Life in progress

Tag Archives: Funny


by 10 Comments

168. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Thursday, February 15th, 6:00pm
Andrea (and Lacey)

 

Andrea sits at the window. Lacey takes the seat beside her.

Andrea: Oh. My. God. Lace, you won’t believe what happened.

Lacey: Lay it on me.

Andrea: You know that guy, right? That, like, Edward guy?

Lacey: The one you’re …

Andrea: The one I’m in love with, right. Anyway, I saw him on yesterday. Right here on the bus. Can you believe it? And so we’re making a date with it being, like, Valentine’s, and everything is going great, and then, get this: I mentioned going out for a steak and he took off!

Lacey: No!

Andrea: He jumped right … out … the fuckin’ … window!

Lacey: No. Way.

Andrea: WAY! Can you imagine? He’s, like, so scared of me now, that he jumps out the window of a moving bus!

Lacey: It was moving?

Andrea: YES! You’d think a vampire would be able to handle a little steak, so, like, it’s gotta be me.

Lacey: Wait, what kind of stake?

Andrea: (eyes wide) NO!

 

Next stop: Friday, February 16th, 6:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


by 7 Comments

163. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, February 10th, 5:00pm
Misery and Gay

 

Gay: So whatcha doin’ tomorrow?

Misery: I don’t know. Sleepin’ I guess.

Gay: We should go out! Soak up some sunshine!

Misery: It’s supposed to snow.

Gay: Then we can go shopping! For boots!

Misery: I don’t have any money.

Gay: I’ll buy you some!

Misery: I take a size 18. (slides foot out from the seat in front) My shoes cost hundreds of dollars.

Gay: Then how about some new underwear? Nothing better than a new pair of panties!

Misery: Had a thong once. I lost it.

Gay: (frowns) You lost it? Wha … OH!

Misery smiles.

 

Next stop: Sunday, February 11th, 1:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


by 4 Comments

159. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, February 6th, 3:00 2:00pm
Maurice and Stuart

 

(Stuart sits at the window. Maurice takes the seat beside him.)

Maurice: Hey! You’re early for once.

Stuart: Yep. Gotta go buy a new rug before work.

Maurice: Cat peed on it one too many times?

Stuart: Nope. Dog bled all over it.

Maurice: You’ve got a dog now?

Stuart: Not only that. You remember the old lady whose dog I accidentally killed?

Maurice: The one whose next dog ran away, and who’s deathly allergic to cats?

Stuart: That’s right. She’s living with me now too.

Maurice: But … why? And how is she living with you if you’ve got a cat?

Stuart: As for why, she spent so long in the hospital that she missed paying her rent and got kicked out. So I offered to take her in.

Maurice: And the cat?

Stuart: Shaved it.

Maurice: The cat mustn’t have enjoyed that.

Stuart: Nope. It looks like a giant bald squirrel.

Maurice: So what happened to the dog? You said it bled all over your rug.

Stuart: Well yeah. The dog took one look at the cat after we shaved it and thought it was a squirrel. Dog tried to eat the cat, cat scratched the dog.

Maurice: Wow. That must have been one hell of a scratch to make the dog bleed like that.

Stuart: Well, yeah. Because we shaved the dog too.

Maurice: The old lady’s not allergic to dogs though. She had one before.

Stuart: Nope. I am.

Maurice: The two of you are a match made in heaven.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, February 7th, 7:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


by 4 Comments

158. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, February 5th, 5:00pm
Alfred and Hester

 

Hester: When does the urologist want you to go back for the test?

Alfred: How should I know?

Hester: The receptionist gave you the little card, didn’t she?

Alfred digs into his coat pocket and pulls out an appointment card.

Hester: Give it to me then. (adjusts glasses) It’s in two weeks. A “flow test.” What the hell is one of them then?

Alfred: I don’t know. Maybe they want to see if I do better at getting it up with your sister.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, February 6th, 3:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


by 10 Comments

134. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Friday, January 12th, 8:00pm
Gargoyle #1 and Gargoyle #2

 

Gargoyle #1: Hey, do you want to get stoned?

