Life in progress

Category Archives: fiction


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111. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, December 20th, 8:00pm
Drommen (and Stephanie) (and Villem)

 

Drommen sits at the window. Stephanie takes the seat beside him.

Drommen: (smiling) Good evening.

Stephanie: (smiling back) Hi.

Drommen: Nice evening.

Stephanie: Yes, it … (suddenly looks nervous) Hide me.

Drommen: Hide you?

Stephanie: Yeah. (looking at his long trench coat) Under your coat or something.

Drommen: Well, you see…

Stephanie: That man over there. (pointing) He tried to flash me on the bus the other day.

Drommen: (sits up straight) Which one?

Stephanie: (points) Over there. First seat on the left.

Drommen starts to get up.

Stephanie: (grabbing his arm) No! You can’t go over there.

Drommen: Why not?

Stephanie: Because he’ll know it was me who told you about him.

Drommen: But someone has to deal with this guy. He’s giving the bus a bad name.

Stephanie: (with a tear in her eye) Please?

Drommen settles back in his seat.

Stephanie: Thank you. You’re a very decent man.

Drommen snorts.

 

Next stop: Thursday, December 21st, 3:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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110. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, December 19th, 5:00pm
Honey and Dear

 

Dear: (whining) Honey?

Honey: (bored) Yes Dear.

Dear: Can you rub my feet when we get home?

Honey: Yes Dear.

Dear: (a minute later, whining) Honey?

Honey: (bored) Yes Dear.

Dear: Can we cook supper together?

Honey: Yes Dear.

Dear: (a minute later, whining) Honey?

Honey: Yes Dear.

Dear: (whining) Can we go to bed early? I’m tired.

Honey: Of course, Dear.

Dear: (a minute later, whining) Honey?

Honey: (getting annoyed) Yes Dear.

Dear: You’re the best wife ever.

Honey: (regards him) Thank you, Dear.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, December 20th, 8:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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109. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, December 18th, 8:00am
Sherlock and Watson

 

Sherlock: … and so I said to him, “I knew it was you!”

Watson: How ever did you figure it out?

Sherlock: Well, let me tell you. I spied him sneaking into the hallway, and then when I went to put my shoes on later–after completely forgetting about the incident–there it was! A piece of poo, stuck to the bottom of my sock!

Watson: The poo was in your shoe?

Sherlock: It was!

Watson: (shakes head sadly) You really must get rid of that child.

Sherlock: Oh no, I sha’n’t do that. I’ll simply send him to school.

Watson: But, which one?

Sherlock: Why, elementary, my dear Watson.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, December 19th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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108. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Sunday, December 17th, 4:00am
Norm (and Vic)

 

Norm sits at the window. Vic takes a seat across the aisle.

Vic: Wassup?

Norm: (regards him briefly) Not much.

Vic: Why so glum, chum?

Norm: (looks at him) Why don’t you go find somewhere else to sit?

Vic: Get fired from the factory?

Norm: (stares out the window, mumbling) None of your business.

Vic: If you need some money I can help you out.

Norm: (regards him) Yeah? Doing what?

Vic: (reaches into his pocket, pulls out a small baggie) I’ve got a little business goin’.

Norm: I’m not into drugs. And anyway, what makes you think I’m not a cop?

Vic: Are you a cop.

Norm: (smiles) Yeah.

Norm escorts Vic off the bus in handcuffs.

 

 

Next stop: Monday, December 18th, 8:00am

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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107. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Saturday, December 16th, 4:00pm
Karla (and Justin)

 

Karla sits at the window. Justin takes the seat beside her.

Justin: Hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?

Karla: (glances up briefly from her cell phone) Nope.

Justin: I’m sure I do. Do you live around here?

Karla: (without looking up) Nope.

Justin: It’s Karla, right?

Karla: (without looking up) Nope.

Justin: Then why do you call yourself “Karla” on Facebook?

Karla: (looks at him) How do you know that?

Justin points at her phone.

Karla: (turning her back to the window to hide her phone, holding it in front of her face) Stop being so nosy.

Justin: You don’t get it, do you?

Karla: Don’t get what?

Justin: Everyone knows everyone.

Karla: (nose to her phone, typing madly) I don’t know you.

Justin: But all your friends will. You just took my picture.

Karla: No I didn’t.

Justin: (snatching her phone) Yes you did.

Karla: Fuck off, give it back.

Justin: Take my picture off it.

Karla: (snatches phone back) Fine!

Justin: (sits quietly for a moment, then turns to her) Friend me on Facebook?

Karla: (without looking up from her phone) Sure, what’s your name?

 

Next stop: Sunday, December 17th, 4:00am

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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106. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Adult theme

Friday, December 15th, 8:00pm
Edward (and Lily)

 

Edward sits in the aisle seat. Lily takes a seat behind him.

Lily: (leaning forward) Hey, sexy, going my way?

Edward: (without turning) What a stupid question. We’re on a bus. (turns to her) Of course I’m go … (sniffs) Who are you?

Lily: (smiles, showing a mouthful of fake fangs) I’m the girl who’s going to make you happy.

Edward: (stands) No you’re not! I belong to Bella!

Lily: Okay! Okay! Calm down. Have a seat.

Edward sits and stares forward.

Lily: (leaning forward to speak in his ear) I bet Bella can’t give you what I can.

Edward: (meekly) Are you talking about eternal life?

Lily: No, I’m talking about really great head.

Edward stands, hisses at her showing his own fake fangs, and hurries to the door to dramatically wait to get off the bus.

 

 

Next stop: Saturday, December 16th, 4:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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105. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday, December 14th, 6:00pm
Drommen (and Hillary)

 

Drommen sits at the window. Hillary takes the seat beside him.

Drommen: Hey, er, Jessica. Or should I call you Hillary?

Hillary: Hey, Jake. You can call me Jessica.

Drommen: (smiles) Okay. What’s new?

Hillary: Funny you should ask that. I met an undercover cop on the bus yesterday.

Drommen: Really?

Hillary: Yeah. She was goin’ around askin’ girls if they’d seen that flasher.

Drommen: What did you tell her?

Hillary: I described him. And I also told her it wasn’t the Drummin’ guy, ‘coz that’s what you said. She asked about him by name.

Drommen: Ah well, that’s good.

Hillary: That’s good?

Drommen: Well yeah, they don’t want to catch the wrong guy. So what does this other guy look like, anyway?

Hillary: (regards him closely) Actually, he kinda looks like you. Except he’s got this mole on his cheek.

Drommen: You told the cop about the mole though, right?

Hillary: I’m not sure. Why do you ask?

Drommen: Oh, no reason.

 

 

Next stop: Friday, December 15th, 8:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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104. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, December 13th, 5:00pm
Crystal and Jasmine

 

Crystal: So, like, there’s this woman, right? And she comes in to get her hair cut, and she wearing this sweater that’s, like, a man’s or something …

Jasmine: Oh my God! Into your place?

Crystal: Right? And so I start asking her the usual questions, like do you have kids … or have you always lived in town … and like, what are your upcoming plans …

Jasmine: Yeah, yeah …

Crystal: And she’s, like, fifty or something, and she’s wearing absolutely zero makeup, and I was expecting her to say somethin’ like, well I’m going Christmas shopping for the grandkids … you know …

Jasmine: Uh huh …

Crystal: And then she’s like, “Oh, I’m going to Japan in a couple of days,” and I’m like, what?

Jasmine: No. Way.

Crystal: I know, right? It was all I could do not to blurt it out! Like, totally seriously, this woman doesn’t look like she has two cents to rub together, and she’s going to Japan and, get this: you haven’t even heard the best part …

Jasmine: What? What?

Crystal: She told me … Get this. I asked her why she’s going, and she told me she’s going to Tokyo JUST to SEE a CONCERT …

Jasmine: OH. MY. GOD. You have got to be kidding.

Crystal: I’m dead serious. Can you believe it?

Jasmine: No way.

Crystal: I know …

 

(Written three years ago and based on a true story – at least judging by the look on my hairdresser’s face.)

Next stop: Thursday, December 14th, 6:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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103. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, December 12th, 4:00pm
Matt and Andy (and Nancy and everyone on the bus)

 

Matt: (singing) Tweet tweet.

Andy: (singing) Twiddle twiddle.

Nancy: (across the aisle, singing) There’s only one candy with a hole in the middle.

The rest of the bus joins in.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, December 13th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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102. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Adult theme

Monday, December 11th, 8:00pm
Drommen (and Lily)

 

Drommen sits by the window. Lily takes the seat beside him.

Drommen: (smiling) Hi there.

Lily: Hi.

Drommen: Nice night, isn’t it?

Lily: Yes it is, a very nice night.

Drommen: Do you mind if I masturbate?

Lily: (smiles, showing a mouthful of fake fangs) Go right ahead.

Drommen: Errr … Never mind.

Lily: Are you sure?

Drommen: Yeah. But I know someone you should meet.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, December 12th, 4:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.