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Tag Archives: humorous fiction


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306. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, July 3rd, 5:00pm
Morag (and Zoey)

 

Morag sits at the window. Zoey takes the seat beside her.

Morag: (pulls headphones out of her ears) Man, that was a good book.

Zoey: Cool. Which one were you listening to?

Morag: Oh, I was listening to music.

Zoey stares at her.

Morag: I was just reading the last Harry Potter book to myself. I have them all memorized.

Zoey: Wow. You must have read them a lot of times.

Morag: Oh yeah. Did you know Dumbledore killed Snape in the last book?

Zoey: No …

Morag: Oh, I’m sorry. I should have said “spoiler alert.”

Zoey: But even if it were true, it’s not in the last book.

Morag: (frowns) Look, lady, do you have the books memorized?

Zoey: No, but …

Morag: I rest my case.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, July 4th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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305. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, July 2nd, 5:00pm
Simon (and Murray)

 

Simon sits at the window. Murray takes the seat beside him.

Murray: Excuse me, can I interest you in a potato?

Simon: I don’t eat vegetation.

Murray: That’s odd … you only eat meat?

Simon: Yes. I prefer organs, actually. A slice of liver with a nice Chianti, for instance.

Murray: So no fava beans?

Simon: It’s where our similarity ends.

Murray changes seats.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, July 3rd, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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304. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Sunday, July 1st, 1:00pm
MoJo (and JoJo)

 

MoJo sits at the window. JoJo boards the bus.

JoJo: (yelling down the aisle) DUDE! Happy Canada Day!

MoJo: (stands) DUDE! What in the heck are you wearing, dude?

JoJo: (approaches MoJo) It’s a suit made of maple leaves, man! I saved ’em from last fall!

MoJo: Come and sit by me, dude!

JoJo: (sits and leaves begin to crumble) This is gonna be the best Canada Day ever!

MoJo: Dude! You’re naked!

JoJo: (looks down at himself) No way! Lucky I have a flag! (smiling, holds up small flag and waves it)

MoJo: That’s no way to fly our flag, man.

JoJo: Darn it, dude, you’re right! What am I gonna do?

MoJo: Here. (takes off t-shirt to reveal body paint in flag design) Tie this around your waist.

JoJo: But, now you’re more patriotic than I am, man.

MoJo: Wait! (turns to face him and presses his chest against JoJo’s) There! Now we’re wearin’ each other’s maple leaves!

JoJo: Cool!

MoJo: (stands) Happy Canada Day, everybody!

 

Next stop: Monday, July 2nd, 5:00pm

Click hereto learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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303. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, June 30th, 5:00pm
Andrea and Lacey

 

Andrea sighs.

Lacey: What’s wrong?

Andrea: I keep hoping to see Eddie on the bus. But he’s, like, never on anymore.

Lacey: I thought you were over him.

Andrea: I’ll never be over him, Lace. He’s my soulmate!

Lacey: Pfft.

Andrea: I didn’t expect you to understand. I just wish I knew where he was.

Lacey: Has it occurred to you that if he’s a vampire, he won’t come out when it’s daylight?

Andrea stares at her.

Lacey: (after a moment) Well?

Andrea: You think he really is a vampire?

Lacey: NO!

Andrea: I guess you’re right if he’s, like, trying to keep up appearances. (smiles) Thanks, Lace.

Lacey sighs.

 

Next stop: Sunday, July 1st, 1:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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301. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday, June 28th, 3:00pm
Tiffany and Vera

 

Tiffany: My God, I’m like, so glad school’s over, you know?

Vera: I know! Did you hear about Professor Plum? He was all over Scarlet.

Tiffany: No way!

Vera: (nods exaggeratedly and pops gum) Uh huh. I heard they were in the cafeteria? And she was, like, tied to one of the tables with a rope and he was covering her in mustard.

Tiffany: Ew!! Isn’t he, like, married to Mrs. Peacock?

Vera: Pfft. Yeah, but he’s been screwing around with Mrs. White for years. And you know what else I heard?

Tiffany: What?

Vera: Lissy told me Casper caught him in kitchen … with Mr. Green!

Tiffany: No way! He’s also gay? I had no clue!

