Life in progress

Category Archives: fiction


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291. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, June 18th, 6:00pm
CeeGee (and Remy)

 

CeeGee sits at the window, talking on her phone. Remy takes the seat beside her.

CeeGee: (into her phone) Boots. What are you wearing? (pause) Yes, that’s all I’m wearing. (pause) That noise in the background? Its the beating of my heart. (pause) I’m in bed, where are you? (pause) Oh yes, take it out, big boy.

Remy: (shaking his head and mumbling) Unbelievable.

CeeGee: (glares at Remy) Oh that’s just the TV. So where were we? Oh yeah, I was just pinching my …

Remy: (singing) Feelings. Nothing more than feelings.

CeeGee: (eyes wide, if-looks-could-kill glare at Remy) It’s the radio. (pause) Yes, I listen to the radio while I’m watching TV. The point is, I’m not wearing anything except boots. Now let’s get on with it, shall we? (pause) Yeah … that’s more like it. Show me what you got, baby!

Remy: (loudly) Tickets! Get your tickets here!

CeeGee: Oh yes, baby, yes! (pause) It’s nothing, just do it, baby, do it! Oh I’m so hot!

Remy: (louder) Ice cream!

CeeGee: (faces the window) I can’t turn the TV down, it seems to be stuck. But that doesn’t matter, baby. What matters is I need you! (pauses) What do you mean, “What am I really wearing?” I’m wearing my boots, just for you! (pauses) Oh, baby, don’t hang up! No, no, no, don’t! … (looks at phone. Sighs. Turns to Remy) Ice cream? Seriously?

Remy: Nice boots.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, June 19th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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290. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Sunday, June 17th, 7:00pm
Murna (and Bozo)

 

Murna sits at the window. Bozo, carrying half a dozen helium balloons, takes the seat beside her.

Murna: What are you supposed to be?

Bozo: I’m a clown.

Murna: Bit late on a Sunday for a clown to be out, isn’t it?

Bozo: I’m a special clown. I only do parties for ladies.

Murna stares.

Bozo: And occasionally gay men.

Murna: You take your costume off?

Bozo: (smiles) Everything but the makeup and the shoes.

Murna: So what do you do with the balloons?

Bozo: I tie them to …

Murna: NO! Don’t tell me.

Bozo: (shrugs) People seem to like it.

Murna: (thinks for a moment) What are you doing next Saturday?

Bozo: Why? You got a party coming up?

Murna: I won’t be home. But you could give my husband some tips.

 

Next stop: Monday, June 18th, 6:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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289. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, June 16th, 8:00pm
Edward (and Kyra)

 

Edward sits at the window. Kyra staggers down the aisle and takes the seat beside him.

Kyra: Hey I know you.

Edward: I don’t remember you.

Kyra: Yeah, you’re that guy that wants to be a vampire guy. You wanna share a bottle of wine with me?

Edward: I don’t drink wine.

Kyra: You sure? It’s red.

Edward: Just because it’s the same colour as blood doesn’t mean I want to drink it.

Kyra: Hey, you ever notice that blood has red and white cells and wine comes in red bottles and white bottles?

Edward stares at her.

Kyra: Gotta be a connection, right?

Edward: I still don’t want any wine.

Kyra: Suit yourself, vampire guy.

Edward: But I suppose I could drink it indirectly…

Kyra: What’s that supposed to mean?

Edward: (shrugs) Where are you getting off the bus?

Kyra: Main Street.

Edward: (smiles, exposing mouthful of fake fangs) Me too.

 

Next stop: Sunday, June 17th, 7:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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288. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Friday, June 15th, 9:00pm
MoJo and JoJo

 

MoJo: Hey, man, what time is it?

JoJo: I dunno, dude. You’re the one with the watch.

MoJo: Pfft, yeah. It says it’s seven o’clock.

JoJo: So? It’s seven o’clock. What’s you’re problem, dude?

MoJo: It’s too dark to be seven o’clock. It’s, like, almost the longest day of the year.

JoJo: Dude! You know what that means, right?

MoJo: No?

JoJo: It means when your watch stopped, so did time!

MoJo: I don’t get it.

JoJo: Think about it, man. Your watch says seven, right?

MoJo: Yeah.

JoJo: But it’s dark, right?

MoJo: Yeah.

JoJo: So that means we must still be in winter!

MoJo: It’s pretty darned warm outside for winter, dude.

JoJo: Global warming, man!

MoJo: No way! So that means …

JoJo: You’d better get a new battery, dude.

MoJo: You’re right! Good thing I didn’t put the snow shovel away yet.

 

Next stop: Saturday, June 16th, 8:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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287. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday, June 14th, 1:00pm
Simon (and Verne)

 

Simon sits at the window. Verne takes the seat beside him, grocery bag in hand.

