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Tag Archives: humorous fiction


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99. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Friday, December 8th, 9:00pm
Jade (and Doug)

 

Jade sits by the window. Doug takes the seat beside her.

Jade: (staring at Doug) What are you, a stripper or something?

Doug: (looks down at himself and then at her, confused) No, I’m a fireman.

Jade: (snorts) Do you wear your uniform all the time?

Doug: No, only when I’m going to a fire.

Jade: (smiling) You’re going to a fire … on a bus?

Doug: Yes. It’s raging as we speak.

Jade: (laughs) Where?

Doug: Downtown. (strains to look at the bus driver) Can you hurry it up?

Jade: Seriously?

Doug: (to the bus driver) There’s a fire downtown. You don’t want to be responsible for people dying, do you?

Jade: Hey! He can’t go any faster. There’s traffic.

Doug: And why do you think there’s so much traffic? There’s a fire!

Jade: (laughs) You’re a stripper, aren’t you.

Doug: I’m not a stripper. I’m a fireman. And there’s a fire.

Jade: Well then why don’t you run? You’d go faster than this bus is.

Doug: That would be violating my … fire code regulations.

Jade: What “fire code regulations”?

Doug: It states that I must arrive at the fire in a city-owned vehicle. I missed the fire truck so I’m on a bus.

Jade: (stares at him for a moment) I’ll give you twenty bucks if you drop trou.

Doug: (hesitates) Make it fifty and you’re on.

 

Next stop: Saturday, December 9th, 4:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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98. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday, December 7th, 6:00pm
Lily (and Phil)

 

Lily sits at the window. Phil takes the seat beside her.

Lily: Hi.

Phil: (sighs) My car broke down.

Lily: Aww, that’s too bad.

Phil: Yeah. I’ve got to get rid of that piece of crap and get something new. I hate taking the bus.

Lily: I’ve got something for sale.

Phil: Yeah? Is it Japanese?

Lily: Nope. It’s all Transylvanian, baby. (smiles, running her tongue across her fake fangs)

Phil changes seats.

 

Next stop: Friday, December 8th, 9:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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92. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Adult theme

Friday, December 1st, 8:00pm
Lily (and Eric)

 

Lily sits at the window. Eric takes the seat beside her.

Lily: Hi.

Eric: Hello.

Lily: Are you nice?

Eric: I think so.

Lily: (giggles) I need a nice guy.

Eric: Errr … okay. I’m married.

Lily: Oh. That’s too bad. I was going to ask you if you wanted a blow job. (smiles, showing a mouthful of fake fangs)

Eric: (smiles warily) That’s okay. I’ll pass.

 

Next stop: Saturday, December 2nd, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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91. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday, November 30th, 7:00pm
Michael (and The Darkness)

 

Michael sits at the window, reading The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin. The Darkness takes the seat beside him.

The Darkness: (looking back and forth between the book and his own left hand) I am The Darkness.

Michael: (glancing at The Darkness) I beg your pardon?

The Darkness: (snatches the book away) I am the Darkness!

Michael: Hey, give me my book back!

The Darkness: (stands, holding the book up) I AM THE DARKNESS!! I AM THE DARKNESS!!

The Darkness gets kicked off the bus. With Michael’s book.

 

Next stop: Friday, December 1st, 8:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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89. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, November 28th, 6:00pm 10:00pm
Stuart (and Maurice)

 

Stuart sits at the window. Maurice takes the seat beside him.

Maurice: Fancy meeting you here!

Stuart: (shakes his head) I’m lucky to be here, I tell you.

Maurice: Oh oh. What’s up?

Stuart: Well, I was supposed to have caught the six o’clock today, but I slept in.

Maurice: All the way to six in the evening?

Stuart: (nods) Uh huh. Had one wicked headache this afternoon, so I went to lay down. Then I started having this nightmare. I couldn’t breathe!

Maurice: It was only a nightmare though, right?

Stuart: Nope. Damned cat was laying on my face. So I pushed it off, as you do, and it mustn’t have liked that very much.

Maurice: No?

Stuart: Nuh uh. It jumped out in front of me as I was walking to the bathroom, I fell over: cracked my head on the door jam.

Maurice: No way!

Stuart: Yep. Just woke up.

Maurice: Wait, didn’t you say you slept in?

Stuart: Yep. Cat peed on the rug again. Slept in cat piss for oh (looks at watch) a good couple hours.

 

 

Next stop: Wednesday, November 29th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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85. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Adult theme

Friday, November 24th, 9:00pm
Drommen (and Holly) (and Hillary)

 

Drommen sits at the window. Holly takes the seat beside him.

Drommen: Hey!

Holly: Hi!

Drommen: How are you? You look cheerier than the last time I saw you.

Holly: I’m much better. I don’t know what you did, but that guy with the fangs laid off.

Drommen: (smiles) Great!

Holly: And I got my own place for me an’ my baby (pats her growing stomach) so we’re all good.

Drommen: That’s wonderful.

Holly: Thanks again for your help. I don’t know if I coulda done it without you.

Drommen: You’re welcome.

Holly: I’d like to return the favour somehow … (bats eyelashes)

Drommen regards her silently.

Holly: (rubs his knee) Whadda ya say?

Drommen: (grins) Well now that you mention it … (reaches into his coat for his fly and sees Hillary board the bus. The smile leaves his face)

Holly: What? Did you want to show me something?

Drommen waves to Hillary, who is waving to him.

Holly: Friend of yours?

Drommen: Can I take a rain check?

Holly: (looking annoyed) She must be special.

Drommen:  She’s just a nice girl.

Holly: And I’m not?

Holly moves to another seat in a huff. Hillary sits beside Drommen.

Hillary: Who was that?

Drommen: A missed opportunity.

Hillary stares at him.

Drommen: (smiling) But I’m happy to see you.

 

Next stop: Saturday, November 25th, 6:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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82. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, November 21st, 6:00pm
Amber (and Geeves)

 

Amber sits at the window. Geeves takes the seat beside her.

Geeves: Good afternoon.

Amber: Hey.

Geeves: (taking a sandwich out of his bag, he lifts the top piece of bread) Oh no, not again. (to Amber) Excuse me.

Amber: Huh?

Geeves: Have you any Grey Poupon?

Amber: Any what now?

Geeves: (lifts corner of lip in disgust) Ugh.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, November 22nd, 10:00am

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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81. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, November 20th, 3:35pm
Sylvester and Harry

 

Harry: I can’t believe the bus was half an hour late.

Sylvester: I know.

Harry: So, you going out on the prowl tonight?

Sylvester: Thinking about it. Wanna come?

Harry: Nah, chicks aren’t my thing these days.

Sylvester: (regarding him closely) I thought you were over Ththally.

Harry: (wipes spit out of his eye) Sally and I weren’t really together in the first place. We met, she got weird in a restaurant, then you know, we just went our separate ways. What’s it to you anyway?

Sylvester: You don’t have to get all catty…

Harry: No, that’s your job.

They sit quietly, both thinking for a moment.

Sylvester: Do you ever wonder if you’re jutht in the wrong plathe thometimeth?

Harry: (pats him) There there…

Sylvester: (mumbles) Thuffering Thuccotash

 

Next stop: Tuesday, November 21st, 6:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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80. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Sunday, November 19th, 1:00pm
Rachael (and Smiley)

 

Rachael sits by the window. Smiley takes the seat beside her.

Smiley: (smiling) Hey. Great day, eh?

Rachael smiles and turns away.

Smiley: Nice puppy you’ve got there, eh?

Rachael: (turns to him) What … are you talking about?

Smiley: (points to her lap) Your puppy.

Rachael: (looks down, turns up palms) I don’t have a puppy.

Smiley: What’s that then?

Rachael: I don’t have anything.

Smiley: (smiling) Pretend, eh?

Rachael: No. (turns away and looks out the window)

Smiley: You know, if you act like that, your puppy’s gonna bite you.

Rachael: (mumbles in the direction of the window) Maybe you should go away before it bites you.

Smiley: (chuckles) Now you’re talkin’!

 

 

Next stop: Monday, November 20th, 3:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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79. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, November 18th, 8:00pm
Drommen (and Edward)

 

Drommen sits at the window. Edward takes the seat beside him.

Drommen: What the hell are you doing back?

Edward: I’ve decided to forgive you.

Drommen: (laughs) You’re joking.

Edward: No. I’ve forgiven you because it’s obvious you’re not trying to kill me. Not like some people.

Drommen: I don’t want to kill you. I just want you and your plastic fangs and your sparkles off my bus.

Edward: (hisses, showing his plastic teeth) They’re not plastic. They’re all mine.

Drommen: I have no doubt they’re yours. Where’d you buy them from – Dollarama?

Edward: I got them from the dentist. After someone knocked my real fangs out.

Drommen: Your real fangs?

Edward: His name was van Helsing. Do you know him?

Drommen: Yeah, I know him. He was from Dracula.

Edward: Dracula? No way. Dracula was a myth. I’m the real thing.

Drommen: Pfft. You’re just a teeny-bopper wannabe.

Edward: I am not! Do you want me to bite your neck and prove it?

Drommen: (glares for a moment) You. Wouldn’t. Dare.

Edward stares, uncertain. He stands, holding the skirt of his trenchcoat up to cover the lower part of his face. He hisses, then runs to the door to dramatically wait for the next stop.

 

 

Next stop: Sunday, November 19th, 1:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.