Life in progress

Tag Archives: humorous fiction


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145. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, January 23rd, 7:00pm
Candice (and Justin)

 

Candice sits at the window. Justin takes the seat beside her.

Justin: Hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?

Candice: Maybe.

Justin: Yeah, from that place there.

Candice: I go a lot of places.

Justin: Yeah, it’s … (puts his hands over his face) Ugh. I can’t do this anymore.

Candice: Do what?

Justin: I’m working for this guy who uses me to swindle money out of women. I just … can’t. Sure, they get a lot of pleasure out of it by the time I’m through with them. But it’s just not fair.

Candice: (pats his knee) There, there. I understand.

Justin: You do?

Candice: I kind of do the same thing.

Justin: (speaks an octave higher) You do?

Candice: (nods) Mmhm.

Justin: Huh.

Candice: Listen, just how bad do you feel about what you’ve done?

Justin: Pretty bad.

Candice: Bad enough that you’d like to be punished?

Justin: (smiles shyly) Kinda.

Candice: (grins) In that case, have I got a treat for you.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, January 24th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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144. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Adult theme

Monday, January 22nd, 3:00pm
Drommen (and Holly)

 

Drommen sits at the window. A light shines on him from above and he stands and addresses the audience.

Drommen: Hello. (steps into the aisle, resting a hand on the back of the seat) What if none of this is real. What if I am just the fantasy of a writer. An author in a crisis of identity. What would the outcome be.

Drommen takes a seat and stares out the window as the overhead light dims. Holly approaches.

Holly: Hey! How are you? Long time no see!

Drommen: (looks up and smiles) Well, hi there. Have a seat.

Holly: (sits) How have you been?

Drommen: Oh, not bad. My sister Francine moved in with me, but apart from that nothing much is new. How about you?

Holly: Everything’s great! The baby is due in a few months. No sign of Mr. Fangs or my ex, so things are fantastic. And I’ve got you to thank for it. (nudges him) So what was it you wanted to show me last time?

Drommen: (frowns) I was going to ask you if you’d mind if I masturbate.

Holly: (smiles) Go ahead! I’d love to watch.

Drommen: But now I’m a little reluctant.

Holly: Why is that?

Drommen: Well you see, I’ve got all these other people watching now, and I’m not sure I can do it.

Holly: Performance anxiety?

Drommen: Precisely.

Holly freezes. A light shines from above and Drommen stands and addresses the audience.

Drommen: And there you have it. I’m Jake Drommen, and this is the Bus Stop Zone.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, January 23rd, 7:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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142. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, January 20th, 11:58pm
Lacey (and Edward) (and Bella)

 

Lacey sits at the window. Edward takes the seat beside her.

Edward: (checks watch) I’m gonna wait ’til the midnight hour.

Lacey: Beg pardon?

Edward: That’s when my love comes tumbling down.

Lacey: (shakes her head) What?

Edward: I’m gonna wait ’til the midnight hour.

Lacey snorts and turns her back to the window.

The bus stops and Bella gets on. Drunk, she trips up the stairs.

Edward: (checks watch and shows it to Lacey) See?

 

Next stop: Sunday, January 21st, 12:01am

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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139. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, January 17th, 5:55pm
Marchare (and Don Kee)

 

Marchare sits at the window, hands on the seat in front. Don Kee takes the seat beside him.

Marchare: What’s wrong with this bus?

Don Kee: (in a droning voice) I don’t see a problem.

Marchare: (checks pocket watch) I’m late!

Don Kee: Aren’t we all.

Marchare: I’m late!!

Don Kee: It’s five minutes to six.

Marchare: But I have a very important date – at six!

Don Kee: The bus isn’t scheduled to stop until six.

Marchare: I should get off. And run!

Don Kee: That won’t do you any good.

Marchare: Why not?

Don Kee: Nothing ever does.

Marchare: (checks watch) No time!

Marchare leaps over Don Kee and stands at the door, bouncing.

Don Kee: (to himself) Some people. Just can’t seem to keep their tails on.

 

Next stop: Thursday, January 18th, 4:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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136. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Adult theme

Sunday, January 14th, 7:00pm
Villem (and Hillary, and Drommen)

 

Villem sits at the window. Hillary takes the seat beside him, nodding to Drommen, who is already sitting behind Villem.

Villem: Hi again.

Hillary: You remember me?

Villem: You laughed at me. Course I do.

Hillary: Does that mean you’re going to behave your sorry ass this time?

Villem: (leers and opens his coat) No, it just means it’s bigger and harder this time.

Drommen: (leans forward, mouth to Villem’s ear) I have a cure for that. (holds up a pair of dressmaker’s shears)

Villem yips in surprise and climbs over Hillary to get to the door.

Drommen: And don’t come back!

Hillary shifts over and Drommen sits beside her.

Hillary: Where did you get the idea for the scissors?

Drommen: Little trick I learned from a knitter.

 

Next stop: Monday, January 15th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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135. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, January 13th, 8:00pm
Drommen (and Andrea)

 

Drommen sits at the window. Andrea takes the seat beside him.

Drommen: Good evening.

Andrea: Hey, I know you. We, like, sat together before. How you been doing?

Drommen: Not bad thanks, and you?

Andrea: (sighs) I’m so in love.

Drommen: Good for you!

Andrea: Not really. I, like, met him at New Year’s? And I haven’t seen him since. I was hoping I’d find him on the bus. That’s where I met him the first time. You meet some, like, really interesting people on the bus.

Drommen: That’s true.

Andrea: Anyways, I don’t suppose you’ve seen him? He’s pretty tall, skinny, and, like, drop-dead gorgeous, and he has really sharp fangs.

Drommen: Were you drunk on New Year’s Eve by any chance?

Andrea: Seriously? How’d you know?

 

Next stop: Sunday, January 14th, 7:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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134. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Friday, January 12th, 8:00pm
Gargoyle #1 and Gargoyle #2

 

Gargoyle #1: Hey, do you want to get stoned?

Gargoyle #2: I already am.

 

Next stop: Saturday, January 13th, 8:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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129. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Sunday, January 7th, 3:00pm
Christine and Teddy

 

Teddy: Mom?

Christine: Yeah, honey?

Teddy: Why is it so cold out?

Christine: ‘Coz it’s winter.

Teddy: Why is it winter?

Christine: ‘Coz that’s just what time of year it is.

Teddy: Don’t bears go to sleep in the winter?

Christine: Yes they do.

Teddy: Why don’t we go to sleep in the winter?

Christine: Because we don’t need to.

Teddy: Do bears need to?

Christine: Yes.

Teddy: Do you need to?

Christine: Only at night.

Teddy: Why do you have to sleep at night?

Christine: Same reason you do.

Teddy: But sometimes I don’t sleep at night.

Christine: I’m painfully aware of that.

Teddy: Does it hurt?

Christine: Not really.

Teddy: Then why do you keep telling me to go to sleep?

Christine: Because you need sleep.

Teddy: Is that why you called me Teddy?

Christine: (regards him) Yes.

 

Next stop: Monday, January 8th, 7:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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125. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, January 3rd, 9:00pm
Edward and Lily

Lily: What the hell is wrong with you tonight?

Edward: (rocking, arms crossed over his stomach) I don’t know. I’ve been feeling sick since Monday morning.

Lily: Did you eat something that didn’t agree with you?

Edward: That must be it.

 

Next stop: Thursday, January 4th, 3:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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124. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Tuesday, January 2nd, 7:00pm
Andrea and Lacey

 

Andrea: So yeah, like, I met this guy on New Year’s Eve. Right here on the bus. And he was, like, oh my God, so HOT!!

Lacey: No way!

Andrea: Oh, like, SO way! So we get off the bus, right? And immediately we start making out. Look (pulls at scarf) you can see where he gave me a hickey.

Lacey: Oh my God, that’s not just, like, one hickey.

Andrea: Right? He just about went to town on my neck and I’m, like, enough with the neck thing, okay? So he starts, like, doing other stuff but he never leaves off my neck, right?

Lacey: Uh huh.

Andrea: And so the next thing I know, we’re, like, getting into this big fight but then my alarm goes off and it’s, like, Oh my God! It’s midnight! Right? So he grabs me and, like, kisses me …

Lacey: On the neck?

Andrea: Whatever. And then he, like, drags me off into the park, and the next thing I know I’m waking up on a bench with all these blankets on me and it’s, like, yesterday morning already.

Lacey: What the…

Andrea: I know, right? And get this: I was covered in sparkles. I can’t even wash some of them off. Look. (pulls down scarf on the other side) So I’m hoping I’ll see him again and ask him, like, what the fuck happened?

Lacey: What’s his name?

Andrea: I have no idea. Eddie or something.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, January 3rd, 9:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.