Wednesday, January 3rd, 9:00pm
Edward and Lily
Lily: What the hell is wrong with you tonight?
Edward: (rocking, arms crossed over his stomach) I don’t know. I’ve been feeling sick since Monday morning.
Lily: Did you eat something that didn’t agree with you?
Edward: That must be it.
Next stop: Thursday, January 4th, 3:00pm
Note: Strong language
Tuesday, January 2nd, 7:00pm
Andrea and Lacey
Andrea: So yeah, like, I met this guy on New Year’s Eve. Right here on the bus. And he was, like, oh my God, so HOT!!
Lacey: No way!
Andrea: Oh, like, SO way! So we get off the bus, right? And immediately we start making out. Look (pulls at scarf) you can see where he gave me a hickey.
Lacey: Oh my God, that’s not just, like, one hickey.
Andrea: Right? He just about went to town on my neck and I’m, like, enough with the neck thing, okay? So he starts, like, doing other stuff but he never leaves off my neck, right?
Lacey: Uh huh.
Andrea: And so the next thing I know, we’re, like, getting into this big fight but then my alarm goes off and it’s, like, Oh my God! It’s midnight! Right? So he grabs me and, like, kisses me …
Lacey: On the neck?
Andrea: Whatever. And then he, like, drags me off into the park, and the next thing I know I’m waking up on a bench with all these blankets on me and it’s, like, yesterday morning already.
Lacey: What the…
Andrea: I know, right? And get this: I was covered in sparkles. I can’t even wash some of them off. Look. (pulls down scarf on the other side) So I’m hoping I’ll see him again and ask him, like, what the fuck happened?
Lacey: What’s his name?
Andrea: I have no idea. Eddie or something.
Next stop: Wednesday, January 3rd, 9:00pm
Monday, January 1st, 5:00pm
Yvonne and Quinn
Quinn: Are you nervous?
Yvonne: Of course. It’s not every day I get to tell my parents I’m pregnant over turkey dinner.
Quinn: Well, we were going to have to tell them eventually.
Yvonne: (stares at him) Do you have any idea how hard it’s going to be telling my mother she’s going to be a grandmother? She’ll probably drop dead in the stuffing.
Quinn: She’s really that obsessed about getting old?
Yvonne: You’ve met my mother, right?
Quinn: Yeah. Do you want me to tell your dad and then he can tell her after we’ve left?
Yvonne: That’s the coward’s way out.
They stare at each other for three seconds.
Both: Let’s do it.
Next stop: Tuesday, January 2nd, 7:00pm
Note: Strong language
Sunday, December 31st, 11:47pm
Andrea (and Edward)
Andrea sits at the window. Edward takes the seat beside her.
Andrea: I can’t believe I’m stuck on this fucking bus at (looks at her cell phone) thirteen minutes to twelve on New Year’s Eve.
Edward: You’re not alone. I should be out drinking.
Andrea: Tell me about it.
Edward: I could take you out somewhere …
Andrea: I beg your pardon?
Edward smiles, showing his plastic fangs.
Andrea: Oh my God, are you kidding me?
Edward: No. Wanna ditch the bus? I could really go for a drink.
Andrea: Let’s go.
Next stop: Monday, January 1st, 5:00pm
Saturday, December 30th, 7:00pm
Rocky and Arnie
Arnie: When I saw how your character was shot, I spilled my coffee. All down my shirt. (points to coffee stain)
Rocky: Sorry, man. I’ll wait and get off the bus with you.
Arnie: No. Go on without me. I’ll be fine.
Rocky: I can’t do that, man. You’re like a brother to me.
Arnie: I insist. Think about your family. Your daughter, she needs her drugs. Get to the Shopper’s.
Rocky: I won’t forget you, man. You’ll be at work tomorrow?
Arnie: (nods) I’ll be back.
Rocky hugs Arnie and gets off the bus.
Next stop: Sunday, December 31st, 11:47pm
Note: Adult theme
Friday, December 29th, 5:00pm
Robert and Ivan
Robert: Donald should be out looking for a place to live, but if he’s home, you and I are just friends.
Ivan: So, why are we going to your place anyway, instead of just going out for dinner?
Robert: He’s gotta know that I’m going to bring guys home.
Ivan: I don’t know why you don’t just tell him to get the hell out.
Robert: I can’t. He might fire me.
Ivan: He can’t do that.
Robert: Maybe not. But I don’t want to take a chance.
