner of this page.) 😀


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#SoCS – The Artful Dodger

When I came up with this week’s prompt, my outlook on “art” was so very plain. I was thinking, you know, art, music, writing… the “arts.” But now that I’m writing this post I’m realizing that everyone has an art that they’re good at. I might be an okay writer, and you might be a proficient draw-er, but how about all the other things we can be artful with?

The art of manipulation is one that comes to mind. Very big in the news these days – politics in particular. And how about the art of wine-making? That art is currently my friend. But hey, I only bottle it. My friend Al is the expert.

Some people turn their bodies into art.

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Hell, some people do it daily before they’ll walk out the door.

I’ve never been one for make-up. I’ll put some on once in a blue moon… actually, there are more blue moons that have happened in my lifetime than there are occasions when I’ve put on make-up. I’m a little awestruck at how some women find the time to do it on a regular basis. Like women (or parents in general) who have the time to work outside the home and then come home and take care of their families.

We finally did the lemonade stand today (speaking of parenting). There was no art put into the lemonade itself. It came out of a carton. But Alex did make up some nice signs. Three of them said “Lemonade 25¢” and the one we put up down the street said “Lemonade $25.” Needless to say, we didn’t get a lot of traffic from that direction.  Having said that, one man actually gave us $10 for 3 glasses, so we were close!

Apart from that it’s been a rough day. The dog has found a way under the fence into the neighbour’s yard, so I can’t let him into my back yard anymore. At least not until I can get some extra boards nailed up. Luckily he didn’t decide to take a dip in their inground swimming pool.

Escaping is an art, isn’t it? Yeah, let’s go with that to get me back on track before I end the post.

SoCS badge 2015

This post is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday: https://lindaghill.com/2016/07/29/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-3016/ Click the link to see how you can join in! 😀


by 36 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday – Is it just me?

Do you ever read a poetic description of a facial expression in a novel, such as: “She looked at me as though I’d just vomited in her shoe,” and try the expression yourself, to see what it might have looked like?

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Anyone who would like to participate, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do,
you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by nearlywes.com

#1linerWeds badge by nearlywes.com


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#SoCS – 60 per minute

When I had my first child, I was told it was best to rock him about 60 beats per minute – the same as the average heart rate.  I paid attention to that, and now it’s funny how I use that habit. Having a child (my third) with a heart condition makes it necessary to check his pulse occasionally. I can usually tell without looking at a clock if it’s fast or slow. Makes you wonder how they came up with how many seconds there should be in a minute, doesn’t it? And how it works out that our hearts beat, on average, the same number of times the clock ticks by the seconds in an hour, a day, a month, and a year. It’s like we power the universe!!!

Mind blown yet? Mine is.

My first child flew the coop today for the first time. Literally. He’s gone to Florida to see his girlfriend. It was his third time on a plane (we went to England together in 2007) and his first time on one alone. He must get that from me. So I’m looking after his cats for the next week. He didn’t ask about them when he texted me to say he’d made it. Girlfriend. Right.

My second son has the travel bug too. He wants to go everywhere, but he can’t go alone. That darned Autism thing. And my third son – I’m sure he’d love to go places too. But with his health conditions, insurance would be astronomical. Which leaves him with going only one way… up.

To the moon, Alex! Haha. I actually make myself laugh sometimes.

SoCS badge 2015
Click the link and you, too, can participate in Stream of Consciousness Saturday! Go on – you know you want to! https://lindaghill.com/2016/07/22/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-2316/


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One-Liner Wednesday – True Story

I’d just finished dining alone when the waiter came to clear my table and ask me if I was ready to pay.

“Will that be all on one bill?” he asked.

Now, to be fair, it’s common practice in Canada when two people are dining together to ask them if they want two separate bills, so he must have been asking out of habit. However, it was all I could do to resist saying, “No, split it down the middle. My imaginary friend will pay half after I leave.”

_____________________________________________________________________________

Anyone who would like to participate, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do,
you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by nearlywes.com

#1linerWeds badge by nearlywes.com


by 33 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday – What do you get when you cross a joke with an idiom?

