Life in progress

Tag Archives: Funny


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307. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, July 4th, 5:00pm
Cary (and DeeDee)

 

Cary sits at the window. DeeDee takes the seat beside him.

DeeDee: Oh my God, I don’t believe it.

Cary: What?

DeeDee: It’s you! Can I get your autograph?

Cary: Whatever for?

DeeDee: You’re the guy!

Cary: What guy?

DeeDee: The guy who wrote that book. You know the one … that book!

Cary: I didn’t think anyone had read my book. (smiles) Do you have something I can write on?

DeeDee: Yeah! (searches through her purse and comes out with a pen and paper) Sign it to DeeDee please.

Cary signs her paper. DeeDee looks at the signature.

DeeDee: Thank you so much, Mr. …

Cary: Thomson. Cary Thomson.

DeeDee: (stares, confused) Wait, what book did you write?

Cary: The Strange Disappearance of the Hippopotamus on the Night of All Hallows Eve.

DeeDee: Not that other one? About the War of 1812?

Cary: Sadly, no.

DeeDee: Never mind then. (crumples up paper)

Cary turns to the window, dejected.

 

Next stop: Thursday, July 5th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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305. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, July 2nd, 5:00pm
Simon (and Murray)

 

Simon sits at the window. Murray takes the seat beside him.

Murray: Excuse me, can I interest you in a potato?

Simon: I don’t eat vegetation.

Murray: That’s odd … you only eat meat?

Simon: Yes. I prefer organs, actually. A slice of liver with a nice Chianti, for instance.

Murray: So no fava beans?

Simon: It’s where our similarity ends.

Murray changes seats.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, July 3rd, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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300. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, June 27th, 7:00pm
Rupert (and the rest of the passengers on the bus)

 

Rupert sits alone by the window. He stands and addresses the other passengers.

Rupert: And in closing, I’d like to thank my director, my producer, my mother, and all you little people who volunteered your time to further my cause. I can promise you all that the end of the world by means of worm infestation is no longer an issue, and you may all go on with your lives knowing that I, Rupert, have done my utmost to ensure your continued safety against zombies and aliens alike. A light dinner will be served in the cargo hold of this bus at 7:30pm. Thank you again, and good night.

The rest of the passengers on the bus applaud politely.

 

Next stop: Thursday, June 28th, 3:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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293. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, June 20th, 5:00pm
Melina (and Zoey)

 

Melina sits at the window. Zoey takes the seat beside her.

Melina: Wait, what year is it?

Zoey: Errr … 2018 …?

Melina: You’re not sure either, eh?

 

Next stop: Thursday, June 21st, 7:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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291. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, June 18th, 6:00pm
CeeGee (and Remy)

 

CeeGee sits at the window, talking on her phone. Remy takes the seat beside her.

CeeGee: (into her phone) Boots. What are you wearing? (pause) Yes, that’s all I’m wearing. (pause) That noise in the background? Its the beating of my heart. (pause) I’m in bed, where are you? (pause) Oh yes, take it out, big boy.

Remy: (shaking his head and mumbling) Unbelievable.

CeeGee: (glares at Remy) Oh that’s just the TV. So where were we? Oh yeah, I was just pinching my …

Remy: (singing) Feelings. Nothing more than feelings.

CeeGee: (eyes wide, if-looks-could-kill glare at Remy) It’s the radio. (pause) Yes, I listen to the radio while I’m watching TV. The point is, I’m not wearing anything except boots. Now let’s get on with it, shall we? (pause) Yeah … that’s more like it. Show me what you got, baby!

Remy: (loudly) Tickets! Get your tickets here!

CeeGee: Oh yes, baby, yes! (pause) It’s nothing, just do it, baby, do it! Oh I’m so hot!

Remy: (louder) Ice cream!

CeeGee: (faces the window) I can’t turn the TV down, it seems to be stuck. But that doesn’t matter, baby. What matters is I need you! (pauses) What do you mean, “What am I really wearing?” I’m wearing my boots, just for you! (pauses) Oh, baby, don’t hang up! No, no, no, don’t! … (looks at phone. Sighs. Turns to Remy) Ice cream? Seriously?

Remy: Nice boots.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, June 19th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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290. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Sunday, June 17th, 7:00pm
Murna (and Bozo)

 

Murna sits at the window. Bozo, carrying half a dozen helium balloons, takes the seat beside her.

Murna: What are you supposed to be?

Bozo: I’m a clown.

Murna: Bit late on a Sunday for a clown to be out, isn’t it?

Bozo: I’m a special clown. I only do parties for ladies.

Murna stares.

Bozo: And occasionally gay men.

Murna: You take your costume off?

Bozo: (smiles) Everything but the makeup and the shoes.

Murna: So what do you do with the balloons?

Bozo: I tie them to …

Murna: NO! Don’t tell me.

Bozo: (shrugs) People seem to like it.

Murna: (thinks for a moment) What are you doing next Saturday?

Bozo: Why? You got a party coming up?

Murna: I won’t be home. But you could give my husband some tips.

 

Next stop: Monday, June 18th, 6:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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289. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, June 16th, 8:00pm
Edward (and Kyra)

 

Edward sits at the window. Kyra staggers down the aisle and takes the seat beside him.

Kyra: Hey I know you.

Edward: I don’t remember you.

Kyra: Yeah, you’re that guy that wants to be a vampire guy. You wanna share a bottle of wine with me?

Edward: I don’t drink wine.

Kyra: You sure? It’s red.

Edward: Just because it’s the same colour as blood doesn’t mean I want to drink it.

Kyra: Hey, you ever notice that blood has red and white cells and wine comes in red bottles and white bottles?

Edward stares at her.

Kyra: Gotta be a connection, right?

Edward: I still don’t want any wine.

Kyra: Suit yourself, vampire guy.

Edward: But I suppose I could drink it indirectly…

Kyra: What’s that supposed to mean?

Edward: (shrugs) Where are you getting off the bus?

Kyra: Main Street.

Edward: (smiles, exposing mouthful of fake fangs) Me too.

 

Next stop: Sunday, June 17th, 7:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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288. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Friday, June 15th, 9:00pm
MoJo and JoJo

 

MoJo: Hey, man, what time is it?

JoJo: I dunno, dude. You’re the one with the watch.

MoJo: Pfft, yeah. It says it’s seven o’clock.

JoJo: So? It’s seven o’clock. What’s you’re problem, dude?

MoJo: It’s too dark to be seven o’clock. It’s, like, almost the longest day of the year.

JoJo: Dude! You know what that means, right?

MoJo: No?

JoJo: It means when your watch stopped, so did time!

MoJo: I don’t get it.

JoJo: Think about it, man. Your watch says seven, right?

MoJo: Yeah.

JoJo: But it’s dark, right?

MoJo: Yeah.

JoJo: So that means we must still be in winter!

MoJo: It’s pretty darned warm outside for winter, dude.

JoJo: Global warming, man!

MoJo: No way! So that means …

JoJo: You’d better get a new battery, dude.

MoJo: You’re right! Good thing I didn’t put the snow shovel away yet.

 

Next stop: Saturday, June 16th, 8:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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287. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday, June 14th, 1:00pm
Simon (and Verne)

 

Simon sits at the window. Verne takes the seat beside him, grocery bag in hand.

Verne: (to bag, soothingly) That’s a nice chicken. (looks sideways at Simon and turns back to bag) I’m going to take you home and eat you all up. (looks sideways at Simon)

Simon smiles.

Verne: (to Simon) What? Haven’t you ever seen anyone talk to their food?

Simon: No, it’s okay! I talk to my food all the time.

Verne: Do you like the wings too?

Simon: (shakes head) I’m more of a leg man, myself. Maybe the occasional finger.

Verne: Ugh. I hate chicken fingers.

Simon: Me too.

Verne: And fish fingers.

Simon: (smiles) Me too.

Verne changes seats.

 

Next stop: Friday, June 15th, 9:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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285. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, June 12th, 4:00pm
Zoey (and Bradley)

 

Zoey sits at the window. Bradley takes the seat beside her, carrying a large cloth bag.

Bradley: SHHHH!!!

Zoey: Are you talking to me?

Bradley: SSHHHH!!!!! (in a stage whisper) I got the stuff!

Zoey: I’m sorry, I don’t know you. And I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Bradley: (whispering) Look!

Bradley opens his bag. Zoey peers inside.

Zoey: Awww!!!

Bradley: SSSSHHHHH!!!!!

Zoey: But it’s a bag of kittens!

Bradley: It’s a what? (looks in the bag) Damnit! I got the wrong bag!

Bradley gets off the bus.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, June 13th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.