Life in progress

Tag Archives: worry


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JusJoJan25 the 5th – Frustration nightmare

This post is part of Just Jot it January, and the prompt word, “frustration,” is brought to us by Barbara. Check out her blog here!

Warning: If you’re claustrophobic, you might want to skip this post.

Wait ’til I tell you about my nightmare last night. This is the perfect prompt for it!

I had to write this out first thing in the morning while I still remember it. Not that I want to relive it, but wow! Was it a doozy.

Okay, so in my dream, I had a bunch of people—about a dozen, of all ages—come over to my house. I have no idea who they were, but they had to be there.

They were all squeezed into the part of my kitchen where the fridge and stove are, not at the table for some reason. I didn’t have enough chairs, so some were standing and some were sitting on the floor. The atmosphere was crowded and too warm. So uncomfortable for everyone involved, but especially me because everyone was staring as though they were waiting for me to act like the perfect hostess.

I stood where they could all see me and asked who wanted tea, coffee, or water. That’s generally all I have in my kitchen.

The first little girl I focused on said she wanted milk. It took me three tries to understand what she was saying.

Fine, I thought. I have some left over from Christmas.

Then I asked if anyone wanted coffee. I could put a pot on right away.

Crickets. So no coffee. Great.

The next three people I asked wanted tea, all with different things in it of course, so I moved past the bodies in my kitchen and went to the stove to put the kettle on. Then I reached into the fridge for the milk and found a big container of almond milk that someone must have brought. Wonderful! I asked the girl if she wanted that and she said yes.

Next, I went to the cupboard to get a glass. It took a while to find one, but when I did, I got it out and found a tiny space for it on the counter—it was covered in dirty dishes. There was someone beside me washing dishes in the sink (no idea who), but my task was clear. I had to concentrate on pouring almond milk into a clean glass. I pulled a dirty bowl toward me and caught myself just in time before I poured the milk into it, but while I was congratulating myself for not doing that, I poured it into a different dirty bowl.

I watched myself continue to pour, filling it up to where it was impossible to tell that there was chocolate lining the inside, then I pulled the dirty spoon out of the bowl … and decided I shouldn’t give it to the girl after all.

So I filled up the glass to the rim with milk, so much that I couldn’t lift it.

All this time, no one was talking. I could feel them watching me, blank expressions on their faces. It was all kinds of Children of the Corn creepy.

Meanwhile, the kettle was boiling, so I abandoned the milk and went to the kettle … and emptied the water into a different dirty bowl so I could pour it from there into cups 😒.

Ahhh!!!

I filled the kettle again and moved through the throng and back to my guests to see what they wanted in their tea because by then, I’d forgotten. To say I was frustrated with myself is an understatement.

Thank goodness I woke up at that point.

… only to have a dream in which I was driving on an unfamiliar snowy highway, unable to see the lines on the road. Which I’ve done in real life, but this was somehow much worse because apparently I didn’t know how to drive at all.

Am I worried about the upcoming year? That would certainly explain my nightmares.

Am I worried in particular about having people in my house? I do have to call an electrician. The circuit that runs my treadmill blew yesterday, and the breaker won’t turn back on. The same circuit also runs my thermostat. Battery is holding out so far, though.

Grrr! So frustrating!

 

This frustrated post is part of Just Jot it January! Want to join in? Just click here to get to the prompt and drop your link. It’s fun!

Thanks again to Barbara for the prompt!


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#SoCS – Weighing in

Okay, curds and whey weren’t the first thing that came to mind when I saw this video on The Weather Network …

Trigger warning–spiders ahead.

But that would account for Miss Muffet’s extreme fear of spiders.

I’ve spent the better part of the last few days obsessed with Hurricane Dorian. I’d like to donate something, somewhere, but I haven’t decided where yet.

As you probably know, it hit Canada today. Our eastern provinces are still getting walloped as I write this. Once it’s finished with us, it will apparently be on its way to the western part of Europe. Is this normal? I don’t think so.

I hope, for the Caribbean’s sake especially, it’s the last hurricane of the year. Such a terrible situation.

SoCS badge by Pamela, at https://achronicalofhope.com/

This weighing-in, complete with bonus points, is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the following link to find all the other posts, and join in! It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2019/09/06/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-7-19/


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Companionship – #JusJoJan Jot #18

It’s been a long day. My companion for the day was Alex–he didn’t go to school. His cough was bad enough this morning that I decided to wait and see if sitting up would help. It did, but then he slept most of the morning.

He lazed around for most of the rest of the day, only really getting up to build some Lego with my best friend, John.

He’s sleeping again now–the worry isn’t over.

I look forward to going back to this not being the only thing on my mind.

“Companionship” is the prompt word for today, brought to us by Di. Thanks, Di! Click here to find her JusJoJan post for today. And say hi while you’re there!

