Life in progress

Category Archives: fiction


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43. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Adult theme.

Friday, October 13th, 9:00pm
Drommen (and Candice)

 

Drommen sits at the window. Candice takes the seat beside him.

Drommen: (smiles) Hello.

Candice: Hi.

Drommen: Nice night out.

Candice: Yep.

Drommen: Mind if I masturbate?

Candice: Go for it.

Drommen: (raises eyebrows) Seriously?

Candice: Go right ahead. But don’t expect me to watch.

Drommen: (frowns) You won’t watch? Why not?

Candice: Okay, fine. But it’ll cost you.

Drommen: How much?

Candice: (regards him closely) You’re a good-looking guy. Fifty bucks.

Drommen: Are you a prostitute?

Candice: Nope.

Drommen: Then how can you charge me fifty bucks?

Candice: How can you ask me in the first place?

Drommen snorts and slouches in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest.

 

 

Next stop: Saturday, October 14th, 8:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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42. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday, October 12th, 2:00pm
Hank and Bill

 

Hank: You know, Bob …

Bill: It’s Bill.

Hank: You know, Bill, there’s only just so much a man can take in this world. Now I know, ye gets your ups, and ye gets your downs, but ye can’t just let people walk all over you. Take Morty for example.

Bill: You mean Mike?

Hank: Morty, Mike, whatever. He just lost a whole lotta dough, and because what?

Hank looks at Bill. Bill opens his mouth to answer.

Hank: That’s right. Because the Man’s bringin’ him down. And you know who the Man is, right Bob?

Bill: The corporations?

Hank: (slaps Bill’s knee) You got ‘er, Bob! Those damned corporations. What we’ve gotta do, Bob, is break free! Break free, I tell ye. Go out on our own and make the millions o’ dollars that we’re entitled to.

Bill: So … what’s that got to do with me?

Hank: (regards him with pity in his eyes) You still don’t know, do ye Bob.

Bill shakes his head.

Hank: You’re gonna thank me, Bob. ‘Coz when I tell you what I’ve come to figure out over years of hard work and dedication … Let’s just say the Lord is shinin’ a light down on you today. (looks up) Oh! Here’s my stop. (pats Bill on the shoulder) Next time maybe. See ye later, Bob.

Hank gets off the bus.

 

 

Next stop: Friday, October 13th, 9:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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41. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, October 11th, 4:00pm
Michael (and Agatha)

 

Michael sits at the window, reading. Agatha takes the seat beside him.

Agatha: Hello.

Michael glances away from his iPad and smiles.

Agatha: I’m going to my granddaughter’s house for dinner. (gestures to a dish on her lap) I’m bringing the bread pudding.

Michael: (mumbles without looking up) That’s nice.

Agatha: My great-granddaughter Kitty will be there. Such a precious thing she is, though the clothes she wears! I don’t know what children are thinking these days. What’s that thing you’re holding?

Michael: This? It’s an iPad.

Agatha: (sighs) All these newfangled gadgets. Why, in my day we used to read things like newspapers and books. We wore things that covered us up and we baked our own bread pudding!

Michael shrugs and stares at his iPad.

Agatha: (after a few minutes) I’m going to my granddaughter’s house for dinner.

Michael: (rolls eyes) And I bet you’re taking bread pudding.

Agatha: How did you know?

Michael: Lucky guess.

 

Next stop: Thursday, October 12th, 2:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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40. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language, adult theme

Tuesday, October 10th, 3:00pm
Madigan and Barb

 

Barb: I caught him.

Madigan: Caught who doing what?

Barb: Ken. He’s definitely fooling around on me.

Madigan: (stares at her) What … makes you say that?

Barb: Lipstick. On his collar.

Madigan: No way!

Barb: Yep. Blood red. Who wears a colour like that anyway?

Madigan: (frowns) Not me.

Barb: Pfft. Some floosy. She’d have to be, to fool around with a married man. A real slut. One with no self-respect. Oh God, do you think she’s got a disease?

Madigan: I hope not!

Barb: Oh Maddie, what am I going to do? You know I hate confrontations. They’re so … belittling. Would you to talk to him?

Madigan: Me?!

Barb: You’re my sister. I trust you. Will you give him shit for me? Please?

Madigan: I’d love to give him shit. But shouldn’t you be the one to talk to him? You’re his wife after all. Anyway, I might slug him one.

Barb: You’re probably right. (sighs) Sometimes I envy you. Having none of this crap to worry about. Nobody fools around on you – you don’t have anybody.

Madigan: (snorts, turns to the window and mumbles) Not anymore.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, October 11th, 4:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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39. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, October 9th, 5:00pm
Quinn and Yvonne

 

Yvonne: I hope you don’t think I’m going to talk to you tonight.

Quinn: I don’t expect …

Yvonne: Of course not. That’s why we’re going to a restaurant instead of staying home for Thanksgiving dinner.

Quinn: But you …

Yvonne: I know. I know I burned the turkey last year. You don’t have to rub it in. I was willing to try again but nooo, we have to go to a restaurant because you don’t trust me! Admit it!

Quinn: I …

Yvonne: Don’t talk to me. I’m not talking to you.

Quinn looks out the window.

Yvonne: Don’t pout.

Quinn: I’m not …

Yvonne: Yes you are. I can tell by the way you’re looking out the window.

Quinn: What the …

Yvonne: (holds up palm) Don’t talk to me. And don’t pout. Let’s just get there and get this over with.

