Tuesday, March 20th, 10:00am
Simon (and Zoey)
Simon sits at the window. Zoey takes the seat beside him.
Simon: Hi.
Zoey: Hi.
Simon: I’m hungry.
Zoey: (smiles) How hungry are you?
Simon: I’m so hungry I could eat a human foot.
Zoey: I’m sorry I asked.
Simon: Hey, those are nice boots you’re wearing.
Zoey changes seats.
Next stop: Wednesday, March 21st, 6:00pm
Sunday, March 11th, 10:00am
Phyllis (and Zoey)
Phyllis sits in the aisle seat. Zoey approaches.
Zoey: Excuse me, may I sit there?
Phyllis: (looks up with a snarl) I knew you were going to ask me that.
Phyllis moves to the window seat and Zoey sits.
Zoey: Thanks.
Phyllis: (waves her hand) Think nothing of it.
They sit quietly for a few stops.
Phyllis: There’s going to be three people waiting at the next stop.
Zoey: Ookay.
Phyllis: What? You don’t believe me?
Zoey: No, sure. I believe you.
Phyllis: I’m psychic. That’s how I knew you were going to ask me to move.
Zoey: (raises one eyebrow) Hm.
The bus stops and three people get on.
Phyllis: (smirks) See? Told you.
Zoey looks at her but says nothing.
Phyllis: You think I’m crazy don’t you?
Zoey: No …?
Phyllis: I’ll prove it again. Next stop is going to be five people getting on.
Zoey: Oookay.
The bus stops and four people get on.
Zoey turns to Phyllis, eyebrows raised.
Phyllis: It’s because I have a skeptic sitting beside me. (flicks hands at Zoey) Go away! You’re blocking my abilities!
Zoey shakes her head and changes seats.
Next stop: Monday, March 12th, 5:00pm
Sunday, March 4th, 1:00pm
Oliver (and Zoey)
Oliver sits at the window. Zoey takes the seat beside him.
Oliver: Forty-three, forty-four, forty-five.
The bus stops at a traffic light and Oliver stops counting.
Oliver: (to Zoey) I’m counting street lights.
Zoey: Oh.
Oliver: (as the bus starts again) Forty-six, forty-seven, forty-eight, forty-nine, fifty, fifty-one, fifty-two.
The bus stops to pick up a passenger and Oliver stops counting.
Zoey: Why are you counting street lights?
Oliver: Because I have to go back the other way when it’s dark, and I need to know when to get off.
Zoey: What if one of the street lights is out?
Oliver stares at her.
Zoey: You might not see it.
The bus starts up again.
Oliver: (panicked) Where was I? Quick!
Zoey: You counted fifty-two.
Oliver: Fifty-three, fifty-four, fifty-five …
Next stop: Monday, March 5th, 6:00pm
Note: Strong language
Sunday, February 25th, 10:00am
Xavier (and Zoey)
Xavier sits at the window. Zoey takes the seat beside him.
Xavier: Hi.
Zoey: (regards him briefly) Hi.
Xavier: I’m not who you think I am.
Zoey: (looks at him closer) I don’t think you’re anyone.
Xavier: What do you mean? Don’t you recognize me? Or recognize who I look like?
Zoey: I don’t … know what you mean.
Xavier snorts.
Zoey: Who are you supposed to be?
Xavier: (outraged) Supposed to be? I can’t believe you don’t recognize me!
Zoey: But … you said you’re not who I think you … might be.
Xavier: (folds arms and looks out window, mumbling) Shitty-assed town. Don’t even recognize Johnny Depp when you see him.
Zoey: Johnny Depp?
Xavier turns and grins slightly.
Zoey: (eyes widen) Now I … I still don’t see it.
Xavier: (mumbles) Bitch.
Zoey: (mumbles) Idiot.
Next stop: Monday, February 26th, 4:00pm
Thursday, January 25th, 5:00pm
Phil (and Zoey)
Phil sits at the window. Zoey takes the seat beside him.
Phil: Cold out.
Zoey: It’s warm in the bus.
Phil: I don’t like the bus.
Zoey: Why are you on it?
Phil: I’m waiting for my new car to be ready. My old one died.
Zoey: Yeah? What’d it die of?
Phil: Old age.
Zoey: Huh.
Phil: Do you work downtown?
Zoey: Nah. I go to school.
Phil: Oh really? What are you taking?
Zoey: Sociology.
Phil: Really.
Zoey: Yeah. I’m doing a thesis on how people talk to each other when they’re on public transportation.
Phil: Oh. Well I’m probably the last person you want to talk to then.
Zoey: Why’s that?
Phil: Because I don’t like to talk to people on the bus. I wish I wasn’t even on the bus.
Zoey takes notes.
Next stop: Friday, January 26th, 4:00pm
Tuesday, January 16th, 9:00pm
Dillon (and Zoey)
Dillon sits at the window. Zoey takes the seat beside him.
Zoey: Hey. Aren’t you a bit young to be on the bus alone at this time at night?
Dillon: (stares at her for a moment) My mom’s sick. She went to the hospital.
Zoey: Oh no.
Dillon: So I have to go home to my step-dad. He’s drunk.
Zoey: Are you going to be okay?
Dillon shrugs.
Zoey: Is there a friend you could stay with instead?
Dillon: Yeah. But he lives the other way.
Zoey: Do you know his number? (pulls cell phone from pocket) I could call him.
Dillon: I’ll be okay.
Zoey: Well, can I give you some money to take another bus?
Dillon: (hesitates) Sh … sure.
Zoey: (hands him $3 in coins) Are you sure you’ll be okay?
Dillon: (shrugs) Yeah. Thanks.
Zoey: My stop’s coming up. Do you want to come with me to talk to the bus driver? He can make sure you get where you want to go.
Dillon: Sure.
They get up together.
Next stop: Wednesday, January 17th, 5:55pm
Friday, January 5th, 4:00pm
Percy (and Zoey)
Percy sits at the window. Zoey takes the seat beside him.
Percy: Do you ever get the feeling that someone is following you?
Zoey: No.
Percy: Because I think someone is following me.
Zoey: Uh huh.
Percy: When I go to the store, when I go out for dinner … if I go to the zoo … doesn’t matter.
Zoey: So why don’t you just stay home?
Percy: I’m trying to lose them.
Zoey: (stares open-mouthed for a few seconds, then shakes head) Excuse me.
Zoey changes seats.
Next stop: Saturday, January 6th, 5:00pm
Tuesday, December 5th, 1:00pm
Felicia (and Zoey)
Felicia sits at the window. Zoey takes the seat beside her.
Felicia: Nice day, huh? …wait. Why is the sun on THAT side of the bus?
Zoey: Errr …
Felicia: Are we going west?
Zoey: Yeah.
Felicia: Damn it! I’m supposed to be going the other way.
Zoey: Are you on your way to something you don’t want to go to?
Felicia: (stares at her) How did you know?
Zoey: Just checking out the theory that there’s no such thing as an accident.
Felicia: Wow. I guess you’re right. I’m on my way to a new job, and my ex-boyfriend works there.
Zoey: (smiling) For the best?
Felicia: (shrugs) I guess so. Only he’s kept me broke for years. Nothing changes. (sighs and stares out the window)
Next stop: Wednesday, December 6th, 6:00pm
Note: Adult theme
Monday, November 13th, 7:00pm
Villem (and Andrea, Zoey, Donald, and Hillary)
Villem sits at the window. Andrea takes the seat beside him.
Villem: Afternoon.
Andrea: Good afternoon, what’s up?
Villem: Me. (exposes his penis)
Andrea: Ew! Ew! Ew! What is it with guys these days?
Andrea moves to another seat. Several stops later Zoey sits beside Villem.
Villem: Hey.
Zoey: Hey.
Villem: Look at this. (exposes himself)
Zoey: (stands and lifts her foot, then puts it back down) Oh what’s the use?
Zoey moves to another seat. Several stops later Donald sits beside Villem.
Villem: Nice evening.
Donald: Not really. I’m depressed.
Villem: Why’s that?
Donald: My wife just left me for another woman.
Villem: Another woman? You mean, you’re a woman?
Donald: (sighs) No, but apparently I’m gay too.
Villem: (smiles) Have I got a treat for you! (exposes his penis)
Donald: (stares for a moment) Nope. Does nothing for me. (sighs) This is so confusing.
Several stops later Donald gets off the bus, and Hillary sits beside Villem.
Villem: Well, hello there!
Hillary: (flatly) Hi.
Villem: I’d like to introduce you to Willie. (exposes his penis)
Hillary: Seriously? Is that all you got? (laughs hysterically)
Villem excuses himself and gets off the bus.
Next stop: Tuesday, November 14th, 5:00pm
Friday, November 3rd, 2:00pm
Sammy and Leroy (and Zoey)
Sammy sits at the window. Leroy is in the aisle seat.
Sammy: I bet you can’t go five minutes without saying something.
Leroy: Of course I can.
Sammy: Okay, try it.
Leroy: When do you want me to start?
Sammy: Now.
…
Leroy: I can do this, you know.
Sammy: That was a whole 30 seconds.
Leroy: I wasn’t ready.
Sammy: You’ll never be ready.
Zoey approaches.
Zoey: (to Sammy, pointing at the aisle seat) Do you mind if I sit here?
Sammy: My friend is sitting here.
Zoey: (frowns) That’s a ventriloquist’s dummy.
Leroy: Hey! Who are you calling a dummy?
Zoey: (to Leroy) You! (shakes head and looks at Sammy) Would you mind moving your doll so I can sit?
Sammy: Leroy’s not a doll. He can’t even shut up for five minutes!
Zoey: You mean you can’t shut up for five minutes.
Leroy: Of all the nerve! You can’t talk to him like that!
Zoey: I’m not talking to you, I’m … (mumbles) Oh never mind. (moves to the back of the bus)
Leroy: (to Sammy) Do you believe that? Some people!
Next stop: Saturday, November 4th, 4:00pm
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