Friday, July 13th, 7:00pm
Drommen and Phillipa
Phillipa: I’m late.
Drommen: What do you mean? (looks at watch) We’ll get there on time.
Phillipa: No, I mean I’m late. My period.
Drommen: Oh. What are we going to do?
Phillipa: I don’t know what I’m going to do if I’m pregnant.
Drommen: Don’t I have any say in the matter?
Phillipa: What makes you think it’s yours?
Next stop: Saturday, July 14th, 8:00pm
Thursday, April 12th, 5:00pm
Quinn and Serge
Serge: You up for a game of poker Friday night?
Quinn: No, man. I’m too tired.
Serge: Wife still on your case about painting the kitchen?
Quinn: I wish that’s all it was. Yvonne’s just friggin’ nuts since she’s been pregnant.
Serge: You should come to the game. Be a good way to escape.
Quinn snorts.
Serge: I got some cute honeys coming over.
Quinn: (regards him, thinking) I’ll let you know if I can get away.
Next stop: Friday, April 13th, 5:00pm
Monday, January 1st, 5:00pm
Yvonne and Quinn
Quinn: Are you nervous?
Yvonne: Of course. It’s not every day I get to tell my parents I’m pregnant over turkey dinner.
Quinn: Well, we were going to have to tell them eventually.
Yvonne: (stares at him) Do you have any idea how hard it’s going to be telling my mother she’s going to be a grandmother? She’ll probably drop dead in the stuffing.
Quinn: She’s really that obsessed about getting old?
Yvonne: You’ve met my mother, right?
Quinn: Yeah. Do you want me to tell your dad and then he can tell her after we’ve left?
Yvonne: That’s the coward’s way out.
They stare at each other for three seconds.
Both: Let’s do it.
Next stop: Tuesday, January 2nd, 7:00pm
Note: Adult themes.
Friday, September 15th, 10:00pm
Joel and Holly
Holly: (whining) Buses make me sick.
Joel: (sighs) Hold on babe, it won’t be much longer.
Holly: So, do you think I should tell Bill tonight, about the baby?
Joel: About that. You said he’s going to be mad, right?
Holly: (nods) He might be okay if he thinks it’s his, but when he finds out it’s yours …
Joel: Yeah, I get the picture. So the way I see it is this. We can either take off together, maybe go across the country where he won’t find us or …
Holly: … or what.
Joel: (takes a deep breath) I know a guy who knows a guy who can take him out.
Holly: What do you mean, ‘take him out’?
Joel: What do you think I mean?
Holly: You mean kill him!?
Joel: SHHHH!!!! (whispers) Yes. What do you suggest? Just let him kill me? And you? And the baby maybe?
Holly: (retches) Oh God, get me off the bus now!!
Next stop: Saturday, September 16th, 4:00pm
Whether you spell them “hiccups,” “hiccoughs,” or “damnit-I-wish-they’d-go-away,” they’re a plague upon the existence of mankind. They can be embarrassing: I’ve dealt with them as a receptionist at a busy magazine company, (when you have to answer the phone, they’re sure to be the loudest) and whilst buying booze. Try walking up to a cashier with a bottle of wine and the hiccups, and you’ll know what I mean.
And they’re always annoying. No matter how slowly you count to ten whilst holding your breath, they can last for hours. The moms reading this will probably remember having a hiccuping baby in their bellies… cute at first, but not at 3am. I’ve heard horror stories of people having them for days! Can you imagine?
So how do we make them stop? Everyone has their “sure-fire way” to end the hiccups, but mine is by far the best. Only one drawback – you need a friend to help. The ONLY absolutely reliable way to get rid of the hiccups is, drink an entire glass of water with your fingers in your ears. I promise, it works every single time.
If you don’t have a friend, the other way that works is, stand on your head and sing the “Star-Spangled Banner” while juggling three oranges with your feet. At least that’s what I heard.
How do you get rid of the hiccups?
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