Life in progress

Tag Archives: humour


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Nope, you’re not burning down MY kitchen!

It was just a little electrical fire.

And, I mean, we spill water around the spout of the electric kettle ALL the time when we’re filling it up.

Only today it made this really weird noise just as it began to boil. A noise like “zztzztzztzzt.” So I looked at it (because I was standing there waiting for it to boil) and I said out loud to it, “What the fuck is that noise?” And then I saw it in the reflection on the stove. A yellow glow. And I thought, hey, you’re on fire! So I pulled out the plug and the fire stopped. But when I finally got brave enough to pick the kettle up, the puddle of water on the counter was burning. Yes, burning. Not boiling. Burning.

So I said to the kettle, “You’re toast!” and I put it away where no one else will use it. After I poured the water for my tea of course. Let’s not get too crazy. I’m not going to throw out perfectly good boiling water for the sake of a little fire.

I’m just glad I was standing there. Standing there to say, “Nope, you’re not burning down MY kitchen!”


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228. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, April 16th, 5:00pm
Farmer Brown (and Phil)

 

Farmer Brown sits at the window. Phil takes the seat beside him.

Phil: (sighs) Oh what a relief.

Farmer Brown: What would that be, son?

Phil: (smiles) I get my car back tomorrow.

Farmer Brown: (smiles back) Nothing quite like having your own vehicle, is there?

Phil: No sir, there’s not. It’s finally out of the shop after my accident, and I’m on the mend too.

Farmer Brown: And the open road is ahead of you.

Phil: Right you are. You know, it’s refreshing to find someone on the bus who really “gets it.” Someone sane for a change.

Farmer Brown: (nods, then takes phone out of his pocket) Excuse me, I have to get this.

Phil: You go ahead.

Farmer Brown: (into his phone) Hello? No. You’re kidding. Again? (frowns) Okay, put her on.

Farmer Brown glances at Phil and rolls his eyes.

Farmer Brown: (into his phone) Moo. Moo moo moo moo. Moomoomoo. Okay. (waits) Yeah, I told her. She promised not to do it again. Okay, see you soon. (hangs up and puts his phone back in his pocket. To Phil:) Damned sheep got out of the barn again.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, April 17th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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#SoCS – Montage

Welcome to my literary montage, which, in other words means Hi, it’s another random post. A post of stuff I like. Random stuff. Like the flowers outside that have been buried under inches of freezing rain but that looked like this two days ago.

Early spring flowers, silky and purple with fuzzy yellow stamens.

I like taking pictures. I wish I had a real camera. You know–a REAL camera.

I like traveling to different places and I like walking, especially when my body is in shape.

And I like the Glorious Sons.

They’re an amazing band out of Kingston, Ontario.

You might have noticed I like writing, too. Especially when I can sneak in the letter M without anyone noticing that I’m not really doing the A to Z Challenge when I really am. (Shhhh!! I don’t think they’ve caught on yet.)

What do you like to do?

This post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday and NOT AT ALL by #atozchallenge. Here’s the link to SoCS: https://lindaghill.com/2018/04/13/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-april-14-18/


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Lookin’ out the window

It’s raining at the moment. Starting at 5am Saturday we’ll be getting rained on by ice pellets, until 11am when the snow will start. That’ll be a nice spring treat until the ice pellets come back at 9pm and continue until 7pm Sunday. Yes, 22 hours of ice pellets. Then it’s gonna rain. Until Tuesday.

All this to say if I disappear over the weekend, it’s likely because I’ve lost my power. No data on my phone, so no webz nohow.

Time to get out the hockey skates, eh?

Just don’t tell the neighbours it’s all because Karma’s coming to get me for illegally tagging on to the A to Z Challenge. They’ll freakin’ lynch me. Eh?


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#SoCS – Aggression

Aggression isn’t natural for me, but I find myself acting aggressively towards my keyboard. Why? Because the spacebar isn’t working properly. I have to hit it so hard every time I press it that typing is somewhat akin to playing drums in a death metal band.

Meanwhile, it’s probably due to a crumb that passively made it’s way under the key.

Die, motherf–!!