Verne: (to bag, soothingly) That’s a nice chicken. (looks sideways at Simon and turns back to bag) I’m going to take you home and eat you all up. (looks sideways at Simon)

Simon smiles.

Verne: (to Simon) What? Haven’t you ever seen anyone talk to their food?

Simon: No, it’s okay! I talk to my food all the time.

Verne: Do you like the wings too?

Simon: (shakes head) I’m more of a leg man, myself. Maybe the occasional finger.

Verne: Ugh. I hate chicken fingers.

Simon: Me too.

Verne: And fish fingers.

Simon: (smiles) Me too.

Verne changes seats.

 

Next stop: Friday, June 15th, 9:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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286. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, June 13th, 5:00pm
Fred (and Rachael)

 

Fred sits at the window with a large cloth bag. Rachael takes the seat beside him.

Fred: (looking in the bag) Ooohh moomoomoomoo. Ohhh mommomooomooomoo.

Rachael strains to look at him with her eyes, without turning her head.

Fred: (looking in the bag) Oooohhh mooomooomoo. You’re just so cute! Ooohh moomoomoo …

Rachael: (leans over to look) What you got there?

Fred: Its a bag full of kittens.

Rachael: (in a high pitched voice) A bag full of kittens? (looking in the bag) Ooohh aren’t you cute!

Fred: Want one?

Rachael: What, you’re just giving them away?

Fred: Not really. What do you got to trade for ’em? Any dope?

Rachael stares.

Fred: (snickers) Just kidding. They’re all mine. (looking in the bag) Ooohhh moomoomoomooo.

 

Next stop: Thursday, June 14th, 1:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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285. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, June 12th, 4:00pm
Zoey (and Bradley)

 

Zoey sits at the window. Bradley takes the seat beside her, carrying a large cloth bag.

Bradley: SHHHH!!!

Zoey: Are you talking to me?

Bradley: SSHHHH!!!!! (in a stage whisper) I got the stuff!

Zoey: I’m sorry, I don’t know you. And I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Bradley: (whispering) Look!

Bradley opens his bag. Zoey peers inside.

Zoey: Awww!!!

Bradley: SSSSHHHHH!!!!!

Zoey: But it’s a bag of kittens!

Bradley: It’s a what? (looks in the bag) Damnit! I got the wrong bag!

Bradley gets off the bus.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, June 13th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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284. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language.

Monday, June 11th, 5:00pm
Kyra (and Sean)

 

Kyra sits at the window, rocking. Sean takes the seat beside her.

Sean: Are you okay?

Kyra: I gotta pee.

Sean: (reaches into his pocket) I got a plastic bag here if you wanna go in that.

Kyra: Are you nuts? I’m not peeing in a plastic bag.

Sean: Suit yourself. (reaches into the other pocket and pulls out a bottle of water) Want some?

Kyra gives him a dirty look.

Sean: (takes the cap off the bottle and drinks loudly) Man! That’s good!

Kyra: You’re a real asshole.

Sean: (offers her the bag again) You sure?

Kyra: (mumbling and rocking, looking out the window) I hate this fucking bus.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, June 12th, 4:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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283. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Sunday, June 10th, 10:00am
Drommen and Phillipa

 

Phillipa: That was one hell of a night, Trigger.

Drommen: I know that’s the name of a horse, but it doesn’t do much for appearances when it comes to longevity.

Phillipa: Oh you’ve got that. At least after the first three times.

Drommen smiles self-satisfactorily.

Phillipa: And you make one hell of a breakfast.

Drommen: Thank you. What time do you get off work?

Phillipa: (shrugs) Later.

Drommen: Do you want to get together?

Phillipa: Already? Next thing you’ll be asking me to meet your family.

Drommen clasps his hands on his lap.

Phillipa: Cool it, Sport. I’ll give you a call sometime. (kisses him on the cheek. Whispers:) Thank you.

Phillipa gets off the bus.

 

Next stop: Monday, June 11th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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282. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, June 9th, 8:00pm
Drommen (and Hillary)

 

Drommen sits at the window. Hillary takes the seat beside him, holding the iPad he gave her.

Drommen: Hey there.

Hillary: Hi.

Drommen: Enjoying your iPad?

Hillary: Yeah, thanks again for that. It’s great. So you want to do something?

Drommen: Actually, I’ve got a date tonight.

Hillary stares for a few a seconds, then blinks back tears.

Drommen: Look, I need to be honest. I’m never going to change, and nobody’s going to make me.

Hillary: But I thought …

Drommen: I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. I’d like to be friends if that’s okay.

Hillary: (stands and throws the iPad in his lap) FUCK YOU! You’re just an asshole like all the other guys I know. FUCK YOU!

Drommen: I’m sorry.

Hillary slaps his face and storms off the bus.

 

Next stop: Sunday, June 10th, 10:00am

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.