Life in progress


Nope, you’re not burning down MY kitchen!

It was just a little electrical fire.

And, I mean, we spill water around the spout of the electric kettle ALL the time when we’re filling it up.

Only today it made this really weird noise just as it began to boil. A noise like “zztzztzztzzt.” So I looked at it (because I was standing there waiting for it to boil) and I said out loud to it, “What the fuck is that noise?” And then I saw it in the reflection on the stove. A yellow glow. And I thought, hey, you’re on fire! So I pulled out the plug and the fire stopped. But when I finally got brave enough to pick the kettle up, the puddle of water on the counter was burning. Yes, burning. Not boiling. Burning.

So I said to the kettle, “You’re toast!” and I put it away where no one else will use it. After I poured the water for my tea of course. Let’s not get too crazy. I’m not going to throw out perfectly good boiling water for the sake of a little fire.

I’m just glad I was standing there. Standing there to say, “Nope, you’re not burning down MY kitchen!”

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228. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, April 16th, 5:00pm
Farmer Brown (and Phil)


Farmer Brown sits at the window. Phil takes the seat beside him.

Phil: (sighs) Oh what a relief.

Farmer Brown: What would that be, son?

Phil: (smiles) I get my car back tomorrow.

Farmer Brown: (smiles back) Nothing quite like having your own vehicle, is there?

Phil: No sir, there’s not. It’s finally out of the shop after my accident, and I’m on the mend too.

Farmer Brown: And the open road is ahead of you.

Phil: Right you are. You know, it’s refreshing to find someone on the bus who really “gets it.” Someone sane for a change.

Farmer Brown: (nods, then takes phone out of his pocket) Excuse me, I have to get this.

Phil: You go ahead.

Farmer Brown: (into his phone) Hello? No. You’re kidding. Again? (frowns) Okay, put her on.

Farmer Brown glances at Phil and rolls his eyes.

Farmer Brown: (into his phone) Moo. Moo moo moo moo. Moomoomoo. Okay. (waits) Yeah, I told her. She promised not to do it again. Okay, see you soon. (hangs up and puts his phone back in his pocket. To Phil:) Damned sheep got out of the barn again.


Next stop: Tuesday, April 17th, 5:00pm

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