Back Hair Advocate is a new humor (web) lit mag. It was started after our team of editors (there is no team) realized that there are a dearth of opportunities for writing funny out there.
Back Hair Advocate would like to fill that dearth with your brilliance. We are looking for poems, flash fiction, cartoons, nonfiction pieces and short stories. All of them must have two things in common: they have to be funny and well-written.
The individual behind this new lit mag is IanStarttoday. His work is forthcoming or has been published in a number of fine publications you probably haven’t heard of. They include Eunoia Review, Feathertale.com, Foliate Oak Lit Mag, Asinine Poetry, and Miracle E-zine. He also boasts rejections by many other publications that probably didn’t deserve to feature his genius anyway.
He is not above utilizing smiley faces to express emotions and feelings.
It happened again yesterday. I was sitting in a Tim Horton’s with my mother and Alex (my youngest son who is Deaf and doesn’t eat much by mouth – he’s g-tube fed), and my mother and I were eating and drinking coffee. Alex, in his usual sociable way was looking around and smiling and waving at the other customers. Beside us were a pair of elderly ladies. They were enamoured of Alex, which is par for the course.
One of them observed Alex as he took his Timbit (a doughnut hole, for those of you who haven’t been in a Tim Horton’s in the last 20 years) and put it back in the bag. He wasn’t really interested in eating it as I knew he wouldn’t be. He just likes me to buy him something so he doesn’t feel left out… and at 20cents, I can’t complain.
The ensuing conversation went something like this:
Lady#1: Isn’t he going to eat that?
Me: No, he’s not hungry.
Lady#2: He’s very cute.
Me: And he knows it.
Lady#1: Maybe he’d like something else. A sundae maybe?
Me: (thinking ‘I’m glad he can’t hear you.’) No, he’s okay.
Lady#1: (to Alex) Aren’t you hungry?
Me: (signing to Alex) Are you hungry? (note: I could have signed ‘Are you a chicken?’ to ensure he’d say no, but his laugh would have given me away)
Alex: (shakes his head, no.)
Me: (to Lady#1) Nope, he’s not hungry.
Lady#2: How old is he, six?
Me: No, he’s 13.
Lady#1: Does he know sign language?
Me: (thinking ‘No, we just flail at one another and hope for the best’) Yes, he does.
Lady#1: Isn’t that nice. (She then proceeds to perform the sign for ‘please’.) “Love,” she says to Alex.
Lady#1: (to Lady #2) That means ‘love.’ (she signs ‘please’ again.)
Alex: (smiles and nods even though he’s totally confused)
Having strangers tell you to feed your child, in front of your child, makes me see red on the best of occasions. But I’ve gotta say, this one was amusing enough that I only saw pink.
1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.
2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.
3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” or “Begin with the word ‘The’.”
4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people will come and read your post! The way to ping back, is to just copy and paste the URL of my post somewhere on your post. Then your URL will show up in my comments, for everyone to see. For example, in your post you can copy and past the following: “This post is part of SoCS: (https://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2014/03/01/socs-stream-of-consiousness-saturday-the-rules/)” Also, you can come here and link your post in the comments. The most recent comments will be found at the top.
5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.
6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!
It all started on Sunday when I had a sore tooth. Actually, scratch that. It really started in 1996 when I went on Zoloft for six months, to help me get over post-partum depression. I don’t know for sure whether it’s a side effect of that particular antidepressant, but while I was taking it, I began to clench my teeth. It was like I constantly had tension in my jaw, and the condition exists even now.
So back to Sunday. My tooth hurt, and I’m pretty sure it was due to the clenching. Though the pain went away, I was thinking about going to the dentist.
Then last night, I had a dream. I was sitting in a dentist’s chair, totally doped up on nitrous oxide. I remember the dentist and her assistant talking while filling one of my teeth. I could feel it, a little, but I didn’t care.
When the dentist asked me if I wanted Novocaine for my second filling, I said yes. She told me that was probably a good idea, since the cavity was deep. Here’s where the freaky part begins.
As she put the needle in (which I didn’t feel at all because in my dream I was doped up) I realized I was going to sleep. At that point, I realized I WAS asleep and that I was dreaming… so with that in my head, I allowed myself to go to sleep in my dream.
It was the best experience I’ve ever had at the dentist. I highly recommend the nitrous… not that I’ve tried it in real life… at least I don’t think I have.
I sometimes wonder why I push myself so hard. My determination to write a post every day here on WordPress; my aspiration to finish my novel; my involvement in The Community Storyboard, HarsH ReaLiTy, and A Good Blog is Hard to Find; my ambition to read more, and write book reviews; my wish to help out friends by critiquing their unpublished works… the list itself is overwhelming. Most days I barely notice the work piling up. I love being busy with writing and the pursuits that involve it.
But, Spring Break. Yes, it’s that time of year again. While I’ve had much of today to do the things I needed to get done, I know it’s only a matter of time before Alex gets bored keeping himself busy. And just because the kids are home doesn’t mean the shopping doesn’t still need to be done – a task which requires me to leave my Autistic son by himself – and my paper route, and then there’s my mother’s appointments because I’m the only one who can take her… again, overwhelming.
I think everyone gets to this point occasionally. It’s the stage where we just have to start saying no, and not give in. While it’s exciting, and best of all not boring, there’s a limit at which one shuts down and curls up in a little ball with a straw and a bottle of one’s favourite Merlot.
So if I up and disappear at some point this week you’ll know why. And if I do manage to keep it all together AND keep my blog going without consuming a bottle of wine per day, well, give me a cape and call me supermom.
Just don’t push me off the side of a building to see if I’ll fly. I push myself too hard already.
Have you ever felt so full of inspiration and ideas that you thought if you could just have a moment of peace and quiet you could write the best blog post that’s ever been written? Just five hundred words which beams of sunshine would radiate upon, and people all over the world would stand up, with their arms raised and exclaim YES! Choirs of children would sing and violins and harps would play and bears and fish would hold hands and never would there be a moment of strife in the universe ever again!
How can we all be more creative? How can we be inspired?
I came across this really great Youtube video today. It’s John Cleese, talking about where our creativity comes from and, not surprisingly, humour.
I can’t stress how fantastic this video is. If you’ve ever been stuck on what to write and how to go about finding the tools within yourself to spark your creativity, you MUST watch this.
No, that’s not right. But I don’t know the actual name of the toy. Was it a “Laughing Bob”? The label is long worn off.
For sale: One Giggling Bob ball. Good for ages 1-4.
That’ll do. Sure, I feel bad selling it off to someone else. But I don’t know how else to get rid of it.
When I first bought it for the kids – I’m sure it worked fine in the store – I got it home and I couldn’t get it to work. According to the instructions, all you had to do was bang it and it was supposed to giggle. The kids loved the crazy high pitched laugh. I figured it would drive me nuts, but what the hell. Anything for the kids, right?
I tried changing the batteries. Nothing. Banged the hell out of it… no laughing (or giggling) Bob.
The first time I heard it go off, about a week later, it was 3:14 am. I got up to see if the kids had wandered out of bed, but they were fast asleep. And there was this stupid ball, laying in the middle of the living room floor. I just shook my head and went back to bed.
Next morning I kicked it. It didn’t make a sound. Maybe I dreamed it, I thought. Ha!
About a month after that, we were packing to move. One of the kids threw the ball into a box. I said we should just toss it in the garbage, but the kids liked it. They’d been using it to play catch, even though it wouldn’t make a sound. I said fine.
3:14 the next morning… Yeah. Giggling Bob was at it again. This time I got up and threw it in a garbage bag.
Garbage day was four days later.
Have you ever taken the trash to the curb and had it laugh at you? I’d have tossed it with no problem, except the kids (who I was taking to the bus stop at the time) caught me red-handed. Since the toy was in a trash bag with a pile of carpeting, and not with anything disgusting, back Giggling Bob went into the house.
Well, moving day came and went. Giggling Bob made it into a random box that, four years later remains unpacked. And I swear to God, if I am woken up at 3:14 again…
One Giggling Bob ball. Good for ages 1-4. Free to a good home.
That’s better.
Note: This story is semi-fictional, only in that I haven’t tried to sell the possessed ball yet. Yet.
“I think so,” I replied, juggling gloves and newspapers to dig into my pocket. I pulled out a couple of receipts and a five dollar bill and then went into the other pocket. Just as I was about to give up, I found a ten.
“Yes!” I exclaimed.
All right, maybe I wasn’t quite that excited. I was just collecting for my paper route after all.
It was while I was walking back down my customer’s driveway, my gloves still tucked under my arm, that I saw the writing on the $20 bill.
“Yes!” I exclaimed, for real this time. “It’s a blog post!”
This is what I saw.
I couldn’t wait to get home to check it out.
When I googled whereswilly, I saw a Wikipedia entry for it, so I decided to go there first — in case it was some kind of hacking thing. It turns out it wasn’t.
According to Wiki, the “Willy” refers to Sir Wilfred Laurier, past Prime Minister of Canada. There are apparently close to 4,000,000 bills in circulation with this message, and you can, in fact, register on the website to see where the bill has been AND be emailed to find out where it goes. It’s based on a “Where’s George” site in the U.S., to track currency there, and has been used by researchers to track the movement of pandemics, such as SARS.
Isn’t that interesting?
I’m only the second person who has tracked this particular $20, but I’m looking forward to seeing where it goes. According to the website, I can do this with any bill, any time.
First it was the ice storm. Remember that? Back in December, just before Christmas I slipped on the ice and hit my head on a concrete step. Result: concussion. Thank goodness I had the lovely villainous Navigator1965 to cover for me.
lindaghill.com 