 

It’s never too late to participate in Just Jot it January! Click the following link to find out how, and see all the other participants’ links in the comment section. It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2019/01/18/jusjojan-2019-daily-prompt-jan-18th/

 


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Update – Alex is home!

He finally slept last night, and now that he’s off the IV antibiotics, they decided to release Alex from the hospital. He’s still coughing, but hopefully that’ll go away by the time the oral antibiotics are done this time.

Of course, as soon as he sat on the couch at home he fell asleep. I hope his nap doesn’t mean he’ll be up half the night.

In other news, he has an appointment with his cardiologist tomorrow. I’ll schedule the post requesting the prompt words for the rest of the month tomorrow afternoon when I think I’ll be home. In case I’m not, I’ll be counting on you to read the rules! Watch out for that at 1pm EST.


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Quick update on Alex

He’s still in hospital. He had two hours of sleep last night and one more hour when I arrived at the hospital this morning at 4:00am, because I made him lay down.

He’s still on his feet.

Total sleep since Sunday (01/13) morning: four hours. It is now Tuesday, 9:40pm.

Hoping he’ll come home tomorrow. It’s boring enough here to allow him to doze off.

Thanks to all who commented on my last post. I appreciate the good thoughts and prayers, more than you know.


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Flu – #JusJoJan Jot #11

At the risk of sounding like I’m moaning–I never do that, do it?–Alex was home for the day again, still coughing even though it’s been almost two weeks since he came out of hospital with pneumonia.

I assumed they were going to give him his flu shot at school, like they always have, but they’ve stopped doing it. Now I have no idea whether he should get it or if we should wait until he’s completely better.

In all, it was one of those days where you wish you had a parenting owner’s manual. You know those days, right?

Should I send him to school or shouldn’t I? Should I cut him some slack because he might be misbehaving because he’s sick? Or is he pushing my buttons because he got out of going to school and now he’s seeing how much further he can go?

Ugh. Yeah, it was one of those days.

But now he’s at his dad’s, finally. First time since the first week of November. I’m feeling the exhaustion–it’s hitting me like a tonne of bricks. I think I might go to bed. And stay there until Sunday.

Have a good one, my friends.

The prompt “flew/flu/flue,” for today’s post is brought to you by M. Oniker! Thanks, M! To find her latest post, click here.

It’s never too late to participate in Just Jot it January! Click the following link to find out how, and see all the other participants’ links in the comment section. It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2019/01/11/jusjojan-2019-daily-prompt-jan-11th/


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Feeling Lucky

They say things come in threes–I hope my near-death experiences are over for the time being.

Okay, maybe that’s a little overdramatic. But I do still feel lucky to be alive.

Y’all will remember my shocking experience with the power lines at the front of my house a couple of weeks ago. (Here’s a link to the blog post.) It seems that drama hasn’t ended yet, but before I get to that, let me tell you about the storm yesterday morning.

It was the rumbling of thunder shaking the house that woke me up at 5am. A few seconds later there was a flash of lightning with a simultaneous boom. It was close. I lay awake for a while longer, until the storm had almost passed, when I heard my son come in the front door. He works nights. So rather than try to go back to sleep, I went downstairs.

First thing out of his mouth: “Did you hear about the house down the street that got hit by lightning?”

It was a stupid question–I’d just woken up–but I was too stunned to point that out.

He’d passed a guy walking up the street who had seen it happen. Somebody’s house was on fire on my street. On my side of the street. Lightning had hit the roof … I sleep in the attic of my house.

Needless to say I didn’t go back to bed.

Fast forward to a chat I had with a guy from the city who was working on replacing the sidewalk outside my house. I approached him to ask about the giant tree in my front yard.  You can see it here, to the right of Alex.

Alex’s first day of school, Sept. 5, 2017.

It’s kinda buried in the hedge, but it’s bigger than it looks. It stands more than twice the height of my house and looms over my bedroom. There’s a huge dead branch at the top, and it’s actually on city property, so I asked the nice man who I needed to talk to to get someone to look at it. Here’s a better photo.

Anyhoo, the nice man got straight on the phone and told me he’d come and knock on the door when he had an answer for me. Which he did a couple of hours later. The city will come and have a look at the tree on Monday. But that’s not the interesting part.

We got to talking about the house that had been hit by lightning. He’d been working on the street all day–they’re fixing the sidewalks on my side from one major intersection to the next. He told me the unfortunate incident had only resulted in the house’s attic being completely burned out, but that the lightning had shot the electrical panel right off the wall, melted every wire in the house, while causing every outlet to fly out of the walls in projectile fashion. Everyone inside got out safely.

After we’d finished commenting on how scary that was, I asked him if he’d heard about the transformer blowing up.

“The one down by that tree?” he asked, pointing down the street.

I confirmed it was and told him what I’d seen. He then told me that he’d been standing under that very same tree yesterday morning when he heard zaps and pops coming from the wires. So yeah, that’s still a thing.

My final far-off brush with death (both in miles and years) came a couple of hours later. A storm was moving into the Ottawa area. My ex (who had been scheduled to take Alex for the weekend but I made the executive decision to keep him home) said there were trees down and fire trucks and ambulances everywhere in the city where our kids were born–Gatineau, Quebec–where we lived together for more than a decade.

I started watching the news that is, to this moment, still distracting me.

The tornado traveled around the area of Boulevard du Mont-Bleu. My two oldest kids went to school at Philemon Wright High School, about a kilometer away, before we moved to Ontario, eight years ago.

Though it’s a bit of a stretch seeing as we’re now so far removed from the area, I still feel like I somehow dodged my third bullet. I hope so, anyway. We still have the live wire out there until the city comes along and trims that tree down the street.

Watch the video of the devastation in Gatineau under the link below. The one account of the woman sitting in the car, recording the tornado on her phone, was taken on a highway I traveled on every day.

https://www.ctvnews.ca/video?clipId=1496284

Absolutely terrifying.

So that’s my three, right? Tell me it’s over …

 


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311. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Sunday, July 8th, 11:00am
Drommen and Phillipa

 

Phillipa: Why are we on the bus again?

Drommen: We’re going for a coffee.

Phillipa: I told you, I have coffee at home.

Drommen: Oh right.

Phillipa: You’re obsessing over that girl again, aren’t you?

Drommen: I’m not obsessing. I’m worried about her. I want to keep an eye on her.

Phillipa: (takes his hand) You can’t save the world, Jake.

Drommen: Maybe I can save my little part of it.

Phillipa: And then what? You go back to corrupting them with your little fetish?

Drommen shrugs.

Phillipa: Bring your little fetish home to me. She’s not on the bus today.

Drommen: I’ll come back to your place later.

Phillipa: I won’t be there later.

Drommen: Tomorrow then? Next weekend?

Phillipa: Now. Or you take your chances.

Drommen: I’ll take my chances.

Phillipa gets off the bus.

 

Next stop: Monday, July 9th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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Just Jot It Jan 20 – Transcendence

Worry. What good does it do us? And yet we all do it. It’s what keeps us up at night, and makes us walk into rooms with no idea what we are there for. Because it causes us stress – the kind that separates our minds from what we should be focusing on.

From Pinterest

From Pinterest

I believe happiness can be found in the lack of seeking it. So I strive to be content with what I have. But I think true contentedness can only be found through the ability to transcend worry. To worry is to imagine the worst for the future. If this is true, then the answer is to live in the present. Not only to fully appreciate what I have right here and now — relatively clean air to breathe, simply that I am alive — but to fully concentrate on what I am doing at any given moment. In that moment, there can be no worry.

I have to strive to stop looking ahead to what might be. And love what is now.

jjj-2017

Thank you to Deborah of Notes Tied on the Sagebrush for our prompt word today, “Transcendent.” Please give her a visit and read her latest post here: https://notestiedonthesagebrush.com/2017/01/19/transcendent/

And don’t forget to check out the JusJoJan prompt here, to read all the other posts and to join in! https://lindaghill.com/2017/01/20/jusjojan-daily-prompt-jan-20th17/


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How to Live When You Want to Save the World

I’m at a loss. The constant flood of news stories coming in through my Facebook feed about discrimination, hate, fear, war and people fleeing from it, protests that go nowhere, threats to freedom and civil liberties–the list goes on and on–are keeping me from living my own life. It distracts me from all the things I should be doing for myself and my family. I’m not functioning because I’m worried, both about my own future, my kids’ future, and that of the ones I can’t help.

Yes, I can hear it already. Poor me, sitting on my privileged white heterosexual ass in a nice warm house, wringing my hands but doing nothing. It’s true. I don’t feel as though I do enough, yet what can I do when I’m shut in my house up here in Canada? I want to help. I want that more than anything. It’s why I’m so obsessed with what’s going on. So far I’ve shared, I’ve given my opinions and I’ve tried to make sense of what’s going on. I’ve tried to help others put it in perspective. To encourage them to do what they can. I write because my words are the best weapon I have. I give consolation when I’m able, but to what effect? It all inevitably falls flat because I am not living it.

On the contrary, I’m not looking to be absolved for having a good life and I don’t want anyone to tell me it’s okay, that I can just go on with my life and not think about what’s going on in the world. I know I need to look after myself. I’m just not sure how to go about it.

I don’t think I’m alone in this. I’m sure there are others out there who live with this worry, and this survivor’s guilt and sense of helplessness. How do you cope when there’s nothing you can physically do? How do you separate yourself from it all, to do what you must to live your own life? We don’t help anyone, least of all ourselves, when all we do is sit at home and read the reports and wring our hands.

I fear this is the way it will be for the rest of my life. I can’t save the world, and I certainly can’t shut it off and ignore it. Perhaps I need to take a break from it though. At least long enough to care for my own family.

But I’ll never stop asking why peace is too much to ask for.