Life in progress

Tag Archives: humour


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#JusJoJan 2018, the 9th – Coffee

It’s quite obvious I didn’t get enough today.

Not that I go there often anymoreaddi since I don’t get out much, but there was a boycott of sorts today of Tim Horton’s here in Canada. Something to do with the raise of minimum wage and them not wanting to pay for breaks or something. I don’t know. I love Tim’s, but I didn’t go there today. I wouldn’t have, anyway.

Honestly, I wish I could survive on coffee alone. But too much of it upsets my stomach, and I’m not sure it doesn’t mess with my sleep, too, if I drink it later in the evening.

However, if you’re buying, I take it with double cream, no sugar …

This post was brought to you by Just Jot it January, and in particular, prompted by the word, “coffee,” provided by Barbara! Thank you so much, Barbara! You can find her JusJoJan post by clicking right here. Please go and say hi! To participate in the prompt, please visit this post, where you’ll find the rules and you can leave your link in the comments.


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#JusJoJan 2018, the 8th – Pants

What I want to write about today is and isn’t pants; it’s panties. I’ll start by explaining how I got from one to the other: in a word, English. In North America, pants are the things we walk around in that everyone sees. In the UK pants are trousers, and underwear are pants. I honestly wish we could call them that here too, even though I hate the word “trousers.”

But you know what word I hate even more? “Panties.” I use it for lack of a better word when I write fiction–underwear seems such a bulky word. One that conjures, in my mind, visions of undergarments that cover from the lowest part of the butt cheek to the waist. To have the hero of one of my stories strip his lady love of everything but a pair of those would quickly transform the sexiest scene into either a comedy or worse, something that would make me gag.

I didn’t grow up calling them panties, which may be why I’m so adverse to the word. What do you think? Is “panties” as distasteful for you as it is for me? Do you have a better word?

I’ve considered having all my characters go commando, just so I don’t have to deal with it at all.

This post was brought to you by Just Jot it January, and in particular, prompted by the word, “pants,” provided by pensitivity! Thank you so much! You can find her JusJoJan post by clicking right here. Please go and say hi! To participate in the prompt, please visit this post, where you’ll find the rules and you can leave your link in the comments.


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One-Liner Wednesday – Spoiling it All

I had “something stupid” written on the fridge but I needed an “s” for another word, so I ended up with this:

Now I have a song stuck in my head …

“And then I go and spoil it all
by saying something tepid like I like yoooou.”

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If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion


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One-Liner Wednesday – A Best Friend’s Advice

Scene (true story): I’m sitting in the pantry, which is little more than a cupboard, to escape the bright sunlight streaming through the kitchen window. I’ve pulled the kitchen table, with my laptop on it, in with me. My best friend, John, walks into the kitchen.

Me: Yes, I know, I’m in the closet.

Him: You can come out. It’s the twenty-first century.

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If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion


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#SoCS – Style

I’m not sure if I’ve ever had a style that one could cramp. As a teenager, I went by the general style of “get away with anything I can,” yet nothing in particular sticks out much. I didn’t smoke or do drugs, and by the time I started drinking, my mother had stopped. So the water in the booze to keep the level up went unnoticed. I think it might have ended up being so watered down that even I didn’t bother with it.

My style now amounts to being alone as much as possible so I can work. Oooh, I’m such a party animal in my old age. 😛 In fact nothing cramps my style any more as much as actual cramps do. And believe me, my walk has style for the first few minutes in the morning.

Now, just don’t get between me and my coffee. Or I’ll cramp your style.

*waves and limps off into the sunset*

This crampy post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click to see all the other posts linked in the comments, and to join in too! https://lindaghill.com/2017/12/01/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-dec-2-17/


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One-Liner Wednesday – Heretofore

Bread shall heretofore be referred to only as “raw toast.” That is all.

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If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion


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89. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, November 28th, 6:00pm 10:00pm
Stuart (and Maurice)

 

Stuart sits at the window. Maurice takes the seat beside him.

Maurice: Fancy meeting you here!

Stuart: (shakes his head) I’m lucky to be here, I tell you.

Maurice: Oh oh. What’s up?

Stuart: Well, I was supposed to have caught the six o’clock today, but I slept in.

Maurice: All the way to six in the evening?

Stuart: (nods) Uh huh. Had one wicked headache this afternoon, so I went to lay down. Then I started having this nightmare. I couldn’t breathe!

Maurice: It was only a nightmare though, right?

Stuart: Nope. Damned cat was laying on my face. So I pushed it off, as you do, and it mustn’t have liked that very much.

Maurice: No?

Stuart: Nuh uh. It jumped out in front of me as I was walking to the bathroom, I fell over: cracked my head on the door jam.

Maurice: No way!

Stuart: Yep. Just woke up.

Maurice: Wait, didn’t you say you slept in?

Stuart: Yep. Cat peed on the rug again. Slept in cat piss for oh (looks at watch) a good couple hours.

 

 

Next stop: Wednesday, November 29th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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#SoCS – Why bother?

I spend so much time reading, editing, and (occasionally) writing fiction these days, I sometimes find myself narrating my movements around my house. Usually only in my head … usually. So I have to ask myself, why bother with ink? I do suppose it helps convey my narration to other people … but seriously, do you need to know I need to buy more toilet paper? My narration is incredibly interesting, as you can see.

Speaking of ink, I’ve recently discovered the joy of gel pens. Particularly Papermate InkJoy gel pens. They’re fantastic to write with. They make me want to write … well, pretty much anything. Shopping lists, permission slips to send my son off on field trips, notes about other people’s books … Hey! I should write a book of my own! Yeah, I should get on that.

I’m sitting here looking at my inky black cat. Why in heaven do we think of black when the word “inky” comes along? Ink comes in so many different colours now. We’re not living in an age where we have to use a feather to write with. And a pot of ink … can you imagine? Having to do that? Our computer screens would be a mess!!

Casper

On that note, I think it’s time to call it a day.

It’s a day!

This post is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link to find all the other posts in the comments. Read some, write one – it’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2017/11/24/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-nov-25-17/


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#SoCS – Zzzzz

Hear ye, hear ye! I’ve got absolutely nothing to say. Nothing that doesn’t sound like a broken record, at least:

I’m tire … I’m tire … I’m tire … I’ screeech

I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s impossible to find an onomatopoeic word that describes a needle scratching across a record. (It took me far too long to get that word right. You know the one I’m talking about.)

Anyway, if you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m exhausted. Yet again. I think I may be close to burning out. I seriously need a vacation. One that will allow me to just hibernate with a book … not a book that I have to work on. Another thirteen-hour day today … I forgot to eat dinner. I probably shouldn’t do that before I go to sleep.

I think I might just treat myself to an hour of Outlander (the show, not the book – I’ve already read the series three times) before I go to sleep tonight. And a cup of tea. Yeah.

Good night, my friends. 🙂

This post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday, and your ever-tired hostess, me. Click the link and check it out! https://lindaghill.com/2017/11/17/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-nov-18-17/

 


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77. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Thursday, November 16th, 6:00pm
Michael (and Wanda)

 

Michael sits at the window, reading a book. Wanda takes the seat beside him.

Wanda: Do you mind if I paint my nails?

Michael: (without looking away from his book) Nope.

Wanda: (takes a bottle of nail polish out of her pocket) Nasty outside today.

Michael: (without looking away from his book) Yep.

Wanda: (singing) Oh the weather outside is frightful. (speaking) Shit. (singing) But the fire is so delightful. (speaking, etc.) Shit. But as long as you love me so.  Shit.  Let …

Michael: (regards her for the first time) Why do you keep saying “shit”?

Wanda: The bus keeps ruining my nail polish when it goes over a bump.

Michael: So don’t paint your nails on the bus.

Wanda: Mind your own business.

Michael goes back to his book.

Wanda: (singing) Let it … Shit. Let it … Shit. Let it … Shit.

 

Next stop: Friday, November 17th, 7:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.