Life in progress

Tag Archives: humour


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One-Liner Wednesday – Funny or Terrible?

I’m almost afraid to post this. I was at my Deaf son’s school, waiting outside with another mom (the doors were locked) for our kids to get out of basketball practice. We waited, and waited, until the time passed that practice should have been out. The doors are made of glass, so I walked over to see if they were still in the gym. They were. I was going to knock, but of course they couldn’t hear me. They’re Deaf. So I went back to the other mom to let her know what had happened, and the stupidest line I could have ever come up with came out of my mouth.

I see Deaf people.

IT WAS TRUE! Don’t shoot me.

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion

 

 


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Can’t Clap

My bedroom door sticks. Let’s get that bit of information out of the way to start with. It’s actually worse in the summer–it barely closes then. It’s a dream in the winter to close, but it’s starting to get bad again. Therefore, when I want to close it enough to keep the dog out of my room, I have to slam it to basically wedge it into the door frame.

Yesterday, in a hurry to get downstairs with a handful of change, I slammed the door with said handful of change, and you can guess what happened. I slammed the side of my hand into the door frame, full force. I thought I’d broken it. It bled profusely for a while, so now I’m left with a bump, a bruise, and probably a scab; I haven’t had the guts to take the bandage off yet to look. And it’s still hurts to touch it. I definitely can’t clap. (Yes, I went a loooong way to get that title.)

If it had happened, say, next Wednesday instead, I could have used Karma for Thursday the 12th, which would have been much more in line with the fact that I’m illegally tagging along on the A to Z Challenge this year. Apparently you can’t spell Karma with a “C.” It’s even more illegal than what I’m doing, and only Buddha knows what might have gotten stuck in the door jamb if I’d attempted it!

Future is past, in my world. It’s a rebirth thing. 😉

My hand. My poor, poor hand.

 

 


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Be dreamin’

If I’m going to piggyback illegally on the A to Z Challenge, I may as well go all the way with no theme, no rules (including grammar) for my titles … no nothin’, damnit! I’m such a rebel.

I dreamed a lot last night. In one, I had to justify something I’d explained inaccurately in another dream from another time. Seriously, I could write a book about the weird things that come into my head when I’m sleeping.

My weirdest one last night was that Melania Trump is only 2’4″ tall. And I have no idea what the significance of that is. Theories, anyone?

Thanks to everyone for supporting my effort to write ‘coz I have to. You’re all very bad influences and I love you for it. ❤


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Aaaand … this is killing me

I didn’t sign up for the A to Z challenge (for the first time in five years) because I didn’t want to put pressure on myself to post every day. I know I’m going to be busy later on in the month but now? Now I’m itching to write something. Anything.

All the writers’ groups I’m in on Facebook are filled with posts about Camp NaNoWriMo. They’re happily discussing their works in progress and me?

I swear, the itch to write is worse than a mosquito bite that you can’t leave alone. It’s more a mosquito bite that’s so far embedded in your chest that it’s like the damned bug is buzzing around in your esophagus, and you can’t even swat it out because you can’t reach it.

That’s the best I can come up with.

So, can I write a post that starts with “B” tomorrow and not get kicked off the webz? Can I? Can I?

 


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#SoCS – Bun food

It’s going to be a busy day for me, so I want to write this post before I do anything. Trouble is, I haven’t eaten breakfast yet–in perfect procrastinator fashion, I’ve put it off simply because I didn’t know what to write, which is ridiculous considering that’s the entire purpose of Stream of Consciousness Saturday: to just write when you have nothing to write. So anyway, where was I? Oh yeah.

I haven’t had breakfast. So I’m sitting here starving, trying to figure out what I can write about with “bun” in it without torturing myself. Here’s what I have to avoid, just so you have an idea what I’m going through:

Buns–my eldest son has taken to baking bread lately. He’s planning to bake some buns, from scratch, for our dinner tonight. Can’t talk about that.

Easter Bunny–that’s me. I have to go out today sometime and get chocolate eggs to hide for tomorrow morning.

Bunch of grapes–sitting in my fridge.  They’re going to go bad if I don’t eat them soon. Eating soon is definitely on my mind.

Bundt cakes–giant donuts that can be shared for dessert … or hidden somewhere in the back of the fridge to be consumed in secret after everyone else has gone to bed.

