Life in progress

Tag Archives: humour


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6 Things I Learned from my First Book Signing

As you might be aware, I had my first ever book signing event last weekend in Kingston, Ontario–the city where The Magician’s Curse takes place. The lady in the shop where I bought my rose asked me if I was nervous. I said without hesitation that I wasn’t. And I really wasn’t–I’ve worked in retail many times throughout my life, and selling my own book didn’t seem that different. Besides that, I feel at home in a book store. I lurve them.

But like most things, the first time we do something is usually a learning experience. Right? Here are the things I learned:

  1. Smile at people and don’t be afraid to take the initiative to speak to them first. Otherwise, chances are they’ll just pass you by.
  2. Chocolate Kisses™ may seem like a good idea to have on the same table as a romance novel, but make sure to stress the “chocolate” part when offering one to a man who’s standing beside his wife.
  3. Bring something to take the lint off of a black top hat.
  4. Do what you can to advertise ahead of time. This is particularly difficult when you’re signing books in a store that’s a long way away from where you live: be inventive.
  5. Don’t do a book signing when there’s another major event in town that features a bunch of authors whose names are more popular than yours. (I’m looking at you, Kathy Reichs.)
  6. If you’re going to spend hours sitting beside a book written by an offspring of Stephen King, make sure it’s Joe Hill (particularly if your last name is Hill).

By the time this post goes live, I’ll be getting ready for my second ever book signing event. If you’re in the area of Belleville, Ontario today (October 8th, 2017), please stop by Chapters between noon and 3pm. And get a Kiss. A chocolate one.


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#SoCS – Super Saver

Safe to say I’m a collector, but not in the way you might think. I don’t keep things in orderly gatherings–in precious little spaces of their own–I just save everything. Because you never know when you’re gonna need it. Amiright? Piece of string? Sure, I’ll find a use for that. Bubble wrap? Why not? I send stuff to people all the time! (I don’t, but that doesn’t matter – I think I do. And anyway, bubble wrap is good for all kinds of boredom when you’ve got nothing to do with your hands things.) Unfortunately there comes that time when I end up throwing all that useful stuff out. Because I hate stepping over things, so if it’s in the way and I can’t find a spot for it, then sorry–you’re outta here.

But then there’s the computer. Ah, the computer. A lovely place where I can save, and save, and save, and I don’t have to trip over anything. It’s space that doesn’t seem as though it’s filling with clutter even as it does. It’s storage that never fills up … until all of a sudden I find out I have no more room left so I have to go out and buy teeny tiny devices with more space. They’re like Mary Poppins’s carpet bag. I buy them, and buy them, until I realize I’m collecting them. But do I keep track of where I put them and what’s on each of them? Of course not! But I’ve got them, just in case … never know when I’m gonna need the stuff packed into them, amiright?

I wish I could downsize my life. I wish I didn’t have that compulsion to keep everything. I envy people who can just throw stuff out. Maybe I should gather up all the bubble wrap I have in my house that I didn’t pop when I was bored and wrap all the little things up that I thought I might need. Put them into all the boxes I’ve kept that I knew I’d one day have use for, and stash it all away until I’ve forgotten what’s in it all. Once I have enough of them stacked to the point of overflowing and I start having to step over them, I can resist the temptation to open them just toss ’em out. Now that, for my sanity, would be a great save!

I’m blaming my last sentence on the lovely Joey, who was kind enough to provide us with a prompt with bonus points this week for Stream of Consciousness Saturday! Thanks so much, Joey! Click the following link to see how you, too, can join in!  https://lindaghill.com/2017/10/06/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-oct-717/


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One-Liner Wednesday – Being sold is exhausting

The avocados on sale today were exhausted. Totally bagged, in fact.

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If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion

 


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One-Liner Wednesday – Works for Them!

You might remember my post from a few weeks ago when I asked if anyone knew what this might be:

Turns out it was a bag of water with a coin inside for discouraging bugs to come in the door.

So I decided to try it in my kitchen full of fruit flies:

They love it!

Turns out it works for them. 🙄

____________________________________________________________________________

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion


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#SoCS – Colds and Hots

When you’ve got a cold, do you ever wonder why you didn’t appreciate being healthy when you were? And then, when you get rid of the cold, you sigh and think, yes – I will always appreciate this feeling of not being sick until, like, the next day when you totally start taking it for granted again.

Why do they call it a cold when it makes you hot?

When it was hot in the summer, my mother used to swear by drinking hot tea. This was back in the days before homes were air conditioned and we just had to live with it. Her theory was that a hot drink made you sweat more, and when you sweated (is that a word? It doesn’t look like a word. Don’t you hate it when that happens?) …anyway, when your body produced sweat (better), the air, though hot, cooled you off more than if you had just been sweating normally. Like you do on a hot day.

My mother may have been crazy. I realize that now.

