Andrea: So yeah, like, I met this guy on New Year’s Eve. Right here on the bus. And he was, like, oh my God, so HOT!!
Lacey: No way!
Andrea: Oh, like, SO way! So we get off the bus, right? And immediately we start making out. Look (pulls at scarf) you can see where he gave me a hickey.
Lacey: Oh my God, that’s not just, like, one hickey.
Andrea: Right? He just about went to town on my neck and I’m, like, enough with the neck thing, okay? So he starts, like, doing other stuff but he never leaves off my neck, right?
Lacey: Uh huh.
Andrea: And so the next thing I know, we’re, like, getting into this big fight but then my alarm goes off and it’s, like, Oh my God! It’s midnight! Right? So he grabs me and, like, kisses me …
Lacey: On the neck?
Andrea: Whatever. And then he, like, drags me off into the park, and the next thing I know I’m waking up on a bench with all these blankets on me and it’s, like, yesterday morning already.
Lacey: What the…
Andrea: I know, right? And get this: I was covered in sparkles. I can’t even wash some of them off. Look. (pulls down scarf on the other side) So I’m hoping I’ll see him again and ask him, like, what the fuck happened?
Andrea: So my mom’s got this new boyfriend, right?
Lacey: Again?
Andrea: What do you mean, again? She hasn’t had one in, like, a month. Anyways, he comes over last night, and he’s, like, completely shitfaced, right?
Lacey: No!
Andrea: So yeah, so he’s, like, staggering all over the place, and he just got out of his car. He comes in and he says to me, “You know, you’re even better-looking than your mom.” And I’m like, “EW, how can you say that with my mom just standing there?”
Lacey: No way!
Andrea: Exactly, right? But my mom just laughed it off. She wanted to go to this restaurant where they had, like, this reservation?
Lacey: That’s …
Andrea: Incredible, right? My mom’s like such a crazy bitch.
Lacey: She really is!
Andrea: Well she’s not THAT crazy. At least she drove.
Andrea: So you’ll never guess what I heard at work.
Lacey: What?
Andrea: Christmas music. One fucking day after Hallowe’en. Can you believe it?
Lacey: No way!
Andrea: I wouldn’t have even noticed it if this guy hadn’t been whistling to it when he came in.
Lacey: Like he …
Andrea: … liked it or something. Exactly! I mean, who likes Christmas music the day after Hallowe’en? Like, we haven’t even got all the decorations down. But at least the guy was hot.
Lacey:Pfft. Too bad.
Andrea: What do you mean “too bad”? (shrugs) I flirted with him a bit.
Lacey: No!
Andrea: Yep. And I asked him out. We’re getting together next week.
Lacey: Seriously? What are you gonna do if …
Andrea: If he starts whistling Christmas music again? What do you think? Dump his ass!
Andrea: So, she told me she’s, like, so skinny and when I get there? It’s like, who is this fat chick?
Lacey: Don’t you just hate it when people do that? They tell you one thing online …
Andrea: … and then I know! You find out they’re, like, nothing like they said they were going to be.
Lacey: It’s, like, remember that guy …
Andrea: Oh shit, yeah! That guy who told Billy he was straight and then …
Lacey: No, that other guy …
Andrea: Oh, the one who Martina met in the park? The one who, like, showed up with all this suit of armor and shit?
Lacey: Yeah, that one. Didn’t he …
Andrea:(laughs) Oh yeah, that’s right. He had to go to the bathroom and … (looks across the aisle at a middle aged man) What the fuck are you looking at?
Andrea sits back in her seat and pulls at the gum in her mouth, stretching it.
Andrea:(quietly to Lacey) Do you believe people these days? Jeez!
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