Bungalow–there we go! Something that doesn’t remind me of food. Unless you count the gingerbread house I built at Christmas. I wonder if it’s possible to build a two-storey gingerbread house? Yum.

Bungle–yep, that’s what I’m doing with this post if my goal is to forget about food.

Oh, who am I kidding? I’m going to have breakfast. Cheers with coffee!!

This strangely delicious post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link to find all the participating posts in the comment section, and join in yourself. It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2018/03/30/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-march-30-18/


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One-Liner Wednesday – The F-Word

Last week, sitting in a restaurant beside a mother with two daughters, aged about five and eight years old, I overheard:

Five-year-old: I said the f-word by accident yesterday.

Eight-year-old: Which one?

Five: You know, the f–word.

Eight: (whispers) Frozen?

Five: No, the one Mommy always says.

It was all I could do; 1, not to laugh (because we all know Frozen is a bad word); and 2, not to look at the mother and embarrass her.

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion

 

 


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#SoCS – So Not Green

Total fail for me on getting to my own prompt on time today. But I did get some work done on my novel. What seemed like a mountain of editing is going pretty smoothly after all. At least it started to when I got away from the Internet.

I had to drop my son Chris off at the theatre to watch a movie, so instead of coming home, or even sitting in a restaurant while I waited, I sat in the car. Backed up to the humongous pile of dirty snow just off to the side of the parking lot, I got into the back seat with my laptop and worked pretty much non-stop for an hour and a half.

When I came home, I had to walk down to visit my mum at the home. She was out of cigarettes. She’s finally accepted that she can’t have them in her room anymore, and doesn’t question having to go find one of the nurses to give her her nicotine fix. So there’s that. Anyway, I ended up spending an hour there. Then back home to have supper and play a rousing game of Monopoly. I cleaned up! And then I had to clean up.

So though it’s St. Patrick’s Day today (Happy St. Patrick’s Day … yesterday!), the only thing green about mine was the broccoli I had with my steak and potatoes tonight. But that’s okay. I love broccoli.

This not-very-green post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click on the link to read all the other posts. It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2018/03/16/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-march-17-18/


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One-Liner Wednesday – Report

Day Two of March Break has come to a successful conclusion: we are all still alive.

In other news, is it spring yet?

Asking for a friend.

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion

 


by 15 Comments

#SoCS – Sofa, so good

Well, I was going to get loads of work done today. Work on my own novel, on the short story I’m writing to submit to the upcoming anthology by Transmundane Press, work on my editing website, and on the introduction I need to write for the St. Patrick’s Day anthology I edited. And what have I done so far? Your guess is as good as mine, but it wasn’t any of the above.

Thing is, I have been working all day. I must have, because I didn’t play a single computer game. I did do a final proofreading run-through on the St. Patty’s anthology. And my butt is square from sitting on the sofa all day, so I must have been on the laptop.

I do keep getting up to grab myself something from the fridge in hopes that when I get back, I’ll get something done. But it’s like there’s so much to do I’m not sure where to start, so I end up doing things like chatting on Facebook (I have to–it’s anthology work), or scrolling through the, like, 50 tabs I have open to see what’s new. Social media is my downfall. I admit it.

What else have I done today? I avoided wine. That’s gotta count for something, especially since Alex is on a rare weekend at his dad’s. I know, I say I “avoided” wine like it’s flying through the air, aiming at me. It’s not true. It’s actually tucked into a wine rack in the basement. All two dozen bottles … Mmm, wine.

BUT, I can still get some work done tonight, can’t I? It’s only … 11:06pm. Oh damn, the clocks go forward. It may as well be after midnight. Where does the time go?!? Alex will be home before I know it, and I won’t have any work done!! May as well give up and drink wine.

Oh look! There’s a bottle now! Better catch it.

This crazy post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Find the prompt post here and read all the contributing blogs! https://lindaghill.com/2018/03/09/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-march-10-18/


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One-Liner Wednesday – Misunderstandings

When your best friend spends five minutes explaining that it will take four people to put the cat on the back of the pickup truck and one person to bolt it down, and for five minutes you’re totally confused, only to figure out that he said “cap,” not “cat.”

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion