Monday, July 2nd, 5:00pm
Simon (and Murray)
Simon sits at the window. Murray takes the seat beside him.
Murray: Excuse me, can I interest you in a potato?
Simon: I don’t eat vegetation.
Murray: That’s odd … you only eat meat?
Simon: Yes. I prefer organs, actually. A slice of liver with a nice Chianti, for instance.
Murray: So no fava beans?
Simon: It’s where our similarity ends.
Murray changes seats.
Next stop: Tuesday, July 3rd, 5:00pm
Sunday, July 1st, 1:00pm
MoJo (and JoJo)
MoJo sits at the window. JoJo boards the bus.
JoJo: (yelling down the aisle) DUDE! Happy Canada Day!
MoJo: (stands) DUDE! What in the heck are you wearing, dude?
JoJo: (approaches MoJo) It’s a suit made of maple leaves, man! I saved ’em from last fall!
MoJo: Come and sit by me, dude!
JoJo: (sits and leaves begin to crumble) This is gonna be the best Canada Day ever!
MoJo: Dude! You’re naked!
JoJo: (looks down at himself) No way! Lucky I have a flag! (smiling, holds up small flag and waves it)
MoJo: That’s no way to fly our flag, man.
JoJo: Darn it, dude, you’re right! What am I gonna do?
MoJo: Here. (takes off t-shirt to reveal body paint in flag design) Tie this around your waist.
JoJo: But, now you’re more patriotic than I am, man.
MoJo: Wait! (turns to face him and presses his chest against JoJo’s) There! Now we’re wearin’ each other’s maple leaves!
JoJo: Cool!
MoJo: (stands) Happy Canada Day, everybody!
Next stop: Monday, July 2nd, 5:00pm
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Saturday, June 30th, 5:00pm
Andrea and Lacey
Andrea sighs.
Lacey: What’s wrong?
Andrea: I keep hoping to see Eddie on the bus. But he’s, like, never on anymore.
Lacey: I thought you were over him.
Andrea: I’ll never be over him, Lace. He’s my soulmate!
Lacey: Pfft.
Andrea: I didn’t expect you to understand. I just wish I knew where he was.
Lacey: Has it occurred to you that if he’s a vampire, he won’t come out when it’s daylight?
Andrea stares at her.
Lacey: (after a moment) Well?
Andrea: You think he really is a vampire?
Lacey: NO!
Andrea: I guess you’re right if he’s, like, trying to keep up appearances. (smiles) Thanks, Lace.
Lacey sighs.
Next stop: Sunday, July 1st, 1:00pm
Note: Strong language.
Friday, June 29th 7:00pm
Hillary (and Drommen) (and Zoey)
Hillary is asleep in the window seat with drool running down her chin. Drommen takes the seat beside her.
Drommen: (shaking her) Hey, Jessica. Wake up.
Hillary stirs but doesn’t wake up.
Drommen: Jessica! It’s time to go home.
Hillary: (slapping at him weakly) Lemme alone.
Drommen: Come on. Don’t make me carry you off the bus.
Hillary: (kicks at him and mumbles louder) Lemme alone!
Drommen is shaking her when Zoey boards the bus.
Zoey: Leave her alone, asshole.
Drommen: She’s drunk. I just want to get her home.
Zoey: Get the fuck away from her!
Drommen: What the fuck’s your problem?
Zoey: You are! You became my problem the day you asked me to look at your dick. Now go away before I call the cops.
Drommen: I know where she lives. We’re friends.
Zoey: (scoffs) Yeah, I’m sure you are.
Drommen: Are you going to take care of her?
Zoey: Yes!
Drommen: Fine, then.
Drommen changes seats.
Zoey: (sits. To Hillary) Are you okay, honey?
Hillary: (mumbles) He’s not all that bad.
Next stop: Saturday, June 30th, 5:00pm
Thursday, June 28th, 3:00pm
Tiffany and Vera
Tiffany: My God, I’m like, so glad school’s over, you know?
Vera: I know! Did you hear about Professor Plum? He was all over Scarlet.
Tiffany: No way!
Vera: (nods exaggeratedly and pops gum) Uh huh. I heard they were in the cafeteria? And she was, like, tied to one of the tables with a rope and he was covering her in mustard.
Tiffany: Ew!! Isn’t he, like, married to Mrs. Peacock?
Vera: Pfft. Yeah, but he’s been screwing around with Mrs. White for years. And you know what else I heard?
Tiffany: What?
Vera: Lissy told me Casper caught him in kitchen … with Mr. Green!
