Life in progress

Tag Archives: vampires


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309. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language.

Friday, July 6th, 7:00pm
Andrea (and Drommen)

 

Andrea sits at the window. Drommen takes the seat beside her.

Drommen: Hey. You changed your hair.

Andrea: Yep. I went blonde.

Drommen: What’s the occasion?

Andrea: I’m hoping to meet Edward tonight. Do you think he’ll like it?

Drommen: You’re not serious. The guy’s a nutcase.

Andrea: (frowns) He’s just, like, a bit misguided.

Drommen: And you’re going to guide him in the right direction?

Andrea: Fuck yeah.

Drommen: Well I’ll give you one thing: you’ve got something in common. You’re both persistent.

Andrea: (smiles, showing a mouthful of fake fangs) That’s not all.

 

Next stop: Saturday, July 7th, 9:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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303. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, June 30th, 5:00pm
Andrea and Lacey

 

Andrea sighs.

Lacey: What’s wrong?

Andrea: I keep hoping to see Eddie on the bus. But he’s, like, never on anymore.

Lacey: I thought you were over him.

Andrea: I’ll never be over him, Lace. He’s my soulmate!

Lacey: Pfft.

Andrea: I didn’t expect you to understand. I just wish I knew where he was.

Lacey: Has it occurred to you that if he’s a vampire, he won’t come out when it’s daylight?

Andrea stares at her.

Lacey: (after a moment) Well?

Andrea: You think he really is a vampire?

Lacey: NO!

Andrea: I guess you’re right if he’s, like, trying to keep up appearances. (smiles) Thanks, Lace.

Lacey sighs.

 

Next stop: Sunday, July 1st, 1:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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289. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, June 16th, 8:00pm
Edward (and Kyra)

 

Edward sits at the window. Kyra staggers down the aisle and takes the seat beside him.

Kyra: Hey I know you.

Edward: I don’t remember you.

Kyra: Yeah, you’re that guy that wants to be a vampire guy. You wanna share a bottle of wine with me?

Edward: I don’t drink wine.

Kyra: You sure? It’s red.

Edward: Just because it’s the same colour as blood doesn’t mean I want to drink it.

Kyra: Hey, you ever notice that blood has red and white cells and wine comes in red bottles and white bottles?

Edward stares at her.

Kyra: Gotta be a connection, right?

Edward: I still don’t want any wine.

Kyra: Suit yourself, vampire guy.

Edward: But I suppose I could drink it indirectly…

Kyra: What’s that supposed to mean?

Edward: (shrugs) Where are you getting off the bus?

Kyra: Main Street.

Edward: (smiles, exposing mouthful of fake fangs) Me too.

 

Next stop: Sunday, June 17th, 7:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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274. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Friday, June 1st, 9:00pm
Bella and Alice (and Edward)

 

Bella: You know who we haven’t seen in a while?

Alice: Who?

Bella: Edward.

Edward: (pops up in the seat behind, making Bella and Alice jump) Hello!

Alice: Speak of the devil.

Edward: (to Bella) You conjured?

Bella: Now that you’re here, you can go away.

Edward: I’ve missed you, Bella.

Alice: She hasn’t missed you.

Edward: (to Bella) I have a new job. (smiles, exposing fake fangs) I’m rich now.

Bella: Ooooh, that makes me want you even more!

Edward: It does?

Bella: No. Go away.

Edward: You hurt me to the core. But one day, my love, we’ll be together.

Alice: No you won’t.

Edward: (to Bella, whispering) Forever.

Bella: Look, idiot, you’re not getting the message. I. Don’t. Want. To. Date. You.

Edward: You don’t have to date me. Just be my bride.

Bella: Yeah, like that’s gonna happen.

Edward: It will. Mark my words.

Alice: I’ll mark your forehead with “loser” if you don’t fucking get lost.

Edward: (smiles) You’ll see me again. Soon.

Edward gets off the bus.

Bella: Think he’s ever going to give up?

Alice: (shrugs) Guys like that always do eventually.

 

Next stop: Saturday, June 2nd, 8:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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263. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, May 21st, 8:00pm
Lily (and Edward)

 

Lily sits at the window. Edward takes the seat beside her.

Lily: Oh, thank the Master you’re here.

Edward: What’s wrong?

Lily: I hooked up with this guy the other night, and he literally took a bite out of me. (lifts sleeve to show shoulder wound) Look.

Edward: (cringes) That’s nasty. I hope you bit him back.

Lily: Of course! But that doesn’t help this. (points to wound) And the worst part is I think I’ve got hair growing out of my ears now.

Edward: Do you think he’s a werewolf?

Lily: Holy Garlic, I hope not. What kind of monster would that make me?

Edward: Same kind as him if you bit him too. Let me look in your ears.

Lily brushes hair out of the way and tilts head.

Edward: Hmm …

Lily: What?

Edward: What colour is our ear wax supposed to be?

Lily: Vampires don’t have ear wax.

Edward: We don’t? (sticks finger in ear, pulls it out and studies it) You’re right. Well, the good news is I don’t see any hair.

Lily: The bad news?

Edward: I can see out the window through there.

Lily hits him, then doubles over in pain from shoulder wound.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, May 22nd, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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256. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, May 14th, 8:00pm
Edward (and Lily)

 

Edward sits at the window. Lily takes the seat beside him.

Lily: How’s the new job going?

Edward: Oh hi. Yeah, it’s going. I’m still not sure if it’s the right position for me.

Lily: How’s that?

Edward: Well, you know. The Master was teaching me all kinds of things that could help me survive. How to get into a victim’s head and all that.

Lily: And your new boss?

Edward: I’m learning the same sort of stuff. But with this Master, the end result is more for him than me.

Lily: So you’re bringing your victims home to him or what?

Edward: Nah, I still get what I go for. And the whole plundering thing is good …

Lily: Wait. Plundering?

Edward: Mr. Splindle tells me to get the money, and then I can go ahead and plunder to my heart’s content.

Lily: And what does plundering look like?

Edward: (shrugs) You know. Plundering. Like, steal their booties.

Lily: Huh.

Edward: By the way, if you ever decide to have a baby, I have plenty of booties.

Lily: (stares for a moment) How have you survived this long?

Edward: (shrugs) I get by.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, May 15th, 6:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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233. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, April 21st, 9:00pm
Edward and Lily

 

Edward: It was awful!

Lily: There there. Who can I get rid of for you? Is it that new boss of yours?

Edward: No! I can’t believe he meant for it to happen. All those … women! And they were dancing with poles … Some of them were upside down!

Lily: So you want me to go there and get rid of the women for you?

Edward: (touches her hand) No. It’s too dangerous. Women are dangerous. Real human women that is. Not you.

Lily: Come home with me then, Edward darling. I’ll look after you.

Edward: You will?

Lily: For you? I’ll even open my best red.

Edward: You will?

Lily: Of course. I’ve had him chained up in my basement for months.

 

Next stop: Sunday, April 22nd, 1:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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211. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Friday, March 30th, 8:00pm
Edward and Vlad

 

Vlad: So you say you vill have the girl.

Edward: I vill!  … I mean, I will. Tomorrow night.

Vlad: And you are sure it is the girl vith the golden hair.

Edward: It is, Master.

Vlad: This is your last chance, Edvard. If you do not satisfy my request this time, I vill have to find another vampire to fill your place. I expect you to have no excuses.

Edward: (swallows) Yes, Master.

Vlad: (rubs hands together) And nothing this time vill keep me apart from the girl vith the golden hair.

Edward: Of course not. (stares out the window) What could possibly go wrong?

 

Next stop: Saturday, March 31st, 8:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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204. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Friday, March 23rd, 9:00pm
Vlad and Edward

 

Vlad: You disappoint me, Edvard.

Edward: I’m sorry.

Vlad: “I’m sorry,” vhat?

Edward: (lowers head) I’m sorry, Master.

Vlad: Hmph.

Edward: I’ll try harder.

Vlad: You say that, but I gave you this assignment seven months ago! Get the girl. Bring her over to the dark side. And have you done it yet?

Edward: No, Master.

Vlad: No. Exactly. (turns and looks out the window)

Edward: What about the other one I brought you?

Vlad: (stares at him) Lily?

Edward: Yes. Lily.

Vlad: She is simply a crackpot. I vant the girl vith the golden hair!

Edward: But…

Vlad: No buts, Edvard.

Edward: So now what?

Vlad: Now I am letting you go.

Edward: (eyes widen) Letting me go?

Vlad: Yes. I vill look for another apprentice.

Edward: But … I’ll get her! I promise!

Vlad: (puts hand up) Don’t talk to me until you have the girl!

 

Next stop: Saturday, March 24th, 8:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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170. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, February 17th, 8:00pm
Edward and Lily

 

Edward: … so she threatened me with a stake.

Lily: No way!

Edward: Yes way!

Lily: I think we should get her before she gets us. She’s clearly dangerous.

Edward: What do you mean, “get her”?

Lily: You know, get her. Take her down. Down to the ground. Down INTO the ground, if you know what I mean.

Edward: No.

Lily: What do you mean, “no”?

Edward: You’ve got to stay away from her.

Lily: If you think I’m just going to sit by and wait for her to come along with a wooden stake, and…

Edward: I’ll take care of her. I’ll drain her and make her one of us. That’s what I’ll do.

Lily: But … I don’t want there to be another girl vampire. You’ve got me.

Edward: So?

Lily: So, you’ve got me!

Edward: You’re being irrational.

Lily: I’m being irrational? Edward, this girl might have friends. Next thing you know, they’ll be coming after us with torches and pitchforks!

Edward: You’re just jealous.

Lily: I’m … what? Me? Jealous? No way.

Edward: Yes way.

Lily:  (turns away, mumbling) You’re insane.

 

Next stop: Sunday, February 18th, 11:00am

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.