Life in progress

Tag Archives: humorous fiction


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208. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Tuesday, March 27th, 5:00pm
Betty and Karla

 

Betty: What did the doctor say?

Karla: (mumbles, looking at her phone) Not much.

Betty: Well, he must have said something. I don’t know why you won’t let me come in with you any more.

Karla: (mumbles, not looking up) S’personal.

Betty: Your problem’s not that personal. I made the appointment for you. Did he tell you to take anything? A laxative maybe?

Karla: No fucking way!

Betty: Are you talking to me or the phone?

Karla: (texts madly) Phone. No, the doctor didn’t tell me to take anything.

Betty: Well have you had a movement?

Karla: (texting) I move around all the time.

Betty: No, a movement. A mooovement.

Karla: (still texting) What are you, a cow?

Betty: No, I mean have you had a poo!

Karla: (looks up for the first time) MOM! Jeez! (goes back to texting) Do you live to embarrass me, or what?

Betty: (mumbles) At least I know how to get your attention now.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, March 28th, 7:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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207. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Adult theme

Monday, March 26th, 6:00pm
Drommen (and Penelope)

 

Drommen sits at the window. Penelope takes the seat beside him.

Drommen: (smiling) Hi.

Penelope: (smiles back) Hi there.

Drommen: Do you mind if I masturbate?

Penelope: Sure! (starts to take off her coat) I’ll help you.

Drommen: That’s okay. I don’t need help.

Penelope: (rolls up her sleeves) No! I want to!

Drommen: No, really …

Penelope: Nonsense. (breathes on her hands and rubs them together) Just let me warm up my hands.

Drommen: You know what? Never mind.

Penelope: Okay. (extends her hands toward his crotch) I’m ready.

Drommen: Seriously. I’m not interested.

Penelope: (sighs and rolls her eyes) Come on. I know you want to.

Drommen: I …

Penelope: (smiles encouragingly) Come on!

Drommen: No.

Penelope: You won’t be sorry …

Drommen: (looks up) Oh look! It’s my stop! (stands and steps past her) Nice to meet you.

Penelope: (calls to him as he walks to the door) Next time for sure! I’ll be watching for you!

 

Next stop: Tuesday, March 27th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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204. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Friday, March 23rd, 9:00pm
Vlad and Edward

 

Vlad: You disappoint me, Edvard.

Edward: I’m sorry.

Vlad: “I’m sorry,” vhat?

Edward: (lowers head) I’m sorry, Master.

Vlad: Hmph.

Edward: I’ll try harder.

Vlad: You say that, but I gave you this assignment seven months ago! Get the girl. Bring her over to the dark side. And have you done it yet?

Edward: No, Master.

Vlad: No. Exactly. (turns and looks out the window)

Edward: What about the other one I brought you?

Vlad: (stares at him) Lily?

Edward: Yes. Lily.

Vlad: She is simply a crackpot. I vant the girl vith the golden hair!

Edward: But…

Vlad: No buts, Edvard.

Edward: So now what?

Vlad: Now I am letting you go.

Edward: (eyes widen) Letting me go?

Vlad: Yes. I vill look for another apprentice.

Edward: But … I’ll get her! I promise!

Vlad: (puts hand up) Don’t talk to me until you have the girl!

 

Next stop: Saturday, March 24th, 8:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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203. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Thursday, March 22nd, 5:00pm
Hillary (and Sean)

 

Hillary sits at the window. Sean takes the seat beside her.

Sean: Still pissed?

Hillary: What do you think?

Sean: Here. (hands her a piece of paper) I made you a drawing to cheer you up.

Hillary: (staring at the paper) What is it?

Sean: It’s a guy.

Hillary: With the head of a cow? And where’s his right hand?

Sean: Inside his coat. It’s your lover boy.

Hillary frowns.

Sean: I call it “Beef Strokinoff.”

Hillary: (throws the paper at him and pushes him) Asshole!

Sean falls out of his seat, laughing, and moves to the back of the bus.

 

Next stop: Friday, March 23rd, 9:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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202. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, March 21st, 6:00pm
The Darkness (and MoJo) (and JoJo)

 

The Darkness sits at the window. MoJo takes the seat beside him. After a few stops, JoJo boards the bus.

JoJo: (to MoJo) Yo!

MoJo: Yo, man! Wassup?

JoJo: (sits on the seat across the aisle) Oh, I dunno. Still pretty bummed about not gettin’ to the South Pole.

MoJo: Yeah, dude, I know what you mean. Maybe next winter.

JoJo: Sure.

MoJo: But I got somethin’ that’ll lift your spirits. Got into this game on Steam.

JoJo: Right on man! What’s it called?