Quinn: (looks up to the front of the bus) It’s …

Yvonne: What part of “don’t talk to me” didn’t you understand?

Quinn: But …

Yvonne: Ugh! I’ve had enough of this. I’m walking the rest of the way. (gets up)

Quinn: (calls to her as she’s walking down the aisle) You’ll have to anyway! We just passed the stop!

 

Next stop: Tuesday, October 10th, 3:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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38. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Sunday, October 8th, 2:00pm
Drommen (and Bev, Darla and Vicki)

 

Drommen sits at the window. Bev takes the seat beside him, and Darla and Vicki sit down behind them.

Drommen: (smiling at Bev) Hello.

Bev smiles and nods.

Drommen: Mind if I masturbate?

Bev: Pardon?

Darla: (leans forward and says loudly) I think he said “Jersey is the Garden State.”

Vicki: (leans forward and says loudly) I thought he said “Rogers gives a rebate.”

Bev: (loudly) Really? A rebate on what? (turns to talk to Darla and Vicki) I was just saying to Sue the other day, I need a new iPhone …

Drommen slouches in his seat, arms crossed, and looks out the window.

 

 

Next stop: Monday, October 9th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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37. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, October 7th, 9:00pm
Holly (and Edward)

 

Holly sits at the window, staring out. Edward takes the seat beside her.

Edward: Hi.

Holly starts crying.

Edward: Are you okay?

Holly: (sobbing) My boyfriend left me!

Edward: That bastard!

Holly: I know! And I’m pregnant! And my husband is going to kill me!

Edward: (raises an eyebrow dramatically) Your husband?

Holly: Yes! What am I going to do? My husband is going to know it’s not his!

Edward: I can take him out.

Holly: (wipes her eyes and takes her first good look at him) What do you mean, “take him out”? Who the hell are you?

Edward: I’m Edward. I mean take care of him. You know … (hisses, showing his plastic fangs)

Holly frowns and stares at him silently.

Edward: Is your husband home now?

Holly: (stares for a moment longer, considering) Actually there’s this guy named Joel…

 

Next stop: Sunday, October 8th, 2:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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36. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language, drugs

Friday, October 6th, 11:00pm
Sean and Hillary

 

Sean: So. where’s this friend of yours?

Hillary: I guess he’s not on the bus tonight. He’s usually here.

Sean: (rubs his palms together) Guess it’s just you and me then.

Hillary: Where’s your girlfriend tonight.

Sean: I dumped her ass.

Hillary: (raises eyebrows) Really? You guys seemed so tight the night we …

Sean: The night we all got into bed together? Yeah. She was getting tired of it. Started bitching at me that all I wanted to do was bring other chicks home. Fuck that shit.

Hillary stares into space.

Sean: Sooo what about it? You and me?

Hillary: You and me what?

Sean: I dunno. What do you say you and me go and find somewhere to get cozy?

Hillary: Just you and me?

Sean: (looks around) I don’t see anybody else.

Hillary: (stares down at her hands) Maybe we’d better wait for my friend … Barry or Jake or whatever his name is.

Sean: What the fuck? Don’t you want to be alone with me?

Hillary frowns at him, thinking.

Sean: I’ve got some wicked shit. Wanna get fucked up at least?

Hillary: Where is it?

Sean pats his pocket.

Hillary: Do me a favour?

Sean: What?

Hillary: Call me Jessica?

Sean: (smiling) Let’s go get fucked up, Jessica.

 

Next stop: Saturday, October 7th, 9:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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35. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday, October 5th, 4:00pm
Hester and Alfred

 

Hester: If you’d just let me help you, you wouldn’t have this problem!

Alfred: Yes dear.

Hester: Give me your cane.

Alfred: Yes dear.

Hester: (takes his cane and shows it to him) Now you see this?

Alfred: Yes dear.

Hester: This is wood.

Alfred: Yes dear.

Hester: Do you know what wood is for in a man?

Alfred: Yes dear.

Hester: It’s to keep your good wife satisfied.

Alfred: Yes dear.

Hester: Now will you let me help you?

Alfred: Yes dear.

Hester: Do you have to agree with everything I say?

Alfred: Yes dear.

Hester: What else did the urologist say?

Alfred: Yes dear.

Hester: (really pays attention to him for the first time) Did the nurse give you cotton balls for your ears? (pulls the cotton from his ears) What did the urologist say?

Alfred: Get a divorce.

 

Next stop: Friday, October 6th, 11:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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34. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, October 4th, 3:00pm
Madigan and Ken

 

Madigan: Barb knows.

Ken: What do you mean?

Madigan: She knows there’s something going on. She doesn’t know it’s me though.

Ken stares down at his hands in his lap.

Madigan: What are you going to do about it?

Ken: Maybe we should cool it for a while.

Madigan: Probably a good idea.

Ken: But I don’t want to.

Madigan looks out the window

Ken: I’m thinking about leaving her.

Madigan: Don’t do it for me.

Ken: Why not? I want to be with you.

Madigan: (staring at him) It would destroy Barb and you know it.

Ken: Don’t you want to be with me?

Madigan: Not at the expense of my sister. This was never supposed to go beyond one time. I think we should just end it and cut our losses.

Ken: After today then?

Madigan: (looking out the window) This will be our last time.

 

Next stop: Thursday, October 5th, 4:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.