Life in progress

Tag Archives: Humor


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#SoCS – Reservations

Used to be that I’d have hotel reservations all the time. For a while, my ex was taking over my house when he looked after the kids and I’d go to a hotel for the weekend. Which was lovely for me, but not so lovely on my wallet.  Since I kinda ran out of money (who knew that was coming?), I’m lucky to have reservations to see a movie. That’s what I wanted to talk about though. Movie tickets. Or tickets to anything for that matter.

And the weirdness that is the English language.

Why do we have reservations for a restaurant but we don’t call them reservations to a movie or an event? Because that’s really what a ticket does. It reserves a spot in the place you’re going.

Therefore, I want tickets to a restaurant and a reservation for a movie. So there.

The next thing I have reservations for is a Glorious Sons concert at the end of July.  On June 26th, the Sons–a Kingston, Ontario band–are opening for the Rolling Stones in France. That’s a HUGE DEAL! I predict that for Kingston bands, they’re going to be the next Tragically Hip.

And I have no reservations about saying that.

The last time I had a ticket to stay at a hotel was in October 2016. I’m seriously due for a vacation. With a reservation for a seat on a plane, preferably.

This somewhat rambling post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the following link to check out all the other posts (which you can find in the comments) and join in! It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2018/06/15/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-16-18/


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287. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday, June 14th, 1:00pm
Simon (and Verne)

 

Simon sits at the window. Verne takes the seat beside him, grocery bag in hand.

Verne: (to bag, soothingly) That’s a nice chicken. (looks sideways at Simon and turns back to bag) I’m going to take you home and eat you all up. (looks sideways at Simon)

Simon smiles.

Verne: (to Simon) What? Haven’t you ever seen anyone talk to their food?

Simon: No, it’s okay! I talk to my food all the time.

Verne: Do you like the wings too?

Simon: (shakes head) I’m more of a leg man, myself. Maybe the occasional finger.

Verne: Ugh. I hate chicken fingers.

Simon: Me too.

Verne: And fish fingers.

Simon: (smiles) Me too.

Verne changes seats.

 

Next stop: Friday, June 15th, 9:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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286. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, June 13th, 5:00pm
Fred (and Rachael)

 

Fred sits at the window with a large cloth bag. Rachael takes the seat beside him.

Fred: (looking in the bag) Ooohh moomoomoomoo. Ohhh mommomooomooomoo.

Rachael strains to look at him with her eyes, without turning her head.

Fred: (looking in the bag) Oooohhh mooomooomoo. You’re just so cute! Ooohh moomoomoo …

Rachael: (leans over to look) What you got there?

Fred: Its a bag full of kittens.

Rachael: (in a high pitched voice) A bag full of kittens? (looking in the bag) Ooohh aren’t you cute!

Fred: Want one?

Rachael: What, you’re just giving them away?

Fred: Not really. What do you got to trade for ’em? Any dope?

Rachael stares.

Fred: (snickers) Just kidding. They’re all mine. (looking in the bag) Ooohhh moomoomoomooo.

 

Next stop: Thursday, June 14th, 1:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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One-Liner Wednesday – We speak the same language. I think.

Conversation between my best friend and I:

John: Hey, have I told you what happened since the last time I talked to you?

Me: No … I haven’t talked to you since the last time I talked to you …

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our lovely new badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Cheryl, at dreamingreality646941880.wordpress.com/


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285. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, June 12th, 4:00pm
Zoey (and Bradley)

 

Zoey sits at the window. Bradley takes the seat beside her, carrying a large cloth bag.

Bradley: SHHHH!!!

Zoey: Are you talking to me?

Bradley: SSHHHH!!!!! (in a stage whisper) I got the stuff!

Zoey: I’m sorry, I don’t know you. And I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Bradley: (whispering) Look!

Bradley opens his bag. Zoey peers inside.

Zoey: Awww!!!

Bradley: SSSSHHHHH!!!!!

Zoey: But it’s a bag of kittens!

Bradley: It’s a what? (looks in the bag) Damnit! I got the wrong bag!

Bradley gets off the bus.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, June 13th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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284. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language.

Monday, June 11th, 5:00pm
Kyra (and Sean)

 

Kyra sits at the window, rocking. Sean takes the seat beside her.

Sean: Are you okay?

Kyra: I gotta pee.

Sean: (reaches into his pocket) I got a plastic bag here if you wanna go in that.