Yeah. So. That’s my day so far. 🙂

This short, pleasant post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Care to join in on the fun? Just click the following link, where you’ll find the rules and many other posts in the comment section. 🙂 https://lindaghill.com/2018/04/06/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-april-7-18/

 


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Down

I’m writing this on the cusp of being late for the letter “D.” Not that it really matters–I’m not signed up for the A to Z Challenge, so no pressure, right? Nah. Except it’s a bit early in the game to be missing a day.

Therefore, here’s a quick note to record what’s been going down.

First and foremost, the electricity. There was a modicum of truth to my three-hour-late Second Seat on the Right, in that I, like Stuart, was late due to a power outage. But unless there was an extremely heavy cat on the tree limb that brought it down to the pavement, the fault wasn’t a cat’s.

Luckily my spaghetti sauce was cooked and only needed reheating. We had a nice dinner, wine included, and now it’s me who’s down. For the count. Only three and a half hours of sleep last night and two glasses of wine’ll do that to a girl.

Ni’night, all! Hope you had a happy “D” day!


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One-Liner Wednesday – Funny or Terrible?

I’m almost afraid to post this. I was at my Deaf son’s school, waiting outside with another mom (the doors were locked) for our kids to get out of basketball practice. We waited, and waited, until the time passed that practice should have been out. The doors are made of glass, so I walked over to see if they were still in the gym. They were. I was going to knock, but of course they couldn’t hear me. They’re Deaf. So I went back to the other mom to let her know what had happened, and the stupidest line I could have ever come up with came out of my mouth.

I see Deaf people.

IT WAS TRUE! Don’t shoot me.

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion

 

 


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Can’t Clap

My bedroom door sticks. Let’s get that bit of information out of the way to start with. It’s actually worse in the summer–it barely closes then. It’s a dream in the winter to close, but it’s starting to get bad again. Therefore, when I want to close it enough to keep the dog out of my room, I have to slam it to basically wedge it into the door frame.

Yesterday, in a hurry to get downstairs with a handful of change, I slammed the door with said handful of change, and you can guess what happened. I slammed the side of my hand into the door frame, full force. I thought I’d broken it. It bled profusely for a while, so now I’m left with a bump, a bruise, and probably a scab; I haven’t had the guts to take the bandage off yet to look. And it’s still hurts to touch it. I definitely can’t clap. (Yes, I went a loooong way to get that title.)

If it had happened, say, next Wednesday instead, I could have used Karma for Thursday the 12th, which would have been much more in line with the fact that I’m illegally tagging along on the A to Z Challenge this year. Apparently you can’t spell Karma with a “C.” It’s even more illegal than what I’m doing, and only Buddha knows what might have gotten stuck in the door jamb if I’d attempted it!

Future is past, in my world. It’s a rebirth thing. 😉

My hand. My poor, poor hand.

 

 


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Be dreamin’

If I’m going to piggyback illegally on the A to Z Challenge, I may as well go all the way with no theme, no rules (including grammar) for my titles … no nothin’, damnit! I’m such a rebel.

I dreamed a lot last night. In one, I had to justify something I’d explained inaccurately in another dream from another time. Seriously, I could write a book about the weird things that come into my head when I’m sleeping.

My weirdest one last night was that Melania Trump is only 2’4″ tall. And I have no idea what the significance of that is. Theories, anyone?

Thanks to everyone for supporting my effort to write ‘coz I have to. You’re all very bad influences and I love you for it. ❤


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Aaaand … this is killing me

I didn’t sign up for the A to Z challenge (for the first time in five years) because I didn’t want to put pressure on myself to post every day. I know I’m going to be busy later on in the month but now? Now I’m itching to write something. Anything.

All the writers’ groups I’m in on Facebook are filled with posts about Camp NaNoWriMo. They’re happily discussing their works in progress and me?

I swear, the itch to write is worse than a mosquito bite that you can’t leave alone. It’s more a mosquito bite that’s so far embedded in your chest that it’s like the damned bug is buzzing around in your esophagus, and you can’t even swat it out because you can’t reach it.

That’s the best I can come up with.

So, can I write a post that starts with “B” tomorrow and not get kicked off the webz? Can I? Can I?