Thursday, February 15th, 6:00pm
Andrea (and Lacey)
Andrea sits at the window. Lacey takes the seat beside her.
Andrea: Oh. My. God. Lace, you won’t believe what happened.
Lacey: Lay it on me.
Andrea: You know that guy, right? That, like, Edward guy?
Lacey: The one you’re …
Andrea: The one I’m in love with, right. Anyway, I saw him on yesterday. Right here on the bus. Can you believe it? And so we’re making a date with it being, like, Valentine’s, and everything is going great, and then, get this: I mentioned going out for a steak and he took off!
Lacey: No!
Andrea: He jumped right … out … the fuckin’ … window!
Lacey: No. Way.
Andrea: WAY! Can you imagine? He’s, like, so scared of me now, that he jumps out the window of a moving bus!
Lacey: It was moving?
Andrea: YES! You’d think a vampire would be able to handle a little steak, so, like, it’s gotta be me.
Wednesday, February 14th, 8:00pm
Edward (and Andrea)
Edward sits at the window. Andrea takes the seat beside him.
Andrea: THERE you are! I’ve been looking for you forever!
Edward: Who are you?
Andrea:(stares, open-mouthed) You … don’t remember me? I’m the one you were making out with on New Year’s. It was so … I can’t believe you don’t remember me! Look! (pulls down scarf to reveal her neck) You gave me this.
Edward: That certainly looks like mine.
Andrea: Who the fuck else’s would it be?
Edward: I am the only vampire around … Unless it was Lily.
Andrea: Lily? As in, like, a girl? EWWW! It was YOU! We made out! And you don’t remember!
Edward: Oh wait. I remember you now.
Andrea:(smiles) Well of course you do! Nobody forgets me. Especially guys I make out with. So, d’you want to, like, get together? It is Valentine’s Day after all.
Edward: I am kinda hungry. Wanna go for a bite?
Andrea:(giggles) Sure. I could go for some Italian.
Edward:(shakes his head vigorously) Too much garlic.
Saturday, January 13th, 8:00pm
Drommen (and Andrea)
Drommen sits at the window. Andrea takes the seat beside him.
Drommen: Good evening.
Andrea: Hey, I know you. We, like, sat together before. How you been doing?
Drommen: Not bad thanks, and you?
Andrea: (sighs) I’m so in love.
Drommen: Good for you!
Andrea: Not really. I, like, met him at New Year’s? And I haven’t seen him since. I was hoping I’d find him on the bus. That’s where I met him the first time. You meet some, like, really interesting people on the bus.
Drommen: That’s true.
Andrea: Anyways, I don’t suppose you’ve seen him? He’s pretty tall, skinny, and, like, drop-dead gorgeous, and he has really sharp fangs.
Drommen: Were you drunk on New Year’s Eve by any chance?
Andrea: So yeah, like, I met this guy on New Year’s Eve. Right here on the bus. And he was, like, oh my God, so HOT!!
Lacey: No way!
Andrea: Oh, like, SO way! So we get off the bus, right? And immediately we start making out. Look (pulls at scarf) you can see where he gave me a hickey.
Lacey: Oh my God, that’s not just, like, one hickey.
Andrea: Right? He just about went to town on my neck and I’m, like, enough with the neck thing, okay? So he starts, like, doing other stuff but he never leaves off my neck, right?
Lacey: Uh huh.
Andrea: And so the next thing I know, we’re, like, getting into this big fight but then my alarm goes off and it’s, like, Oh my God! It’s midnight! Right? So he grabs me and, like, kisses me …
Lacey: On the neck?
Andrea: Whatever. And then he, like, drags me off into the park, and the next thing I know I’m waking up on a bench with all these blankets on me and it’s, like, yesterday morning already.
Lacey: What the…
Andrea: I know, right? And get this: I was covered in sparkles. I can’t even wash some of them off. Look. (pulls down scarf on the other side) So I’m hoping I’ll see him again and ask him, like, what the fuck happened?
Morris sits at the window. Andrea takes the seat beside him.
Morris: Ugh.
Andrea: Excuse me?
Morris: I still don’t have my Christmas shopping done.
Andrea: And this concerns me how, exactly?
Morris: It doesn’t. I just wanted to …
Andrea: Why does everyone on this freakin’ bus want to tell me their problems? Like, I can’t get a minute’s peace on this freakin’, fucking bus! First I’ve got people flashing me, spitting at me, telling me their problems …
Morris: I’d watch it, if I were you. I’m Santa.
Andrea:(stares at him) You’re what now?
Morris: Santa Claus. And with a mouth like that, you’re not likely to find anything in your stocking, young lady.
Andrea:(frowns) Wait. Didn’t you just say you haven’t finished your Christmas shopping? Doesn’t Santa MAKE the toys?
Morris: No, the elves do that. I have to go out and buy all the supplies.
Andrea: You’re fucking crazy.
Morris: (shaking his head, mumbles) Whatever is the world coming to?
Andrea: So my mom’s got this new boyfriend, right?
Lacey: Again?
Andrea: What do you mean, again? She hasn’t had one in, like, a month. Anyways, he comes over last night, and he’s, like, completely shitfaced, right?
Lacey: No!
Andrea: So yeah, so he’s, like, staggering all over the place, and he just got out of his car. He comes in and he says to me, “You know, you’re even better-looking than your mom.” And I’m like, “EW, how can you say that with my mom just standing there?”
Lacey: No way!
Andrea: Exactly, right? But my mom just laughed it off. She wanted to go to this restaurant where they had, like, this reservation?
Lacey: That’s …
Andrea: Incredible, right? My mom’s like such a crazy bitch.
Lacey: She really is!
Andrea: Well she’s not THAT crazy. At least she drove.
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