Life in progress

Tag Archives: Humor


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#SoCS – Posts

Posts, of the blogging kind, can be very difficult to come up with. What do you talk about that hasn’t already been talked about? It’s really why I came up with this prompt (SoCS) in the first place. Because I wanted to be able to write … whatever. And the best way I’ve found to do that is to write by the seat of my pants, whatever comes to mind.

But there are times when I have just way too much going on in my head. I need to be relaxed when I write, not have a storm of accumulating cotton balls floating around between my ears. That’s really what it feels like. They accumulate and then they clog the path to output until I’m ready to explode. Yet nothing that comes out makes any sense. Can you tell I’m kinda there already? Haha.

Distractions don’t help either.

Nor do the little gems I want to publish that I want even more to save for something like One-Liner Wednesday (I have two lined up already), or to keep for a post when I have time to sit down and really do a good job on it. As opposed to what I’m doing here.

Hey! They put tartar sauce on my Filet-O-Fish tonight!

See what I mean?

I think it’s a matter of practice, too. (Not putting tartar sauce on a sandwich–I’m back to talking about posts again. Keep up! Hahahaha. Yeah, good luck with that.) When I post a lot, say during a prompt month like January (Just Jot It) and April (A-Z), I have no problems coming up with something to write. Blogging depends on momentum. Or at least the ease of it does. In my experience at least.

How about you?

This post about posts is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link to find all the other posts, and join in yourself! It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2018/06/08/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-9-18/


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281. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Adult theme.

Friday, June 8th, 9:00pm
Drommen (and Phillipa)

 

Drommen sits at the window. Phillipa takes the seat beside him.

Drommen: It’s you again!

Phillipa: Well look at that; so it is.

Drommen: I think I’m ready this time.

Phillipa: To masturbate for me? Isn’t that lovely.

Drommen opens his trenchcoat.

Phillipa: (pulls an apple out of her bag and takes a big juicy bite) You know, I’ve never done this before. (wipes juice off her chin) Is it going to be messy?

Drommen: (watching her) Errr …

Phillipa: Because I have tissues in here somewhere. (digs in her purse and pulls out a pair of panties) Can you hold this for me?

Drommen takes them.

Phillipa: I had to take those off earlier today. I’m going commando right now.

Drommen: Uh huh.

Phillipa: They were just so wet … I get very excited, just spontaneously. You might not be the only one who needs a tissue here.

Drommen: Uh huh.

Phillipa: Oh here they are. (pulls out a package of tissues and holds her hand out) Can I have those back now.

Drommen: Sure.

Phillipa: Okie dokie. Whip it out, and let’s get started.

Drommen: Err…

Phillipa: Something the matter?

Drommen: This has never happened to me before.

Phillipa: You’re already finished, aren’t you?

(Drommen blushes)

 

Next stop: Saturday, June 9th, 8:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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280. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday, June 7th, 4:00pm
Jocelyn and Jody

 

Jody: Mommy?

Jocelyn: Yes, dear?

Jody: (points to a nun, seated across the aisle) Is that a penguin?

Jocelyn: No, that’s a nun.

Jody: That’s what Daddy told me.

Jocelyn: (frowns) What did Daddy tell you?

Jody: I asked if there were any penguins here, and he said there’s none.

 

Next stop: Friday, June 8th, 9:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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277. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, June 4th, 4:00pm
Farmer Brown (and Drew)

 

Farmer Brown sits at the window. Drew takes the seat beside him.

Drew: Nice cowboy boots you got there.

Farmer Brown: Thanks. I got these when I got my horse. She died just yesterday.

Drew: No!

Farmer Brown: (shrugs) It happens.

Drew: That’s true. It’s a funny life we have here on this green earth. Here one day, gone the next. It’s fleeting, and yet we take it for granted. One day each and every one of us will be forgotten. Still, I’m sorry for your loss. So what will you do now?

Farmer Brown: Buy a new pair of boots.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, June 5th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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Random, oh Random

Drinking a glass of wine tonight. Something I don’t do often anymore.

Thinking about shutting off the laptop. Something I never do before it’s time to go to bed.

But it’s been so long since I last listened to music and read a book.

With a glass of wine.

They forgot to put tartar sauce on my Filet-O-Fish yesterday. It’s still pissing me off.

Enya. I think I’ll listen to Enya.

No more editing today: I’ve been doing it non-stop all weekend. Between Candy Crush.

I hate Candy Crush.

If you say, “Well then, just stop playing it!” you’re showing you just don’t understand Candy Crush.

Stephen King is good. I think I’ll read Stephen King.

I haven’t changed out of my pyjamas today. I’m drinking wine in my pyjamas. Pyjamas that I put on last night.

Joyland. I started it a few nights ago. Enya and Joyland and wine.

Sounds like an excellent combination.

With no laptop.

Yeah.

May never forget the Filet-O-Fish. Dry fish. Oh, the irony.


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#SoCS – My Own Worst Enemy

I admit it: I wasn’t thinking straight when I came up with today’s SoCS prompt. If I had, I’d have realized that because my real favourite word isn’t fit for a family-friendly blog, I’d have to come up with another “favourite” word that wasn’t really my favourite. If I’m nothing else, I’m honest. However, the real reason I wanted to use this prompt was to see what other people’s favourite words are.

The question comes from my memory of watching “Inside the Actors Studio.” (The lack of an apostrophe is something I’d never noticed before. My editor’s brain has given me new insight–love it when that happens.) I remember thinking that if they asked me the same ten questions they ask the guests on the show, my favourite word would be the same as my favourite curse word. And I also remember thinking that if I answered the question honestly, I’d blush. I loved watching that show – I’m amazed to find upon researching it that it’s still running. Twenty-two seasons and counting.

I found this from the show:

I have so many second-favourite words, I can’t pinpoint one. Phenomena, because it reminds me of the “Me na me na” song from the Muppets; moist, because it’s the underdog of all words for some strange reason; coffee, by association; magic, because of what it represents to me; there are so many!!

But my favourite word of all …

…

…

Nope. Not telling.

This evasive post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link to find all the participants’ posts in the comments and join in with one of your own! https://lindaghill.com/2018/06/01/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-2-18/


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One-Liner Wednesday – Precognition or Coincidence?

What are the odds I’d come across this picture now, after forty-seven years–and what are the odds of giving him yellow hair and orange skin in 1971?

Obviously I was practicing my signature for when I became a famous artist. Haha.

If I’d known then what I know now, I’d have given him smaller hands.

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our lovely new badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Cheryl, at dreamingreality646941880.wordpress.com/


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269. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Sunday, May 27th, 9:00am
Gary and Danielle

 

Gary: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs who swims?

Danielle: Bob.

Gary: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs who water skis?

Danielle: Skip.

Gary: What do you call a dog with no legs?

Danielle: Doesn’t matter. He won’t come to you anyway.

Gary: What’s the biggest advantage of being a test-tube baby?

Danielle: You get a womb with a view.

Gary: You’re a real know-it-all, aren’t you?

Danielle: Yep.

Gary: I need new friends.

Danielle: What you need is jokes less than 30 years old.

Gary: Touché

 

Next stop: Monday, May 28th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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#SoCS – Grilled Cheese

I had no idea, honestly, what I was going to write for today’s prompt. Here in Canada we don’t call the thing we cook on outside “The Grill” as much as we call it just a plain old barbeque. (I spell it that way because in this household with all the sign language going on, we fingerspell it “BBQ” for Alex.) (And anyway, it’s English, damnit.) Nine times out of ten if you read the cooking instructions on Canadian food packaging, it will say “In the Frying Pan,” or “On the Barbeque” rather than “On the Grill.” Holy Hell, where am I with this post?

Oh yeah. So we do grill vegetables but we do it on the barbeque, so my idea for this prompt wasn’t to talk about cooking on “The Grill.” My idea was nothing, really, except the word “grill.”

But then my son Chris came out to the kitchen and asked me to make his grilled cheese sandwich. He has one at 11:30am every day. It’s his schedule, which can’t be deviated from. When he said it I was, like, “duh!” There’s my prompt.

When I first discovered grilled cheese sandwiches back as a teenager, I think, I was told they were made by buttering both sides of the bread. And I actually did it for a while, before I figured out I only really needed to butter the outside. What a mess! (This, by the way, is something I’ve never told anyone. You’re the first to know!) Of course grilled cheese sandwiches have nothing to do with a grill of any kind, and I have no idea why they’re called that.

I do hope my kids realize after I’m gone how much of their history (and mine) is recorded here in this blog. They stand to learn so much about their mother and where they came from before they were born. But they never read it.

I should write a memoir one day. I wish my parents had.

Happy long weekend to all my friends in the US!

This strangely reflective post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link to find all the other entries and join us with your own today! https://lindaghill.com/2018/05/25/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-may-26-18/


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267. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Adult theme

Friday, May 25th, 6:00pm
Drommen (and Yolanda)

 

Drommen sits at the window. Yolanda takes the seat beside him.

Drommen: Nice day.

Yolanda: It sure is.

Drommen: Do you mind if I masturbate?

Yolanda: You gonna make it worth my while?

Drommen: I think I can do that. (begins to undo fly)

Yolanda: Coz if you’re not going to make it worth my while, you can forget it.

Drommen:  (pauses) What … do you mean worth your while?

Yolanda: I got score cards.

Drommen: You have score cards? Like figure skating score cards?

Yolanda: Yeah, but they’re score cards for guys who play with themselves on the bus.

Drommen stares, speechless.

Yolanda: Come on. Let’s see what you got.

Drommen: Never mind.

 

Next stop: Saturday, May 26th, 4:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.