Gargoyle #2: I already am.

 

Next stop: Saturday, January 13th, 8:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


by 2 Comments

125. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, January 3rd, 9:00pm
Edward and Lily

Lily: What the hell is wrong with you tonight?

Edward: (rocking, arms crossed over his stomach) I don’t know. I’ve been feeling sick since Monday morning.

Lily: Did you eat something that didn’t agree with you?

Edward: That must be it.

 

Next stop: Thursday, January 4th, 3:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


by 1 Comment

122. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Sunday, December 31st, 11:47pm
Andrea (and Edward)

 

Andrea sits at the window. Edward takes the seat beside her.

Andrea: I can’t believe I’m stuck on this fucking bus at (looks at her cell phone) thirteen minutes to twelve on New Year’s Eve.

Edward: You’re not alone. I should be out drinking.

Andrea: Tell me about it.

Edward: I could take you out somewhere …

Andrea: I beg your pardon?

Edward smiles, showing his plastic fangs.

Andrea: Oh my God, are you kidding me?

Edward: No. Wanna ditch the bus? I could really go for a drink.

Andrea: Let’s go.

 

Next stop: Monday, January 1st, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


by 7 Comments

109. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, December 18th, 8:00am
Sherlock and Watson

 

Sherlock: … and so I said to him, “I knew it was you!”

Watson: How ever did you figure it out?

Sherlock: Well, let me tell you. I spied him sneaking into the hallway, and then when I went to put my shoes on later–after completely forgetting about the incident–there it was! A piece of poo, stuck to the bottom of my sock!

Watson: The poo was in your shoe?

Sherlock: It was!

Watson: (shakes head sadly) You really must get rid of that child.

Sherlock: Oh no, I sha’n’t do that. I’ll simply send him to school.

Watson: But, which one?

Sherlock: Why, elementary, my dear Watson.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, December 19th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


by Leave a comment

99. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Friday, December 8th, 9:00pm
Jade (and Doug)

 

Jade sits by the window. Doug takes the seat beside her.

Jade: (staring at Doug) What are you, a stripper or something?

Doug: (looks down at himself and then at her, confused) No, I’m a fireman.

Jade: (snorts) Do you wear your uniform all the time?

Doug: No, only when I’m going to a fire.

Jade: (smiling) You’re going to a fire … on a bus?

Doug: Yes. It’s raging as we speak.

Jade: (laughs) Where?

Doug: Downtown. (strains to look at the bus driver) Can you hurry it up?

Jade: Seriously?

Doug: (to the bus driver) There’s a fire downtown. You don’t want to be responsible for people dying, do you?

Jade: Hey! He can’t go any faster. There’s traffic.

Doug: And why do you think there’s so much traffic? There’s a fire!

Jade: (laughs) You’re a stripper, aren’t you.

Doug: I’m not a stripper. I’m a fireman. And there’s a fire.

Jade: Well then why don’t you run? You’d go faster than this bus is.

Doug: That would be violating my … fire code regulations.

Jade: What “fire code regulations”?

Doug: It states that I must arrive at the fire in a city-owned vehicle. I missed the fire truck so I’m on a bus.

Jade: (stares at him for a moment) I’ll give you twenty bucks if you drop trou.

Doug: (hesitates) Make it fifty and you’re on.

 

Next stop: Saturday, December 9th, 4:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


by 8 Comments

98. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday, December 7th, 6:00pm
Lily (and Phil)

 

Lily sits at the window. Phil takes the seat beside her.

Lily: Hi.

Phil: (sighs) My car broke down.

Lily: Aww, that’s too bad.

Phil: Yeah. I’ve got to get rid of that piece of crap and get something new. I hate taking the bus.

Lily: I’ve got something for sale.

Phil: Yeah? Is it Japanese?

Lily: Nope. It’s all Transylvanian, baby. (smiles, running her tongue across her fake fangs)

Phil changes seats.

 

Next stop: Friday, December 8th, 9:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.