Andrea: So you’ll never guess what I heard at work.
Lacey: What?
Andrea: Christmas music. One fucking day after Hallowe’en. Can you believe it?
Lacey: No way!
Andrea: I wouldn’t have even noticed it if this guy hadn’t been whistling to it when he came in.
Lacey: Like he …
Andrea: … liked it or something. Exactly! I mean, who likes Christmas music the day after Hallowe’en? Like, we haven’t even got all the decorations down. But at least the guy was hot.
Lacey:Pfft. Too bad.
Andrea: What do you mean “too bad”? (shrugs) I flirted with him a bit.
Lacey: No!
Andrea: Yep. And I asked him out. We’re getting together next week.
Lacey: Seriously? What are you gonna do if …
Andrea: If he starts whistling Christmas music again? What do you think? Dump his ass!
Saturday, October 28th, 8:00pm
Sally (and Passenger One and Passenger Two)
Sally sits at the window. Passengers One and Two take the seats in front of her.
Passenger One: (to Passenger Two) Which brings me to my next question: what are you going for Halloween as this year?
Passenger Two: I told you, I’m going as a sandwich. But I’d like to return to your first question …
Passenger One: What kind?
Passenger Two: What kind of what?
Passenger One: What kind of sandwich are you going as?
Passenger Two: (frowns) It doesn’t matter what kind of sandwich I’m going to go as, I want you to clarify what you meant by your first question.
Passenger One: I wouldn’t go as a peanut butter sandwich if I were you. You’ll have all the dogs in the neighbourhood chasing you.
Passenger Two: (turns and looks Passenger One directly in the eye) Your first question? What did you mean? Don’t make me … (closes eyes and exhales heavily) Okay. I’m not going to get angry …
Passenger One: Baloney.
Passenger Two: (yelling) I’m not! I’m not going to get angry!
Passenger One: Calm down. I meant you can go as a baloney sandwich.
Passenger Two: (still yelling) I’ll sandwich you in a minute!
Sally: (leans forward) If I may …
Passenger Two: (turns to her and yells) What do you want, witch?
Sally: (aghast) I was just going to suggest your friend answer your question. But if you don’t want my help …
Passenger Two: (calmly) Well, thank you. (turns to Passenger One) You see? Even strangers want to know what you meant by your first question.
Sally: Actually, I just want to know what the first question was.
Passenger Two: (to Sally, yelling again) Mind your own business, witch!
Passenger One: (to Passenger Two) Are you quite finished yet?
Passenger Two: (voice raised, anxious) It depends: what do you mean?
Sally: Ahhh …
Passenger Two: (turns) What are you “ahhh”ing about?
Sally: I assume that was the first question you’re referring to.
Passenger One: (turns to Sally) Yes, I’m thinking a Marmite sandwich might be best, too.
Thursday, October 26th, 5:00pm
Drommen (and Holly)
Drommen sits at the window. Holly takes the seat beside him.
Drommen: Hi.
Holly: Hi.
Drommen: Do you mind if I … Are you crying?
Holly: (wipes her cheek) No.
Drommen: What’s wrong?
Holly: Oh God, my life’s such a mess. First I get pregnant with this guy who disappears, and now my husband’s disappeared and I’m going to get thrown out of my place.
Drommen: That’s terrible.
Holly: And on top of all that, I’ve got this other guy hanging around my house with these fake … (points at her mouth) teeth … things … and I’m pretty sure he was the one who made my husband disappear.
Drommen: Did you call the cops?
Holly: No, because I asked him to get rid of the other guy … my boyfriend … Wait, are you a cop?
Drommen:(snickers) No.
Holly:(sighs in relief) Thank God.
Drommen: So, let me get this straight. You asked the guy with the plastic fangs to get rid of your boyfriend, but he screwed up and now your husband is missing instead?
Holly: Right.
Drommen stares out the window.
Holly: I don’t know why I told you all this. I guess it’s easier to talk to a stranger.
Drommen:(turns back to her) No, it’s fine. I understand. I look to strangers for help all the time. Listen, I think I might be able to help you. (reaches into his pocket) Take this.
Holly:(looks down at a wad of twenty dollar bills he handed her) I can’t …
Drommen: Yes you can. It’s for your rent. And next time I see that little prick with the teeth …
Holly: What are you going to do?
Drommen: It’s probably best I don’t say. (reaches into his pocket again) Wait, can I see that wad again?
Holly holds the stack of money out to him.
Drommen:(replaces the topmost $20 with another) Wrong one.
Holly: What … why?
Drommen:(holds up bill gingerly) This one’s a little gooey.
Andrea: Just when the bus is crowded it makes sense to leave any open seats available, doesn’t it?
Donald: I supp …
Andrea: I mean, it’s just common sense. It’s rude to keep two seats all to yourself when there’s so many people on the bus.
Donald: I was waiting for someone.
Andrea:(turns her head to the left and right) Who?
Donald: A … another man.
Andrea: A particular “other man”? Or just “another man”? Are you, like, disappointed that a woman sat beside you?
Donald: (looks her up and down) Yes. And in particular, you.
Andrea is speechless, mouth hanging open.
Donald: You’re rude and distasteful. I’d even go as far as to say that it’s women like you who make men like me—straight men, that is—wonder what it is we see in women at all.
Andrea: Well, I never!
Donald:(raises voice) Then it’s about damned time.
Donald steps over her and stands in the aisle.
Donald:(yelling) And for the record, I was waiting for a particular man, not just another man. One who’s much more tasty– (shakes his head) tasteful than you!
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