Kyra: Are you nuts? I’m not peeing in a plastic bag.

Sean: Suit yourself. (reaches into the other pocket and pulls out a bottle of water) Want some?

Kyra gives him a dirty look.

Sean: (takes the cap off the bottle and drinks loudly) Man! That’s good!

Kyra: You’re a real asshole.

Sean: (offers her the bag again) You sure?

Kyra: (mumbling and rocking, looking out the window) I hate this fucking bus.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, June 12th, 4:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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#SoCS – Posts

Posts, of the blogging kind, can be very difficult to come up with. What do you talk about that hasn’t already been talked about? It’s really why I came up with this prompt (SoCS) in the first place. Because I wanted to be able to write … whatever. And the best way I’ve found to do that is to write by the seat of my pants, whatever comes to mind.

But there are times when I have just way too much going on in my head. I need to be relaxed when I write, not have a storm of accumulating cotton balls floating around between my ears. That’s really what it feels like. They accumulate and then they clog the path to output until I’m ready to explode. Yet nothing that comes out makes any sense. Can you tell I’m kinda there already? Haha.

Distractions don’t help either.

Nor do the little gems I want to publish that I want even more to save for something like One-Liner Wednesday (I have two lined up already), or to keep for a post when I have time to sit down and really do a good job on it. As opposed to what I’m doing here.

Hey! They put tartar sauce on my Filet-O-Fish tonight!

See what I mean?

I think it’s a matter of practice, too. (Not putting tartar sauce on a sandwich–I’m back to talking about posts again. Keep up! Hahahaha. Yeah, good luck with that.) When I post a lot, say during a prompt month like January (Just Jot It) and April (A-Z), I have no problems coming up with something to write. Blogging depends on momentum. Or at least the ease of it does. In my experience at least.

How about you?

This post about posts is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link to find all the other posts, and join in yourself! It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2018/06/08/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-9-18/


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281. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Adult theme.

Friday, June 8th, 9:00pm
Drommen (and Phillipa)

 

Drommen sits at the window. Phillipa takes the seat beside him.

Drommen: It’s you again!

Phillipa: Well look at that; so it is.

Drommen: I think I’m ready this time.

Phillipa: To masturbate for me? Isn’t that lovely.

Drommen opens his trenchcoat.

Phillipa: (pulls an apple out of her bag and takes a big juicy bite) You know, I’ve never done this before. (wipes juice off her chin) Is it going to be messy?

Drommen: (watching her) Errr …

Phillipa: Because I have tissues in here somewhere. (digs in her purse and pulls out a pair of panties) Can you hold this for me?

Drommen takes them.

Phillipa: I had to take those off earlier today. I’m going commando right now.

Drommen: Uh huh.

Phillipa: They were just so wet … I get very excited, just spontaneously. You might not be the only one who needs a tissue here.

Drommen: Uh huh.

Phillipa: Oh here they are. (pulls out a package of tissues and holds her hand out) Can I have those back now.

Drommen: Sure.

Phillipa: Okie dokie. Whip it out, and let’s get started.

Drommen: Err…

Phillipa: Something the matter?

Drommen: This has never happened to me before.

Phillipa: You’re already finished, aren’t you?

(Drommen blushes)

 

Next stop: Saturday, June 9th, 8:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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280. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday, June 7th, 4:00pm
Jocelyn and Jody

 

Jody: Mommy?

Jocelyn: Yes, dear?

Jody: (points to a nun, seated across the aisle) Is that a penguin?

Jocelyn: No, that’s a nun.

Jody: That’s what Daddy told me.

Jocelyn: (frowns) What did Daddy tell you?

Jody: I asked if there were any penguins here, and he said there’s none.

 

Next stop: Friday, June 8th, 9:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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277. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, June 4th, 4:00pm
Farmer Brown (and Drew)

 

Farmer Brown sits at the window. Drew takes the seat beside him.

Drew: Nice cowboy boots you got there.

Farmer Brown: Thanks. I got these when I got my horse. She died just yesterday.

Drew: No!

Farmer Brown: (shrugs) It happens.

Drew: That’s true. It’s a funny life we have here on this green earth. Here one day, gone the next. It’s fleeting, and yet we take it for granted. One day each and every one of us will be forgotten. Still, I’m sorry for your loss. So what will you do now?

Farmer Brown: Buy a new pair of boots.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, June 5th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.