Life in progress

Tag Archives: humour


by 31 Comments

The Destroyer Strikes Again

Okay, I didn’t actually destroy the computers at Service Ontario (where we renew our licenses and health cards), but I didn’t seem to do them any favours.

If you read my bloated one-liner on Wednesday (here), you’ll know that whilst out at the mall, not one but two computers in the stores I visited crapped out while I was there. Apparently my reign of terror was not over. It happened again. Yesterday.

Both my son Chris and I needed to renew our health cards. So we went into the office and sat to wait our turn, as you do. We were called up to Desk #6 (there are 9) and the lady started filling out the paperwork. When she tried to take Chris’s picture, it didn’t work. The camera was fine, but the computer wouldn’t capture the image. So she sent us to Desk #3.

A nice lady helped us through the process and got Chris all set. Then it was my turn. As she was processing my paperwork, the computer started glitching.

“Oh no,” I said and then explained to her what had happened at the mall.

She waved it off good-naturedly and suggested we take my picture while the computer was doing its thing.

“I’ll try not to break your camera,” I said as I stepped in front of it.

The lady thought that was hilarious, and we laughed until I had to do the serious face for my photo. Then came her serious face when the picture didn’t work. Her computer crashed.

“Okay,” she said. “I’ll just pass you off to my colleague at Desk #4.”

The other lady with whom she shared a workspace and who hadn’t been busy for a while said that if her camera worked, it wasn’t me, it was the lady she worked with who broke the computer.

So I stood in front of the camera again and we laughed and laughed, and I got serious, and then we all got serious. It didn’t work. At this point, three out of nine computers weren’t working.

So the lady at Desk #4 asked us to have a seat while she called IT. While we sat there (right by the desk), a man passed us to go to Desk #2. A woman was following him so closely, that I thought they were together. The man approached the desk but the woman stood back.

“You just called me to this desk,” she said, confused. It was obvious the two weren’t together at this point.

“Oh,” said the man behind Desk #2. “Sorry, just take a seat and we’ll call you up next. It happens sometimes that the computer calls two people up at the same time. Must be a glitch.”

Shortly after that we went back to Desk #4 and I got my confirmation that my renewal had gone through offsite. The lady’s computer still wasn’t working, but they’d done it somehow through another office. Obviously one where I wasn’t physically present.

I’m afraid to go out again.


by 58 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday & #JusJoJan Daily Prompt – January 31st, 2018

Because I’ve got a story to tell, I’m going to take a page out of Dan Antion’s book and base a long post on a short sentence. This should, by rights, be a one-liner, but I’m cheating this week. Sue me. (You won’t get anything, so don’t bother.)

I was at the mall Monday night getting a new pair of prescription sunglasses to replace the ones I lost on Christmas Eve. After finding out they were going to cost me $400, I decided to get an account with the store so I could pay for them over the space of six months. Half an hour and an utter disaster on the part of the store’s computer later (with time spent made pleasant by the friendly cashier), I walked out of there with my credit but no glasses yet.

To celebrate my half a victory, I decided to go into the children’s clothing store to buy some underwear and pants for Alex. I picked out the undergarments with no problem, but the pants I wasn’t too sure about. So I went to the cashier with two pairs, two different sizes. The cashier, a lovely lady named Nancy, assured me I’d be able to bring back the pair that didn’t fit. She rang in the purchase, it went through, and boom, her computer screen went black. While I waited for it to reboot, I told her it seemed everywhere I went in the mall, I was breaking computers. We laughed and joked about it, and about half an hour later I walked out of there with a bag full of pants.

When I got home, I had Alex try both pairs of pants on. One was too big, the other too small. I thought fine, I had to take one pair back anyway, why not two? But when I went to put them back in the bag (with the receipt I’d waited so long for), I realized Nancy had forgotten to take the little ink tag off the bigger pair of pants.

So out came the receipt so I could look up the phone number of the store before they closed. I explained to the lady who answered that I still had the ink tag on the pants and I wanted to bring them back, but I didn’t want them to think I’d stolen them and was just trying to get money from them.

She said it was no problem, as long as I had my receipt. Before I hung up, I wanted to know if it was the same cashier who’d rung me through. (I didn’t remember her name at the time.)

Me: Have you been there a while tonight? I’m the one who came in earlier …

Her: You’re the lady who broke my computer?

Me: Yes!

Ah, I do love it when a cashier has a sense of humour.

Here are the general rules to follow for Just Jot it January:

1. Just Jot It January starts January 1st, but it’s never too late to join in! Here, we run on the honour system; the “jot it” part of JusJoJan means that anything you jot down, anywhere (it doesn’t have to be a post, it can even be a grocery list) counts as a “Jot.” If it makes it to your blog that day, great! If it waits a week to get from a sticky note to your screen, no problem!

2. I’ll post the daily prompts at 2am my time (GMT -5), every day except for Saturday’s Stream of Consciousness (SoCS) prompt–you’ll find that one on Friday morning at 9:30am. That daily post (i.e. this one) will be where you leave your link for others to find in the comment section. There will be a prompt for every day except Wednesday, when the prompt is simply my One-Liner Wednesday.