Ivan: So instead, you’re flaunting me in front of him?
Robert: I’m hoping he’ll get the hint.
Ivan: You mean, without actually coming out and telling him you’ve got a new boyfriend.
Robert: Right.
Ivan: (shakes head) Remind me never to have an affair with my boss.
Robert: (frowns) Remind me that it’s a bad idea to sleep with an unstable boss just to get a promotion.
Next stop: Saturday, December 30th, 7:00pm
Note: Strong language
Thursday, December 28th, 3:00pm 3:20pm
Hillary (and Bella)
Hillary sits at the window. Bella takes the seat beside her.
Bella: Excuse me, haven’t I seen you on the bus before?
Hillary: Probably.
Bella: I’m looking for a guy, about six feet, dark hair, pretty good-looking. He’s on this bus a lot.
Hillary: He usually sits here?
Bella: That’s the one. Have you seen him lately?
Hillary: Jake’s actually a friend, kind of. I’m looking for him too.
Bella: (frowns) I thought his name was Drommen. Maybe that’s his last name.
Hillary: (frowns and turns up lip) We can’t be talking about the same guy then. I heard that Drommen guy is a pervert. Jake is really nice.
Bella: No way. Drommen is really nice. He can’t be a perv …
Hillary stares out the window. Bella gazes down the aisle.
Both: (turning to speak to each other) Always wears a black trench coat?
Hillary: Shit.
Bella: Shit is right.
Next stop: Friday, December 29th, 5:00pm
Wednesday, December 27th, 8:00pm
Bella (and Edward) (and Lily)
Bella sits in the aisle seat. Edward takes the seat behind her.
Edward: I have a confession.
Bella: Oh God, not you again.
Edward: I’m serious, Bella. I have something I need to tell you.
Bella: Leave me alone.
Edward: I fooled around on you.
Bella ignores him.
Edward: With another vampire.
Bella ignores him.
Edward: Bella, I can see this is tearing you up inside and I apologize. I was weak.
Bella continues to ignore him.
Edward: I’m not surprised you’re not talking to me. I wouldn’t talk to me either. (gets up and sits back down abruptly) Oh no. That’s her. You have to pretend you don’t know me.
Bella: (laughs and turns around) Are you serious? Now you want me to ignore you so your little vampire girlfriend doesn’t know you’re in love with someone else?
Edward: (ducking down behind the seat, stage whispers) Don’t talk to me!
Bella: Oh come on, Edward. You know me!
Edward: Stop it!
Lily: (approaches) Edward get up!
Edward sits stiffly, staring forward.
Bella: (to Lily) He’s pretending he doesn’t know me … Oh God, not another one.
Lily: (showing a mouthful of fake fangs) Bitch!
Bella pulls the bell cord and hurries to the front of the bus to get off.
Next stop: Thursday, December 28th, 3:00pm
Monday, December 26th, 10:00am 11:30am
Jocelyn and Jody
Jody: Mommy?
Jocelyn: Yes?
Jody: Why do they call it Boxing Day?
Jocelyn: Maybe because it’s the day you throw out all the boxes things came in for Christmas.
Jody: Then why don’t the stores just sell things without boxes?
Jocelyn: I don’t know. Maybe when you’re bigger you can find a better way of doing things.
Jody: I’d just sell things in bags. Then we can call it Bagged Day.
Jocelyn: That’s a good name for it anyway.
Next stop: Tuesday, December 27th, 8:00pm
Monday, December 25th, 3:00am
Cass (and Mortimer)
Cass sits at the window, second seat on the left. Mortimer takes the seat at the window, second seat on the right.
Cass: Oh God, not you again.
Mortimer: Who else would show up today?
Cass: Haven’t I been through enough without you pestering me again and again about how I shouldn’t have gone out with that guy?
Mortimer: The one who stabbed you seventeen times to death?
Cass: (rolls eyes) Don’t remind me.
Mortimer: You think you’ve got it bad. I died of a heart attack on this very… you’re mocking me.
Cass: (ceasing to mime his words) As if I hadn’t heard it all before. Do you have any idea what it’s like to get haunted by a senile ghost every Christmas?
Mortimer: And do you have any idea what it’s like for me to have to come back every Hallowe’en and relive your murder?
Cass: (snorts and looks at his reflection in the window. Speaks sarcastically) Oh look. There’s Scrooge.
Mortimer: (mumbles) Humbug.
Next stop: Tuesday, December 26th, 10:00am
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