Life in progress

Tag Archives: humour


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One-Liner Wednesday – Ah, Innocence

While listening to You Can’t Always Get What You Want by the Rolling Stones on the radio in the car:

My son, Chris: Is this a Christmas song?

Me: It should be.

 

P.S. I’m not online (this is a scheduled post) so I’m counting on all of YOU to visit all the pingbacks in the comments. 🙂 Thanks!

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Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday, if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

Have fun!


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One-Liner Wednesday – Putting Off the Elusive Noun

I bought this amazing, fantastic, wonderful, marvelous, awesome, incredible, magnificent, fabulous … thing!

For the listener it’s: Yes? Yes? Yes? Yes? Yes? Yes?! Yes?!! Yes?!!? … ugh.

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Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday, if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

Have fun!


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Nano Poblano – Day 30: Something Profound

For my final Team Pepper post I really wanted to find something profound to write. Something to uplift and inspire. Something that people far and wide will remember for years to come. Something from my own mind, rather than words regurgitated from the world wide web. Something barfed up from my own mouth… in a delicate way. A burp almost. But tangible. Something that my readers can latch onto and hold close to their hearts.

Here it goes.

Are you ready?

…
…

…

Get off the damned computer and go outside already! The internet isn’t real life! Real life exists when you get off your ass and live it!!!

How did I do?

This inspirational piece of originality has been brought to you in conjunction with Mr. Wonderful’s Soon-To-Be-Defunct-But-Never-To-Be-Forgotten-Marktastic-Roadshow

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and NaBloThisMoUpAlready

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One-Liner Wednesday – Dragons

dragons

Originally from “Sun Gazing,” on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sungazing1?fref=photo

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Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday, if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

Have fun!


by 24 Comments

Nano Poblano – Day 23: Grammar Shpammer

Okay, I admit it; sometimes my grammar isn’t perfect. Oh sorry, did I forget to ask you to sit down before I dropped my bombshell? That’ll heal, don’t worry.

But seriously, I get tired of trying to write right all the time. It takes, like, brain cells and stuff to make sure I edit the hell out of every single solitary sentence I compose. And so while I do try to do my best here on my blog, I don’t always make sure my comments, my emails and (oh God) my texts are the essence of grammatical excellence. In fact when I’m in a hurry, I’ve actually been known to write things like “u” instead of “you” when tapping out a message on my phone. Don’t all gasp at once!

Is it lack of professionalism? Is it laziness? Or is it a bid to preserve the ever-decreasing amount of grey matter I possess due to the many things I have to deal with in any given moment?

What’s your excuse?

 

This grammatically questionable post has been brought to you in conjunction with Mr. Mark’s Roadshow

Fish of Gold

and GroMoBloPo

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Nano Poblano – Day 21: Oh yes, I went there

How it should have gone:

Geek Squad Mike: How can I help you?

Me: I’ll start at the beginning, shall I? Here we go. In April, or maybe even March, I came in with my laptop because the battery was shutting the machine off at 70% power. You took it and you “fixed” it, but the battery was still fucked. So your manager promised me a new battery. Last week–yes, 7 or 8 months later–I finally got my new battery. I’d like to know if you can put it in for me. …oh wait! I can answer that question for you. NO! You can’t put my new battery in because you ordered the wrong one!

Geek Squad Mike: I have no idea which idiot ordered the wrong battery for you: here’s a new laptop, free of charge!

 

How it actually went:

Geek Squad Mike: How can I help you?

Me: I got the wrong battery.

Geek Squad Mike: What’s your phone number, I’ll look that up for you.

Ten minutes later:

Geek Squad Mike: (who has been joined by Geek Squad Dillon) We can order the new battery for you. I’ll leave you with Dillon: he knows more than I do. He’s the computer genius.

Me: Yes, he’s the computer genius who ordered the wrong battery for me last time.

 

For some reason, Geek Squad Dillon didn’t think that was funny.

True story.

 

This true story has been brought to you in conjunction with Mr. Mark:

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and PoBloCompMo

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Nano Poblano – Day 20: Oh Woe is Thursday

Thursday is the hardest day to blog for me lately. I have a major paper delivery to do on Thursdays – one free one for every house on my route, with fliers. They’re heavy, bulky, and 124 houses add up to a lot of front steps. Then I come home and nine times out of ten I have absolutely nothing to talk about because, believe it or not, delivering tomes that weigh as much as an entire collection of encyclopedias to each and every house on the block is usually uneventful. Unless you want to hear about how many cats I petted (5), or how many squirrels crossed my path, (35 1/2… don’t ask), then you’re not going to get much of anything out of me on a Thursday.

Is there a day of the week that’s more difficult, or less inspiring than all the others for you? Why do you think that is? I wanna know.

The above blather has been brought to you by Mr. Mark:

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and BloSnoPoMo:

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Nano Poblano – Day 19: Leaving Home

I saw these tracks in the snow this morning; they seemed odd.

CAM00495

I studied them for a while before I came to a definite conclusion as to what they meant. Obviously they were made by a disgruntled squirrel, dragging his wagon behind him.

And then I saw the note.

CAM00498

I’d say that pretty much confirms it. This snow is for the birds.

This post in aid of the cause:
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and:
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One-Liner Wednesday – Analogue or Digital?

“Analog chocolate beats digital chocolate any day. But can I have my analog chocolate with digital calories?”

According to the “contest” on this post I have declared a winner for the answer that most tickled my funnybone. It comes to you from the lovely jetgirlcos of Forty and Fantastique!

If you don’t already follow her, please check out her blog!

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday, if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

Have fun!


by 57 Comments

Nano Poblano – Day 16: 10 Random Whiches

1. Which witch is which?

2. Which is better: slapstick or dry?

3. Which beverage makes the most sense?

4. Which one?

5. Which would you rather be: a sandwich or a set of false teeth?

6. Which Disney character are you most like?

7. Which colour is the best colour in the world to paint a kitchen?

8. Which sound is the most annoying ever?

9. Which is better: digital or analogue?

10. Which musician would you bring back from the dead, if you could?

As always, a point for every good answer, and a bonus point for your “which” question to me. Funniest answer (decided by me) may be posted as my One-Liner Wednesday. Go!

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