Life in progress


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39. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, October 9th, 5:00pm
Quinn and Yvonne

 

Yvonne: I hope you don’t think I’m going to talk to you tonight.

Quinn: I don’t expect …

Yvonne: Of course not. That’s why we’re going to a restaurant instead of staying home for Thanksgiving dinner.

Quinn: But you …

Yvonne: I know. I know I burned the turkey last year. You don’t have to rub it in. I was willing to try again but nooo, we have to go to a restaurant because you don’t trust me! Admit it!

Quinn: I …

Yvonne: Don’t talk to me. I’m not talking to you.

Quinn looks out the window.

Yvonne: Don’t pout.

Quinn: I’m not …

Yvonne: Yes you are. I can tell by the way you’re looking out the window.

Quinn: What the …

Yvonne: (holds up palm) Don’t talk to me. And don’t pout. Let’s just get there and get this over with.

Quinn: (looks up to the front of the bus) It’s …

Yvonne: What part of “don’t talk to me” didn’t you understand?

Quinn: But …

Yvonne: Ugh! I’ve had enough of this. I’m walking the rest of the way. (gets up)

Quinn: (calls to her as she’s walking down the aisle) You’ll have to anyway! We just passed the stop!

 

Next stop: Tuesday, October 10th, 3:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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38. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Sunday, October 8th, 2:00pm
Drommen (and Bev, Darla and Vicki)

 

Drommen sits at the window. Bev takes the seat beside him, and Darla and Vicki sit down behind them.

Drommen: (smiling at Bev) Hello.

Bev smiles and nods.

Drommen: Mind if I masturbate?

Bev: Pardon?

Darla: (leans forward and says loudly) I think he said “Jersey is the Garden State.”

Vicki: (leans forward and says loudly) I thought he said “Rogers gives a rebate.”

Bev: (loudly) Really? A rebate on what? (turns to talk to Darla and Vicki) I was just saying to Sue the other day, I need a new iPhone …

Drommen slouches in his seat, arms crossed, and looks out the window.

 

 

Next stop: Monday, October 9th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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6 Things I Learned from my First Book Signing

As you might be aware, I had my first ever book signing event last weekend in Kingston, Ontario–the city where The Magician’s Curse takes place. The lady in the shop where I bought my rose asked me if I was nervous. I said without hesitation that I wasn’t. And I really wasn’t–I’ve worked in retail many times throughout my life, and selling my own book didn’t seem that different. Besides that, I feel at home in a book store. I lurve them.

But like most things, the first time we do something is usually a learning experience. Right? Here are the things I learned:

  1. Smile at people and don’t be afraid to take the initiative to speak to them first. Otherwise, chances are they’ll just pass you by.
  2. Chocolate Kisses™ may seem like a good idea to have on the same table as a romance novel, but make sure to stress the “chocolate” part when offering one to a man who’s standing beside his wife.
  3. Bring something to take the lint off of a black top hat.
  4. Do what you can to advertise ahead of time. This is particularly difficult when you’re signing books in a store that’s a long way away from where you live: be inventive.
  5. Don’t do a book signing when there’s another major event in town that features a bunch of authors whose names are more popular than yours. (I’m looking at you, Kathy Reichs.)
  6. If you’re going to spend hours sitting beside a book written by an offspring of Stephen King, make sure it’s Joe Hill (particularly if your last name is Hill).

By the time this post goes live, I’ll be getting ready for my second ever book signing event. If you’re in the area of Belleville, Ontario today (October 8th, 2017), please stop by Chapters between noon and 3pm. And get a Kiss. A chocolate one.


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37. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, October 7th, 9:00pm
Holly (and Edward)

 

Holly sits at the window, staring out. Edward takes the seat beside her.

Edward: Hi.

Holly starts crying.

Edward: Are you okay?

Holly: (sobbing) My boyfriend left me!

Edward: That bastard!

Holly: I know! And I’m pregnant! And my husband is going to kill me!

Edward: (raises an eyebrow dramatically) Your husband?

Holly: Yes! What am I going to do? My husband is going to know it’s not his!

Edward: I can take him out.

Holly: (wipes her eyes and takes her first good look at him) What do you mean, “take him out”? Who the hell are you?

Edward: I’m Edward. I mean take care of him. You know … (hisses, showing his plastic fangs)

Holly frowns and stares at him silently.

Edward: Is your husband home now?

Holly: (stares for a moment longer, considering) Actually there’s this guy named Joel…

 

Next stop: Sunday, October 8th, 2:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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#SoCS – Super Saver

Safe to say I’m a collector, but not in the way you might think. I don’t keep things in orderly gatherings–in precious little spaces of their own–I just save everything. Because you never know when you’re gonna need it. Amiright? Piece of string? Sure, I’ll find a use for that. Bubble wrap? Why not? I send stuff to people all the time! (I don’t, but that doesn’t matter – I think I do. And anyway, bubble wrap is good for all kinds of boredom when you’ve got nothing to do with your hands things.) Unfortunately there comes that time when I end up throwing all that useful stuff out. Because I hate stepping over things, so if it’s in the way and I can’t find a spot for it, then sorry–you’re outta here.

But then there’s the computer. Ah, the computer. A lovely place where I can save, and save, and save, and I don’t have to trip over anything. It’s space that doesn’t seem as though it’s filling with clutter even as it does. It’s storage that never fills up … until all of a sudden I find out I have no more room left so I have to go out and buy teeny tiny devices with more space. They’re like Mary Poppins’s carpet bag. I buy them, and buy them, until I realize I’m collecting them. But do I keep track of where I put them and what’s on each of them? Of course not! But I’ve got them, just in case … never know when I’m gonna need the stuff packed into them, amiright?

I wish I could downsize my life. I wish I didn’t have that compulsion to keep everything. I envy people who can just throw stuff out. Maybe I should gather up all the bubble wrap I have in my house that I didn’t pop when I was bored and wrap all the little things up that I thought I might need. Put them into all the boxes I’ve kept that I knew I’d one day have use for, and stash it all away until I’ve forgotten what’s in it all. Once I have enough of them stacked to the point of overflowing and I start having to step over them, I can resist the temptation to open them just toss ’em out. Now that, for my sanity, would be a great save!

I’m blaming my last sentence on the lovely Joey, who was kind enough to provide us with a prompt with bonus points this week for Stream of Consciousness Saturday! Thanks so much, Joey! Click the following link to see how you, too, can join in!  https://lindaghill.com/2017/10/06/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-oct-717/


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36. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language, drugs

Friday, October 6th, 11:00pm
Sean and Hillary

 

Sean: So. where’s this friend of yours?

Hillary: I guess he’s not on the bus tonight. He’s usually here.

Sean: (rubs his palms together) Guess it’s just you and me then.

Hillary: Where’s your girlfriend tonight.

Sean: I dumped her ass.

Hillary: (raises eyebrows) Really? You guys seemed so tight the night we …

Sean: The night we all got into bed together? Yeah. She was getting tired of it. Started bitching at me that all I wanted to do was bring other chicks home. Fuck that shit.

Hillary stares into space.

Sean: Sooo what about it? You and me?

Hillary: You and me what?

Sean: I dunno. What do you say you and me go and find somewhere to get cozy?

Hillary: Just you and me?

Sean: (looks around) I don’t see anybody else.

Hillary: (stares down at her hands) Maybe we’d better wait for my friend … Barry or Jake or whatever his name is.

Sean: What the fuck? Don’t you want to be alone with me?

Hillary frowns at him, thinking.

Sean: I’ve got some wicked shit. Wanna get fucked up at least?

Hillary: Where is it?

Sean pats his pocket.

Hillary: Do me a favour?

Sean: What?

Hillary: Call me Jessica?

Sean: (smiling) Let’s go get fucked up, Jessica.

 

Next stop: Saturday, October 7th, 9:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS Oct. 7/17

It’s Friday, and that means it’s time for your Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt. I should probably mention I’m not Linda, I’m Joey from Joeyfully Stated, filling in for Linda while she does important published author things like signing books. How exciting!

I had some excitement today as well. After discovering the email and used prompt list was not in my precious Save folder, I had myself a right good panic. You maybe don’t know this about me, but I am one of the world’s foremost alarmists. Chicken Little ain’t got nothin on me. Fortunately, my daughter saved me from myself.
Cleanest digging through “Trash” I’ve ever done.

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: save/safe. Use one or both. If you start and end with either of them, you’ll get bonus points. 

After you’ve written your Saturday post tomorrow, please link it here at this week’s prompt page and check to make sure it’s here in the comments so others can find it and see your awesome Stream of Consciousness post. Anyone can join in!

To make your post more visible, use our SoCS badge! Just paste it in your Saturday post so people browsing the reader will immediately know your post is stream of consciousness and/or pin it as a widget to your site to show you’re a participant. Wear it with pride!!

 

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The’,” or simply a single word to get your started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours.  Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!


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35. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday, October 5th, 4:00pm
Hester and Alfred

 

Hester: If you’d just let me help you, you wouldn’t have this problem!

Alfred: Yes dear.

Hester: Give me your cane.

Alfred: Yes dear.

Hester: (takes his cane and shows it to him) Now you see this?

Alfred: Yes dear.

Hester: This is wood.

Alfred: Yes dear.

Hester: Do you know what wood is for in a man?

Alfred: Yes dear.

Hester: It’s to keep your good wife satisfied.

Alfred: Yes dear.

Hester: Now will you let me help you?

Alfred: Yes dear.

Hester: Do you have to agree with everything I say?

Alfred: Yes dear.

Hester: What else did the urologist say?

Alfred: Yes dear.

Hester: (really pays attention to him for the first time) Did the nurse give you cotton balls for your ears? (pulls the cotton from his ears) What did the urologist say?

Alfred: Get a divorce.

 

Next stop: Friday, October 6th, 11:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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34. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, October 4th, 3:00pm
Madigan and Ken

 

Madigan: Barb knows.

Ken: What do you mean?

Madigan: She knows there’s something going on. She doesn’t know it’s me though.

Ken stares down at his hands in his lap.

Madigan: What are you going to do about it?

Ken: Maybe we should cool it for a while.

Madigan: Probably a good idea.

Ken: But I don’t want to.

Madigan looks out the window

Ken: I’m thinking about leaving her.

Madigan: Don’t do it for me.

Ken: Why not? I want to be with you.

Madigan: (staring at him) It would destroy Barb and you know it.

Ken: Don’t you want to be with me?

Madigan: Not at the expense of my sister. This was never supposed to go beyond one time. I think we should just end it and cut our losses.

Ken: After today then?

Madigan: (looking out the window) This will be our last time.

 

Next stop: Thursday, October 5th, 4:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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One-Liner Wednesday – Being sold is exhausting

The avocados on sale today were exhausted. Totally bagged, in fact.

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If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion