Thursday, May 31st, 10:00am
April and May
May: (pointing out the window) Isn’t that June?
April: (looks over May’s shoulder) Is it?
May: I think it is. I wasn’t expecting her ’til tomorrow.
April: Probably not her then.
May: (sits back) Huh. So what are your plans?
April: (shrugs) I shouldn’t even be here.
May: True. What do you say we go on holiday?
April: Sure! We’ll come back when Robin does.
May: Here’s hoping. For you, at least.
Next stop: Friday, June 1st, 9:00pm
Wednesday, May 30th, 5:00pm
Hera and Willa
Hera: It doesn’t fit, I tell you!
Willa: But I had it made to fit. What are we going to do?
Hera: I don’t know! Take it back and see if they can fix it?
Willa: But we’re going the wrong way.
Hera: You should have checked before you left the store.
Willa: How can I check something like that?
Hera: I don’t know. By comparison?
Willa: I had nothing to compare it to when I picked it up.
Hera: Oh well. We’ll have to wait ’til tomorrow now.
Willa: So where are we going to sleep?
Hera: (shrugs) I have a spare.
Willa: (huffs in anger) Do you mean to tell me that all this time you had a spare key, and you made me feel like a failure for getting a new one cut wrong?
Hera: You remember that time you locked me out because you wanted to be alone with your boyfriend?
Willa: Never gonna live that one down, am I?
Hera: No way.
Next stop: Thursday, May 31st, 10:00am
What are the odds I’d come across this picture now, after forty-seven years–and what are the odds of giving him yellow hair and orange skin in 1971?
Obviously I was practicing my signature for when I became a famous artist. Haha.
If I’d known then what I know now, I’d have given him smaller hands.
If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.
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Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”
The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:
1. Make it one sentence.
2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.
3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.
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Tuesday, May 29th, 5:00pm
Jules and Francis
Jules: I feel like I’ve forgotten something.
Francis: You’ve got your wallet?
Jules: Check.
Francis: Your phone?
Jules: Check.
Francis: Your keys?
Jules: Check.
Francis: What else could you have forgotten?
Jules: What else would one need when taking the dog to the vet?
They stare at each other, stunned.
Both: The dog!
Next stop: Wednesday, May 30th, 5:00pm
Monday, May 28th, 5:00pm
Jules and Francis
Jules: This is so far below me.
Francis: It’s a bus: a glorified limo.
Jules: With people I don’t know in it!
Francis: So … meet them!
Jules: (stands) Hello, fellow travellers! I’m Jules!
Jules waits for a response for a few moments.
Jules: (sits) They’re all mute.
Next stop: Tuesday, May 29th, 5:00pm
Something has been bugging me for the past week. Actually, Facebook has been bugging me for the past week, telling me how close I am to having 500 followers on my author page. Because for a week now, my followers have equaled 499. I’m so close!
So if you have a Facebook profile and you haven’t already “liked” my page, put me out of my misery, would you? As well as links to all my blog posts, you’ll find the occasional funny or inspirational post, and once in a while, posts to support other authors.
And virtual cookies for everyone!
https://www.facebook.com/lindaghill.fiction/
Sunday, May 27th, 9:00am
Gary and Danielle
Gary: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs who swims?
Danielle: Bob.
Gary: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs who water skis?
Danielle: Skip.
Gary: What do you call a dog with no legs?
Danielle: Doesn’t matter. He won’t come to you anyway.
Gary: What’s the biggest advantage of being a test-tube baby?
Danielle: You get a womb with a view.
Gary: You’re a real know-it-all, aren’t you?
Danielle: Yep.
Gary: I need new friends.
Danielle: What you need is jokes less than 30 years old.
Gary: Touché
Next stop: Monday, May 28th, 5:00pm
Saturday, May 26th, 4:00pm
Crystal and Jasmine
Crystal: So I’m, like, sitting in the coffee shop minding my own business, right?
Jasmine: Uh huh.
Crystal: And this guy comes up to me and asks me if he can sit down and I’m, like, ‘there’s plenty of other seats in here’ and he’s, like, ‘well I thought I could sit with you. You’re really pretty.’
Jasmine: No. Way. So what did you do?
Crystal: Like, exactly what anyone would do. I threw my coffee at him.
Jasmine: I hope it was hot.
Crystal: (smiles) Straight out of the steamer.
Jasmine: Serves him right.
Crystal: Right? Oh my God. Some people.
Next stop: Sunday, May 27th, 9:00am
I had no idea, honestly, what I was going to write for today’s prompt. Here in Canada we don’t call the thing we cook on outside “The Grill” as much as we call it just a plain old barbeque. (I spell it that way because in this household with all the sign language going on, we fingerspell it “BBQ” for Alex.) (And anyway, it’s English, damnit.) Nine times out of ten if you read the cooking instructions on Canadian food packaging, it will say “In the Frying Pan,” or “On the Barbeque” rather than “On the Grill.” Holy Hell, where am I with this post?
Oh yeah. So we do grill vegetables but we do it on the barbeque, so my idea for this prompt wasn’t to talk about cooking on “The Grill.” My idea was nothing, really, except the word “grill.”
But then my son Chris came out to the kitchen and asked me to make his grilled cheese sandwich. He has one at 11:30am every day. It’s his schedule, which can’t be deviated from. When he said it I was, like, “duh!” There’s my prompt.
When I first discovered grilled cheese sandwiches back as a teenager, I think, I was told they were made by buttering both sides of the bread. And I actually did it for a while, before I figured out I only really needed to butter the outside. What a mess! (This, by the way, is something I’ve never told anyone. You’re the first to know!) Of course grilled cheese sandwiches have nothing to do with a grill of any kind, and I have no idea why they’re called that.
I do hope my kids realize after I’m gone how much of their history (and mine) is recorded here in this blog. They stand to learn so much about their mother and where they came from before they were born. But they never read it.
I should write a memoir one day. I wish my parents had.
Happy long weekend to all my friends in the US!
Badge by J-Dub @ https://jilywily.wordpress.com/
This strangely reflective post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link to find all the other entries and join us with your own today! https://lindaghill.com/2018/05/25/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-may-26-18/
Note: Adult theme
Friday, May 25th, 6:00pm
Drommen (and Yolanda)
Drommen sits at the window. Yolanda takes the seat beside him.
Drommen: Nice day.
Yolanda: It sure is.
Drommen: Do you mind if I masturbate?
Yolanda: You gonna make it worth my while?
Drommen: I think I can do that. (begins to undo fly)
Yolanda: Coz if you’re not going to make it worth my while, you can forget it.
Drommen: (pauses) What … do you mean worth your while?
Yolanda: I got score cards.
Drommen: You have score cards? Like figure skating score cards?
Yolanda: Yeah, but they’re score cards for guys who play with themselves on the bus.
Drommen stares, speechless.
Yolanda: Come on. Let’s see what you got.
Drommen: Never mind.
Next stop: Saturday, May 26th, 4:00pm
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