 

Next stop: Friday, June 29th, 7:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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300. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, June 27th, 7:00pm
Rupert (and the rest of the passengers on the bus)

 

Rupert sits alone by the window. He stands and addresses the other passengers.

Rupert: And in closing, I’d like to thank my director, my producer, my mother, and all you little people who volunteered your time to further my cause. I can promise you all that the end of the world by means of worm infestation is no longer an issue, and you may all go on with your lives knowing that I, Rupert, have done my utmost to ensure your continued safety against zombies and aliens alike. A light dinner will be served in the cargo hold of this bus at 7:30pm. Thank you again, and good night.

The rest of the passengers on the bus applaud politely.

 

Next stop: Thursday, June 28th, 3:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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299. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, June 26th, 5:00pm
Meredith (and Vijay)

 

Meredith sits at the window. Vijay takes the seat beside her.

Meredith: Do I look fat in this?

Vijay: I beg your pardon?

Meredith: Fat. Do I look fat in this dress?

Vijay: I am sorry, I cannot comment on your dress or your body. My wife would not like it.

Meredith: (looks around) Is your wife here?

Vijay: No, she is not.

Meredith: I won’t tell her if you don’t. Now. Do I look fat in this?

Vijay: I still cannot comment.

Meredith: Why not?

Vijay: Because I am afraid I will say the wrong thing and then you will be angry at me.

Meredith: You think I look fat, don’t you.

Vijay: I did not say that.

Meredith: You do! How dare you!

Vijay: In my defense madam, I did not say anything.

Meredith: You didn’t have to! I should have known better than to ask a man.

Vijay: This is very true.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, June 27th, 7:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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298. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, June 25th, 4:00pm
Marty (and Zerg, the Undefeatable)

 

Marty sits at the window. Zerg, the Undefeatable takes the seat beside him.

Marty: Watch out.

Zerg, the Undefeatable: Sorry. This costume is a bit big.

Marty: A bit big? Man, couldn’t you have gotten changed when you got where ever it is you’re going?

Zerg, the Undefeatable: Not really. It took three hours to get into this thing.

Marty: Who are you supposed to be, anyways?

Zerg, the Undefeatable: I’m Zerg. The Undefeatable.

Marty kicks him in the shins.

Zerg, the Undefeatable: Ouch! What was that for?

Marty: Just checking.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, June 26th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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295. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Friday, June 22nd, 5:00pm
Juliette (and Drommen)

 

Juliette sits at the window. Drommen takes the seat beside her.

Juliette: Please be gentle.

Drommen: I beg your pardon, Madame?

Juliette: Well, you see, this is my first time on a bus, and you are the first man to sit beside me.

Drommen: Ah. Common bus etiquette demands that I at least introduce myself. I’m Jake.

Juliette: (smiles and extends gloved hand) I’m Juliette. It’s very nice to meet you, Jake.

Drommen: (takes her hand and kisses the back of it) My pleasure entirely.

Juliette: I’ve heard so many horror stories about taking the bus. I’m happy to find they’ve proven unfounded.

Drommen: I’m sure whatever you’ve heard is total nonsense. I try to come on the bus as often as I can, and there are few worse than myself.

Juliette: Well then. If you are just about as bad as it gets, I shall cease to worry.

Drommen: Quite right. I was going to ask you … would you mind if I …

Juliette: Yes?

Drommen: … change seats with you? I have a long way to go.

Juliette: Not at all.

 

Next stop: Saturday, June 23rd, 7:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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294. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday, June 21st, 7:00pm
Kyra (and Sean)

 

Kyra sits at the window. Sean takes the seat beside her.

Kyra: Oh God, not you again.

Sean: Yep. Me again.

Kyra: Well at least I won’t have to worry about seeing you for a while. I’m flying down to see my gramma in Florida.

Sean: Hope you’re in good shape.

Kyra: What for?

Sean: Ever been on a plane before?

Kyra: Nope. First time.

Sean: ‘Coz you’ve gotta flap your arms or the plane won’t take off.

Kyra: Bullshit.

Sean: Seriously. If everyone doesn’t flap their arms, the plane won’t leave the ground. All part of cost cutting and energy environmental crap. It was on the news.

Kyra stares at him.

Sean: Ask anyone.

Kyra turns away, squeezing her arm muscles discretely as she looks out the window.

 

Next stop: Friday, June 22nd, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.