Yet it means that I don’t shy away from drinking the  hot coffee I crave, nay, need in the middle of summer. Or in stupid temperatures in the fall like we’re having now.

At least I don’t have to turn my heat on.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday is fun, and best of all, it’s free! Click the following link and see how you can join in today! https://lindaghill.com/2017/09/22/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-2317/


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8. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Friday, September 8th, 11:00pm
Drommen (and Hillary)

Drommen sits alone near the window. Hillary sits across the aisle.

Drommen: Hi

Hillary: Hi

Drommen: It’s late for a young lady to be out alone.

Hillary: I’m not alone. I’m meeting a friend.

Drommen: What’s your friend’s name?

Hillary: Sean. He should be at the next stop.

A few moments later, the bus stops and middle-aged woman gets on.

Drommen: I guess you’re alone.

Hillary: Guess so.

Drommen: Would you like to sit beside me?

Hillary: Sure. (gets up and crosses the aisle) I’m Jessica.

Drommen: I’m Jake. Nice to meet you.

Drommen holds out his hand and Hillary shakes it.

Hillary: Your hand is sticky.

Drommen: Thank you for noticing.

 

Next stop: Saturday, September 9th, 9:00pm

 

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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6. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, September 6th 7:00pm
Myrtle and Edith

 

Myrtle: I told him! I said to him, ‘If you don’t go and get that seen to, it’s going to get infected!’ But did he listen to me? And now look at him. All doubled over in pain, not able to get out of bed.

Edith: Well, all you can do is tell them. Paddy’s able to look after himself. He can’t have you waiting on him all the time.

Myrtle: I’ll be darned if he thinks I’m waiting on him! After he told me I worry too much and that I’ve become a fusspot. A fusspot! Do you believe he actually said that to my face?

Edith: Nerve.

Myrtle: He does have a lot of nerve. And now it serves him right. (pauses to glance out the window) I’ve loved that man most of my life and that’s the thanks I get.

Edith: He doesn’t deserve all you do for him, Myrtle. But what can you do?

Myrtle: You know, Edie, there was a time when I’d do anything for that man. Forty-five years we’ve been married, and we’ve seen it all. Well you know. How long were you married to Harvey, God rest his soul?

Edith: It would have been fifty-one years this week.

Edith squeezes the top of her cane, kneading it.

Myrtle: Now, Edie, I don’t want you to be thinking you’re doing something wrong. I don’t feel that way and my Paddy’s still alive! (looks up) Oh, this is our stop. Come on, Edie, the Chippendales await. Let’s go get ourselves a stiff one, shall we?

 

Next stop: Thursday, September 7th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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One-Liner Wednesday – My Favourite Eyeglasses Ad

*”Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly

The girl with the googly eyes.”

It took me a while to figure out why the model looked so creepy.

*Apologies to John Lennon and Paul McCartney.

____________________________________________________________________________

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion


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#SoCS – I’m actually nervous

When I started writing books, I thought, Bah! This is easy! And it kind of was for me. It was like writing a short story but not stopping at the short part. It was like writing a really, really long short story. Not really rocket science.

Little did I know the rocket science part was coming.

It started with the editing. First I had to figure out how to do that, so I read a gazillion articles, blog posts, advice columns, took courses … you name it, I did it. I still often consult the wise advice of others. That kind of learning never stops if you know what’s good for your novels. Then, finally, I decided after much intense deliberation to self-publish. I was told I’d have to market myself even if I went with a traditional publisher, so why not do it and keep the royalties to myself? So off I went on a new learning curve.

Articles, blog posts, advice columns … I haven’t taken the courses yet, but I’d be tempted if I wasn’t still learning the editing stuff. Yet what I read in these marketing columns, over and over, is that the most important part of marketing is a newsletter. Which brings me to today.

And why I’m nervous.

I have a newsletter. So far I’m the only one who’s signed up, but I have a “welcome” letter all ready to go for the next person who does. The next bunch of people, in fact. This is brand new territory for me and I’m kind of beside myself, because if you sign up and you read it–or worse, if you don’t read it–we can’t talk about it because it’s a one-way street.

I’m actually more nervous than I was when I released my first novel. Crazy, isn’t it? Ah well, here we go. Worst case scenario, I’ll close up shop and go back to the easy stuff: writing novels.

Click here – the signup form will open in a new tab. Thank you!

This post is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link to read all the other entries (you’ll find them in the comment section) and join in yourself! https://lindaghill.com/2017/08/25/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-aug-2617/


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One-Liner Wednesday – We’re Wild Here

I may be reserved in my fiction writing, but here at home we use adjectives with wild abandon.

(The original message was “Dead Bee under counter no stinger,” spelled out after my son stepped on a bee in the kitchen in the middle of the night. Leave words on my fridge and they morph over time.)

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If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion