Life in progress

Tag Archives: humour


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#SoCS – Yes

Why do so many of us find it hard to say no? Saying yes seems to be what overextends me. Sure, I can do that. Let me help you. Gah! I never get my own stuff done.

And I have stuff. I have loads of stuff. Tons of it. And all of it needs to be done. I am getting little bits of stuff done here and there. I managed to get some rewriting done on the beginning of my upcoming book. Looks now like it’ll be published in June. I’ll try for the 27th – one year from the date the last one came out. So much for six months between releases.

Hey, a heads-up. I have a book blog tour for The Magician’s Curse running for ten days starting April 30th, so you’ll probably be sick of hearing about it by the 9th of May. But I do plan to put it on sale, so there’s that.

OH, one thing I did manage to get done was I phoned the company who manufactured my smoke alarms. They’re going to replace them for free. Now I just have to not start a fire in my house between now and the time they show up in the mail. I can do that, right? I can say no to fire.

Well, it’s officially Sunday here now, so I suppose I should stop writing my Stream of Consciousness Saturday post. If you’d like to join in (late, like me) or just read all the other entries, click the following link: https://lindaghill.com/2018/04/27/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-april-28-18/ It’s fun!


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Xylophone

I have nothing to say about xylophones except that I remember wanting one as a child. To me, they were like pianos you could bash with a hammer. Which was probably why when I got one, it broke. It had keys (do you call them keys? let me look it up … oooh, I learned something new) bars made of rainbow-coloured pieces of metal that eventually sounded less melodic than if I’d had a series of tin cans lined up.

What did I learn? I learned a xylophone has wooden keys and the ones with metal keys are glockenspiels. So there you go: I’ve never owned a xylophone.

I feel like my whole childhood was a lie now. Thanks Wikipedia.


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Well, I Never!

Has the cashier in a grocery store ever commented on your purchases? It happens to me once in a while. It happened today, in fact. I had two loaves of bread and a can of salmon on the conveyor. As the cashier scanned them, she said, “Salmon sandwiches.”

“Yeah,” I replied. But then I got to thinking.

What if I’d been buying, say, mouthwash: might she have asked, “Did you forget the garlic bread”?

What about beans: “Better be sleeping alone tonight!”

Toilet paper? “I love this one! So soft.”

Condoms? “Someone’s getting lucky!”

A cucumber? …okay, never mind. You get the picture. Whether you want it or not.

So yeah, it’s probably just my imagination running away with me as usual, but having the cashier comment on my food kinda weirds me out.


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One-Liner Wednesday – Difficult Concepts

My darling youngest son came home from school on Friday and told me that Monday, his class would be outside planting flowers. He said they needed to wear “old clothes” because they’d be getting dirty. When I said, okay, that’s fine, he asked me when we’d be going to the mall to buy some “old clothes.”

Yeah. Some things don’t seem to translate from sign language very well. Or maybe he just didn’t get it.

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion

 

 


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Right!

I’m supposed to be writing a post today.

But the truth is, I’ve run out of things to say.

My eyeballs are popping out of my head.

Or they would be if my eyelids weren’t made of lead.

I didn’t mean to write a rhyme

but today is running out of time.

So I guess this is what I’m stuck with.

Orange.

Because nothing rhymes with “stuck with,” either.

I’m going to bed.

Before this lame post gets any lamer.

(And no, that’s not a passive/aggressive cry for validation. It’s lame. Say it’s lame. C’mon, altogether now …)

Good night. 😉


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Potentially Perpetuating Participation

Pretend you didn’t notice all the “p”s in the title. This is absolutely not part of the A to Z Challenge, where the letter of the day just happens to be “p.”

The masochist I am, I’m thinking about doing another month-long prompt. Because let’s face it, I can’t seem to stay away from them. …unless you count … umm … Just Jot it January! Yeah, that’s the ticket.

So I’m going to put up a poll–a poll for potentially perpetuating participation in a prompt. (It’s a coincidence!!) What I’d like you to vote for is which month you could see yourself doing a prompt. This prompt would be totally random writing assignments. You know, like actual prompts, unlike Stream of Consciousness Saturday where you only have a hint at what to write.

I’m only adding months that I know I can manage myself. Not January (JusJoJan), not February as Bee’s “Love is in Da Blog” prompt is that month, not April (because #atozchallenge, which has absolutely nothing to do with this post), and not October, November, nor December (Halloween and Alex’s birthday, NaNoWriMo, and Christmas, in that order). So what do we have left?

 

Interested?


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One-Liner Wednesday – Thought of the Day

Thought of the day:

One doesn’t appreciate the ability to breathe through one’s nostrils, until one has a rotten cold. Or allergies.

Linda G. Hill

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion

 

 


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Ooooh …

… I’m looking forward to getting to bed tonight. You know that cold I’ve been dodging?

It got me.


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Nope, you’re not burning down MY kitchen!

It was just a little electrical fire.

And, I mean, we spill water around the spout of the electric kettle ALL the time when we’re filling it up.

Only today it made this really weird noise just as it began to boil. A noise like “zztzztzztzzt.” So I looked at it (because I was standing there waiting for it to boil) and I said out loud to it, “What the fuck is that noise?” And then I saw it in the reflection on the stove. A yellow glow. And I thought, hey, you’re on fire! So I pulled out the plug and the fire stopped. But when I finally got brave enough to pick the kettle up, the puddle of water on the counter was burning. Yes, burning. Not boiling. Burning.

So I said to the kettle, “You’re toast!” and I put it away where no one else will use it. After I poured the water for my tea of course. Let’s not get too crazy. I’m not going to throw out perfectly good boiling water for the sake of a little fire.

I’m just glad I was standing there. Standing there to say, “Nope, you’re not burning down MY kitchen!”


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228. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, April 16th, 5:00pm
Farmer Brown (and Phil)

 

Farmer Brown sits at the window. Phil takes the seat beside him.

Phil: (sighs) Oh what a relief.

Farmer Brown: What would that be, son?

Phil: (smiles) I get my car back tomorrow.

Farmer Brown: (smiles back) Nothing quite like having your own vehicle, is there?

Phil: No sir, there’s not. It’s finally out of the shop after my accident, and I’m on the mend too.

Farmer Brown: And the open road is ahead of you.

Phil: Right you are. You know, it’s refreshing to find someone on the bus who really “gets it.” Someone sane for a change.

Farmer Brown: (nods, then takes phone out of his pocket) Excuse me, I have to get this.

Phil: You go ahead.

Farmer Brown: (into his phone) Hello? No. You’re kidding. Again? (frowns) Okay, put her on.

Farmer Brown glances at Phil and rolls his eyes.

Farmer Brown: (into his phone) Moo. Moo moo moo moo. Moomoomoo. Okay. (waits) Yeah, I told her. She promised not to do it again. Okay, see you soon. (hangs up and puts his phone back in his pocket. To Phil:) Damned sheep got out of the barn again.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, April 17th, 5:00pm

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