Life in progress

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352. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, August 18th, 9:00pm
Edward (and Bella)


Edward sits at the window. Bella boards the bus.

Bella: (as she approaches) Oh God, you’re back already?

Edward: Just to show you something. Then I’m gone.

Bella: What is it?

Edward: Sit down and I’ll show you.

Bella sits beside him.

Edward: (pulls envelope out of his pocket) My ticket. I’m leaving tonight for Transylvania. To find my ancestors.

Bella: Your family came from … wait. You know you’re not actually a vampire. And even if you were, you’re not related to Vlad the Impaler.

Edward: (sighs) I am a vampire and I am descended from Vlad.

Bella laughs.

Edward: You don’t believe me.

Bella: Of course not.

Edward: Then how do you explain my escape from prison?

Bella: I don’t know – a friend who eats flies?

Edward: No! I turned into smoke.

Bella: Right. Okay then. Let me see you do it now.

Edward: I can’t. I … wouldn’t want to attract attention to you.

Bella: To me? (laughs again)

Edward: You hurt me to the quick, Bella. But never mind. I will go to Transylvania and return with riches, and then you’ll not be able to deny me.

Bella: Watch me.

Edward: You’ll see.

Bella: Right.

Edward: Now, if you’ll excuse me.

Bella waits.

Edward: I’d like to get off the bus now.

Bella: You’re not going to turn into a bat and fly out the window?

Edward: The windows don’t open.

Bella: (stands) Have a nice life, Edward.

Edward: I will Bella. When you’re finally in it for good.

Edward exits the bus.


Next stop: Sunday, August 19th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.

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310. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, July 7th, 9:00pm
Bella and Alice (and Edward)


Bella: I know he’s gonna be there tonight. I just know it.

Edward: (pops up in the seat behind them, making them jump) You mean me? I’m here.

Bella: No, I don’t mean you. And if you do that again, I swear…

Edward: Don’t swear, Bella. It doesn’t become you.

Alice: If you have to know, she means a guy that…

Bella: (interrupts) I’m in love with. And he’s in love with me. So go blow it out your ear.

Edward: Blow what out my ear? (shakes head)  I’m here to give you one last chance, Bella. Be with me. You know you want to.

Bella: As much as I’m tempted I think I’ll pass. What, you got other options?

Edward: I’m considering leaving town.

Bella: No!

Edward: You’re sad. I’m sorry. All you have to do is agree to marry me, and I’ll take you with me.

Bella: I’ll survive.

Alice: Why the change of plans? As if I really want to know.

Edward: There’s a woman stalking me. I believe she means to try to kill me.

Alice: (under her breath) Well there’s an idea.

Edward: She approached me last night and pretended to be you, my Bella. You but changed to be like me. A vampire. I could smell her a mile off.

Bella: You know, you’re kind of ripe yourself.

Edward: So what do you say, Bella? Will you come with me? It’s really not safe here.

Bella: I’ll be fine. Go without me.

Edward: Parting is such sweet sorrow. Good-bye then my love.

Edward stands and waits for the next bus stop.

Alice: Good riddance.

Edward stares at Bella.

Bella: You’re not going to hypnotize me into going with you.

Alice: (to Edward) Seriously?

Edward: Fine then! (gets off the bus)

Bella: (reaches out toward the door) Oh no! He’s really gone!

Bella and Alice look at each other and crack up laughing.


Next stop: Sunday, July 8th, 11:00am

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.

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143. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Sunday, January 21st, 12:01am
Lacey and Edward (and Bella and Alice)


Edward: (standing) Bella! Are you all right?

Bella: (stumbling down the aisle with Alice behind her) Oh fuck, not you again.

Lacey: (standing to look at Edward) Hey, I know you. You’re the guy Andrea’s in love with. I recognize your fake fangs.

Alice: (slides into the seat across the aisle, beside Bella. To Edward:) You. Are such. A slut.

Edward: I am not. I love you, Bella.

Lacey: That’s what you said to my friend on New Year’s Eve.

Bella: What about that other girl? You know, that skank you were with before?

Edward: Lily is NOT a skank. She’s a nice vampire.

Alice: (snarling) If I wa’n’t so drunk, I’d fuck you up myself.

Edward: Bella, they mean nothing to me. It’s you I love. You’re my soulmate.

Lacey: (steps past him) You make me sick.

Edward: Tell Andrea I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt her.

Lacey: (mumbling) She might hurt you. (walks to the back of the bus)

Edward: Bella, you must let me take you home. You can’t make it alone.

Alice: She’s not alone. She’s got me, asshole.

Edward: You’re in no shape to take care of my mate for life.

Bella: (bursts out laughing) Mate for life? GET a fucking life!

Edward: I can’t have a life. I’ve been undead for 50 years.

Alice: (to Bella) Does that mean we can’t kill him?

Bella: I think so. Oh! Oh! Where’s my garlic?

Both roll in their seats laughing. Edward exits the bus, dejected.


Next stop: Monday, September 3rd, 3:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.

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60. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, October 30th, 6:00pm
Drommen (and Edward)


Drommen sits by the window. He gestures to Edward to sit beside him.

Edward: What do you want?

Drommen: Hey, Sparkles. I have something that you don’t have.

Edward: You’ve got nothing I want!

Drommen: I bet I do.

Edward: You can’t possibly. I have everything I need. Tomorrow night is my night! I will roam the neighbourhoods with my own kind, take from virgins …

Drommen: You’re going to steal candy from little kids?

Edward hisses through plastic fangs.

Drommen: Okay, I get it. But I’ve still got something you don’t have.

Edward: (snorts) I don’t think so.

Drommen reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lunch bag with a pair of panties in it.

Edward: Whose are they?

Drommen: Bella’s. She gave them to me.

Edward: (eyes wide with shock) She did not!!

Drommen: She did. Here (he opens the bag a little) smell them.

Edward sticks in his nose, takes a big whiff, and sneezes, causing his teeth to shoot down the aisle.

Edward: PEPPER!

Drommen: (laughing) Who’s the darkness now?


Edward retrieves his teeth and gets off the bus.


Next stop: Tuesday, October 31st, 10:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.