Tuesday, May 29th, 5:00pm
Jules and Francis
Jules: I feel like I’ve forgotten something.
Francis: You’ve got your wallet?
Jules: Check.
Francis: Your phone?
Jules: Check.
Francis: Your keys?
Jules: Check.
Francis: What else could you have forgotten?
Jules: What else would one need when taking the dog to the vet?
They stare at each other, stunned.
Both: The dog!
Next stop: Wednesday, May 30th, 5:00pm
Monday, May 28th, 5:00pm
Jules and Francis
Jules: This is so far below me.
Francis: It’s a bus: a glorified limo.
Jules: With people I don’t know in it!
Francis: So … meet them!
Jules: (stands) Hello, fellow travellers! I’m Jules!
Jules waits for a response for a few moments.
Jules: (sits) They’re all mute.
Next stop: Tuesday, May 29th, 5:00pm
Sunday, May 27th, 9:00am
Gary and Danielle
Gary: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs who swims?
Danielle: Bob.
Gary: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs who water skis?
Danielle: Skip.
Gary: What do you call a dog with no legs?
Danielle: Doesn’t matter. He won’t come to you anyway.
Gary: What’s the biggest advantage of being a test-tube baby?
Danielle: You get a womb with a view.
Gary: You’re a real know-it-all, aren’t you?
Danielle: Yep.
Gary: I need new friends.
Danielle: What you need is jokes less than 30 years old.
Gary: Touché
Next stop: Monday, May 28th, 5:00pm
Saturday, May 26th, 4:00pm
Crystal and Jasmine
Crystal: So I’m, like, sitting in the coffee shop minding my own business, right?
Jasmine: Uh huh.
Crystal: And this guy comes up to me and asks me if he can sit down and I’m, like, ‘there’s plenty of other seats in here’ and he’s, like, ‘well I thought I could sit with you. You’re really pretty.’
Jasmine: No. Way. So what did you do?
Crystal: Like, exactly what anyone would do. I threw my coffee at him.
Jasmine: I hope it was hot.
Crystal: (smiles) Straight out of the steamer.
Jasmine: Serves him right.
Crystal: Right? Oh my God. Some people.
Next stop: Sunday, May 27th, 9:00am
Note: Adult theme
Friday, May 25th, 6:00pm
Drommen (and Yolanda)
Drommen sits at the window. Yolanda takes the seat beside him.
Drommen: Nice day.
Yolanda: It sure is.
Drommen: Do you mind if I masturbate?
Yolanda: You gonna make it worth my while?
Drommen: I think I can do that. (begins to undo fly)
Yolanda: Coz if you’re not going to make it worth my while, you can forget it.
Drommen: (pauses) What … do you mean worth your while?
Yolanda: I got score cards.
Drommen: You have score cards? Like figure skating score cards?
Yolanda: Yeah, but they’re score cards for guys who play with themselves on the bus.
Drommen stares, speechless.
Yolanda: Come on. Let’s see what you got.
Drommen: Never mind.
Next stop: Saturday, May 26th, 4:00pm
Thursday, May 24th, 4:00pm
Drew (and Sean)
Drew sits at the window. Sean takes the seat beside him.
Drew: Have you ever wondered at the delicacy of the connection we have with society on the world wide web?
Sean: No.
Drew: Think about it. We’ve become so reliant on this service, this technology. And yet it is what it is: a web. Strong and yet so precarious. We stomp along the spokes, hopping around what is essentially the world, and yet what if it should break?
Sean: Snail mail?
Drew: Indeed. You’re very smart, young man. Where do you get all that intellectual prowess from?
Sean: (shrugs) I saw a street address on the back of a cereal box once, for people who don’t have the internet.
Drew: Really?
Sean: Count Chocula, I think.
Drew: Fascinating.
Next stop: Friday, May 25th, 6:00pm
Note: Strong Language
Wednesday, May 23rd, 6:00pm
Drommen (and Hillary)
Drommen sits at the window. Hillary takes the seat beside him.
Hillary: Hey, how goes it?
Drommen: Well thanks, and you?
Hillary: Ehh, not bad I guess. Same shit.
Drommen nods.
Hillary: I kinda been missing you.
Drommen: Really?
Hillary: (shrugs) Kinda.