MoJo: It’s called “The Darkness”!

The Darkness: (mumbling) I am The Darkness.

MoJo: (turns) What’s that?

The Darkness: (mumbling) I am The Darkness.

MoJo: Dude! You play too?

The Darkness: I AM The Darkness. (stands) I am The Darkness! I AM THE DARKNESS!

The Darkness pushes past MoJo and gets off the bus.

MoJo: (to JoJo) Did you see that dude, man?

JoJo: Yeah, man. That dude’s gotta chill.

MoJo: No South Pole for him, man!

JoJo: No way!

 

Next stop: Thursday, March 22nd, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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201. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, March 20th, 10:00am
Simon (and Zoey)

 

Simon sits at the window. Zoey takes the seat beside him.

Simon: Hi.

Zoey: Hi.

Simon: I’m hungry.

Zoey: (smiles) How hungry are you?

Simon: I’m so hungry I could eat a human foot.

Zoey: I’m sorry I asked.

Simon: Hey, those are nice boots you’re wearing.

Zoey changes seats.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, March 21st, 6:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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198. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Saturday, March 17th, 10:00am
Drommen (and Patrick)

 

Drommen sits at the window. Patrick takes the seat beside him.

Drommen: Hi.

Patrick: How are ye?

Drommen: Not bad. What’s up with you?

Patrick: Oh, just a little under the weather.

Drommen: But … the face paint. What’s that all about?

Patrick: Why, I’m a leprechaun don’ ye know.

Drommen: Leprechauns are actually green?

Patrick: (stares) Don’ be sayin I’ve done it wrong.

Drommen: I think you’re only supposed to be wearing green.

Patrick: Oh for feck’s sake. I said it to me mam just o the mornin. Don’ be puttin the face paint on me but the aul cow…

Drommen: I’m sure it’ll wash off.

Patrick: No, I don think so.

Drommen: What makes you say that?

Patrick: Well ye see, me mam has this stuff. An she says its simple enough to make, but it’s a bugger to get off. I’ll just have to go back home and tell her.

Drommen: Tell her what?

Patrick: Why, it might no be difficult to make the stuff, but it’s no easy bein green.

 

Next stop: Sunday, March 18th, 10:00am

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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194. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, March 13th, 4:00pm
Simon (and Darlene)

 

Simon sits at the window. Darlene takes the seat beside him.

Simon: (turns slowly to look at Darlene) Excuse me.

Darlene: Yes?

Simon: If you lived among cannibals, would you ever brag that you have good taste?

Darlene: (thinks for a moment) No, I wouldn’t.

Simon: Neither would I.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, March 14th, 8:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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193. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Monday, March 12th, 5:00pm
Phil (and Fiona)

 

Phil sits at the window. Fiona takes the seat beside him.

Fiona: Where’s your car?

Phil: I beg your pardon?

Fiona: Your car. Ain’t you the guy I seen who’s gettin’ a car?

Phil: (snorts) Right. You told me you got into an accident. Probably jinxed me.

Fiona: Did you get into ‘n accident too?

Phil: Yeah. Smashed up my car AND my arm. (points to left arm in a sling) I’m just waiting for the insurance company to settle.

Fiona: You’re not gettin’ another car, are ya?

Phil: I plan to.

Fiona: (turns away and mumbles) Thats men for ya. Crazy shit for brains.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, March 13th, 4:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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192. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Sunday, March 11th, 10:00am
Phyllis (and Zoey)

 

Phyllis sits in the aisle seat. Zoey approaches.

Zoey: Excuse me, may I sit there?

Phyllis: (looks up with a snarl) I knew you were going to ask me that.

Phyllis moves to the window seat and Zoey sits.

Zoey: Thanks.

Phyllis: (waves her hand) Think nothing of it.

They sit quietly for a few stops.

Phyllis: There’s going to be three people waiting at the next stop.

Zoey: Ookay.

Phyllis: What? You don’t believe me?

Zoey: No, sure. I believe you.

Phyllis: I’m psychic. That’s how I knew you were going to ask me to move.

Zoey: (raises one eyebrow) Hm.

The bus stops and three people get on.

Phyllis: (smirks) See? Told you.

Zoey looks at her but says nothing.

Phyllis: You think I’m crazy don’t you?

Zoey: No …?

Phyllis: I’ll prove it again. Next stop is going to be five people getting on.

Zoey: Oookay.

The bus stops and four people get on.

Zoey turns to Phyllis, eyebrows raised.

Phyllis: It’s because I have a skeptic sitting beside me. (flicks hands at Zoey) Go away! You’re blocking my abilities!

Zoey shakes her head and changes seats.

 

Next stop: Monday, March 12th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.