Tiffany: No way! He’s also gay? I had no clue!
Next stop: Friday, June 29th, 7:00pm
Wednesday, June 27th, 7:00pm
Rupert (and the rest of the passengers on the bus)
Rupert sits alone by the window. He stands and addresses the other passengers.
Rupert: And in closing, I’d like to thank my director, my producer, my mother, and all you little people who volunteered your time to further my cause. I can promise you all that the end of the world by means of worm infestation is no longer an issue, and you may all go on with your lives knowing that I, Rupert, have done my utmost to ensure your continued safety against zombies and aliens alike. A light dinner will be served in the cargo hold of this bus at 7:30pm. Thank you again, and good night.
The rest of the passengers on the bus applaud politely.
Next stop: Thursday, June 28th, 3:00pm
Tuesday, June 26th, 5:00pm
Meredith (and Vijay)
Meredith sits at the window. Vijay takes the seat beside her.
Meredith: Do I look fat in this?
Vijay: I beg your pardon?
Meredith: Fat. Do I look fat in this dress?
Vijay: I am sorry, I cannot comment on your dress or your body. My wife would not like it.
Meredith: (looks around) Is your wife here?
Vijay: No, she is not.
Meredith: I won’t tell her if you don’t. Now. Do I look fat in this?
Vijay: I still cannot comment.
Meredith: Why not?
Vijay: Because I am afraid I will say the wrong thing and then you will be angry at me.
Meredith: You think I look fat, don’t you.
Vijay: I did not say that.
Meredith: You do! How dare you!
Vijay: In my defense madam, I did not say anything.
Meredith: You didn’t have to! I should have known better than to ask a man.
Vijay: This is very true.
Next stop: Wednesday, June 27th, 7:00pm
Monday, June 25th, 4:00pm
Marty (and Zerg, the Undefeatable)
Marty sits at the window. Zerg, the Undefeatable takes the seat beside him.
Marty: Watch out.
Zerg, the Undefeatable: Sorry. This costume is a bit big.
Marty: A bit big? Man, couldn’t you have gotten changed when you got where ever it is you’re going?
Zerg, the Undefeatable: Not really. It took three hours to get into this thing.
Marty: Who are you supposed to be, anyways?
Zerg, the Undefeatable: I’m Zerg. The Undefeatable.
Marty kicks him in the shins.
Zerg, the Undefeatable: Ouch! What was that for?
Marty: Just checking.
Next stop: Tuesday, June 26th, 5:00pm
Note: Strong language.
Sunday, June 24th, 11:00am
Sean (and Drommen)
Sean sits at the window. Drommen takes the seat beside him.
Drommen: Where’s Jessica?
Sean: I don’t know who you’re talking about.
Drommen: Okay Hillary. Whatever you call her, where is she?
Sean: I don’t know.
Drommen: (grabs Sean by the collar) Look, asshole, if you fuck her up I’m …
Sean: (smiles) Gonna what, show me your dick? You should be in jail.
Drommen: (releases him) You’re one to talk. What have you been giving her?
Sean: Drugs. Whatever. She’s better off with me than she is with you. You just make her miserable. At least I show her a good time.
Drommen: She was so messed up yesterday, she couldn’t see straight. Stay out of her life. Because if I find out you’ve hurt her or allowed her to hurt herself, you’re going to wind up hurt.
Sean: It’s you she’s killing herself for, man.
Drommen: She needs help. If you care about her at all you’ll get her some.
Sean: What, like you helped her?
Drommen: (grabs him again and thinks about it for a moment, then lets go) You’re not worth it.
Drommen changes seats.
Next stop: Monday, June 25, 4:00pm
Note: Strong language.
Saturday, June 23rd, 7:00pm
Hillary (and Drommen)
Hillary sits at the window. Drommen takes the seat beside her.
Hillary: (slurring drunkenly) Fuck do you want?
Drommen: Have you been with that Sean guy?
Hillary: What’s it to you? What do you care?
Drommen: I do. You’re not taking care of yourself. And Sean certainly isn’t taking care of you.
Hillary: He’s takin’ better care of me than you have. Dick.
Drommen: I’m taking you home.
Hillary: I’m not going home. Don’t you have a date to go to or somethin’?
Drommen: I do. But you’re more important.
Hillary: Fuck off.
Drommen stares at her for a moment.
Hillary: Sean’ll look after me. An’ if you try to take me home, I’ll scream.
Drommen: Have it your way.
Drommen changes seats.
Next stop: Sunday, June 24th, 11:00am
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