I may still not know, for sure, why the chicken did it, but I suspect the geese crossed the road because the grass is always greener on the other side.

whygeesewhy

_____________________________________________________________________________

Anyone who would like to participate, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do,
you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by nearlywes.com

#1linerWeds badge by nearlywes.com


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#SoCS – Unconcentrated randomness

For some reason my powers of concentration are failing me at the moment. Maybe it’s because I’m in a dorm room (rented out for the summer as a motel set-up) in Kingston and I’m in room 1106. Why is the number significant, you ask? It’s because I was originally in room 1105, but when I turned the lock on the door, a woman poked her head out and asked me what I was doing. Yes, they gave me the key for an occupied room. It’s funny, because every single time I enter a hotel room I wonder if there’s someone in there (when I enter it for the first time that is). And finally, it happened. So I went back to the front desk with the woman in tow and they apologized profusely. The woman was totally shaken up though, and I can’t say I blame her. I’m sitting here wondering if someone is going to walk into my room. Before you ask, no, there’s no chain, nor is there any other kind of device that’s only accessible from the inside. It’s just the lock on the knob. The woman is going to complain to the manager on Monday. She’s here for the month. Any bets that she’ll find other accommodations?

But today hasn’t been all bad. Despite the rain…

I got an email this afternoon to inform me that a short story I wrote has been accepted into an anthology. 😀 I won’t say what it is yet – I want to wait until the contract is signed. So I’ll be self-published and traditionally published! I’m looking forward to working with the editor on it. And an editor I don’t have to pay – imagine that!

There’s something comforting to me, strangely enough, about sitting alone in a hotel room. The quiet is profound right now. I think it must have something to do with the fact that I know I won’t be disturbed. Barring the possibility of a fire alarm of course. At least here in Canada there’s not much chance of an earthquake. When I was in Japan I was constantly aware that my room could begin to sway at any given moment. The literature in the rooms all said something to the effect of “Don’t panic, get under the desk (there is always a desk) and wait for further instructions.” I could easily imagine not being able to understand them. Ah, but we could get a tornado here…

I should probably concentrate on writing my novel, eh? Yeah.

This post is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Find the rules to join in  here and then do it! It’s fun!!

SoCS badge 2015


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One-Liner Wednesday – The Opposite of Feverish

First, a little explanation: I have a spring in my basement. There’s a concrete hole in my concrete floor, and into it runs a constant flow of natural spring water. So my brilliant best friend, John, has decided he’s going to use it to concoct air conditioning for my house. However, it has to be 55 degrees Fahrenheit or lower. In order to check, he needed a thermometer. So he asked me, “Do you have an old thermometer around? One you put under your tongue?”
“John, I don’t think they make them go that low.”
His temperature is above 55! He might still be alive! *rolls eyes*

 _____________________________________________________________________________

Anyone who would like to participate, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do,
you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by nearlywes.com

#1linerWeds badge by nearlywes.com

 


by 34 Comments

Totally Random and Somewhat Amusing

If it’s not one thing… I’m sure at some point or another I’ve started a post like this before. In fact if I have, it’ll probably show up in the “see also” previews below this post. And the truth is, I hate being negative. So I’ll just get this over and done with. It’s really not that bad. In fact it probably hasn’t even been worth all this intro to it.

You know I had a bug bite the other day that made my hand swell? Well, that’s better. Now I have a sore on the very tip of my “d” finger. Why do I refer to my finger as my “d” finger? It only hurts when I type. No idea what the problem is. Can’t see anything except a painful blister. Yeah, wasn’t worth the intro.

In other news:

I used a sprint (set a timer for 10 minutes and just typed until the buzzer went off) to kick-start my novel writing. I got less than 400 words written in that 10 minutes, but it got me back into my story. I managed to write another 1,600 words today. The moral of the story is, sprints work when you’re stuck. It’s kind of like stream of consciousness that no one will ever read.

Every time I see “Cookie Policy” on a website I think about my own cookie policy – don’t buy them if I don’t want to gain weight. And definitely not if I go to the store hungry.

How is it that people think by writing f*ck instead of fuck no one will be offended? Is an asterisk any less offensive than a “u” just because it looks like a pretty flower? Okay, maybe it is.

Getting back to not wanting to write about miserable things, I’m actually a funny person most of the time. You can tell by my humorous fiction over at my fiction blog. Oh, and the novelette I’ll be (hopefully) publishing next week! It’s a light, romantic comedy that you’ll be able to read over a lunchtime or two. On sale soon for just $0.99 at Amazon and Kobo. Watch out for my celebratory post when the details are finalized!

It’s hard to be funny when you’re under pressure to be though, isn’t it? Waaay back when my SoCS prompt was fairly new, I made the prompt for the week “funny.” We all found it difficult to write about anything that was laugh-out-loud funny, so most of us wrote about something peculiar instead.

Knock, knock! Hang on, that one doesn’t work very well in a post. Why did the chicken cross the road?