2a. Since today is Wednesday, I challenge you to make your JusJoJan post a one-liner. If you don’t care to, or if you’ve already written your post, no problem. Remember, with One-Liner Wednesday you can write anything – it’s only a prompt to write one line, not necessarily to keep to the same theme as mine. The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

(i) Make it one sentence.

(ii) Make it either funny or inspirational.

(iii) Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

(iv) Enjoy yourself!

(v) Use our One-Liner Wednesday badge.

3. As long as your blog is on WordPress, you’ll be able to link via pingback. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL from the daily prompt post, and paste it anywhere in your post. Check to make sure your link shows up where you want it to, and go back occasionally to see other bloggers’ entries – the more you visit others, the more they’ll visit you! If you’re participating from another blogging host, just drop a link into the comment section. Note: The newest pingbacks and comments will appear at the top.

4. Tag your post JusJoJan and/or #JusJoJan.

5. Write anything! Any length will do! It can even be a photo or a drawing – you’re going to title it, right? There’s your jot!

6. The prompts are here both to remind you and to inspire you to write. However, you don’t have to use the prompt word of the day. You can link any kind of jot back here. Note: If it’s 18+ content, please say so in a comment with your link or close to your pingback.

7. If you’d like to, use the JusJoJan badge so that others can find your post more easily.

8. Have fun!

To find the full list of daily prompts from now until the end of the month, click this link: https://lindaghill.com/2017/12/27/what-is-just-jot-it-january-2018-rules/ and scroll down to the bottom of the post.

 

 


by 20 Comments

#JusJoJan 2018, the 29th – Fantastic

“Fantastic” is one of my go-to words when I’m describing something that I think is great. I think there should be more synonyms for fantastic, though.

I’m not worried about not having enough ways to talk about how miserable I am, when I am. And there are SO many ways to describe something that’s bad. I can get downright creative, in fact, when something angers me. So why are there so few ways to say how wonderful something is? After all, we NEED words to show our enthusiasm! I don’t understand why it’s not easier to say how delighted I am with something than how stinky I find something to be.

Have you ever been bothered by this? I am, constantly.

This slightly annoyed-sounding post is in direct opposition to how happy I am that the prompt is brought to you by Just Jot it January, and in particular, by the word “fantastic,” provided by Jill! Thank you so much, Jill! You can find her JusJoJan post by clicking right here. Please go and say hi! To participate in the prompt, please visit this post, where you’ll find the rules and you can leave your link in the comments.


by 25 Comments

#JusJoJan 2018, the 28th – Knight

I’d like a knight in shining armor.

My knight would wash my floors, my clothes, and my dishes, cook my meals, and look after my children.

My knight would not whisk me away to a far-off castle … My knight would send me on a vacation, alone, just me and a book or twelve.

My knight would be a maid. A really rich maid. Kind of a maid in reverse. Yeah.

This wistful post is brought to you by Just Jot it January, and in particular, prompted by the word “knight,” provided by Leta! Thank you so much, Leta! You can find her JusJoJan post by clicking right here. Please go and say hi! To participate in the prompt, please visit this post, where you’ll find the rules and you can leave your link in the comments.


by 11 Comments

#JusJoJan 2018, the 25th – Prediction

You know who I wish could make a decent prediction? The weather man. Just imagine never getting caught without an umbrella when you need one. Or a coat. Or a toothbrush for when you’re unexpectedly served something full of garlic. … oh wait. Wrong kind of prediction.

But seriously. It would be cool if the weather man could positively predict what you’re going to end up eating on any given day, wouldn’t it? You’d never have to stress over another grocery list.

Man, am I tired. Can you tell?

This silly post is is brought to you by Just Jot it January, and in particular, prompted by the word “prediction,” provided by Dar! Thank you so much, Dar! You can find her last JusJoJan post by clicking right here. Please go and say hi! To participate in the prompt, please visit this post, where you’ll find the rules and you can leave your link in the comments.


by 32 Comments

#JusJoJan 2018, the 22nd – Liberty

People take such liberties these days, don’t they? Yeah, I know I sound like I’m going into a “back in my day” rant, but it really does seem to me that the meaning of “free speech” has somehow gotten skewed. Free speech means that one is free to say whatever they want, yeah. We have the legal right to speak, as long as it’s not to falsely malign or spread hate. But it’s a legal right, not a moral one.

Used to be that people were polite. Then again, it used to be that people spoke face to face, or at least over the phone. These kids with their technology, they hide behind their screens in their dark little basement rooms and say whatever they want and damn the consequences. It ain’t right, I tell ya! It just ain’t right.

Such liberties.

This old-folk rant, courtesy of my birthday, is brought to you by Just Jot it January, and in particular, prompted by the word “liberty,” provided by Capt Jill! Thank you so much, Jill! She hadn’t posted for the prompt yet at the publishing of this post, but you can find her blog by clicking right here. Please go and say hi! To participate in the prompt, please visit this post, where you’ll find the rules and you can leave your link in the comments.


by 52 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday & #JusJoJan Daily Prompt – January 17, 2018

Short on inspiration and energy: a comic from Facebook, originated from http://buttersafe.com/

*comic shows stick figure sitting, laying down, begging, and sitting up in a coffin. Caption: Dog tricks: not as impressive when done by humans

Here are the general rules to follow for Just Jot it January:

1. Just Jot It January starts January 1st, but it’s never too late to join in! Here, we run on the honour system; the “jot it” part of JusJoJan means that anything you jot down, anywhere (it doesn’t have to be a post, it can even be a grocery list) counts as a “Jot.” If it makes it to your blog that day, great! If it waits a week to get from a sticky note to your screen, no problem!

2. I’ll post the daily prompts at 2am my time (GMT -5), every day except for Saturday’s Stream of Consciousness (SoCS) prompt–you’ll find that one on Friday morning at 9:30am. That daily post (i.e. this one) will be where you leave your link for others to find in the comment section. There will be a prompt for every day except Wednesday, when the prompt is simply my One-Liner Wednesday.

2a. Since today is Wednesday, I challenge you to make your JusJoJan post a one-liner. If you don’t care to, or if you’ve already written your post, no problem. Remember, with One-Liner Wednesday you can write anything – it’s only a prompt to write one line, not necessarily to keep to the same theme as mine. The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

(i) Make it one sentence.

(ii) Make it either funny or inspirational.

(iii) Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

(iv) Enjoy yourself!

(v) Use our One-Liner Wednesday badge.

3. As long as your blog is on WordPress, you’ll be able to link via pingback. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL from the daily prompt post, and paste it anywhere in your post. Check to make sure your link shows up where you want it to, and go back occasionally to see other bloggers’ entries – the more you visit others, the more they’ll visit you! If you’re participating from another blogging host, just drop a link into the comment section. Note: The newest pingbacks and comments will appear at the top.

4. Tag your post JusJoJan and/or #JusJoJan.

5. Write anything! Any length will do! It can even be a photo or a drawing – you’re going to title it, right? There’s your jot!

6. The prompts are here both to remind you and to inspire you to write. However, you don’t have to use the prompt word of the day. You can link any kind of jot back here. Note: If it’s 18+ content, please say so in a comment with your link or close to your pingback.

7. If you’d like to, use the JusJoJan badge so that others can find your post more easily.

8. Have fun!

To find the full list of daily prompts from now until the end of the month, click this link: https://lindaghill.com/2017/12/27/what-is-just-jot-it-january-2018-rules/ and scroll down to the bottom of the post.


by 10 Comments

134. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Friday, January 12th, 8:00pm
Gargoyle #1 and Gargoyle #2

 

Gargoyle #1: Hey, do you want to get stoned?

Gargoyle #2: I already am.

 

Next stop: Saturday, January 13th, 8:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


by 10 Comments

#JusJoJan 2018, the 9th – Coffee

It’s quite obvious I didn’t get enough today.

Not that I go there often anymoreaddi since I don’t get out much, but there was a boycott of sorts today of Tim Horton’s here in Canada. Something to do with the raise of minimum wage and them not wanting to pay for breaks or something. I don’t know. I love Tim’s, but I didn’t go there today. I wouldn’t have, anyway.

Honestly, I wish I could survive on coffee alone. But too much of it upsets my stomach, and I’m not sure it doesn’t mess with my sleep, too, if I drink it later in the evening.

However, if you’re buying, I take it with double cream, no sugar …

This post was brought to you by Just Jot it January, and in particular, prompted by the word, “coffee,” provided by Barbara! Thank you so much, Barbara! You can find her JusJoJan post by clicking right here. Please go and say hi! To participate in the prompt, please visit this post, where you’ll find the rules and you can leave your link in the comments.


by 29 Comments

#JusJoJan 2018, the 8th – Pants

What I want to write about today is and isn’t pants; it’s panties. I’ll start by explaining how I got from one to the other: in a word, English. In North America, pants are the things we walk around in that everyone sees. In the UK pants are trousers, and underwear are pants. I honestly wish we could call them that here too, even though I hate the word “trousers.”

But you know what word I hate even more? “Panties.” I use it for lack of a better word when I write fiction–underwear seems such a bulky word. One that conjures, in my mind, visions of undergarments that cover from the lowest part of the butt cheek to the waist. To have the hero of one of my stories strip his lady love of everything but a pair of those would quickly transform the sexiest scene into either a comedy or worse, something that would make me gag.

I didn’t grow up calling them panties, which may be why I’m so adverse to the word. What do you think? Is “panties” as distasteful for you as it is for me? Do you have a better word?

I’ve considered having all my characters go commando, just so I don’t have to deal with it at all.

This post was brought to you by Just Jot it January, and in particular, prompted by the word, “pants,” provided by pensitivity! Thank you so much! You can find her JusJoJan post by clicking right here. Please go and say hi! To participate in the prompt, please visit this post, where you’ll find the rules and you can leave your link in the comments.