Drommen: That’s funny, I’ve kind of been missing you too.
Hillary: What do you say we go out for a coffee or something?
Drommen: Just a coffee?
Hillary: If you want.
Drommen: That sounds nice. Actually, I’ve got something for you.
Hillary frowns.
Drommen: No, not that. It’s something I bought the other day. You can have it if you want it.
Hillary: What is it?
Drommen: It’s a tablet.
Hillary: Like, a computer tablet?
Drommen: Yeah.
Hillary: And you want to give it to me?
Drommen: Sure.
Hillary: You really are a weirdo, aren’t you?
Drommen: (cocks head) I guess.
Hillary: How about we start with a coffee?
Drommen: Okay.
Next stop: Thursday, May 24th, 4:00pm
Note: Strong language. Also, don’t read this whilst eating.
Tuesday, May 22nd, 5:00pm
Andrea (and Ralph)
Andrea sits at window. Ralph takes the seat beside her.
Ralph: Good afternoon.
Andrea: Yeah? What’s so good about it?
Ralph: Oh I don’t know. I’m feeling pretty good.
Andrea: Good for you! I’ve had a lousy day. First of all my alarm clock, like, doesn’t go off on time? And I have to take a taxi to work, then I get there and the coffee pot’s, like, broken so I have to wait ’til lunch time to get a dose of caffeine, and then I come back and, like, this new guy? Who just started working? He won’t shut up with the innuendos. You know, like, comin’ on to me and shit. I’m like dude, you’re like more than thirty years old!
Ralph: Sounds like a rough day.
Andrea: (snorts) You could say that.
Ralph: I just got out of hospital. I started shitting green stuff and before I knew it I was …
Andrea: (holds up hand) Please, don’t go on.
Ralph: … puking up all this brown crap, and I hadn’t been eating anything brown …
Andrea: (gags) Please.
Ralph: … so it was like my puke was coming out of my ass and sh …
Andrea: (stands, hand over mouth) Excuse me.
Ralph: … it coming out of my …
Andrea: MOVE!
Ralph: … throat.
Andrea stands at the door retching, waiting for the bus stop.
Ralph: (calling out to her) Hope you have a better day tomorrow!
Next stop: Wednesday, May 23rd, 6:00pm
Monday, May 21st, 8:00pm
Lily (and Edward)
Lily sits at the window. Edward takes the seat beside her.
Lily: Oh, thank the Master you’re here.
Edward: What’s wrong?
Lily: I hooked up with this guy the other night, and he literally took a bite out of me. (lifts sleeve to show shoulder wound) Look.
Edward: (cringes) That’s nasty. I hope you bit him back.
Lily: Of course! But that doesn’t help this. (points to wound) And the worst part is I think I’ve got hair growing out of my ears now.
Edward: Do you think he’s a werewolf?
Lily: Holy Garlic, I hope not. What kind of monster would that make me?
Edward: Same kind as him if you bit him too. Let me look in your ears.
Lily brushes hair out of the way and tilts head.
Edward: Hmm …
Lily: What?
Edward: What colour is our ear wax supposed to be?
Lily: Vampires don’t have ear wax.
Edward: We don’t? (sticks finger in ear, pulls it out and studies it) You’re right. Well, the good news is I don’t see any hair.
Lily: The bad news?
Edward: I can see out the window through there.
Lily hits him, then doubles over in pain from shoulder wound.
Next stop: Tuesday, May 22nd, 5:00pm
Sunday, May 20th, 11:00am
Trevor and Gloria
Trevor: You know what tonight is, right?
Gloria: Oh no, what now?
Trevor: It’s 70s night.
Gloria: Lovely.
Trevor: I found you the perfect pair of bellbottoms.
Gloria: No.
Trevor: And platform shoes.
Gloria: I said no.
Trevor: And heart-shaped glasses.
Gloria: And don’t tell me – an Afro wig.
Trevor: Oh yes.
Gloria: (sighs) You’re killing me softly.
Trevor: Gonna play that funky music.
Gloria: My sweet Lord.
Trevor: Gonna walk on the wild side.
Gloria: Dream on.
Trevor: Imagine!
Gloria: Let it be!
Trevor: Fine. Go your own way.
Gloria: (stares out the window) I will survive.
Next stop: Monday, May 21st, 8:00pm
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