Life in progress

Tag Archives: humour


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#SoCS – Montage

Welcome to my literary montage, which, in other words means Hi, it’s another random post. A post of stuff I like. Random stuff. Like the flowers outside that have been buried under inches of freezing rain but that looked like this two days ago.

Early spring flowers, silky and purple with fuzzy yellow stamens.

I like taking pictures. I wish I had a real camera. You know–a REAL camera.

I like traveling to different places and I like walking, especially when my body is in shape.

And I like the Glorious Sons.

They’re an amazing band out of Kingston, Ontario.

You might have noticed I like writing, too. Especially when I can sneak in the letter M without anyone noticing that I’m not really doing the A to Z Challenge when I really am. (Shhhh!! I don’t think they’ve caught on yet.)

What do you like to do?

This post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday and NOT AT ALL by #atozchallenge. Here’s the link to SoCS: https://lindaghill.com/2018/04/13/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-april-14-18/


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Lookin’ out the window

It’s raining at the moment. Starting at 5am Saturday we’ll be getting rained on by ice pellets, until 11am when the snow will start. That’ll be a nice spring treat until the ice pellets come back at 9pm and continue until 7pm Sunday. Yes, 22 hours of ice pellets. Then it’s gonna rain. Until Tuesday.

All this to say if I disappear over the weekend, it’s likely because I’ve lost my power. No data on my phone, so no webz nohow.

Time to get out the hockey skates, eh?

Just don’t tell the neighbours it’s all because Karma’s coming to get me for illegally tagging on to the A to Z Challenge. They’ll freakin’ lynch me. Eh?


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#SoCS – Aggression

Aggression isn’t natural for me, but I find myself acting aggressively towards my keyboard. Why? Because the spacebar isn’t working properly. I have to hit it so hard every time I press it that typing is somewhat akin to playing drums in a death metal band.

Meanwhile, it’s probably due to a crumb that passively made it’s way under the key.

Die, motherf–!!

Yeah. So. That’s my day so far. 🙂

This short, pleasant post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Care to join in on the fun? Just click the following link, where you’ll find the rules and many other posts in the comment section. 🙂 https://lindaghill.com/2018/04/06/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-april-7-18/

 


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Down

I’m writing this on the cusp of being late for the letter “D.” Not that it really matters–I’m not signed up for the A to Z Challenge, so no pressure, right? Nah. Except it’s a bit early in the game to be missing a day.

Therefore, here’s a quick note to record what’s been going down.

First and foremost, the electricity. There was a modicum of truth to my three-hour-late Second Seat on the Right, in that I, like Stuart, was late due to a power outage. But unless there was an extremely heavy cat on the tree limb that brought it down to the pavement, the fault wasn’t a cat’s.

Luckily my spaghetti sauce was cooked and only needed reheating. We had a nice dinner, wine included, and now it’s me who’s down. For the count. Only three and a half hours of sleep last night and two glasses of wine’ll do that to a girl.

Ni’night, all! Hope you had a happy “D” day!


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One-Liner Wednesday – Funny or Terrible?

I’m almost afraid to post this. I was at my Deaf son’s school, waiting outside with another mom (the doors were locked) for our kids to get out of basketball practice. We waited, and waited, until the time passed that practice should have been out. The doors are made of glass, so I walked over to see if they were still in the gym. They were. I was going to knock, but of course they couldn’t hear me. They’re Deaf. So I went back to the other mom to let her know what had happened, and the stupidest line I could have ever come up with came out of my mouth.

I see Deaf people.

IT WAS TRUE! Don’t shoot me.

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion

 

 


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Can’t Clap

My bedroom door sticks. Let’s get that bit of information out of the way to start with. It’s actually worse in the summer–it barely closes then. It’s a dream in the winter to close, but it’s starting to get bad again. Therefore, when I want to close it enough to keep the dog out of my room, I have to slam it to basically wedge it into the door frame.

Yesterday, in a hurry to get downstairs with a handful of change, I slammed the door with said handful of change, and you can guess what happened. I slammed the side of my hand into the door frame, full force. I thought I’d broken it. It bled profusely for a while, so now I’m left with a bump, a bruise, and probably a scab; I haven’t had the guts to take the bandage off yet to look. And it’s still hurts to touch it. I definitely can’t clap. (Yes, I went a loooong way to get that title.)

If it had happened, say, next Wednesday instead, I could have used Karma for Thursday the 12th, which would have been much more in line with the fact that I’m illegally tagging along on the A to Z Challenge this year. Apparently you can’t spell Karma with a “C.” It’s even more illegal than what I’m doing, and only Buddha knows what might have gotten stuck in the door jamb if I’d attempted it!

Future is past, in my world. It’s a rebirth thing. 😉

My hand. My poor, poor hand.

 

 


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Be dreamin’

If I’m going to piggyback illegally on the A to Z Challenge, I may as well go all the way with no theme, no rules (including grammar) for my titles … no nothin’, damnit! I’m such a rebel.

I dreamed a lot last night. In one, I had to justify something I’d explained inaccurately in another dream from another time. Seriously, I could write a book about the weird things that come into my head when I’m sleeping.

My weirdest one last night was that Melania Trump is only 2’4″ tall. And I have no idea what the significance of that is. Theories, anyone?

Thanks to everyone for supporting my effort to write ‘coz I have to. You’re all very bad influences and I love you for it. ❤


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Aaaand … this is killing me

I didn’t sign up for the A to Z challenge (for the first time in five years) because I didn’t want to put pressure on myself to post every day. I know I’m going to be busy later on in the month but now? Now I’m itching to write something. Anything.

All the writers’ groups I’m in on Facebook are filled with posts about Camp NaNoWriMo. They’re happily discussing their works in progress and me?

I swear, the itch to write is worse than a mosquito bite that you can’t leave alone. It’s more a mosquito bite that’s so far embedded in your chest that it’s like the damned bug is buzzing around in your esophagus, and you can’t even swat it out because you can’t reach it.

That’s the best I can come up with.

So, can I write a post that starts with “B” tomorrow and not get kicked off the webz? Can I? Can I?

 


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#SoCS – Bun food

It’s going to be a busy day for me, so I want to write this post before I do anything. Trouble is, I haven’t eaten breakfast yet–in perfect procrastinator fashion, I’ve put it off simply because I didn’t know what to write, which is ridiculous considering that’s the entire purpose of Stream of Consciousness Saturday: to just write when you have nothing to write. So anyway, where was I? Oh yeah.

I haven’t had breakfast. So I’m sitting here starving, trying to figure out what I can write about with “bun” in it without torturing myself. Here’s what I have to avoid, just so you have an idea what I’m going through:

Buns–my eldest son has taken to baking bread lately. He’s planning to bake some buns, from scratch, for our dinner tonight. Can’t talk about that.

Easter Bunny–that’s me. I have to go out today sometime and get chocolate eggs to hide for tomorrow morning.

Bunch of grapes–sitting in my fridge.  They’re going to go bad if I don’t eat them soon. Eating soon is definitely on my mind.

Bundt cakes–giant donuts that can be shared for dessert … or hidden somewhere in the back of the fridge to be consumed in secret after everyone else has gone to bed.

Bungalow–there we go! Something that doesn’t remind me of food. Unless you count the gingerbread house I built at Christmas. I wonder if it’s possible to build a two-storey gingerbread house? Yum.

Bungle–yep, that’s what I’m doing with this post if my goal is to forget about food.

Oh, who am I kidding? I’m going to have breakfast. Cheers with coffee!!

This strangely delicious post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link to find all the participating posts in the comment section, and join in yourself. It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2018/03/30/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-march-30-18/


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One-Liner Wednesday – The F-Word

Last week, sitting in a restaurant beside a mother with two daughters, aged about five and eight years old, I overheard:

Five-year-old: I said the f-word by accident yesterday.

Eight-year-old: Which one?

Five: You know, the f–word.

Eight: (whispers) Frozen?

Five: No, the one Mommy always says.

It was all I could do; 1, not to laugh (because we all know Frozen is a bad word); and 2, not to look at the mother and embarrass her.

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion